I met my husband around 165, had a kid and shot up to 200 and then gained 30 lbs after that. When I was at my highest, he did tell me in the nicest way possible, that maybe I should do something about my weight before it got out of control. I have severe scholiosis and he used this an the excuse of why I should lose weight, for my back, not because I was "fat." But the thing that hurt our relationship was myself. I look back to my sex life when I was in the 145-155 range, and I loved sex! I always had a steady relationship so I was not promiscuous (sp) but I really enjoyed it! As I got larger and the weight kept piling on, not only did I simply not enjoy it much anymore but I never seemed to have the energy to want to do it. That took a huge toll on our relationship. I've heard everything from you're seeing someone else to you don't find me attractive anymore. Neither of them are the case, I had issues with myself & my own body and no matter how much I tried to explain that to him, he didn't understand. I guess when you're not and never have been overweight, you have NO IDEA the emotional & psycholigal issues it can bring up in a person, or how it makes them feel about themselves. But now that I've lost almost 40 lbs, I can see an improvement in that area, which is certainly helping our relationship. However, I don't think it's uncommon for people to leave a relationship or go into one based on weight. Some people like ONLY skinny girls and if she gets fat, they bounce. Same is true for the opposite, some people like girls with meat on their bones & will leave if she becomes skinny. I don't think it's right, I would personally never leave my husband if he became fat, but to some people one of the most important things is the physical attraction & if it's not there, neither are they.
I met my husband at work, my boss, at a heavier weight, 180 or so maybe. I lost 20 pounds over the course of a few months and we proceeded to date.
I've always wondered whether the weight impeded a relationship earlier. He swears not, that he had a crush on me from day one. I suppose that could be true, as I didn't have a ton of confidence 20 pounds earlier.
Marriage, pregnancy, a touch of postpartum depression, avoiding scales and a sedentary stay at home mom life really packed on the pounds, but his feelings for me never changed, he never said a word about my rapid weight gain. When asked about it, in retrospect, he says he never saw the additional weight - just his darling.
Seriously, when he sees 'before' photos, he is shocked. He can't believe I looked like that although the man lived with me the entire time.
He's happy I'm happy now. I can't say the weight has dramatically changed our relationship - like made it brand spanking new all over or induces that 24 hour a day obsessional crushy feeling when you first get with someone. He's a little insecure at times now, likely because I'm more confident, outgoing and social - a 100% change from 11 months ago. That would be dizzying and cause a feeling of insecurity for almost anyone!
I never once thought that weight loss would dramatically change our marriage. My guy loves me, whatever I do. Over the course of time, 8 years of marriage, a kid and full time jobs we have a different relationship than we did at first. Naturally we aren't getting it on 5 times a day, 7 times a week anymore - no matter how fit I get I don't have energy for that anymore!
I have a hard time trusting any man, including my own. We have been together now for a little over 5years and I still feel the same way.
So, its extremely hard for me to believe him when he says 'im sexy' or anything like that, when I know that he is one of those guys who is into 'skinny girls' (130lbs or less)
I catch him all the time sneaking a peek at all these hott girls in bikinis and such and then he wonders why I don't believe him!
My self confidence has completely hit rock bottom, and still hasn't been going up even with my weight loss...
I remember when we were first together we would always take showers together and such, and that was nice and romantic, (I was 117lbs) but then when I hit even 160ish lbs when we would take a shower, he would have a disgusted look on his face, and he wouldn't seem attracted 'down there'. Thats when I completely gave up on everything, and since then, for a little over 3 1/2 years, he hasn't scene me naked. Especially he has NEVER scene my stomach. I don't even let him put his arms around my waist.
I know most of this is more my problem, if he is wanting to touch and see, but I can't talk to him about how these shower instances have made me feel.
I'm hoping when I get more towards my goal weight I can improve on this, and then hopefully our sex life will also...
I have my first boyfriend now in real life. We met on the internet when I play games XD Well... I met him and he liked me bsaed on my personality and all that. I showed him pictures of me when I was 160 and skinny looking. He thought I was cute. I TOLD him that I am bigger, that I gained a lot a weight, to not expect me to be skinny.
