Somedays
 

Well... :chin: Sounds to me like you've put yourself in a no-win situation, bossmare. I don't think I can help you with that. :dunno:

At some point you'll have to come to terms with being who you are in the body you have--otherwise you are likely just to stay miserable.

Or maybe it's just a form of excuse--like, you hate how you look anyway, so why not just eat junk food?

No one can stop you but you.

I hope you find an answer... :yes:

Jay

Good answer from JayEll.
I am sorry you feel that way but look, even the "beautiful" girls are not happy with their appearance. But you may never know that. Even the beautiful girl with perfect teeth and perfect legs may wish for a smaller nose, blue eyes (instead of green) or fuller lips. Or bigger/smaller boobs.
I can't say that I don't understand how you feel but perhaps if you really have a hard time with your physical appearance and you cannot get yourself from your current mindset I would suggest you try counselling. Because you will have to accept yourself the way you are (minus the fat, of course). Because, unless you choose plastic surgery, there really is not much that you can do and the faster you come to acceptance with yourself the better for you. Not that it's easy and a fast process. Perhaps age helps. I, at almost 50, worry a lot less about my appearance than I used at 19.

Good luck.

You are correct. Most days I'm okay, but somedays I just feel so overwelmed. It usually passes .. I was just concerned if anyone else ever feels this way. It's like I have to constantly watch what I eat. I just want to eat without counting calories or worring about it. But who am I kidding ... that will never happen.

I definitely feel your pain, I can't go anywhere without envying other girls. I feel like even if I lose the weight, it won't make an ounce of a difference. I'll still be just "jenn". Ugh. Like magically I thought my self esteem would change and I would be beautiful or something. Just a side note, you are pretty in the picture (you don't need to be so hard on yourself). I don't have the answer myself either, but we are definitely in the same boat, it sucks...

i have those horrible self-pitying fat ugly days too. i imagine a lot of people do. i guess the trick is just to ride them out and then redouble your dedication and check your outlook once the storm passes.

I did that! I did that! I did that all the way up to 287 lbs.

Now I DO count my calories. I don't worry about them, but I am mindful and careful and responsible with them. I DO think about them. Big deal. Doing so provides me with a slim and trim body. And a closet full of size 4 and some size 2 clothing.

Seems to me you could either count your calories and be slim, or you could not count or *worry* about them and be miserable. The choice is yours.

Sometimes it just seems unfair ... but then again nothing is fair. My boyfriend and I are going to get married soon and as I mentioned before I want to wear that negligee with confidence on our honeymoon night. He tells me all the time how sexy I am, but I still feel so uncomfortable when he touches me. I want the sex to be great when were married, but how can that be if I don't feel sexy? I've always struggled and have been teased all my life, even though most of them are harmless jokes, it still hurts. You are also beautiful Jenn and thanks for your advice.

Ditto, this. What's really important is your self esteem, which at the end of the day, comes from the inside, not the outside, and comes from yourself, not in comparison to others.

I hope you find some peace with yourself. And ditto what another poster wrote -- you look really cute in your picture. For all you know, people are envying *you*.

I think most thin people work very hard to keep slim. Of course there are those few people blessed with fast metabolisms who never gain an ounce, but I don't think that's very many people. I lost weight several yeras ago and kept it off until I started college. I will say that I had to work to keep it off. I didn't just keeping eating junk food. Well, I did when I started college, hence the freshman 15....

I just hard in this culture (I'm assuming you live in the US) because everything is supersized and fatty. Sometimes I think american's have a skewed view of how much food is "a lot." (my self included) Don't let yourself get down! If you keep at it, you'll keep succeeding.

This. I think it's so clear from the OP that this isn't about anything objective. You are clearly not ugly, and I'm sure even you realize these other girls are *NOT* perfect. That's just your mind creating polar opposites. Can you see that that just cannot be?

Bossmare (love that name BTW, do you have horses?), I think many if not all of us have days like that. Somedays I feel great about myself - all 270-something lbs of me. Other days I feel disgusting and not even worthy to leave the house. I think it is part of being a woman in this society that glorifies perfection. I oogle the tiny little things as much as anyone, and even envy their shape, but I try to remember that what appears perfect on the outside can be a hot mess on the inside!

As far as your self consciousness with your man, that may just take time. I've been married for almost 10 years and still sometimes find myself covering up. Again, it is day to day, sometimes I step out of the shower buck naked and walk right up and give him a kiss. Other days I make him turn the lights off when we get frisky. I have to say though that after ten years I am much more comfortable bearing it all than in the beginning.

Just know that you are not the only one feeling this. It is not fair that we have to struggle to feel good about ourselves. Keep going with your plan and do not let life's setbacks hold you back - you can do it!

I think you are just going to have to work hard at loving yourself- I know that sounds funny but it's true. You never know that girl next to you is probably thinking the same thing you are! Wishing she had your legs and so on.

And girl you are not ugly!

