Originally Posted by freshmanweightorbust:
Joyra. OMG. We're like, psychically connected or something. I was just thinking the exact same thing about a 5'7'' poster whose goal was 115 or something equally excessive, like, yesterday. OMG.

I saw that poster too, and it's so unnecessary, not to mention bad for your body. But then I guess if you start off only marginally overweight anyway they feel the need to set a low goal in order to see such a noticeable change.

Thanks, MissVitality. I really do think it's a balancing act. But what really helps this time around is to think about health first, appearance second. I may be healthy, even if not hot. I'm older now & I am willing to take it. ;-)

I also think that once you start losing weight, and you have a tendency toward an eating disorder, you have to watch yourself about moving the goal posts, in effect. You get so good at losing weight, you're rewarded so often with compliments, that it's tempting to keep going at this new thing you've become so excellent at. You think: If I just add on 15 more minutes of this exercise, if I just cut down a little bit more on my food ...

It's the old problem with equating happiness with a number. With thinking: If I hit this particular weight, I will know it because I will finally be completely satisfied with my appearance, with my life. My dissatisfaction is solely because of a number on a scale.

We know that's crazy, but it's so easy to think that way. People do it all the time with numbers. You can do this with your salary, with the address of your real estate. If only I had this thing, I'd finally be happy. Easy to fill in that blank with a particular weight.

Added to this is our general inability to see ourselves as we are. When I was really heavy, I had difficulty acknowledging just how heavy I was. That was why photographs of myself made me uneasy: Who was this woman? I didn't feel that big. This carried over weirdly, into the period when I became much thinner. I never saw myself as thin. I'd look down along the length of my leg & see a huge hamhock. But my leg wasn't really like that. Someone handed me a photograph from my good friend's wedding, in which I'd been maid of honor, and I was all neck tendons & deep eyesockets & a brace of bared teeth & my arms were scary thin. I hadn't wanted a photo taken of someone putting a garter on my leg (I'd caught the bouquet & had to be publicly be-gartered) because I thought my leg was fat. Well the leg in that photograph was far from fat. But that morning, I'd thought it was this big ham hock. I was thinking, "Maybe if I hit 110 pounds, my leg will look all right." I don't understand why we really can't see ourselves -- why some of us can't -- but I heartily recommend measuring or photographs to counter with some kind of reality check.

I was fascinated by a post here in which someone who had the same problem wrote that she used to play a game. She would ask her partner: "Am I as big as this [random person walking by] or smaller?" She was generally surprised at how she overestimated her own weight compared with other people's. She always thought she was much bigger & it turned out not to be so.

Saef, we can easily get a distorted view of reality. You spoke about being thin and thinking you were fat. I had the opposite distortion. When I was at my heaviest, I spent years not consciously realising how obese I was in comparison to others and how much damage I was doing to my welbeing. I honestly thought I was a perfectly normal weight. Perhaps I was in denial, who knows? But I was obviously aware at a sub-conscious level as this manifested itself in some of my behaviours (reluctance to get into relationships etc)

A wise man once taught me that I am amazing NOW. Not when I weigh a particular weight, earn a particular salary, get a bigger house, drive a flashier car - NOW. He said a lot of people are guilty off putting of happiness and have the mindset "I will be happy when....." It's a self-defeating thing, of course, because when we do achieve whatever the goal is, are we truly happy with that or do we just reset our goals and further delay our happiness?

I think we need to be happy with who we are now and what we have, set ourself realistic goals for the right reasons and recognise that we are not and never will be perfect. And do you know what...? That's allright! We are amazing anyway. Our bodies are these wonderful vehicles that do so much each and every second of the day to keep functioning and we should value them rather than putting them under unneccessary pressure in the pursuit of an illusion of happiness.

I'm surprised anyone was offended by this post.

I agree with this.

At the same time, what about the opposite direction? My mother has always been gung ho for my weight loss but she told me I could only reach 180. Barely 170 if I work hard. I want to be at the upper BMI healthy though. I always told myself that I will go for 170 but work a bit more and see if 164 is sustainable. Now, that I am at WW, I have to go to 164 if I want lifetime. I want to have a healthy BMI but everyone around me says I shouldn't.

Also, just because someone says something in a post, it doesn't mean they are obsessing about it all day. I only have 7 pounds to goal, but I still whine and moan on the daily 5-Pound Challenge thread. The truth is, I'm happy. I'm only working on establishing life long eating habits, not "dieting" to lose more weight. My final weight will choose itself. But every morning, I can weigh, moan (or cheer) about it, and then I leave it there and go on about my day without it.

Originally Posted by Lori Bell:
And then you got people like me who's goal weight is in mid-overweight range...lol My goal weight is many peoples starting weight... Hopefully we'll all work it out in the end.

When I first joined this site I figured out my BMI. In order to be 'healthy' I would need to be under 153 pounds. I think it was Sportmom who pointed out that was probably unrealistic for me after we had a discussion about body fat %'s. I have since changed my goal to under 180 which according to my body fat would put me in a healthy range.

Originally Posted by flatiron:
I'll be OVERJOYED to get to 200lbs! :D

As of this exact moment though this statement says it all. I've always been heavy and I cannot remember the last time I was under 200 pounds. I vaguely remember being 180 sometime in junior high or high school and I was wearing a size 18 jeans from Fashion Bug. But thanks to vanity sizing I can probably wear a size 18 now at around 220.

