WOO HOO! I'm excited that you are asking me about silver jeans....and seeing your height/weight, I promice that you will LOVE THEM!

I'll PM you. :)

Negative? Are you talking about me? Please show me what's negative about anything I've said here. I read that extasee was thinking that she might have a unhealthy relationship with food, and that she was bothered and felt like she had been ganged up on. I was showing her why people thought what they thought and trying to help her with her realization. Nothing I said was mean spirited or meant to be negative.

Silver Jeans? What am I missing? Do share...

I had an unhealthy relationship with food for a long time, but I will say this... it took some tough love to get me on the right track. For a long time I resisted the wisdom of those around me because I was too stubborn and defensive to admit my problem, but at 290 pounds I couldn't ignore it anymore. Now I'm eating healthy, feeding my body what it needs to thrive, and feeling better than I ever have. And I think that's what everyone here wants, not just for themselves, but for everyone else as well.

Silver jeans is just a brand name jean that I live in. I have never found another brand name jean that flatters me the way they do. They are sold, I think exclusivly at Maurices, which I think may only be in the mid west. But you can order them online too. Just google Silver Jeans. I even bought my 55 year old Aunt, who is a bit overweight, a pair and she LOVES them. Now when she comes and visits me, we always have to go to Maurices for another pair. They run anywhere from 50 to 75 bucks and are very low cut. But are VERY FLATTERING on curiver body types. Can also check out Ebay for them too. I've bought some from there as well.

So is this thread officially hijacked or not? ;)

Back to the original topic, I don't think everyone who is overweight has an unhealthy relationship with food.

I think that gaining weight is the body's "default setting" when there is plenty of food to be had. Throughout most of human history, people couldn't just go to a store and buy thousands of calories of food with a few bucks. Survival meant storing fat when food was plentiful, because a lot of the time it wasn't.

Now we live differently, and that's why food choices have to be conscious. Otherwise what else would stop you?

That said, I do think that plenty of people DO have unhealthy relationships with food, and not just overweight people. Food gets used for things it was never intended for. One of the mods here has something like this in her signature line:

"If hunger is not the problem, food is not the solution."

And that pretty much sums it up.

When someone who is obese or overweight begins paying attention to what they eat, it can look like obsession compared with how they used to be. But here's another good slogan:

"Obsessed" is what the weak and lazy call those who are "committed."

It's not obsession to simply pay attention.

But there are people who get obsessed with food, and that is unhealthy.

My 2 centivos.

Jay

I think one of the great things about moving away from an unhealthy, overweight lifestyle and toward a healthy, normal weight one is that doing so the right way involves FIXING an unhealthy attitude toward food.

I also think people here DO tend to call people out on unhealthy food attitudes, for several reasons. The primary among those is, at least personally, I've never seen anyone reach goal without developing an attitude that doesn't look at all food as the enemy. A stroll through the maintainers board will show you that most people here maintaining significant losses LOVE food. Love, love, love it. We eat it differently, but we don't fear it. I truly believe that long term weight maintenance requires fixing unhealthy food attitudes, so people here try to point out unhealthy attitudes when we can, so we can help others have real, long-term success.

I know that, when I was heavy, my attitude toward food was severely screwed up - I felt like eating was bad, did it anyway, and felt guilty (all the way up to almost 300 lbs). I had to change that attitude to lose, and now feel like I do pretty well on that front.

I think it's interesting how many different ways there are to have an unhealthy relationship with food. I mean, we may see where somebody else is being unhealthy, but we may have a problem area that *they* don't.

And I think that's where the key to success lies (at least one of them! It's a multi-key door). Somebody else's magic bullet won't help you if it fixes a problem you don't have. So obviously you have to change things that are a problem for you. But it's a process. I've lost 50 pounds and I'm still learning so much, both in the forums, and just in listening to my body and mind.

That is so true, what works for one, may not work for another. It is a process that we each have to learn for ourselves. It's kinda like a calorie counter pushing their way down the throat of someone who is doing Atkins. What works for one may not work another. Leads me back to tolerance with people & their differences. Different things work for different people. But I guess we all do have unhealthy relationships with food. But that's why were here huh?

Extasee -

Let me see if I can answer your question directly since I know I'm one of the people who you feel is "ganging up" on you.

You asked:
You also asked:
I think that everyone on this board AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER had an unhealthy relationship with food. You're right. None of us would be here if we hadn't.

Part of being successful in losing weight and keeping it off is recognizing that unhealthy relationship and learning how to fix it.