Now that I'm in my 40's, I don't worry as much about things like perfect knees. :) I think at some point, we need to just learn to get over ourselves and try to focus on the things that really MATTER. So your knees aren't pretty....do they work? Do they bend painlessly and carry you where you need to go? I used to hate my big legs and tall, strong body until the early morning that the drunk guy broke into my house and I had to fight him off, had to physically fight him to keep him from going down the hall to my son's bedroom. Believe me, when I was on the floor with my back against the sofa, kicking him away with my powerful legs, I was damn glad for the power and for my healthy knees. I think I might have even been grateful for my big feet for a few minutes. :)

Put things in perspective. Nobody's body is perfect, and anyway--why is it important that it should be? Why are we so focused on how we *look* as opposed to how healthy we are, and how productive we are in our society? Yes, I know women are judged on how we look. Know what I say? So what? We should be our best. Be healthy. Be strong. Be a contributing member of society. And either wear capri's or learn to appreciate your knees for the strong, healthy parts of your legs that they are.

For every girl that you are looking at with envy, there is most likely someone looking at you in the same way. It's hard to remember that sometimes, but it's true. We all have gifts and we all have flaws. It's just part of life.

Yes, loving yourself and coming to terms with the fact that we are all, each and everyone of us - yourself included - not perfect - in any way, shape manner or form and that's perfectly OKAY. That's how it was MEANT to be, as that is how G-d made us. Striving/hoping/wishing for perfection is a huge waste of time. Of life itself. Celebrate and find joy in what you DO have, not what you don't. :hug:

*Sigh* I know all too well what you are talking about. It's not even relevant what you weigh, you still feel this crushing sense of self loathing and not being good enough. It's something I have struggled with for a very long time (still do!) and it's true that there are probably hundreds of girls who look at YOU and say "god I wish I was that size/pretty" so there is no rhyme or reason to it, it's nonsense- you need to figure out how to stop those tapes (that's what I call them) that constantly run in your mind: I have ugly knees, she is skinnier, I am fat blah blah. When those thoughts enter your mind just tell them to shut up! Or whatever works for you.

Also this sounds silly but I read this technique in an article once and it feels weird but is actually effective: look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself over and over again "I love you just the way you are", even if you don't believe it, just say it.

I also don't know how old you are...I am 23 and I think a lot of it will ease with age as we gain confidence and wisdom to know that external beauty is so incredibly fragile and temporary, there are so many more important traits a person can have. I hope this helps, love yourself woman!!

Wow guys thanks so much for sharing. I'm sure all women have their down days. Silly women cycles!! And yes I have horses :) I used to train and ride all the time .. then I moved into an apt. for college and work. I miss that so much. I love how we can support each other on days like this. I've seen so many people who weren’t born with legs or arm. I stop and quietly say a prayer to myself thanking God that I’m healthy, then I'll turn right around and do this. America is so based on what size your body is instead of the size of your heart. I won't even watch tv or listen to the radio anymore because I'm so tired of hearing all the crap. Rose you are right about the oversized portions. My boyfriend and I always share when we go out ;) plus its cheaper. They put so many chemicals and crap in our food these days it makes me sick. I do notice how much better I feel when I eat healthy. When I was younger I used to always get sick after I ate. I thought something was wrong with me ... but it was just my mom’s home cooking loaded with carbs ... it was good though :) My body was crying out trying to tell me to stop eating this crap!!

Who the heck cares what America is based on? Anyone that's worth your time, your energy, your friendship and your love - is MUCH more interested in YOUR heart then your body. And that's all that matters.

I hope tomorrow and the days after are better ones for you. :hug:

Thankyou Robin. Oh and I like your quote about excuses. SOOOO true!! And congratts on your 160 lbs. That is amazing. Really!!

If that's you in your avatar, you look pretty to me. It might be an age thing, teens and twenties we all want to be the pretty one.

Some girls in our age group are lucky enough to eat the junk food and stay thin; but for the most part, it doesn't last for long. Age catches up with us all and eventually almost everyone has to eat right to keep the weight down, we just have to learn to do it sooner.

I'll be 23 in a couple of monthes. My mom is 46 and she still worries about her weight .. then again she was thin when she was married. The smallest size I remeber being was a size 7, but when I was a 7 all the other girls were like 0's, now I wish I was a 7 :(

I feel that way a lot too. I just want to be "normal," like my friends who don't even think about it. I'm *trying* to get rid of that mindset. What's normal for others isn't what's normal for me. I'm my own unique person. What's normal for me may be counting every calorie that goes in my mouth until the day I die. And yup, that's a LOT more work and effort (and if I think about it too much I get really overwhelmed), but you know what? I'm worth it, and my health is definitely worth it!

PS - I'll be 23 in a couple of months too! September for me!

Tomato is SOOOO right. The fixation on looks definitely decreases with age. I am in no way saying I go out looking like a slob, lol. I still spend 30 minutes on hair and makeup and I always make sure my clothes are appropriate for wherever I may be going. As opposed to the couple of hours I would dedicate (obsess) when I was in my 20's.

Counting calories is starting to become much easier (by memorization) than when I first started. I am one of those people who eat a lot of the same things from day to day (not because I HAVE to because I am on a "diet"). I have always been that way, even when I was thin. If I like something, I tend to eat it over and over and over again. Like Subway sandwiches. You don't have to eat like a rabbit to lose weight. On the contrary, doing it that way is a guaranteed way to slow down your metabolism and prevent weight loss. Took me a loooong time to figure that one out.

