hiding my weight loss
 

Aside from this forum, I haven't really told anyone I'm trying to lose weight. I know that I might need support from others, but I just don't feel like telling people. I think part of it is because if I don't stick with it (although i am determined to) I will feel like a failure. It's always been a really sensitive subject for me. My dad has always been really hard on me about my weight and just recently I recalled that when I was like 11 my mom offered me $200 to lose 20 lbs. I guess another reason I don't let anyone know is that it's like admitting I'm fat. I mean, I'm totally aware of it and I'm sure everyone else is to, but if I don't address it, maybe people won't notice. Anyway, when I went to work yesterday, one of my co-workers said "you look like you've lost weight" and I just said I've been sick. It's true I was sick, but I had laryngitis, so that didn't make me lose weight, I just used it as an excuse. There are a bunch of girls at work who are always trying to lose weight (and most of them are small, one in particular is tiny) and there is always talk of "there are X calories in that..." and I think it's annoying so I think that's another reason I don't get in on that. I went back home a couple weeks ago and I asked my mom if she noticed I had lost weight. She said she had noticed but didn't want to say anything because she knows its a touchy topic, a month before we went shopping and I broke down crying. I also told her I remembered the money offer. She says she didn't remember it but if she did it, she was sorry. I'm pretty sure my dad had put her up to it. My grandma also noticed that I'd lost weight, but she seems to think I lost weight even when I haven't. At the point, mentally, where I am now, I don't really want people mentioning it. I mean sometimes the compliments feel good, but at the same time it makes me feel bad for some reason.

hey ohmanda, i know where you're coming from!

I don't really like to tell people that I'm trying to lose weight. Actually the only person who really knows aside from all you lovely chicks is my mom who struggles with her weight as well. I don't like to bring it up a lot because I feel its just one part of my life, but when people do comment on my loss, I usually just say that I've just been trying to eat healthier and have been walking a lot. For some reason that's easier for me to tell people than saying I'm trying to lose weight. I don't know. It's kinda weird now that I type it, lol!

As far as you telling people, I feel like you don't have to unless you're completely comfortable. Come here for support, but keep your mind open. You never know when you might find a friend "in the real world" who is on the same journey as you.

Good luck and keep going! You're doing great so far!

Thanks! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like that.

ohmanda, you are so not alone. I am pushing 40 and have had a weight problem since I had children (the oldest is 17) and I don't like telling people, either. For all of the reasons you mentioned - and more! It will get easier and there will come a day when you want to talk about it.

Gracie had some great advice and can I add that when someone says that to me I simply say, "oh, a little" and move on (or out..as in out the door!)

Good luck to you!

I don't tell people either. Because, as you say, my failure will be on display for all to see if I don't succeed.

Also, because I don't need people saying "should you be eating that?" or "you aren't allowed to eat that on a diet!" What I eat or don't eat is entirely my choice, same as anyone else, but for some reason if you're trying to lose weight, suddenly everyone thinks they're your "food police". There's a woman where I work trying to lose weight, and another woman offered chocolates around. She said to the first woman: "Oh no, you can't have one! You aren't allowed!" as if she was a child.

Alot of books will tell you to have a support system, someone you can talk to about weight loss, but I'm like you---no one knows. I'm a fairly private person anyway, so I just keep it to myself. My mom told me yesterday that I was looking too skinny. Why do people tell us stuff like that? I have lost about 10 lbs, but I am nowhere near skinny.
We can keep it just to ourselves here on the forum.
Your secret's safe with me :)

I'm another one who likes the compliments sometimes... but mostly I just don't talk about it. In fact, the other day I had to tell a dear friend to stop asking me about my food choices. She knows I've lost weight, so whenever we go out to eat, she's like, "Oh, can you have this?" "Oh, are you not allowed that or did you just not want it?" :blah: I just had to say, kindly I hope, that I would rather she not quiz me about my food all the time. She just didn't get it that maybe it was too much attention and inappropriate.

Oh, and did I mention that she weighs 120, maybe?

Anyway, just keep going and keep it to yourself, if that's what you're comfortable with! :bravo:

Jay

I'm so there with you too! I told one of my good friends who's done weight watcher before, and she keeps me in check, but if anyone else finds out that I'm "watching my weight" as they like to put it, then all of a sudden I have the food police around me watching everything I eat under a magnifying glass.

I made room in my points for this cookie damnit, and I'm going to eat it. I don't need anyone to tell me that I can't :)

I didn't tell anyone other than my family--and I don't see them very often. But, once I lost 15-20 pounds people at work could tell & would start quizzing me. I just try to down-play it.

I didn't mention it to my friends either. If we went out to eat, I just made better choices. About a month ago, I went to lunch w/a friend and she was so shocked when she saw me, telling me how great I looked (I knew what she meant!). I still don't notice a difference except in clothes.

I usually lie about how much I lost--giving a lower number than what I've actually lost. Right now, I'm telling those that know me best that I've lost 25 pounds when I've almost reached 35. I'm just weird that way.

UGH! I hate when people start talking about what your eating or not eating. It's also a big peeve of mine of people trying to push food on me. "It's okay if you have just one." It might be, but I don't WANT one. If I WANTED one then I'd eat one!

I TOTALLY know what you are talking about and feel the same exact way.
I almost always take compliments backhandedly... I don't appreciate people trying to cram compliments down my throat to try to make me feel better about myself because it's pointing out what low self-esteem I have - kinda defeats the purpose. I'd much rather have compliments without ulterior motives.

