I keep being really bad. I have problems with binging and overeating. I do sometimes have a problem with eating compulsively until I feel well past full or even ill. I also have the everyday problem of eating too much between meals, and grazing on bad foods throughout most of the day.
I don't think that I have had proper compulsive overeating problems for a couple of weeks now (i.e. full blown binges), but I have certainly been eating most of the time. I don't seem to be able to stop myself. I just do it without thinking, and when I do manage stop myself, I keep thinking about food all the time which makes it really hard not to eat when I stop thinking about it again!
I'm finding things really difficult all round at the moment. I really want to lose weight and get healthier, but I don't seem to be able to get myself in the right frame of mind to actually do it. I half-heartedly plan to exercise and then I don't do it. Even if I really plan something out I don't do it.
I have the same problem in other areas of my life. I am supposed to be studying at the moment. I want to go to back to school to study medicine, and I know I would be a really great doctor, but I can't seem to make myself study. I've been the same way all through my life, never applying myself so that I have never succeeded as I should do. Without trying to sound cocky, I am intelligent enough to be an A+ grade student who excels in school, but I will never try so that I remain a B grade student. I don't know why I am unable to let myself succeed. I just spend my time distracting myself and watching TV and eating rather than trying for the things I really want in life. It makes me so unhappy too. I am not happy just ambling on without reaching my potential, so it isn't a sensible option to just relax and accept that this is who I am. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am just a waste of life.
I am really stressed, and I am not sleeping well so I am so tired all the time. need sleep. I need to study. I need to stop eating so much, and I need to do more exercise. And I know that if I got all of that under control, I would just slip back off the rails again because that is what I have always done.
I think that my overeating somehow stems from my academic problems. I first started overeating during the run-up to exams when I was 16. Rather than work, I would read or watch tv and eat. I don't really know if the eating is part of the distraction from working, or a product of feeling so unhappy and stressed that I am not doing what I should be doing and working towards my goals.
I want to behave differently, but it is so hard, and it is such a big thing to try to change that I just don't know how. I need help.
I'm sorry for the sob story!