really want this to work this time
 

in january i made it my goal to lose weight. i lost 16 pounds before i fell off track. now, here i am, 2 pounds heavier than when i started.

how do i get back into the groove? i feel like i have almost no motivation.

when i started i was counting calories, and that worked well for a while. but i ended up in positions when i couldn't count and when i wanted to just eat like my friends and family and do what i want.

how do i get myself to follow these guidelines?

i need help. :(

Hey! :wave:

To quote 3FC member Meg: "If you want it, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse."

The day may come for you, and I hope it does soon, in which losing weight and keeping it off is more important to you than just eating like your friends and family and doing what you want.

Successful losers have to get past that old mindset. They have to do it one meal at a time, sometimes. The idea that you can just eat whatever you want at any time has put you where you are today, hasn't it? It was how I got close to 200 pounds myself.

You might want to try a program like Weight Watchers in real life, where you have group support and a financial stake in success. This might help fill in during those times when you just don't care and want to eat fattening food.

Good luck to you! You can stop this cycle! :cheer2:

Jay

Hello! I am the same way! I have found that being accountable to someone else or a group of people helps me. I also did really well on Weight Watchers but am going to just try to follow WW without going to the meetings with the help of this web page. Let me know if you want to be buddies and keep each other on track!

Its all in the head. You have to make the change there first before you can ever make it on the outside. You have to make the decision and then do whatever means neccessary to stick with it. Believe me i know it is better said than done. I still have major slip ups. But you have to pick up and move forward. Instead of my major slip ups being every other day, they only maybe happen once a week. Keep your head up and choose, Eat what my friends eat and contiue to gain weight or Eat for me and be a healthier thinner me. You can do it once you decide to do it.

Thanks guys, I know what helped me before was the support I found in this forum. Also, my fiancee is getting serious about losing weight too. The only thing is I am still in the mindset of "I don't know if I can do this"

Thing is though, I did it before, for at least 2 solid months, so I KNOW I can do it. I just gotta remember that.

What is your starting weight? What is your goal?

Good luck! You will find it easier with your fiancee supporting you.It is great that he is serious about losing, too. I find that planning ahead is the key for me. I never found a calorie that couldn't be counted.

That's nothing more than self sabotage. It gives you an excuse to fail before you even begin - because you can quit and say "see, I knew I couldn't do this". :)

You need to remove negative thinking from the equation here and remember that you CAN do this. All of us CAN do it. We are all capable. The question is WILL you?

And if you want it badly enough, as Jay said, you WILL.

Believe me, every one of us here has gone through the same struggle. And many of us still go through it daily. But we're all committed to making it work.

.

Of course you can. :) Weight loss is technically easy to do, it's getting the right mindset that is hard.

For me, it's not really about motivation but about just doing it. I have no excuses, I just have to do it!

My starting weight is 284, my end goal is 150, so I have a ways to go. Right now though I need to come up with a short term goal.

I know it's my brain that's holding me back. I have OCD and it makes it even harder, cause when I get an idea in my head I can't get rid of it. Sometimes I will think of something I want to eat and it will just sit in my brain and pick at me until I do it.

I'm not even that concerned with how I look right now, I just want to be healthy.

Have you considered joining one of the challenge threads here on 3FC? I have to say that the 5# challenges have really helped me. If I think of it in terms of 5# at a time like that, it makes it much easier to stay committed.

Here's the link to the current 5# challenge:
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=152318

.

I once saw something a member wrote about how everyday is the first day of their diet because the first day is always the easiest its usually the third day that you start to fall aprat, so if they think that everyday is the first day then they can always make it through that day. I thought it was a neat strataegy. I think using the little 5lb goals are a really good tool for alot of people.

dlphnmomva - that's a really great way to look at it

thanks :)

PhotoChick - i will check it out, thanks.

so far so good today, it is only 4:34 though, haha

Don't negotiate with yourself. Just stick to it. And there is NO such thing as a situation where you cannot calorie count. You can ALWAYS calorie count --even if you write down what you ate and add it to your count later. Calorie counting is just the act of being accountable for the calories that go into your mouth. You choose how many of those there will be.