Yess..when you lose weight suddenly people feel they are entitled to monitor what you eat all the time. BUT you'll also get those who will stop at nothing to sabotage your progress, for whatever reasons. I get alot of both "Should you eat that? Is this allowed?" blah blah and "One bite won't hurt. You look fine. Just try it, it's good. It will hurt my feelings if you don't eat this." YIKES. Leave me alone! I feel like screaming sometimes. :dizzy:

Actually, most times I wish people wouldn't even mention my weight. PERIOD. "OHHHHHH my GOD. You look SO much better than you used to!"

Just the other day, my step-dad's mom goes "Honey, you look so beautiful! How much weight have you lost?" and I just kinda said thanks and changed the subject. So after I thought I had successfully avoided her question, she comes up to me out of the blue and says, "Over 100lbs right?? Because you used to be SO huge. I barely recognize you anymore. You've turned out really beautiful." Oy.

Do people even realize how incredibly rude they're being? I have no idea.

Well, count me in - I am keeping my weight loss effort to myself. It is not that I am exactly hiding it, but I would prefer if people noticed on their own rather than me advertising it. If somebody comments that I look like I have lost weight, I say "thank you, I have been working on it", but that's about it.
I work with men mostly, a lot of them are much much younger than me and most them go out at lunch time to eat burgers and fries, or similar stuff.
There is one colleague, fairly new, who I think eats fairly healthy (except for an occasional visit to "BadFoodVille", and jogs in the evenings. He commented yesterday when he stopped at my desk for some advice and I was just starting my lunch, "that looks healthy" and I know he meant it, it was not meant to be sarcastic. Anyway, where I am heading with this is that most of the people around would not understand since they don't have the same problem (- that is, at least, not yet).

I never told anyone except my DH for all the reasons mentioned. I can't believe no one has noticed that I have lost 40lbs off of my 5'2" frame, but they haven't. Sometimes it comes up in conversation that I am trying to learn to eat more healthy food - that is not exactly a hot conversational topic, either. People think it is wierd that I am all excited about making yogurt and whole wheat bread at home. :lol:

I know exactly what you mean about folks carrying on about how wonderful you are now implying that you were such a complete mess before you lost weight/got a haircut/bought a new outfit etc etc. I think they really mean well. Maybe it is just us being paranoid.

I don't tell people I am dieting, either , this saves having to hear the unwanted comments and unsolicited advice. Eventually people will notice. When someone says " Have you lost weight ? " I just say "yes. and I did it on purpose" so they won't think I am ill. If they ask " how much ? " I just say " a little " and try to go to another subject. I am happy that I have lost weight but don't want to be a topic of conversation.

I guess I'm at the other end of the pole, here.

When someone comments on any weight loss I've had, I smile, say thank you & add "I've worked really hard."

I don't think people INTEND rudeness, but it sometimes comes across like that - but I think that by telling them "I've worked really hard" is nothing but the solid truth! - there is NO magic pill, no formula, no "it just started coming off!" - none of that. I am EXERCISING. I am DIETING. And sometimes I slip up, and sometimes I do just fine - but the fact is, people are NOTICING. And it feels good (to me) when someone notices MY HARD WORK. :^:

I'm in the same boat, too. I'm the heaviest girl of all my friends, a size 12 or 14 to their 0s, 2s, and 4s, so I don't like to acknowledge my weight. I am trying to lose weight, but I don't want to talk about it. I want to just do it and have everyone forget that I was ever fat to begin with. It would make me so immeasurably happy to be skinny when I go off to college in just over two years. No one would ever have to know I was fat and I could just be a normal, healthy girl.

I look at it this way:

I didn't feel the need to tell people when I was gaining weight... so why should I tell 'em I'm losing weight?

My body, my business. And if they ask, I smile and say, "Why, yes, thank you. I'm working really hard at it. And I'm having fun. Thank you."

I've had too many experiences like those already mentioned here, where a well-meaning but clueless friend will try and "police" my food choices rather than trusting I've got a plan and have made adjustments to my day's intake in order to have an "extra" something from time to time, still remaining mindful of my goal and on the path to my success.

Totally!

I haven't told either. Everyone knows I've tried and failed so many times, me on a diet is the family joke, so this time I've not told a single soul. I've always pretty well filled up from all the taste-testing while fixing dinner, so hubby and kids haven't noticed anything different when I don't have much on my plate. I cut out all the sampling and all the return visits to the kitchen for late night snacking on leftovers. So you all are the only ones that know :)

I've only lost 4 pounds, but that's 4 pounds I don't have to lose now. :D

Right ON!!!!!!!!! :carrot:

Being 43 y/o and a yo yo dieter for most of life I've learned that most friends and family don't actually want to listen to my stories of daily weightloss struggles. Either they've never had to diet so they don't get it or they need to as badly or even more so than I do, so they don't want to hear about the healthy steps I'm taking as compared to the ones they are not taking. Thankfully, I've found a group here I can chat with. How I handle the "big question" I tell people my lower back was bothering me and I'd read walking helps...the weightloss is an added bonus. They don't care to hear anymore. That's like a really boring opening rather than my Dr prescribed xxx and the weight just fell off...........I'm really trying to view this as a journey to good health. I have 2 daughters and I want them to love themselves. I'm trying to be an example of healthy living so they will naturally learn to like good foods and being active. My mother sent me down the road of disliking myself based entirely on how I was shaped. We are not our shapes. Which leads me to....Viatre, if I'm reading your post correctly you must be 15 or 16 y/o. You may be surrounded by 0's,2's and 4s, but my dear a 5'7" 180# woman is curvacious and beautiful. Keep yourself active and fit. Present yourself with confidence and pride and that's all anyone will see. A beautiful confident young lady. Your size does not determine whether you are normal or not. If it did you'd probably see you are the most normal girl in your class. I'll bet there are just as many size 16's, 18's and even 20's walking the halls as there are 0's-4's. Love the skin you're in and just be you!