Now, as for the junk food and fast food; can't comment much on that except you are paying THEM to send you to an early grave. It is not good for you, and once you cut it out of your diet for just ONE month, you will realize how disgusting it is and you will not crave it as much, hopefully not at all. I almost passed out when someone here commented on my favorite meal at Olive Garden. Over 6,000 milligrams of sodium! There are some things you can find that are equivalent to the foods you like but healthier. They make 100 calorie snacks. And this may sound blunt, but you gotta learn when to stop or just not eat them at all. Weight loss wouldn't happen for anyone without SOME degree of self discipline.

Bossmare, those "perfect" girls see their perceived imperfections just as much as you see yours. It's your age that makes you believe you must be perfect. When you actually stop being as perfect as you nearly are now, then you will stop striving for perfection and you'll accept yourself, knees and all. Wouldn't it be nice if you didn't wait? Wouldn't it be nice if you could just understand that it's all about confidence, and young women your age are rarely confident about their bodies, no matter what they look like! It's a youth mindset! If you could figure that out, then you could enjoy your near perfection while you're still young! Ever wonder what attracts great-looking guys to cougars? I mean, the cougars don't have flawless skin or rock-hard bodies, and yet SO many guys fantasize about being with an older woman. The reason is their confidence. An older woman accepts herself more, and it shows, and it's sexy! Be confident and sexy on that honeymoon, girl, beyond your guy's wildest dreams!! Your man obviously loves you just as you are, so embrace that, and rock that 5'7" "normal weight" body that you have!! Lose weight for health, not perfection, and enjoy your nearly perfect body, now!

I've felt this way before too. But as others have said, everyone has something about themselves that they don't like. My 13 yr old daughter is 5'7 and weighs around 110. She's tiny and looks model-like. She hates her arms and wears long sleeve shirts and hoodies a lot to cover them. Why? to her they're too skinny.

Yes. That's exactly it.

If I need to count calories in order to be healthy, fit and trim - so be it. The time and effort is more then worth while. I spent too much time being miserable when I was overweight. Now that WAS a waste of time. At least the time spent counting (estimating really at this point) provides me with good health - both physical and mental. That really IS time well spent, if you ask me.

Besides, I don't care to be "normal". Has anyone noticed "normal" lately? More then 2/3 of the US is obese.

Sorry, but I disagree. Weight loss IS possible without calorie counting.

Bossmare ... I wonder if you've come across any posts by Glory87? I think you might find her mindset and food choices very appealling.

Tomato, I was just using the OP's choice of words (methods) which WAS calorie counting.

Although I am a calorie counter, I have never stated any where, any time, any place that losing weight is possible ONLY with calorie counting. And most certainly not in this thread. I'm not sure where you picked that up from. :dunno:

Aw, this is such a tough issue. I'm right around your age, too, and some days I get so down on myself that I can't look in the mirror or I'll throw something at it.

I find myself feeling incredibly jealous of women who seem to have no issue at all with overeating, and eat whatever the heck they want without gaining a pound. In my crazy little mind, everyone else aside from me is slim, beautiful and gorgeous, and they do it without ever counting a calorie.

I think, on good days, when I look at the situation in perspective, is that everyone has their own battles. All of those gorgeous thin women that I envy the **** out of, I'm positive they have their own hard-to-manage issues. And weight has always been mine. And I'm okay with that. I can fight, and so can you, and so will all the other women who have to.

Hang in there, and remember that people never see you the way you see yourself!

I'm a september baby too!! So what do you guys do when you're feeling like this? It's usually only once or twice a month that I have these sad days. I even distant myself form my boyfriend, who has no clue why, bless his heart. I try to explain, but lets face it, men will NEVER truely understand. He stays by my side though. He's wonderful!! But don't think he doesn't have his little PMS days lol. I think it's a chemical imbalance ... like depression. What do you guys think?

I definitely think it has to do with time of the month. I put my boyfriend through the same thing. I actually try to explain to him that I look like a gigantic, rippling monster attempting to pass off as a human female, because that's what I feel like. He just doesn't understand how I could possibly feel so unattractive when he sees the complete opposite.

But again, it's only a few days out of the month. I just try to get through those days knowing that it will pass. I guess I haven't really found a solution yet to helping myself feel better. I'm sure I will as I get older. I hope?!?! It's such a draining and unnecessary process!

Well, it could be. I certainly struggle with both depression and anxiety and am back on the Prozac after a long stint off it. It's certainly worth talking to your doctor about.

Are you a Virgo, too? I know astrology is kinda silly (but I love it!), but Virgos are hyper-critical of themselves. If there's a fault out there, we're the first to own up to it. On days when I get like that, I tend to shrink away from people too; but for me, that only makes it worse. The best fix I've found is to do something productive: clean my apartment, etc. or do something fun and out of the house with my gal pals.

I wish I had awesome girl friends ... over the years they either move always or we've agreed to disagree I guess. I usually turn to family.