After two solid months of tracking your calories, you know, basically, how many calories are in the stuff you are eating -- at least enough to know that one slice of Pizza is fine, three are a problem. A small slice of cake every now and again will not kill you (unless you are a carb craver...), but a honkin' slice with two scoops of ice cream is a bad idea. At family gatherings, you know what you can eat, can't eat and when you should bring your own food because nothing there is going to work. The question is whether you will do it. And remember, there is nothing wrong with the occasional gathering being Off Plan, It is the rest of the time that matters. I mean, even if you eat an off plan meal once a week or so -- if you are careful the rest of the week, you will continue to do just fine.

You can do this again -- and this time you can stick to it.

I know I can do this, of course though, as I am starting over, it's my father-in-law's birthday and I will be scolded if I don't eat some cake. I'll just have to make sure I only eat a little.

Frankly, I'd take the scolding and pass on the cake. :)

Don't let them scold you!

You're a grown woman! My MIL does the same thing. "Oh, a little piece won't hurt/We went through all the trouble of buying it/etc etc" I usually give her a sickly sweet smile and say "I think I can handle my own eating habits just fine."

Yes, it ruffles feathers. But it's very important {especially with inlaws} to let them know you aren't a perpetual child they can bully around. I'm not sure why our OWN parents have an easier time with it, but inlaws just like to treat us like adolescents.

well considering that we live with them right now and she went out of her way to buy special cupcakes for me since i don't like chocolate cake....

i had a cupcake. but just one, and no ice cream, even though it was available.

One cupcake will not do you in. Good job!

That said, however, just because you live with them does not mean they EVER have the right to tell you what to put in your own mouth! I don't care if she went to frickin' Alaska to get the cupcakes, she has NO business guilting you into eating them.

You tell ALL of them, starting tomorrow, that you are trying to change the way you live your life. You will be eating more healthily and you will be exercising and you would really like their support with these positive changes. THEN next time you don't eat the cupcake, and if the guilt is applied, you firmly remind them about your choice to take better care of yourself.

You can do this! Your Mother-in-Law is not an excuse. You are a grown-up. Stand up for yourself in a polite and respectful way -- just stand up for yourself.

Good luck!!!!

Hey! Just a slightly different point of view... It's not up to your in-laws to change. It's up to you. Especially if you are living in their house, you ought to adjust to them and not the other way around.

That doesn't mean you have to eat what they want you to eat, but it does mean that you have to be responsible for what you do choose to eat.

I think it was nice of your MIL to go and buy you a cupcake so that you could participate without eating what the rest of them were eating. Take it as a nice gesture. And be responsible for your own food! It is up to you what you eat, not up to them.

Jay

Oh I did think is was a nice gesture, she knows that I don't really care for chocolate cake so she got me some nice pumpkin cupcakes instead. I told her I would have one tonight and if I have more I will spread it out over the next few days.

I also made my own dinner and they now know that I am trying to do this and they will most likely be supportive.

I do have a question though... what should I do on the days that I fail? I feel like my attitude toward myself would be really bad and I would probably end up eating more just because I am so unhappy with myself.

How do you deal with days that you slip up?

The first thing to scrap is the idea that this is done in "days"... it's actually done in meals... and moments to make it even smaller.

The proper thing to do when we make a poor choice (we don't fail) about one meal? We make a better choice for the next meal.

The proper thing to do when we make a poor choice one moment? We stop and let it go the next so that we can move on and make better choices following a slip.

That famous Kaplods saying: What would you do if you were climbing the stairs & slipped down a couple? Would you, instead of catching yourself, purposefully throw yourself down the whole flight? Or would you hold yourself steady, and then make your way the rest of the way up the stairs?

There is no reason to ruin a perfectly wonderful day simply because for 30 minutes of it a poor choice was made.

I actually suggest you take the time to read through this thread: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=151585

It has some posts later through the thread that you might find helpful. :)

Like faerie said, it isn't days. I'd argue it isn't even about meals. It's minute by minute. Everything we put in our mouths is a chance to "slip" or "succeed".

