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Old 12-19-2008, 09:26 AM   #16  
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I will "ditto" everything midwife advises. You are very right about this being a decision he must come to himself. There are some delicious and satiating ways to prepare foods that I am sure your husband would embrace if he gave it a chance.

I do all the cooking in my home so I have great control over what goes into the meals. My hubby eats whatever I throw together. He does not and never has had a weight problem. Last night I made spaghetti (prepared w/turkey) with a green salad. We had water (as opposed to wine) and no bread. My children are pickier. I keep assuring myself I am leading by example and they will get to the point of enjoying salads and the like.

I think you are headed the right direction with your hubby. If I was trying to get a larger hubby to get healthier I think I would start paying more "sexy" attention to him and maybe even purchase a couple of things for him he would NEVER purchase for himself--something kind of bold and sexy you know--a stylish peacoat or whatever. I would try to make him feel comfortable and not threatened in any way. In a few weeks start working on what a sexy guy he would be a few pounds lighter. I am not sure how I would word it to him but you get my point.

I notice your weight has really dropped from where you are. My guess is that this is a somewhat scary time for him. My husband is happy but he mentioned the other day there are days he feels insecure now. WTH? Men. Go figure!
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Old 12-19-2008, 10:10 AM   #17  
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jenguin - I completely understand! My husband is proud of my weight loss and has lots of sweet things to say to me, but that's about where the support ends. He does pitch in more with our 2 young children so I can keep up my gym schedule. I am very concerned about my husband's weight/health. I am doing my best to lead by example for him and our children, but he shows very little interest in changing his habits. Our dinner routine is always hectic and I often end up cooking healthy meals for myself and the kids and he will tell me he's not hungry, or will grab his own dinner - which usually means fast food, pizza, etc. Some nights he'll try to be "helpful" and offer to bring dinner home - again it's junk. I don't eat what he brings, I make my own healthy, alternate meals and supplement the children's. Not the best solution, but it's working for now and keeping me on track. I keep hoping that one day he will really start thinking about it all and work with me instead of against me. However, until then I can only control myself and take care of me.

So, my best advice it to continue leading by example and taking good care of yourself. Hopefully one day we can get our men on our side.
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Old 12-19-2008, 10:38 AM   #18  
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Luckily my DH eats what I cook He doesn't complain and I told him if he really wants junk then to do it on his lunch break at work. He's super supportive of me and this new healthier lifestyle.

*hugs girlie!*

Just keep on doing what you are doing....no matter how worried you are about them, they just won't get it until they decide to.
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Old 12-19-2008, 11:15 AM   #19  
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This is an interesting subject for me. When I was pregnant with my now 3 year old son my husband gained about 40 pounds. I thought after my son was born, he would start to lose or stop gaining at least (thinking it was sympathy weight gain). Well, since then he has gained a total of 130 pounds. I tried everything with him and nothing worked. His family even tried to talk to him. Anyway, we are no longer together and while it is not the only reason, it was definitely a contributing reason for our break-up. His life was so unhealthy - it was not the life I wanted to live, not the life I wanted my son to grow up in. I have read a lot on here about people feeling hurt or devastated if someone would have talked to them about their weight, but when you are in a relationship what one person does affects everything else and I think the other person has a right to comment on it. Not in a mean way, of course, but still your partner is a part of your life and the decisions you make impact that life. The fact that my husband spent lots of money on fast food, the fact that he couldn't go for walks with us as a family, the fact that he couldn't play with my son, the fact that the only forms of entertainment that were not painful or exhausting to him were watching TV or surfing the internet were huge to me. And the fact that one day he would most likely die much younger than he should have - that was enormous.

There is an epidemic in this country of men dying much, much younger than women and a large part of that is due to unhealthy behaviors and decisions. So while I obviously do not have the answer I think this thread really speaks to the fact that something needs to get through to these men that it is their health and their lives that they are destroying. Just makes me very sad.
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Old 12-19-2008, 11:26 AM   #20  
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All I can say is, "Your husband cooks?" WOW, how awesome would that be!!!

