Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Pants
Why is it that even after significant loss, sometimes we look in the mirror and still seem the old fat person staring back at us? My clothes are falling off, I'm going down in sizes and I'm in better shape than I've ever been. Yet after a particularly disappointing run this afternoon, I look in the mirror and feel like I can't see a difference.
I know I have a lot of weight left to lose, but I need some positive affirmations to remind myself how far I've already come! Anyone have any suggestions.... or can relate to the fat girl staring back at her in the mirror?
Yes. Ohhhh, yes.
Honestly, I think I could have written this entire post myself, word-for-word! I know for a fact that what I see when I look in the mirror (or even at pictures!) is *not* what other people see when they look at me. I think, in some part of my mind, I suspect that I look like a relatively normal-sized girl now... I've lost just over 100 lbs now, and I'm down from a size 18-20 to a semi-loose size 8--the ever-coveted *single digit size*, which I always thought I'd be completely
ecstatic to fit into, because that would mean that I was *truly* a normal, healthy size. I can recall the memory of a friend of mine (who's actually a couple inches shorter than I am) telling me in the past she weighed around the 160s - the same as I do now - and she has a
great body. I have seen pictures of women who weigh around the same range and wear the same size as me, and they look pretty darn thin to me... Every once in a blue moon I see a picture that is an utter shock because, just for a second, when I have the proper angles and the light is hitting me right, I actually don't look like a total blob!
Yet, unfortunately, when *I* look at myself, I'm not gonna lie--I see "fat." I see my big, jiggly arms/thighs that are sooo devoid of any tone or definition that it's ridiculous; I see stretch marks, and tummy flab and, I dunno, some days I really don't see much a difference in myself at all! Somehow, everything just looks "bigger" on me, you know what I mean? I don't have an accurate view of what I really look like, because I *always* look fat to myself. I don't really know how to explain it... It's like, I bet if someone took my body and put someone else's head on it, I would easily be able to think,
Hey, this girl looks pretty good! But the instant I see my own face in the picture(/mirror/etc), I just immediately register
Oh, that's Meredith; I already know what Meredith looks like--fat. I dunno. It's frustrating. I'm getting better at trying to foster a healthier body image, but I don't think it's going to be easy. I've lost a pretty large amount of weight in a relatively short amount of time, so the whole "adjusting to this drastic change" process was pretty rushed! I'm still hopeful, though. I mean, I'd hate to think that I'll never be able to look at myself without disgust, heh. I think it'll just take some time...