Yesterday, I had to go out on errands, and I felt so GREAT feeling all these new muscles in my legs and abs after several months of hard, challenging workouts. I thought to myself: Screw the mirrors! I love how I feel with these muscles!
Then I go back home and do another workout session As I'm getting ready to take a shower afterward, I'm stripping my sweaty clothes off and I'm in a 2 piece, allowing me to see all the horrible flab sag out on my tummy and big waddles of fat on my saddlebags and thighs
I know you're supposed to develop and/or already have good self body image/esteem here. How the heck do you deal with poor body image if you're still trying to lose another 56 lbs after losing 125 lbs already??
If you have to be perfect to have good body image, you might never. There are model-gorgeous women who become addicted to plastic surgery, because they can't ever quite achieve perfection.
You don't have to have a perfect body to have a good body image, and you don't even need an attractive body to have good self esteem.
I'm a great person. I know I am smart, friendly, funny, generous, and very creative. Fat can't take any of those things away from me. I must not be deluding myself too badly, because I have a lot of friends who seem to think so too. They don't seem to be hanging around me out of pity.
As for my body - even at it's worst, there were things to love about my body and appearance. I love the shape of my lips, and the color of my eyes - mostly blue, but with tiny flecks of green. No one has cleavage like a big girl. When single, I didn't have men flocking to me, but I wore a renaissance "wench" costume (corseted tightly to show off, nearly too much boobage) to a friend's costume party at nearly my highest weight one year, and I got tons of positive male (and a pretty lesbian's) attention.
I like the way I look, even with my flaws. I do the best with what I've got. As I'm losing weight, some of my health problems are resolving, and I have more stamina to do things. Friends are starting to notice the weight loss (I don't see it - but I kind of expect that, because it's been true all of my dieting life, the person in the mirror looks the same as she did yesterday. If I expect to get validation from the mirror, I'm going to be sadly dissappointed).
Even with the health problems that limit my abilities, my body is still an amazing tool. Simple things I took for granted until I lost (like the ability to lift a bowl over my head to put it away), I'm starting to get back - that's an amazing thing.
Perception is a mixture of what we tell ourselves and what our culture/families/friends tell us, and "truth" has very little to do with it. Beauty AND Ugliness are in the eye of the beholder. You can learn to talk yourself out of much of the negativity (because it's largely you who were feeding it to yourself all along). You can choose to believe bad things about yourself, or you can choose to believe good things about yourself, but it starts with realizing you have a choice.
Anyway, I think I'm a lot older than you, I'm 43, and I've got some serious saggy-baggy stuff going on...but I am not trying to find a mate or win any type of beauty contest, so I'm pretty okay with it. Now, if I were 25 and single and looking for love, I would probably be going nuts. You probably look way better than you think you do. I don't think you will, but just don't throw in the towel because of it...okay?
LOL I have no intention on "throwing in the towel."
I was curious as to how others who are losing a massive amount of weight-- how do they keep seeing their bodies change (sagging skin and all) & keep up their personal positive body image during the process of reaching their target goal weight.
For me, I do find qualities about myself that I like yes... its the sagging skin on my stomach and on my legs (some of it new) that I'm finding trouble accepting as a good thing as I strive to keep losing weight
I feel you, tea. I haven't lost a large amount of weight currently, but I was at one time 220 pounds. I keep telling myself that I'll be happy when I'm skinny, but seeing my size 0 cousins and friends complain about their "fat", I'm starting to wonder. At the advice of my therapist, Each day, I try to find 3 things I like about myself and write them down. They're supposed to be different things each day, so I make them small things. Today, it was my collar bones, my wrists, and my innie belly button. I think it's helping a little bit, because I'm feeling a bit more confident overall.
I was curious as to how others who are losing a massive amount of weight-- how do they keep seeing their bodies change (sagging skin and all) & keep up their personal positive body image during the process of reaching their target goal weight
I never started this venture for a perfect body. So maybe my expectations were lower. My new body is by no means perfect. Not even close. But man oh man, it is a HUGE, ENORMOUS, OVERWHELMING improvement. And I LOVE my body. LOVE it.
Now surely I'd rather have zero excess skin, but I'm being realistic. I lost the weight after being morbidly obese for 20 plus years. It's bound to take a toll on a body.
But I was pleasantly surprised at how forgiving my body was/is.
I have a really defined waist. VERY slim hips. Incredible bones that emerged that I just adore - hip - pelvic - collar - wrist - shoulders - knee caps. I LOVE my bones.
Oh and the muscles. LOVE em', adore em, STILL can't stop staring at them and flexing them in the mirror. Can't believe they're mine.
And in clothing (that would be my size 4 clothing, plenty of 2's as well & XS ) , you can't see one bit of excess skin.
You've still got a few lbs to lose and it can take up to 2 years for skin to bounce back. Hopefully you will see some improvement. And hopefully you will learn to love the body that you have. In the meantime, try and love that it is a WORKING and functioning body. And an energetic one. Capable of sooo very much.
tea, I can definitely understand what you're going through right now. As I approach my goal weight (which I will likely change when I get there) I'm feeling a strange combination of euphoria and disappointment. While I'm thrilled to have lost so much after being overweight/obese since early childhood, I still don't look the way I always imagined I would. I still have plenty of extra weight on me, and while I don't have any large, hanging folds of skin (thank goodness), it's not as tight as I would like it to be.
