I think she totally was fishing for compliments. I agree with the person who said that. Your weight loss has maybe garnered a lot of attention maybe in your social circle (with or without you knowing it.) She just wanted someone to say to her, "OMG NO! You look SO amazing! I wish I had your body!"
Lame. But it would get your point across if you did say that as sarcastically as possible and toss in an obnoxious, "feel better now?" at the end.
I've got a co-worker who's my height and is "such a cow" at about 130 pounds. I weigh 140 now. It kills me when she talks about "how fat" she is, but like a lot of others have said, it just shows her insecurity. She feels so badly about herself that she has to fish for compliments.
She's also the first to jump in and talk about how much weight others have gained, after they leave the office. Just like your roommate, she's got to make others look bad (even when they don't) to make herself look better.
I know we should just ignore it when people say things....but it's SO hard. I KEEP on getting "Stop losing weight! You look SICK!" from people. I haven't lost a pound since before Thanksgiving, but I get called "sick looking" four times a week. I stopped going out to a local bar with my husband because the drunk ladies at the bar (who thought they were whispering) were going on and on about how I'd gone too far and looked SO bad now, and didn't look THAT bad before. I didn't go back for months.
Well, I went back Friday with the husband, because his best friend was there for his birthday, with his wife and sister and her boyfriend. I stayed a little bit then left. My husband told me that I was the topic of conversation for half the bar when I walked out, about how horrible I look now. Even his best friend...someone I considered a friend and trusted. I think that time it hurt the worst...
And this week I find myself totally sabotaging my progres....snacking, eating sweets, etc. I think my self-esteem is SHOT....
I have learned that when I internalize rude comments they hurt me far more and for far longer than the other person even ever realizes. It's a tossed off comment for them, but then it sticks with me for far too long. I've learned to release the crap that others toss my way.
It is not worth it to be bogged down by other people's negative energy. I know it is easy to say and hard to do, but it gets easier with practice. It is our lives, our bodies, our minds....live as free as you can from other people's issues.
ETA: Which is not to say that you should not vent. I'm glad you all shared these experiences here...my heart just hurts for you....
Midwife said it perfect! You have to let go of the negative. Rule of thumb - whatever YOU think about YOU will get more of! Focus on the positive and you will have a better and stronger mindset about yourself.
I have learned that when I internalize rude comments they hurt me far more and for far longer than the other person even ever realizes. It's a tossed off comment for them, but then it sticks with me for far too long. I've learned to release the crap that others toss my way.
It is not worth it to be bogged down by other people's negative energy. I know it is easy to say and hard to do, but it gets easier with practice. It is our lives, our bodies, our minds....live as free as you can from other people's issues.
ETA: Which is not to say that you should not vent. I'm glad you all shared these experiences here...my heart just hurts for you....
Exactly!! Please don't let your roommate unload her insecurities and negative energy onto you.
Wow! I know some people like that. It makes me crazy but mostly I laugh about it. I have a cousin who I saw over the weekend who made comments because my daughter and I wanted to go to Outback instead of Red Lobster because we couldn't find good nutritional info on Red Lobster and what little we found was really high in fat, calories, etc.
So she said it was bull that we couldn't eat there, that she feels that if you just eat in moderation you do fine and that's what she does. Well, she's quite a large woman, several sizes larger than me and she's lost no weight only gained the entire time I've known her. We get to the restaurant and she ordered a 12 oz steak with blue cheese topping, mushrooms, mashed potatoes, steamed veggies, a salad with extra cheese, and blue cheese dressing, a lobster tail with extra butter and proceeds to eat a whole loaf of that bread with butter, then she ordered carrot cake for dessert. I just had to laugh because if that's moderation I'd hate to see what she would eat if she wasn't moderating.
Take these people with a grain of salt and laugh them off. It still hurts when they make light of your accomplishments, but it's mostly jealousy or a lack of confidence in themselves that they're trying to make feel better. I take great pleasure in knowing I'm doing good and it bothers them so much they feel the need to try and make me feel bad.
Of course, eating in moderation is now my private little catch phrase that makes me laugh whenever I think about it.
Roommate sounds immature and self-absorbed. This doesn't make her a bad person, but it probably makes her really annoying :-) Is she very young? I feel like I would've said stuff like that once upon a time, and not even be thinking of you at all, just me, me, me!
If you can't trust a friend to tell you when you're being a jerk, who can you trust do do it - and a friend will do it without giving you more than one black eye.
Now, I've been very lucky to both have and be the kind of friends who can do it without giving or receiving any bruises.
Still, nothing hits home faster, showing that you've said something stupid
as a friend (or a stranger, for that matter) saying "I forgive you for saying that."
I had a "friend" like that - my best "friend" for 15+ years. She was 5'7, 115lbs, natural D chest (I'm a tiny B and I was around 155-160lbs at the time) and she constantly complained that she was fat and flat (!). Fishing for compliments.
I dumped her. Stopped talking to her and haven't given her the time of day in 3-4 years. It's ok to dump a "friend". Life is too short to listen to self-absorbed people. You teach others how to treat you.
Last edited by sacha; 04-07-2009 at 12:29 PM.
Reason: edit
I agree with Sasha.Sometimes relationships with certain people are toxic and exhausting.But when you are in the middle of it, its hard to understand this.Only when you finally say goodbye to them can you understand how bad it was.I have learned to do this.And I am so much happier because of it.
You do teach people how to treat you, but dumping every friend who says something insensitive can leave you friendless (and if the tendency to make occasionaly insensitive comments make you ineligible for friend status, most people wouldn't qualify).
People say dumb stuff - almost all people, and mostly it's a matter of the mouth engaging before the brain. You get to choose your friends, by any criteria you wish to, and you get to decide what is forgiveable and what isn't. But whether she remains a friend or not, you don't have to let her issue become yours, unless you choose to.
