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Old 04-15-2008, 05:53 PM   #1  
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Default Feeling blue...stupid vacation pictures!

My mother-in-law recently took all of her kids (and spouses) and her husband's kids (and spouses/grandkids) on a weeklong trip to Central America. I'm just now getting all the Snapfish invitations to view everyone's pictures and it just disgusts me everytime I see a photo of myself.

To top it off, my mother-in-law sent the photo album invitation to her sisters & brothers, one of whom responded (to all of us) - it almost made me cry. She said she "didn't see a picture of me until photo #200" - she "barely remembered me from 12 years ago" (she was at our wedding, which was only 10.5 years ago, but whatever!). In other words, she didn't recognize me because I've gotten so big. Then, she mentions my brother-in-law and his wife (she's maybe a size 4 or 6) - and says, "D. and K. never change. They still look happy and are always smiling. She's such a pretty gal and I think, takes a great picture."

Why does this hurt me so much? I know I've gotten big. I know I take an awful picture (and I look kind of miserable in them). Yet it still bothers me when someone says they "barely recognize me" yet my sister-in-law is so pretty?

Makes me wanna go binge. I won't...but it just hurts so much. Why'd she have to respond to all?
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Old 04-15-2008, 06:04 PM   #2  
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I'd be feeling low in your situation too! Photos can be so unflattering (I am NOT photogenic at all!) and the comments just make it worse.

Try to refocus those feelings into an opportunity to motivate yourself. Imagine how good you will look and feel in pictures when you lose the weight!
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Old 04-15-2008, 06:32 PM   #3  
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another

Since this is somebody you haven't seen in almost 11 years, I think she honestly meant that she barely remembered how you look due to the time, rather than recognized you because you gained weight. I know that I tend to take things more personally than they are really meant, so maybe that's what's going on here too.

I do, however, think that her comments are pretty tacky...like how she said she didn't see a pic of you until #200 and that your SIL takes a great picture.

I really wouldn't read too much into this woman's comments. And as you continue on your weight loss journey there will come a day that you think you look beautiful in pictures...and maybe this woman will say so too! Don't let her comments keep you down ANY longer.

I hate having pics of myself taken right now too but I know that will eventually change so long as I just stick with my plan!
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Old 04-15-2008, 06:37 PM   #4  
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I am sorry that was a really inconsiderate her. I can relate i always am ditching photos.

just look forward to all the great photos you will be taking in the future! be healthy
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Old 04-15-2008, 07:16 PM   #5  
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Thanks, all. Logically I know she wasn't trying to bash me...but it's those "subliminal" things that really hurt.

I just took a brisk 20 minute walk with my dogs and made a bowl of 6-bean soup. I feel better now.

I'm almost looking forward to those Christmas pictures...
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Old 04-15-2008, 07:23 PM   #6  
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Those were very unkind comments. Perhaps she did not mean it to come across as hurtful, but sheesh, people should pay more attention to what they are saying and how it may be perceived. Instead of the comment about size she could have said "I barely recognized Lunula because I haven't seen her since her wedding" or something similar.

Hug your dog and enjoy your 6-bean soup - I bet it is delish!
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Old 04-15-2008, 07:29 PM   #7  
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More Glad you're feeling a little better. Perhaps she didn't realize how that could come across on the internet. Honestly, though, unless she had something positive to say, why say anything? Oh well... More Just because.
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Old 04-15-2008, 07:33 PM   #8  
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I'm going to suggest a different approach. Print out those pictures of you. Put them on the fridge. Use this moment as a defining moment in your life. One year from now you WILL look different. One year from now, you will BE different.

Dig, in - you CAN do this. Don't despair. Get pumped - Go girl! You CAN do it! And keep us posted on your progress
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Old 04-15-2008, 07:35 PM   #9  
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Hi Lunula, I know just how you feel believe me. I HATE to see pictures of myself now. I went clothes shopping for an up coming wedding this weekend and tried on several outfits. Those BIG full length mirrors in the fitting rooms don't lie. I felt so disgusted with myself for letting my weight get so out of hand I just left the store without buying anything. I felt like crying. I really don't think the comment she made was to hurt you. She probably didn't even realize that it would. I think because of us having more to love , we are extra sensitive to others comments. Try not to feel bad and just think of how amazing you are going to look in pictures next summer! I hope you won't let this discourage you.
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Old 04-15-2008, 08:15 PM   #10  
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Ignore all negative attention, although it could have been a lot worse. I'm not very good at remembering people after a long time, maybe she's the same.

I wasn't overweight, but I guess my grandma thought I was compared to my stick size cousins. She had the nerve to call me "healthy" in front of all of my relatives. She was really implying how I'd gained a few pounds. How embarrassing.
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Old 04-15-2008, 09:45 PM   #11  
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Pictures of me at my heaviest have been prsesrved forever. I was at my heaviest on NEW YEARS at my sons wedding. We will have those pictures sitting around forever.
I can relate to how you feel.
debi
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Old 04-15-2008, 09:46 PM   #12  
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The fact you haven't seen her in that long should put her in the category of "does her opinion really matter in my life?" But, I agree she most likely wasn't being spiteful with the "don't recognize/she looks great" comparisons.

I hope you enjoyed your trip and don't let this be a bad memory -- I'm ashamed that every time there is a picture on my camera of me with my kids, I delete it -- I can't stand them!! When my kids are grown, they are going to wonder where I was all those years!!

I agree -- take these pictures as your "before" and save them to compare to your hot body when you are all done!!
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Old 04-16-2008, 07:08 AM   #13  
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I'm sorry, I think her comments were tacky also, and I'd be hurt, too. Put the whole incident behind you because dwelling on it will only make you feel bad when you don't deserve to feel bad! You are doing good things for yourself, you should feel happy!
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Old 04-16-2008, 02:31 PM   #14  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunula View Post
Thanks, all. Logically I know she wasn't trying to bash me...but it's those "subliminal" things that really hurt.

I just took a brisk 20 minute walk with my dogs and made a bowl of 6-bean soup. I feel better now.

I'm almost looking forward to those Christmas pictures...
Good for you for realizing that it hurt you and deciding to move on and get through that hurt with healthy choices!

Also, I echo CountingDown and others' opinions when they say you should keep the vacation picture as a before shot....something to spur you on when you need motivation and inspiration! Something to compare those faboo Christmas pics to!

Last edited by EsperanzaBella82; 04-16-2008 at 02:32 PM.
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Old 04-17-2008, 02:19 PM   #15  
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OMG! "Mama please take the Kodachrome away!!!"

I'm so sorry you had to hear/see that! I mean...Damn. The truth hurts. I mean it really, REALLY hurts. So she "didn't mean it like that"... STILL.... it hurts.

We are all very aware of our fatness. I know I am. A friend of mine took a pic of me & my dog the other day... I took one look at it & said "DELETE THAT THING!!!" I know I'm fat, & I don't want to look at me like that. EVER, if I can possibly help it!

But I know I'm doing something HEALTHY for me. I may not lose all the weight I want to lose, & I obviously won't lose it "fast". But I will look better. Beyond that, I WILL FEEL BETTER. Then people can snap away with their cameras & I'll say "cc me on those!"

We can't help but to be hurt when someone else points out our flaws. Doesn't matter if they "meant to" or not. It just hurts... when we realize... we're not perfect. AND REMEMBER: "skinny D&K" may look all good & happy... but for what anybody else knows, behind closed doors, they may be terribly UNHAPPY. You just never know. So it's best to focus on ourselves...as in "what I can do for me" & getting healthy really IS the most important thing!
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