So, I'm having an internal battle.
I think it is bizzare when people talk about how you're supposed to love yourself no matter your size. But that's not really possible if you really don't like your self at the size you are now. Is it?
Isn't that why most of us are working on loosing weight? Because we don't like ourselves fat!
I am going through a sort of a crossroads period in my own life and I have been thinking about a lot of these things lately. My DH always says I think too much, I guess he's right.
What do you think? Can you love yourself if you don't like yourself?
When people say you have to "Love yourself first", I think that they are really saying that, in order to make consistently healthy choices, you first need to believe that you are good enough to be worth that effort. After all, if you don't believe you have worth, why on earth would you put so much time and effort into taking care of yourself?
Besides, weight isn't the only element of a person. Say you aren't happy with your weight...totally fine. But liking YOURSELF is a whole lot bigger than that. I like that I'm a good cook, that I'm crafty, and that I take good care of people I love. Overall, even if I have things I still want to work on, I like who I am, and I believe I have worth. And it's THAT belief...that I am a good, likeable person with some things that aren't ideal, that really empowers me to make changes ABOUT those things I like less.
I'm not saying you can't respect your intellect or your dedication to your causes whatever they might be (family, work, environment, whateever floats your boat). I'm just saying to be able to say that you really truly love yourself unconditionally... well, there shouldn't be conditions.
Saying "I love myself, but I want to lose weight so that I'm healthier" means it's not unconditional. The "but" is a condition. So you don't really love yourself until you are happy with all the aspects of who you are. Your mind, your body, your spirituality, everything.
Please prove me wrong. I am getting depressed by all these realizations.
I agree with mandalinn, we are much more than our weight. I don't like the weight that I carry now, but that doesn't stop me from liking or loving myself. Unless someone thinks they are perfect there is always going to be something that they do not like about themselves. I think it is the same with the people in our lives, I know that there have been times where I haven't liked someone because of something they did or said, but that didnt' stop me from loving them, if that makes any sense.
I really disagree... Would you stop loving your husband just because he gained a couple pounds? NOOOOO. Why should it be different about loving yourself?
So, your husband isn't perfect, right? Sometimes he irritates you? Sometimes he does things you'd prefer he didn't? Maybe his hair is a different color than the color you pictured growing up?
Do you still love him? Do you see where I'm going with this?
I think the difference is that you are saying "I love myself, BUT I need to lose weight". I try to say "I love myself SO MUCH that I am willing to make some minor sacrifices to be healthier!" It's not a CONDITION on the love. The love is the whole reason it's so important.
This is why we can put up with some less-than-desirable behaviors from significant others (like leaving socks on the floor or whatever)...we love them SO MUCH that many indiscretions can be let go.
Last edited by mandalinn82; 01-23-2009 at 08:58 PM.
You may not like that you are overweight, but that doesn't mean that you cannot LOVE YOURSELF as a person. I think they are two separate matters. Actually, I think that it is important that you do love yourself, as that can set the foundation upon which you try to make improvements. I agree that loving yourself is saying that you are a worthy person; and everyone is worthy of being loved, regardless of individual physical characteristics like weight, hair color, height, and so on.
Surely, you must have some lovable traits and abilities. As someone here once said, "your self-worth doesn't equal the sum of your weight." (maybe Jillybean)
I really agree with what AMANDA had to say too! If you can love yourself; respect yourself; care about yourself; accept yourself; then, you can move on and take the steps you need to change the things you don't like ...
So you don't really love yourself until you are happy with all the aspects of who you are. Your mind, your body, your spirituality, everything.
I'd say you really are overthinking this. Following that line of thought, we would never be able to love ourselves. Because we will never be happy with everything, all the time, forever.
I love myself just fine! But I definitely did not like being obese. I finally saw that I wasn't helping myself to let that go on--and like mandalinn82 said, I love myself enough to do something about it. No, I didn't like it that I had become obese. But I am more than my body.
I also think you can love yourself, but not like every aspect of your life. Self, I think, is what you might see if you never saw your shell (body). Like generosity, faith, compassion, attitude. All the intangibles. Our physical appearance is very fluid in that it's always changing. If I were in an accident and had scars all over, I would still keep those characteristics of myself even though my outward appearance changed. See?
