Quote:
Originally Posted by WarMaiden
10 self-esteem, 10 overweight. For me, there's never been any relation between my self-esteem and my weight gain; very simply, I have a chemical addiction to sugar and when it's uncontrolled I gain weight.
Ditto. When I was younger, my self-esteem took a battering occasionally, but it was mostly directly a result of experiencing abuse from other people about my weight or because I thought I was "supposed to" feel crappy about myself for being fat (though I never quite understood why I was supposed to feel like crap for being unable to control my appetite, despite being an honors student, being generous, caring, creative and funny and having a decent number of friends). I guess I always felt that all the good stuff about me cancelled out my one major flaw, and I never quite understood why I felt that so few people seemed to feel that way. It was like people were shocked at my confidence and enjoyment at life - I felt like an oddball for not disliking myself (but I embraced odditude rather than choosing to listen to social convention and hate myself).
I think even at my lowest, I didn't feel very bad about myself, nearly much as I felt self-conscious. I guess I felt like there were a lot of fat rules I was supposed to follow, and I never quite knew what the rules were. Or, I'd recognize a rule, but ignore it (and feel weird that I was breaking the rule, like I'd done something illegal or something). Like swimming - I've always loved it, far too much to ever follow the well-known rule that overweight girls should never, never allow themselves to be seen in a swimming suit (and if they MUST swim, they should wear a black swimdress that nearly reaches the knees, ideally with a t-shirt over the top). I've owned two black swimming suits in my life, and I hated them both. All of my other suits were brightly colored - flashy even. Buying plus sized swimsuits with style and color, especially when you're beyond a size 26 is not an easy feat. They're out there, but you've got to do a lot of searching and you're going to pay through the nose. The first time I spent nearly $100 on a swim suit, I felt nauseous - but I loved that suit. It was a pretty green and purple floral suit with matching sarong coverup skirt. I know that my image of myself did not match the reality, but I felt gorgeous in that suit (I am really glad I don't have pictures of myself in that suit).
). The weight thing is harder to judge. Based on what everyone else has said I guess I would be around 6 (22lbs to lose), but I would say I was around 3 or 4. 