So in answer to your 2nd question ... at this point in my life, I don't think I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I think that at this point in my life - and possibly for the first time EVER in my life - I have a very healthy relationship with food. I don't use it emotionally, I don't crave junk for the sake of junk, I don't eat just to eat. I don't cram every last bite into my mouth because it's there and it tastes good. I can eat one chocolate and walk away. I can drive past McDonalds w/out feeling like I'm missing out if I don't stop and get an order of fries. I love food for food's sake now. I love eating healthily. I love cooking veggies and knowing that I'm putting the best possible food in my body. Food is no longer an obsession with me - it's something to be enjoyed and savoured.

Ok, so that said:
There are LOTS of people here who still have an unhealthy relationship with food. ( I do believe that you are one of them - you have admitted yourself that you are scared of calories and afraid to eat a healthy amount of food.) But you are not the only person. And you are certainly not being singled out from anyone else on this site for your unhealthy relationship with food.

One of the benefits of being a part of this board is being able to draw on the wisdom and experience of those who have been there before. And especially those who have overcome whatever unhealthy relationship they have.

So when someone who has been there and overcome it - or when *many* people who have been there and overcome it - say to you that it appears that you have an unhealthy relationship with food, that is NOT meant to accuse you, gang up on you, slam you, pick on you, beat you up, or any of those other things. You're obviously here because you want help and support ... and that's what we're doing when we tell you what we see. We are supporting you ... telling you that in everything you are saying we see an unhealthy relationship with food and WE'RE HERE TO HELP YOU LEARN HOW TO FIX THAT.

It's not an accusation. It's not "ganging up". It's recognition from others who HAVE BEEN THERE and know how hard it is to move past that point.

And believe me, just because I have a healthy relationship with food now doesn't mean that I don't always have to be vigilant. I have to make sure that I don't fall back into that unhealthy relationship. I'm not perfect. No one here is perfect. (If we were, we wouldn't be here! :) ). But we all CARE. And we've all been through it. And we all want to help others overcome as well.

.

That is exactly why I am here, just like everyone of us is here for that reason. I have learned so much from all you people here and I appreciate that. I wouldn't be down 35 lbs if it wasn't for 3FC, please don't think I take any of it or you guys for granted.

I'm sorry, but I do believe you guys ganged up on me. There is a right way & wrong way to speak to people. And some people, not you in particular, crossed that line of offering advice & support to justpure nastiness. I just think that some people, again, not you, went way beyond what is reasonable for what you just described above. When you speak to people, you tend to always be respectful & do your best to not be condescending of others, that is not true for everyone. That's what I'm :mad: about. It's not that you guys offer advice, I love the advice I get here, if I didn't, I wouldn't come here. HOWEVER, some people find it approriate to belittle people & throw around all kinds of attitude & I just don't think that helps anyone. It doesn't help the person its geared toward and all it does it make you (again, not you) look like a fool. Like I said early, if someone comes here & says hey, I need help to stop binging, you don't just tell that person to stop shoving food in their face! There is a line between friendly advice & nastiness and I think that line was clearly crossed by at least 1 person.

I've told you before I appreciate all the advice you give me, I still mean that.:hug:

I just went back and reread the thread and I have to tell you that I don't see any nastiness there. I see several women who are honestly concerned ... because they have followed your struggle with eating enough for a while now. I see several women who expressed in their threads that they cared and that they were worried and that, yes, they thought you had an unhealthy relationship with food.

And I think there comes a point where ... when someone tells you the same thing over and over and over again and you refuse to believe them ... that they go from being gentle with the words, to being a bit more blunt. :) I saw some of that. But I didn't see nastiness. At all.

I understand that it's hard to hear. :) And I suspect that - like many of us - you might really, deep down inside, know that it's true, but you're feeling very tender about it. And that's normal, too. :D

But I will be very truthful with you: As long as you continue to post that 1700 calories is an "insane" amount of food or that 200 cals in peanut butter is an "insane" amount of calories, people are going to continue to tell you that you're not eating enough. Not because they're "ganging up" on you, but because many of us have been there or at the other extreme ... and because we care.

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I guess it's all about how read it then! I'm just saying, we all have bad relationships with food. Well, not all of us, cause some of you guys have gotten a handle on it, but a lot of us. :-)

I plead guilty to being one of the blunt ones. After weeks on end it seems like we're going around in circles with this issue. I know you know my feelings so I don't go into huge explanations with you. I'll admit to not always being tactful, but I'm not nasty. I agree with PhotoChick, it seems like you're tender about this issue. I also truly care about you having a healthy lifestyle. I dont think there's anyone on this board who ever intends to say hurtful things. If you read something and are hurt by it, please address the issue immediately. Other wise no one will know you're mad/hurt.

PhotoChick, please share with me your journey from the dark side. I KNOW I have an unhealthy relationship with food and I am jumping around this site trying to find a definitive answer to help myself pull myself out of this hole. If there was something or someone that helped you get where you are, please help me.