Ohh, yes! You bet!!! The first time I went to his parents I was subjected to not one, but two, videotapes of the event and celebratory party. Then I had to watch the tape when he sung at the Apollo. They trot out the videos at least every six months, along with a newsclipping stating he was dating Ms. India. I want to yell at them, it was OVER 15 years ago!!! Let it go!!!!

That's how it always seems to me -- the more you love someone, the more attractive they are. I'm happy you found a good one, after everything you had to go through!!


LOL!!! I'll have to print that out!

I do like to make lists and to journal, so I think I'll do both of those suggestions. Thanks, guys! It's so refreshing to talk to you all, I think this is more communication than I've had in years! (not counting the Frog Prince, of course, because he's not being counted)

Now I'm going to sleep with the window open and the fan on, BECAUSE I CAN!!!


:) Naia

another great book is "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills Ph.D. she taught me that NOTHING IS PERSONAL.... all his words are HIS GARBAGE not your problem. it's available in paperback... a good read....

There are good men out there. When I met my DH I was at my lowest adult weight, 149. Now...I'm not. While he is happy about my weight loss, he is very clear that he finds me sexy at every weight and that he loves me for who I am no matter what my weight is.

My (thin) sister's husband once told her. "I'll love you no matter what you weight, but if you ever gain weight I'll love you from a distance". She is thin, but divorced! And after having breast cancer and some other medical problems she doesn't have a perfect body naked (she still looks great in clothes.)

I know what you mean about the LA culture, but there are lots of great guys out there...you can find one. You can also have a great life by yourself.

I got married just before my 39th birthday...and have a ton of friends that have married for the first time between the ages of 38-45.

Congratulations on your loss of 181 pounds of ugliness!

Those both sound like good books. You know, I've never read a self-help book before. Do they actually help? My (now) ex was devoted to self-help. He worshiped that one guy... with the really big hands. Hmm. I can't remember his name.

I think in addition, I need a book on being an enabler :D

I don't feel hurt by what he's said (part of my problem, I forget hurt and anger too easily), and I don't hold his comments to me... those are his issues. Holding onto a negative emotion from someone, anyone, is just giving that person power over you. It's like handing them your power and say, here take this, I want you to ruin my day! It may seem strange, but he's actually the needy, clingy one in the relationship, and pours out his depressional issues to me day and night.

But... but! I do give my power away... just in a sneaky method, so I fool even myself. It's the old... do you need some of my power to make you feel better, because you're so weak and needy? Then, I, Naia, Super-Naiad, will share my power with you puny manling. You need more to feel better? Take more! I am strong.... oh wait. uh-oh. Ummm... I think I just gave you all my power, thinking I was like wonder woman or something... could I maybe... have some of that back? No?

And there I go, enable you and enable you, and you there, let's enable you... and how bout you sir, you need enabling? Want me to buy you a bottle of gin? Splendid!

Seriously, do you want a bottle of gin? I just bought 8 at Costco for my granpa. Now, really seriously, do you want an olive with that? Because I have... Queen Olives, Olives with Onions, Olives with Pimento, I have Spanish Olives and Small Olives and Olives you can fit over your thumb... I have all the olives anyone may want, just in case they happen to stop by for a drink with my grandpa. I will enable the entire community of pensioners to be gin-toting martini drinkers.

So yes, seriously. Do they have books to stop enablers from enabling? Because I don't want to do this in my next relationship. Helping so much that you deny yourself and hurt yourself... is...not...good. Strange that it took me so long to reach that conclusion. It's the Wonder Woman complex. All those underoos when we were children. Plus, I secretly idolized Diana. Helping out her boss and saving the world, all in the change of a hair-do!

If only the world was so easy. Going blonde didn't change a thing for me! Except now the DOM (dirty old man) in my work building calls me "Blondie" instead of "Slim". Slim! This was his nickname when I started losing weight. I guess I don't want to know what his nickname might've been before that!:o

Just tonight I've received the ability to post pictures and links! I'm almost to the point where I can have a signature!

But, to celebrate my link-ness, here is my first link:

Naia's Before & Current Photos: http://3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/not...diet/pictures/

Naia's Blog - Life By the Numbers: http://3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/not...tarting-again/

I think you'll like this!
 

I heard this a few years ago and thought it fit here.

Fifteen Pounds (Away from My Love)
Lyrics: Marcy Heisler
Music: Zina Goldrich


(Spoken)
When you’re single in New York for a… how shall I say… long time, you tend to hear the most amazing… and interesting lines from prospective suitors. I thought I had heard everything, until I met a man who told me this.

(Verse 1)
You’ve got the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.
Don’t think any ocean comes in a shade of such amazing blue-green.
You know your disposition is sweeter than any perfume.
And with that million-dollar smile of yours, you cannot help but light up the room.
All it took was one look at you, baby, with the music playing softly and slow.
All it took was one look at you, baby, for a man like me to know:
You’re just 15 pounds away from my love, baby.
A touch too much of pie a la mode.
You’re just 15 pounds away from my love, baby.
You’re carrying too wide of a load.

(Verse 2)
I took you out to dinner and the conversation flowed like wine.
I took you on the dance floor and, I gotta say, your mambo was divine.
I kissed you and I knew I’d never ever ever have to be lonely.
But then a little voice inside of me said, “May, oh man, oh man, if only…”
All it took was one look at you, baby, and I knew that I could show you to Mom.
But when it comes to showing you off in front of every Dick and Harry and Tom,
You’re just 15 pounds away from my love, baby.
Put back a calamari or two.
You’re just 15 pounds away from my love, baby.
Imagine what some free weights can do.