Actually I always have more to say. When I was a pre-teen/teen my father, may he rest in peace, was ALWAYS nagging me about my weight. I hated it and it made me very bitter towards him, and I didn't lose a drop of weight while he nagged. He's the same guy who was an alcoholic and LOVED all his drinking buddies, but the moment he quit drinking (for 10 years before his death) suddenly anyone who drank even in moderation was instantly labeled as drunk in his eyes.
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Old 12-19-2008, 11:36 AM   #21  
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My husband and I are both trying to lose weight, and we both like to cook - so that sounds like it would be awesome, right? Well, it still isn't because ultimately a weight loss journey is often a solitary one. He can eat a lot starchier food (and for him it really is "cutting back"), and some of the dishes he makes aren't really weight loss friendly for me. I'll either make something for myself, eat a tiny bit of what he's made, or heat up a frozen dinner (I've made a list of the lower carb frozen dinners and keep a few on hand for emergencies. Because they're still higher in carbs, and a lot higher in artificial ingredients than I'd like, I really do save them for emergencies).

When I cook, I like to make dishes with a LOT more veggies and a lot less meat in them than is hubby's preference. Unless there's a fair amount of meat, and the veggies are easy to pick out, he'll make something for himself or heat up a frozen dinner on the days I cook.

Some of his sanity saver snacks are trigger foods for me, and vice versa. We have different eating styles, both when we are on and off plan. When we were first married and both working, we compromised and whoever was home at dinner time would make dinner, or we would take turns starting the crockpot in the morning. Making two meals seemed like such a waste, but we've finally come to terms with often going our seperate ways at mealtimes, and it's actually worked out better for us.
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Old 12-19-2008, 11:38 AM   #22  
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My hubby is my number one supporter and also my number one enabler. For better or worse we are in it together.... what ever IT is.

The one thing I had to make clear to him this time was that when I talked about having a craving it wasn't the go ahead to bring crap home.

I wish you continued success, you are doing great.
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Old 12-19-2008, 12:15 PM   #23  
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One perspective: Before I started caring about losing weight I was convinced I would never be able to lose weight (not like I'd ever tried). My weight would constantly fluctuate and I assumed my weight was completely out of my control. I am also bipolar and my eating habits get much worse in a depressive episode.

It sounds like perhaps your husband doesn't think it's possible for him to lose weight (consciously or subconsciously). I don't know how to fix that mentality, but I believe that weight-loss in the media is far too much directed at women. Men are almost NEVER encouraged to pay attention to their weight.

Has your husband ever weighed less? Was he smaller when you first met? You might try framing up a picture, if you have one, of the two of you when he weighed less. If he asks, tell him it's just for sentimental reasons. This isn't to pressure him but to remind him of how he felt back then. If he was at that point before he can get there again.

This is touchy ground, but I do have another suggestion. You might try talking to a therapist. Go to one by yourself and get your own support in this battle, not only with yourself and your own weight, but also with your husband. Then, if you can convince him, bring him in (or encourage him to go on his own) and have him talk about the real reasons why he refuses to take part in your healthy lifestyle. Personally I wasn't able to kick my own butt out of the apathy rut until I got on an antidepressant. He may very well have an underlying psychological issue they may need to be dealt with. Therapy helps, even without medication. You can also work out the tension between you two surrounding this issue.

Even if you're perfectly happy in your marriage otherwise, individual and couples therapy can help. My mom's been seeing her therapist (formerly mine) for years now, even though she's very very happy with my dad.

Until then, though, I have to agree with the others - be persistant in your cooking and exercise habits (get his input on what healthier dishes he'd like to try - give him a healthy cookbook to look through and tell him he can pick any recipe that looks tasty). Don't let up on the active family activities. Either he'll get a little more in shape or he'll realize just how awful he feels.
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Old 12-19-2008, 12:55 PM   #24  
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If you can get him to look at the ABS Plan from Men's Health maybe that would help him.


It is more a way of eating the right things than a diet. I consider it an eating plan for life.

I have been doing it for almost a year and it becomes second nature. It follows most standard ways of eating. 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. Emphasis on the 12 power foods. These are generally healthy. Nuts, beans, veggies etc.