His feelings didn't change. I met him, and he LOVES me as I am RIGHT NOW. He says to me that I am pretty, and that if I want to lose weight, I will. He says he'll help me if I want to, but that I don't have to. The only things he expresses about my weight is concern when I'm not feeling good, cause we know that it's cause of my weight that I am having health problems.
But HE is the one showing ME how to love myself, despite my weight. And he doesn't care either way. I think he'd want me to lose weight just so I'D be willing to do more fun things with him, cause I keep myself held back because of my weight.
I met my husband at my highest weight. We worked together and were friends. I actually hadn't seen him in a while when we decided to date and I had lost 70 lbs already. He wasn't aware that I had lost weight because you don't really tell your guy friends about that stuff. We got engaged when I weighed 280. Got married when I weighed 260.
I knew that he didn't normally date big girls so I believe he is attracted to me, not my weight. I don't think things would change between us no matter what size I was. Even if they did then it is what it is. Meaning I can only be me and the me I want to be is healthy and strong and a somewhat normal weight. I also told him when we got together that I wanted to lose weight so it wasn't a surprise. He has been my biggest fan and very supportive.
Although our relationship has changed. We used to eat out a lot and we don't as much anymore. We always kind of exercised together but now both of us have taken up running. He was the resistant one but I dragged him with me. We do a lot of things together.
Oh and I did go out with a guy once that really liked big girls. His previous girlfriends were all big. We went out a couple times but then I told him I wasn't interested. It was a very odd experience overall and he would not go away but luckily he never knew where I lived.
I met my husband in high school at a skinny 120 pounds (10th grade) and I leveled off in college around 150 until I got pregnant with my 7 year old.
My weight varied between 200-220 pounds after my first baby....after my 3rd I was already going through PSD after the hurricane & ballooned to my highest weight ever of 286 pounds.
Not once did he mention my weight gain. He's stayed with me through much worse things that gaining weight and I don't have a doubt in my mind he'd stay with me if I choose not to lose it!
I was once married to a man who thought I was "too fat" at 150 pounds, still thought I was too fat at 200 pounds when we got married, continued to think I was too fat when I lost 40 pounds and got back down to 160, DEFINITELY thought I was too fat when I ended up at about 230 after a traumatic miscarriage and then the successful birth of our son. He never really wanted me much at any weight, because (to be blatantly honest) I wasn't an "adult movie" star. Sex was never great and it certainly wasn't frequent because he wasn't interested in doing it with me, at any point in our relationship.
Now I am married to a man who has wanted me extremely and loved me since he met me at about 230 pounds, all the way up to nearly 290 pounds, and now back down again to approximately the weight I was when we met. I have no doubt whatsoever that he will continue to think I'm utterly hot as I keep losing weight, despite the fact that I'm not 25 years old and will probably have some loose skin issues. Sex is awesome and only getting better since we are both losing weight and can do more stuff than we could 100 (collective) pounds ago.
I guess my point is--it's not all about the weight. Sometimes the guy is just an unappreciative jerkwad and won't truly love or desire you at any weight. If this is the case (speaking generally here), then girlfriend...dump him. You deserve much better.
I met my bf when I was around 185 (size 12) and got down to around 170 (size 8) within a few months. We've been together for 3 years and he's seen me balloon to around 265 (size 18). He's a rail, so I now outweigh him by about 90 pounds.
At one point, I broke down crying when I was talking to him about my weight gain and he said he hadn't even noticed that I'd gained! Well, I'm sure he was just being nice- it's unbelievable to me that he wouldn't notice. He told me he loves me regardless of what I weigh.
He's still as interested in me sexually as he ever was- he can't keep his hands off me. But, I often turn him down and find some excuse as to why we can't have sex. I love him more than anything, but I am so embarrassed by my weight and how difficult it seems to be to have sex in any position but missionary, that I'm afraid the sex will be so unfulfilling to him and he'll stop initiating it. (Difficult in that it's much harder to hide exactly how fat I am if we're creative). It's completely crazy!! I want him to want me, but I don't want to follow-through on it because I'm so self-conscious. I don't think he's ever seen me naked in full light and we live together!