I actually complained about this to a friend the other day... how could I lose 130 pounds, gain muscle, and reach a normal body mass index, yet still look fat?! Why isn't this muffin top gone yet? It just doesn't seem fair. But then I have to remind myself that while I don't (and will likely never) have a perfect body, the one I have now is much stronger, healthier, and more attractive than the one I used to have.
Before I lost weight, I got kicked off of roller coaster rides and had to uncomfortably squeezed myself into airplane seats. Bending over to tie my shoes left me breathless. I couldn't find a lab coat big enough to button. My clothing choices were limited to Lane Bryant and the two or three plus sized racks at Target. My blood pressure was elevated by the time I graduated from high school and I was prediabetic. I was lethargic, depressed, and generally miserable.
Of course, things have changed. I can now comfortably fit into any chair (with room to spare!), shop at any clothing store, run miles at a time. My blood pressure now come in at about 95/55 and my other health problems have virtually disappeared. Most importantly, I've added many good years to my life, and that alone makes my current body image issues seem trivial.
I'm still hoping to improve the way I look by loosing some more weight and giving my body time to adjust. But if I don't look perfect when I'm done with all of this, it'll be okay. I'm alive!
Seriously, at 50+ I've got my share of saggy-baggy. Some I would have because of my age. Much of it is because I abused my body for much of my life.
That being said - I ADORE my body now. LOVE my clothes. LOVE my muscles. LOVE what my body can do!!! LOVE how I look in my clothes. LOVE that I am healthy and fit and happy doing things with my family.
Do I care that my once chubby cheeks now have wrinkles I never had before - not really. In the scheme of things, I'm very, very happy!
Last edited by CountingDown; 03-14-2009 at 10:58 PM.
LOL I have no intention on "throwing in the towel."
I was curious as to how others who are losing a massive amount of weight-- how do they keep seeing their bodies change (sagging skin and all) & keep up their personal positive body image during the process of reaching their target goal weight.
For me, I do find qualities about myself that I like yes... its the sagging skin on my stomach and on my legs (some of it new) that I'm finding trouble accepting as a good thing as I strive to keep losing weight
I still have quite a bit to go too love but, just today as I was relaxing in the tub. Looking at my stomach and how loose the skin is.. I started to get a little sad.. but then I told myself to shut up because just this very morning I was down 2 more lbs in one week, and while I may not look good naked.. I can find some very flattering clothing and totally rock it .. and I bet you can too .. so If looking at yourself barely clothed or naked gets you down like it does me just, Find something that fits you really well and think of how far you have already come.
If you can make it that far (btw.. congrats.. losing that much weight is nothing short of AMAZING!) you WILL GET THERE.. you WILL DO IT.
I can commiserate (and celebrate)- the 9 pounds I've lost so far seem to have come completely from my belly. Leaving something that is less than what I would think is attractive. However ... in a lucid moment, I was able to compare what the current looks like to the past ... and every step forward is still a step forward. I have all the hope in the world that the oddly saggy stuff will recover in time. And if not, it's still better than what was there 9 pounds ago.
Tea, I understand how you feel and I often feel the same way, so I'm one to talk. But, love your body because it is alive here and now and it is a sacred temple to the spirit inside of you. I get so angry when I think about how women have been turned on themselves. When I was a size 3 vegan for two years I wanted to be a size 1. When I was a size 5 vegetarian, I wanted to be a size 3 again. It was never right. I felt like I wasn't good enough to have a man love me truly. I felt I'd never measure up against other women, an it was a waste of my energy. I was constantly dieting and exercising and checking if my thighs or my butt were getting out of hand. Now, I'm 44 and I just had a radical hysterectomy. I have a gash across the bottom of my abdomen and my skin puckers up all weird around it, but I'm just starting to think I'll go ahead and be ok with myself before I waste too much more energy on self-depracation. And how come 250 lbs. guys w/ bald heads and beer guts get to be ok with themselves?
I know I should love myself, etc. I think it's a bit frustrating to be able to do that as I keep losing lbs and keep seeing different changes in myself lol.
I know I look FAB (!) in clothes lol. It's just when I'm in the shower that it gets discouraging.
I think what's different is before, even though I had detested flabby body parts (even when I was really fat)-- overall I didn't really care (in a negative way) what I looked, but accepted it as a "fatalistic-I'm-permanently-fat-and-ugly" mentality for years.
Now, for the first real time, I'm really beginning to take an interest in my self-appearance & grooming, clothes, body shape, muscle development, etc. In a good way! (Most of the time, I hope!! ).
~ tea
Last edited by teawithsunshine; 03-15-2009 at 09:51 PM.
The Mirror vs. A Hard Place....
As I'm getting ready to take a shower afterward, I'm stripping my sweaty clothes off and I'm in a 2 piece, allowing me to see all the horrible flab sag out on my tummy and big waddles of fat on my saddlebags and thighs 