I'm generally happy with myself AND at what is considered a 'healthy weight', but I still want to lose about 15lbs. I shouldn't have to settle for this weight just because I'm not considered overweight by some chart. I want to reach my potential physically, not only nutritionally, but physically in the peak condition. I have to work at it though, it won't just come magically, and it is a lot of work!

Great post. IDK I think the numbers themselves are scary. It is so hard to even imagine what 160, 145, 120, etc.. looks like on different people ya know? It is hard to put it in a perspective that fits just us.

When I first started the whole thing about losing weight and I looked at the charts to see where I am now and where the healthy range for me was. I was like omg that is still so high! The numbers seems so big eek.

But finally I decided to stick with it. I chose my goal weight to be 165, the very highest weight in my healthy range. I figure let me hit that and reach that goal and then see where I want to go with how I look and feel.

Somewhere in my head I know I wish I would be like 110-120 but I don't think that would be healthy or even possible lol.

Originally Posted by rachinma:
I'm surprised anyone was offended by this post.

I can see why people might be offended. Remember that these posts you are writing are not in a vacuum. I see cases on this thread where people write as if the person they are writing about isn't here (e.g., "the poster who was 5'5 said such and such"). Please remember that those people can read your posts, recognize themselves, and that's one way they might get offended...

Originally Posted by :
I can see why people might be offended. Remember that these posts you are writing are not in a vacuum. I see cases on this rhead where people write as if the person they are writing about isn't here

This, plus the idea that you don't know personally the overwhelming majority of the active posters here. You've never seen photos of most of them. And yet you know better than they do what size their bodies should be?

Moreover, I'm seeing a gender issue in the sense that straight men just don't generally get told by uninformed third party experts what they should look like--but women do. And that's not cool even when it's another woman who's the self-appointed expert.

I'm no expert. I'm not a doctor, a psychologist, or anyone's mother. Just someone who's worked with eating disorders, experienced them myself and has had some terrible self image/depression related to my weight.

JulieJ, I hear ya! If I had 5 lbs left to lose and it took me 6 months to reach it I'd probably ***** and moan too. After a long journey, a goal is the finish line! But just some comments, like I won't feel thin unless I lose 5 lbs seem a bit extreme to me. And also if those last 5 lbs that just won't come off are in the underweight zone, then is it worth it? I just know the frustration with stalled weight... many of us say "Help, I'll try ANYTHING!" And when you're already at a healthy weight trying to be underweight... what's "ANYTHING"?

saef, you said everything more eloquently than I could.

I guess I posted this because I wanted to get a dialogue going (and it has!). People could never post that they purge for weight loss... or severely restrict. That's too unhealthy. But you can post that you're aiming for a BMI of 16. I just wanted to talk about it. People differ in their opinions on this subject, and why wouldn't they? It's all good.

As for having a goal weight above healthy--well, you can always go further down if you choose once you reach your goal! But if your goal weight is already below what's healthy...? You either give up your goal or you do whatever it takes to get there. At my thinnest, I spent a lot of time hating myself because I wasn't the right number on the scale. I don't think I thought someone was going to say "I read your post and changed my goal AND my life!" But maybe they would just add it to wealth of positive information that's on this message board that will slowly steer people towards a healthier lifestyle... it has for me.

Normally, if we see a poster with a BMI goal in the underweight range, most of us point it out. It can take some time to notice, and no one reads all posts. I, at least, try to mention it to the poster.

But I feel, sometimes, that even that is a bit of a double standard. After all, my current and goal weights are both OVERweight. Yet no one would dream of telling me "you need to aim lower!" Many of us here have goal weights that take into account BMI, but also take into account what we know about our own bodies and what is possible for them. I can feel OK about this double standard because the health risks of having a slightly overweight BMI are far less than the health risks of having a slightly underweight BMI, but when you think about it, they're both goals past the bounds of "Normal"

I do believe most people adjust unreasonable goal weights upward as they approach them. I also believe that most people adjust DOWN unreasonably high goal weights as they approach them (I know I did...I started with a goal of 190, then 180, then 170...etc). So it ends up working itself out in the end.

I think the best way to support people with unhealthy weight goals BMI-wise is to respond gently and positively in their threads. I normally say something like "According to your stats, your goal weight would give you a BMI of (#), which is medically classified as underweight...have you checked on your goal with a doctor? It might not be a reasonable goal for you".

Originally Posted by :
Posted by freshmanweightorbust
Joyra. OMG. We're like, psychically connected or something. I was just thinking the exact same thing about a 5'7'' poster whose goal was 115 or something equally excessive, like, yesterday. OMG.

Originally Posted by LucyFM:
I saw that poster too, and it's so unnecessary, not to mention bad for your body. But then I guess if you start off only marginally overweight anyway they feel the need to set a low goal in order to see such a noticeable change.

I'm certainly not offended as I know that I am very healthy, BUT... I have chime in that 115lbs and 5'7 is not excessive, unrealistic, or unhealthy.

I belong to 2 different forums. This one (which is very supportive and motivating) and another one, that is geared towards women who compete in fitness contests, police officers, army girls, etc... women who lead a very active and healthy lifestyle. Most of them would come in at about 115-120 at 5'7. These are girls who can and will compete in fitness or physical contests. They certainly aren't unhealthy or unrealistic.

Yes, 5'7 and 115lbs without exercise would probably lead to a "wimpy" looking girl, but with low bodyfat and strong muscles, that is not an unusual size for your typical "fit looking" girl.

It's funny how we dismiss the BMI charts as utter BS when we're classified as morbidly obese, obese or overweight but raise holy **** at someone falling on the lower end without knowing their story.