Our relationship hasn't suffered in closeness because of my weight issues, except where sex is concerned (which is, admittedly, a big part of a relationship). He's wonderful and very affectionate. I don't worry that he'll leave me if I gain or lose weight. What I worry about is how much longer I can play these games and still have a meaningful relationship. I know that as the weight drops, my confidence and our sex life will improve. And, since we're already madly in love and solid in our relationship, that'll put us pretty damn close to spectacular!!
To those of you that have significant others that aren't as supportive- don't let their ideals and own body issues distort yours.
Nixie - I feel like you are speaking for me! I am in the exact same situation... met the BF when I was 185, lost to 170, then ballooned up to 215 after a family member passed away. My BF is also a rail and I outweigh him by at least 50 lbs right now.
He is still really interested in me sexually and tries to initiate all the time, but I keep finding excuses of why not to. I feel like gaining weight has changed my perception of myself and I definitely feel less attractive. It is depressing because he used to call me his 'little nympho'... Ugh. I miss those days of the relationship!
I really hope that after I lose weight I will get my confidence back. It doesn't seem to matter to him because he loves and finds me attractive no matter what, but I suppose that is only a part of the equation- that old adage is ringing true, "you must love yourself before you love another".
It is so refreshing (and relieving!) to know that other people are going through the same problems.
My guy thinks he likes thick women. I know he really just likes curves. hehe....
I've gained 50 lbs since we started dating and whether he actually notices or not he's very convincing in saying that he hasn't noticed and has always thought I was, and am, sexy. Now he's lost a bunch of weight and I can see what he saw in me - I mean I'm still just as attacted to him 70lbs ago as I am now. I watched his weight gain and peak and was still attracted to him. I watched his loss and am attracted to him.
But with his loss he's gotten more confidence and my only worry now is that he'll think someday "I can do better" and move on. So that's the only thing I really think about when I comes to my relationship.
Nixie - I feel like you are speaking for me! I am in the exact same situation... met the BF when I was 185, lost to 170, then ballooned up to 215 after a family member passed away.
Hi Soleil! We might be in a more similar situation than you thought, I wen't through a death in the family right before I started to gain. Sorry for your loss.
And, this comment:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soleil
It is depressing because he used to call me his 'little nympho'... Ugh. I miss those days of the relationship!
made me laugh because my bf used to tease me about being a nympho, too!
But with his loss he's gotten more confidence and my only worry now is that he'll think someday "I can do better" and move on. So that's the only thing I really think about when I comes to my relationship.
If any guy thinks he can do better because he has lost weight/gained confidence or done anything to 'improve' himself, then you can do better than him My husband is thin, I encourage him to do what feels best for him knowing that he is with me because he loves me. He encourages me to do what feels best for me because he knows I love him. How could I do better than the person who makes me smile, laugh, encourages me, adores me, etc?
I was probably around 170 when I met DH a little over 8 years ago, which was definitely my lowest weight since college. I had already lost a lot then, down from 225, and we met shortly after I split up with my XH. Since then my weight started to slowly creep up, faster in the last few years (3 kids in 4 years) and I ended up back at 223, about the same as my highest weight ever, after our 3rd child was born. My weight hasn't affected how attracted he is to me, but it definitely affects how I feel about myself and therefore my interest in sex.
He never knew the "skinny" me, the way I still picture myself (until cold, hard reality intrudes when I see photos of myself).
i think it has less to do with weight and more to do with self confidence. there isnt anything more alluring than someone who "thinks they are all that". I have BFF that is close to 300..and her being 5'2. she tries to lose weight but it isnt a goal of hers. She is never without a date.
I think looks in general have nothing to do with it. it is self confidence and how you present yourself. Nothing is more unattractive than a whiny clingy man/woman.
I was a bit heavier (150 with very little muscle) when my husband and I started dating. One of the things I love about him is that he's always been the perfect combination of accepting (thinking I'm sexy at any weight) and supportive of my efforts to lose. I've lost (down to 120) and gained (back up to 145ish) since we've been together.
Sometimes I think he makes up things to compliment when he knows I'm sticking to eating healthy and exercising, just to encourage me... I guess I don't mind, haha, it does motivate me.
and I don't have a doubt in my mind he'd stay with me if I choose not to lose it!