I just made an apple pie. I wanted to taste the dough {I bake, I HAVE to taste what I bake}. Did I have to taste it 5 times? Probably not. Am I going to have a piece of the apple pie I so lovingly baked? Unfortunately...no. Hubby will take it out of the oven, hubby will cut it, I will not even acknowledge its existence. :P

Also remember Edison's famous line
It's not failure - it's tweaking. You learn from your "slip ups" so they don't happen again and you develop the "successful" way of reacting.

I'll go one further and say eliminate the word "fail" from your vocabulary.

To expand on kaplod's famous statement: If you miss one question on a test, do you consider that you "failed" the test?

Of course not.

Eating something that's not on plan or not healthy for you is NOT FAILING.

We're human. This is life. Your eating plan has to allow for your LIFE.

Here's what I posted on my blog a few days ago - I hope that it helps you in some way:

A “diet” is something that you start at stop. It’s something that you can “cheat” on and “slip up” on. It’s something that is restrictive.

I don’t diet.

I eat for life. And in my life there are going to be french fries. There are going to be dinners at the Mexican restaurant with chips and queso. There are going to be birthday cakes. There are going to be office events with bagels and donuts and muffins. That’s life.

So when you eat for life, you make choices - and some days you make the *choice* to eat something that you know is fattening or not healthy. I made the choice last Saturday to eat a 5 Guys burger and split an order of fries. It put me 400 calories over for the day, by the time I had that for lunch and then ate a healthy dinner. But I made that choice. I didn’t then say “well, since I had 5 Guys, I’m gonna walk across the street and have a large Cold Stone ice cream” or go home and say “since I already blew it with a burger and fries, I’m gonna eat this entire bag of potato chips”.

What I did say was “I made a choice to treat myself with something I wouldn’t normally eat and now I’m going to continue to eat healthily.”

And because I know I can have a burger once in a while I’m ok. It’s become a once in a while treat and so when I choose to have one, I have a good one - not a half-squashed McDonalds one.

Not that I’m perfect. Lord knows there are plenty of times that someone puts food in front of me and I eat it mindlessly - and then think “why did I eat that?” But even then I think “ok, well, that was that. I hope I enjoyed it!” And I move on.

Does this mean I haven’t lost weight as fast as I could? Yup. It’s even made me stall a few times. I could be really strict with myself and be miserable and eventually give up because I was forbidding myself and beating myself up.

It’s taken me nearly 18 months to lose 70+ lbs. It’ll probably take me another 6-8 months to lose the remaining 30. But you know what - I won’t be miserable and I won’t be setting myself up for failure.

.

They may freeze well. Then treat any friends that come over.

GREAT ADVICE!!!! photochick are you counting cal or doing another plan
I'm 53 and having trouble losing right now I eat healthy I need to exercise more witch I plan on doing
any advice from anyone would be helpful!!
if cal counting what would be a good starting point or number without getting too hungry? I'm having trouble with extreme fatigue right now I'm going thru
menopause I get night sweats & don't sleep well .

I"M going to eat small meals a day & exercise even if it's for a few min.just do what I can I've done it before I can do it again it might take me longer because of my age but with the help of ALL you dear chickies I WILL DO IT!!!! one day at a time one pound at a time!!!
HOPE to hear from you'all soon

JUDY

those are some great points too. i try not to let slip ups ruin it all, but it's really hard.

also i do definitely agree with the whole "if i am gonna eat a burger it's gonna be a good one" philosophy. i decided i wont eat fries unless they are really really good ones, otherwise they are not worth it.

for example though i have less than 100 calories left for the night and i am kinda hungry. i'm a night owl so i dont really plan on sleeping any time soon

For 100 calories you can have nearly 3 cups of air-popped popcorn.

You can have a bowl of oatmeal.

You can have a large apple.

You can have a hardboiled egg (with calories to spare).

You can have 1/2 a canteloupe

You can have 30 grapes.

You can have a dozen strawberries dipped in lite cool whip.

You can have 1/2 an avocado.

Think in terms of the yummy things you can have for 100-120 calories ... and then nibble slowly and enjoy them.

.