That's so funny -- I am intensely competitive, but I'm not feeling that way with the 2009 mileage. I'm feeling competitive about getting to that 1000 mark, not with how other people are doing with it! But with the weight...dunno. Maybe because it feels not as under my control as doing the miles does? (You know...I go a week without having dessert, and I gain weight; I go out and have foie gras and a couple of cocktails and drop 3 pounds the next day. *That's* happened to me twice now.)

I kinda wish I hadnt read this thread :S

I have never thought that way about this place. I thought this was a place that didnt have those kinds of ugly womanly habits.

We're all human here, no saints (or whatever the weight loss equivalent is), so of course none of us are exempt from normal human weaknesses. Just as a church isn't a museum for saints, but a hospital for sinners, I see 3FC as a "hospital" for those of us struggling with weight loss. None of us are here to be perfect, in any sense that the word can mean, we're just here to heal ourselves and support others, despite our failings, and maybe even occasionally because of them.

I actually posted this here not to make anyone feel bad or that they should feel this way, but to admit that I am feeling this way -- and hoping that I could a)hear that other people do it to (so I don't feel *too* weird or obsessive) and b)learn ways other people deal with whatever similar feelings they have!

I'm endlessly thrilled by how wonderful this place is for allowing us to confess these feelings and help one another deal with them.

I guess I'm just sensitive to female competitiveness about superficial things like weight. It's caused me a lot of pain.

The catty teens years are only a few years behind me ;)

I think we all share more thoughts than we realize :)

It always catches me off guard when I notice that a regular "suddenly" lost a bunch of weight. I'm like, "Whoa! Where have I been!?"

I saw JulieJ08's ticker the other day and thought she amputated a limb or something :lol: But no, she's just trucking along :)

I think it's also really cool to notice someone almost at their goal. LoriBell is almost to her goal and has lost an incredible amount of weight and even after being here a while that's pretty awe inspiring to see.

It does kinda suck though when you realize you're starting to go in the wrong direction! :o

Yikes! And I thought this was a place where no one would be judged for being honest.

That's the big difference between having this discussion here and having it elsewhere; nothing catty has been said here. People express their frustration the same way they do on other areas of the site, and those of us who have the same experience and frustrations have an opportunity to say, 'yes, this is how I cope with it'. It's a healthy discussion, IMO.

I agree I haven't yet looked someone else's progress and felt bad about MY progress. I dunno but I am just that kind of person in that I am genuinely happy for them and now that I am in the trenches and know how hard it is and how much dedication and hard work it takes to lose weight I admire them even more!

It motivates me! I tell myself is THEY can do it then so can I! :)

I'm not sure it's so much competitiveness for me about the 2009 mileage---more impressed really, cause I know how much time and effort it takes.

Hang in there, re: the plateau.

Who hasn't had moments of doubt and even negative feelings inward and even occasionally outward? It doesn't mean you're not happy for someone else if in a moment of weakness, you feel frustrated or compare yourself to others and feel inadequate.

Coveting isn't about wanting what someone else has, it's wishing them ill, or hating them because they have it, or hating yourself because you don't.

I didn't hear even a smidgen of hate in anyone's posts, just normal emotion.
No one's wallowing in it, they're talking about ways to make the reality in their head match the reality in their emotions.

I'm generally a very confident person, in nearly everything I do (except weight loss, but that is changing). This weight loss attempt has been unlike any other. For the most part, I don't compare myself to others, and in fact have even learned, mostly, not to compare myself with my younger self, but I would be lying if I said it never happened. The thoughts are rare now, but they still will return every once in a while out of the blue because, well I'm not sure of the because, other than I'm human and therefore imperfect, and sometimes my emotions say things to me that my head knows aren't true.

Who hasn't (except maybe most men) looked in a mirror and said, "Blegh," or looked at another woman who we think is prettier than ourselves and thought "Wow, wouldn't it be neat to look like her." Neither is wrong unless you decide that you hate yourself and/or another person for having what you want.

I don't think it's the twinges of jealousy that make our lives and sometimes those around us miserable, it's wallowing in the jealousy... not the nanosecond of self-doubt or disappointment, or even the slightly longer childish tantrum in our head; but if it gets dragged out very long or indulged in frequently, it becomes who you are. You've chosen misery over happiness.

I don't see anyone here choosing misery, and I think a good part of the reason is because we do discuss the negative sides of ourselves as well as the positives. We don't brush them under the rug until the rug no longer touches the floor it has so much dirt under it. Instead, we heal our wounds only by acknowledging that they are there.

What do you think would have happened if all of the responses to the OP, had been "Oh, no I never feel that way, you must be a horrible person," aside from being a great big ol' lie, it would have made Dianeofnka (and anyone reading who occasionally felt the same way) feel terrible and alone (even if no one added the you must be a horrible person part).

Progress means different things for different people, but for many of us progress means learning not to play negative mind games with ourselves, which sometimes means thinking some form of would've, should've could've, or comparing our progress to someone else's or even our former selves. It's distructive, and it's necessary to learn not to do it, but I don't think keeping silent on the subject helps us work through it.

that's probably where all of us learned to be constantly comparing ourselves to others...

Dianeofnka....I know what you mean. I feel that way sometimes too. And of course, we are not mad or jealouse of the other persons success...we just wonder what we might be doing different that maybe we're not getting the same quick results. It's not a hate thing we feel...just a "what am i doing wrong" feeling. But that's what this board is for. If we see someone who maybe seems to be the same height, starting weight and starting time as us...maybe we can ask them what exactly they are doing and maybe we can try to incorporate that into our life and maybe start seeing different results. As someones signature here says, "if we keep doing what we've been doing, we will keep getting the same results". So...maybe if we ask someone what they're doing, we might try something different and get some different results. But i TOTALLY know how you feel. And it's not a bad thing...it's not a "catty woman thing". It's a normal, human thing when we are all struggling with the same problem.

And i think you are doing great to have lost 26 pounds and i think you will go far if you continue on the way you are going. Maybe you're losing more slowly than you want to...but maybe you will keep it off longer than you think you will.

For me, this will be the key to my success...and the reason I'm here. To share with others feelings I've tried to suppress and hide all my life instead of facing them and maturing. I'm almost 60 and I can still be pretty immature at times. ;)

I mentioned that I sometimes may be dismayed that somone else can weigh as much as me and fit in a much smaller size. That is so frustrating to me, to think I can never wear those smaller sizes, but it shouldn't be, because when that kind of thought is putting me down, I'm not taking into consideration that someone with bones like mine can never wear those tiny sizes, and that doesn't mean I'm not thin or attractive...just that I have a different bone structure. I can say those thoughts run through my head, but I don't obsess on them, because common sense finally knocks me in the head, and I realize I'm just being stupid for even wanting to compare myself to someone with a petite frame. I don't want a petite frame, so why do I even let it get in my head that way? Because I'm human and that's how we react emoitionally to things before our brains are engaged. :D

It's a negative mind game to get into competition over sizes (even with yourself) if that means you are always striving for a smaller size, even when it's too small for your frame. I don't want to wear a smaller size as much as I want to wear the right size for me and look good in it. But my mind still clings to the concept that smaller is better...because society has drilled it into us.

Isn't kind of along the line of watching what other people are buying? As if our grocery habits were better or worse than anothers. We all compare. We all compete. It's human nature.