so for the past.... eh... 10 years? i've avoided "real" gyms - i'd buy a membership online, only to cancel it. i'd walk around the neighborhood - but only at night where no one could see me. i'd go to the gym in my complex - but only when no one was there. i'd look in the windows before i'd go in - if someone was there, i'd walk away. if someone came in while i was there, i'd get off and leave. let alone going to a big gym! i was scared to look like i didnt belong, to have people stare, to be the fat girl who can only do a few minutes of working out....
the other day i bought a new membership to 24hr fitness. i avoided it for a few days, but i put a gym bag in the back of my car... just in case.
finally, i was driving home from work today and wanted fast food. instead, i drove to the gym and parked in the back of the parking lot. i put on make up, changed my shoes and debated heavily. watching people walk in and out... until i see an old man climb into the car next to me... wait, an OLD man? elderly. ... hhrrmm... so maybe i'll just go in and figure out the log in process... but i should bring the bag in.. just in case its ok.
so i go in and its... big. and full of people!
i sign in, the man was very nice and gave me a tour. lots of machines, many different rooms.. i was amazed. old people, young people, hot people, not so hot people, fat people trying to get thin, thin people trying to buff up, personal trainers and obvious beginners... so i found a locker and ran on the treadmill for 20 minutes then did 10 minutes on the bike before making my way out... and wouldnt you know - it felt good! it felt NORMAL and HEALTHY. no one looked at me weird, no one said anything, maybe no one even noticed me!!!
why, oh WHY was i waiting this long???


Good for you Kate. Although I've never stepped foot in a gym, I used to be the exact same way about walking in public. I would only go late at night for the fear of someone seeing me and laughing... Thank God I got over that, Now I don't give a crap. I even walked down a busy busy busy street tonight, and didn't care.
I'm getting over it.
)