There is a little wink wink ooh more sex in your future but nothing over the top.
It really is by men for men so they have a lot of quick and easy things to eat in the recipes.

I know he has to be ready but the reason I looked at this was because Vince Wilfork a Patriot's player mentioned it in an article and it seemed to make sense to me.

Good luck. I am lucky that my partner is very inept in the kitchen so no worries. I cook we both eat whatever it is. I am lucky there I guess.
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Old 12-19-2008, 05:57 PM   #25  
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My DH is in the Army so he gets his workout in before I am even awake in the mornings! He doesn't have a weight issue (yet) but he has gained about 10 pounds from his "normal" base weight. He still eats a lot of junk and I keep it in the pantry because I now have enough willpower to not eat it. But I don't keep a lot of it so I find him trying to figure out what to eat as snacks a lot.

I think you can only do this type of thing yourself - your DH will have to come around on his own. I have this issue with smoking - I quit over 18 months ago and DH still is "trying". One day it'll just happen I hope.
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Old 12-19-2008, 06:43 PM   #26  
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Thanks for the replies everyone. It's pretty much what I thought - I just have to keep doing what I'm doing. Everyone has great suggestions, most of which I have already tried once or more. I guess I'll just keep rotating the tries! I do think he and I need to have a talk about his health so I'm going to keep pushing for him to get that physical. I may even call and make the appointment myself. Information from the doctor might be eye opening. I know he has to make the decision for himself. I just wish he'd hurry up about it!
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Old 12-19-2008, 07:05 PM   #27  
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My boyfriend, who is about 250-300 lbs overweight, does 90% of the evening meal cooking. I found him putting a half a stick of butter in the mashed potatoes the other day and I about lost it! I've asked him to lighten the meals up, cook lean meats, make more veggies, salads, etc...He says he's happy to helpful with my weightloss but behind my back he does stuff like the butter trick.

He isn't interested in losing weight. He has sleep apnea, skin integrity issues and has trouble walking (one hip is literally out of socket due to the weight). He says when his life settles down he'll be ready to lose weight. He just graduated from nursing school and is studying to take his test to become a RN. He gained the 200+ lbs while in school. He says it was from the stress of school. I think it might have something to do with the apnea. He doesn't sleep well at all and seems to eat more when he's had a bad nights sleep.

He also has said when he gets his nursing job, it will come with health insurance. He plans on having a LapBand surgery or gastric bypass. Until then he keeps gaining, gaining, gaining. (I'm concerned no one will hire him because he is soooo BIG!)

I am not sure where our relationship is going to go from here. Like the other person who posted above, we have very different lifestyles. I'm no longer eating fastfood, he eats there 3-5 times a week...I want to go for walks for hikes, he takes naps. I want to eat better and he just wants to eat more.

I'm not going to let his lack of desire to get better stop me from my ultimate goal of losing 100lbs. I just need to be creative to work around his passive aggressive "support".

I'm definitely cooking more of the evening meals now. I'm in control of the butter dish when I'm in the kitchen.

Best of luck to all the folks here who are having issues with their mate/family members while on this journey.

Last edited by Michelle98272; 12-19-2008 at 07:09 PM.
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Old 12-20-2008, 01:47 AM   #28  
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Michelle: start making your own dinner. After the butter episode, I wouldn't eat anything I didn't prepare myself!

To the OP, I'd definitely look at his calendar and get him into the doctor. It might be the wake-up call he needs! I wish you much luck getting him to want to be healthy too.
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Old 12-21-2008, 08:35 AM   #29  
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You all make me very happy about my DH who has cut back on oil and butter in cooking, has stopped buying junk food to eat in front of me, (there was a package of chips in his car, but thats his business, and he has no weight problem) and is glad to go for walks etc with me.
I hope those big men find they have big enough hearts to go with their wives and lovers, on a journey to better health, but sometimes separate vacations are good too.....
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Old 12-21-2008, 09:10 AM   #30  
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on the other hand, my DH waited for a long time, with unconditional love, for me to start my weight loss journey. I wonder how he put up with it for so long?
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