Thanks everyone! I feel better now that it's later in the day and that I've read all your wonderful posts. . I knew from the beginning that I'd have the extra skin, 30 plus years of yo-yo dieting and having a child when I was at my heaviest, my skin has been through way too much. As far as the surgery goes, I'm not sooo upset that I need to do it for my self-esteem, I never once believed I would or should have a bikini bosy, that's not necessary for me, it's about being healthier and happier.....money is an issue, but I also have a terrible fear of "going under" ...as irrational as it is, the thought of going to sleep and not waking up and my daughter losing her mom for a cosmetic reason haunts me. Nevermind that it's a bigger risk leaving your house everyday than it is to go under, it's enough of a fear for me that will stop me from having it :) I had just hoped that I wouldn't have as much as I do, I guess that's the whole I'm not as big as I am delusion I had when I was heaver!