(Bridge)
If you really want my heart to flip, girl,
Put on some size 4 jeans and make ‘em zip, girl.
If you want some roses by the bunches,
On the floor and let me see some stomach crunches.
If you want to know that you are the one,
Put on some Puma’s, baby, go for a run.
Let’s re-up those health club dues. What have you got to lose?
You’ve got to lose that 15 pounds away from my love, baby.
You take the cake, baby, you really take it.
Fifteen pounds away from my love, baby.
Just a little step class and I think we can make it.

(Spoken)
Needless to say, that man is not my husband. And I didn’t really think about it, until I ran into him approximately seven years later.

(Verse 3)
I ran into him in front of Carmine’s with his brand new wife.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a stick in all of my life.
And I have to admit, it filled my heart with glee.
To see that he, himself, had gained a pound or two… or seventy-three!
He was 50 pounds away from my love, baby.
Five- O, baby, the truth hurts!
Fifty pounds away from my love, baby.
I guess he got his just desserts. Guess he got his just desserts.
He’s carrying too wide of a load!

O M G !!!!!!!!! ROFL !! I'm going to have to find that song and listen to it. I can't believe it! You know, I think he might've said some of those exact things! In fact, I'm pretty sure he came up with the blue-green eye line... or stole it!

Oh, I would love to send it to him too.. only that would just start some stuff up, so I won't. I'll just relish it myself :D

Thank you for sharing!!

A good book on enabling is "co-dependent no more" by melanie Beattie.

I second that. Let the Prince go back to his Mama.
I think you should, occasionally, not pick up the phone when he calls (if you have call ID). I am so glad you have made up your mind!!!

dump him. You are too good for him!

Naia -- you look great in your photos, congrats on all your hard work!

I'm late coming to this thread and I haven't even read the other responses yet, but I can tell you that you don't need a guy like that in your life. Much of what I'm going to say might have been said already by the time I post this, but I'm going for it anyway.

If you're self esteem is low now, more time with this guy will make you feel worse. His behavior is selfish and controlling, and he's thinking a lot more about himself than you.

If he's so worried about having a "normal" looking girl, what would he do if you were, say, injured in a car accident? What if you had scars? What if you couldn't walk? After I met my bf, I was seriously injured and couldn't walk. I'd like to believe that he "stuck by me" through it all, but in retrospect he did and said a lot of things that now, looking back, make me realize he was embarrassed by my situation. Instead of worrying how I FELT not being able to walk, he worried about how he felt about being with me. Your bf is doing the same. You're going to feel a lot of resentment. I know I do.

... to the left, to the left. Everything you own, in a box, to the left... :)

He's trying to make up with you and he calls you, first, the frog to his price and second, he calls you "frumpy"? If this is him trying to sweet-talk you, I can only imagine what he says to you/calls you on a normal day!

Good riddance!

Naia, I checked out your weight loss page, you look lovely in your pictures and I like the whole lotus flower theme, I'm assuming you did that on purpose? Given the whole background of the lotus flower?

I hope that your days don't feel empty, as cliche as it sounds, time is a great healer- and you will go on to find someone who deserves your love and appreciates you, saggy bits or no saggy bits.

Hey!... Thats not nice...
 

Listen... I would NEVER say that to anyone... seriously ...and I am a man, so I can tell you first hand, you look awesome - don't put up with that crap...wow...

- my 2 cents.. don't even consider surgery, you don't need it..!....

Elliott

I've been following this thread, and I must say, you are so strong to send him packing for good!

I still can't believe just how badly he mangled the story of The Frog Prince. To turn a story about how if we look past skin-deep issues we're all more than we seem... gah... into a story about how he basically says he was wasting his time... pfft. Narcisism holds no bounds. Truly.

I've got a different story that fits him better.

Once upon a time there was a frog. He was an ordinary frog, but thought himself a Prince beneath his froggy appearance. If only he could get out of his parent's pond that he was still living in!

A beautiful Princess happened by the pond one day, and the frog called to her. "Beautiful Princess! I am a Prince trapped in the body of a frog. If you would but help me out of this pond, I'll return to my normal self and we'll live happily ever after!"

The Princess wondered curiously, "If all you must do is leave the pond, why not leap from the water yourself?"

The frog replied, "Oh how simple of you Princess, if it were that easy I would've already done it."

So the Princess leaned down and with one hand pulled the frog from the water and put him on the land. When the frog did not immediately turn into a Prince, the Princess asked, "You're on land now, why haven't you turned into a Prince?"

The frog retorted, "How simple of you Princess, if it were that easy I may have already asked a passerby to help me out. What I truly need to break this spell is to be held lovingly by a beautiful maiden such as yourself."

The Princess knelt on the ground and allowed the frog to leap to her hands where she held him. "How long must I hold you lovingly before you turn into a Prince?" the Princess asked.

"Oh, how very simple of you Princess," The frog laughed, "If it were that easy to turn into a Prince, I would have already been able to find a beautiful maiden to hold me. Truly, the final thing I need to turn into a Prince is to be kissed by a Princess such as yourself."

The Princess, wanting to follow this through, brought the frog to her lips and gently kissed him. But, nothing happened. Frustrated, the Princess exclaimed, "I've done everything you asked, but you're still not a Prince!"

The frog snapped back, "Oh simple Princess, you must have done it wrong!"

At this point, the Princess stood gracefully and tossed the frog by one leg back into the pond. From that day forward she decided she'd never try looking for a Prince in a pond, and she lived happily ever after. ~