I agree with the other posters - you don't have to be perfect to deserve love, even from yourself. If your love for yourself were truly conditional, you would stop loving yourself when you gain weight. Being able to love yourself despite what you consider to be your flaws is true unconditional love. That's important for success in many areas of your life, including weight loss.
Another way to think about it is to think about another area of your life that is less than perfect: would you love yourself any less if you sometimes played computer games at the office? If you leave the dishes a little too long (this is one of my bad habits!)? There's always going to be something about ourselves, and others, that we could improve, but loving yourself means appreciating what you excel at and putting in the effort to make any improvements because you're worth the effort!
Oh gosh I love lots of people, but I might not LIKE them all the time.....but that is a digression.
I look at it like: I love myself AND therefore I want myself to be healthy and fit and live a long long time.
Self-loathing has never been a helpful technique for me....not with weight management or with anything else.
Good luck to you as you sort this out.
I would also add, however, that I don't see fat as a moral issue. It is a biological issue. I was not a "bad" person when I was obese and I am not magically a "better" person now that I have a normal BMI.
I'm not saying you can't respect your intellect or your dedication to your causes whatever they might be (family, work, environment, whateever floats your boat). I'm just saying to be able to say that you really truly love yourself unconditionally... well, there shouldn't be conditions.
Saying "I love myself, but I want to lose weight so that I'm healthier" means it's not unconditional. The "but" is a condition. So you don't really love yourself until you are happy with all the aspects of who you are. Your mind, your body, your spirituality, everything.
Please prove me wrong. I am getting depressed by all these realizations.
I"ve got to disagree here. I don't think that just because you want to be healthy that you dont' love yourself the way you are. I mean, I want to be healthy, I have awesoem self esteem and I totally love myself. Would I prefer not to get diabetes though? yup! If I really DIDN"T love myself, I'd say, **** with it, diabetes be damned I'm staying fat!
I think I was conditioned to hate myself because I was fat, because that's what our culture in so many ways tells us we're supposed to do. Fat people are disgusting, smelly, lazy and all sorts of horrible things.
It was only when I decided that I was fabulous whether or not I lost weight, that I really started on the path I'm on now. It has changed completely the way I diet. In the past, it was all about trying to "be good" and hating myself when I failed or fell short in any way. Dieting was a way to punish or control the "bad" me.
It's a lot different now. Losing weight isn't about punishing the bad me, it's about pampering my wonderful self. I always thought the ultimate in luxury was a vacation at a fancy spa, where the food is fabulous and healthy and there are dozens of fun, active things to do, and I decided to recreate that for myself. I decided that my goal was to only let my weight and health probpems stop me from doing what they physically physically prevented me from doing. I wasn't going to worry about what other people thought of me, when they saw me swimming, or on a bicycle or doing anything that only thin people are supposed to be doing.
I think some people with minor self-esteem issues can feel better about themselves after they lose weight (or accomplish any other significant achievements), but I think serious self-esteem issues run much deeper. Fat people who hate themselves, will often just become thin people who hate themselves.
Loving yourself doesn't mean you have no goals. In fact, I think the opposite is true. The better you feel about yourself, the more you want to do (and believe you can accomplish) in life, not only to help others, but in your own self-interest also.
I've lost 60 lbs, and it has been an accomplishment that I am quite proud of. I don't think I like myself more because of those 60 lbs, though. In the past, I would have, but when I place my worth conditional on my weight, then things I can't control like normal fluctuations and PMS weight gain make me feel worse about myself. I would have looked at the 60 lbs and compared it to the 200 I still have to lose, and I would decide that 60 lbs wasn't much of an accomplishment after all. Occasionally, ghosts of the past do appear. I get in a funk, looking at my weight as I once did - but I remind myself that I know this isn't true.
I think it's often a matter of treating ourselves as we would treat others. If we have an overweight friend, we probably wouldn't say to her "I'd sure like you a lot more if you weren't so fat." In fact, anyone who would say something like that, we'd think was a nasty jerk. So why be a nasty jerk to yourself?
Love yourself?
Following that line of thought, we would never be able to love ourselves. Because we will never be happy with everything, all the time, forever. 
