In my head I do, and I know all the reasons are there for me to be strong an just get started. I know it all. And yet I dont start, or i do and then by the end of the day realise i ate more than yesterday, or find a million excuses to justify my overeating, my lack of discipline, or punish myself by saying nasty things to myself. My DH says nothing, does nothing, he doesnt sabotage but he doesnt help either, sometimes acts like he was my son! and then complains when i take over and do everything at home and take care of all the bills and just do things. its annoying. i feel so alone, in everything. is this weight loss journey supposed to feel so lonely? i ask for support and all i get is "but i like your tummy, and i have no problem with you being fat" well i do! damn, i do! i dont care if he likes me fat, i don't. i've been fat all my life, i've felt huge and of course i know have not been comfortable with the way i look since i was a kid, family didnt help, usually made things worse by making me the fattie and pointing it out whenever they could, they still do. there is this big emptiness inside of me, it wont go away, not with foods, not when i have a fag. im tired and im fed up with my lack of self everything. i wish i'd find a way or get someone kick my behind and make me snap out of this self pity.
i feel a little better just letting some steam out. sorry for this.