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Old 12-29-2007, 07:19 PM   #1  
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Default I just don't know where to turn

I can't help but feel that I will never lose weight. I don't want to be fat for the rest of my life but I can't seem to get back in control of my eating. Pretty much since Thanksgiving, I have been eating whatever I want, whenever I want. Sometimes I don't even enjoy the food, I am so busy shoving as much into my mouth as I can. I set goals to start losing weight, and I'll stick with it, good as gold for 1 or 2 or 3 weeks and then, I start to slide, and within a couple of days or a week I am back to where I was before.

I have tried Weight Watchers, Atkins, the Carb Addict's Diet, low-cal, pretty much EVERYTHING I can think of. I manage to control myself for a little while and I have managed to lose 10 lbs or more on each of these diets. For some reason, I just can't stick with it.

I find myself obsessing and dreaming about food. Even when I have just eaten I am planning my next meal or snack or binge. I have to eat in secret because when my parents realize how much I am eating they criticize me and I feel even more guilty. I am depressed. I avoid mirrors because what I want to look like is so far from what I actually look like. I can't even look at my body while I am showering because it just depresses me so much.

I have been on these boards before and I found them so helpful. Then when I started to slip off my "diet" (for lack of a better term ATM) I feel so horrible and guilty I can't "show my face" around here anymore.

This is sort of a motivation problem, although I start out strong, I always lose it by the end of the third week. I know I can't be the only one who struggles with this. I know my motivation must come from myself, but I am just at the end of my rope. I feel awful when I let myself eat whatever I want.

If anyone can share any wisdom, a kick in the pants, or anything else, please do it. I just don't know what to do.
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Old 12-29-2007, 07:26 PM   #2  
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Don't disappear from 3FC when you think you've strayed too far from your plan... that's when you need 3FC the most! You won't get judgement here, as everyone has "been there". But you will get the encouragement you need to get back OP IMMEDIATELY!!!
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Old 12-29-2007, 07:47 PM   #3  
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Glad to see you again!

Sorry you are having such a hard time, though.

Maybe it would be good to look for a counselor who has experience in eating disorders. The behavior you describe does sound like there is something more going on there... especially the hiding your food and eating in secret.

It wouldn't hurt to look into it further... Lots of folks do have trouble after a couple of weeks, though--you're not alone in that. But those who succeed find a way to keep going and not give in to impulsive behavior. That's why you might want to see someone who is experienced.

Also, check out the Chicks in Control forum here on 3FC. It's for anyone who has trouble with when, how much, how often, and so on.


Hang in there! Don't lose hope! There is help to be had!


Last edited by JayEll; 12-29-2007 at 07:48 PM.
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Old 12-29-2007, 07:57 PM   #4  
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MissChris, losing weight is hard work, and you don't need me to tell you that. But in order to lose weight and keep it off, you have to have the right mindset and motivation. Try planning out your menu for a week at a time and sticking to it. Include a variety of the healthy foods you really enjoy to keep from becoming bored. Many people give up because of the tediousness and boredom of eating the same foods over and over, so it's important to become creative and make your meals tasty and satisfying. Each week, change your menu so you'll have something different to look forward to. Before you know it, you'll become so used to eating healthy low-calorie foods, that it will be a habit!
And when you start feeling vulnerable and feel like cheating, come in here to find the support and encouragement to stay with it. We're all in this together.
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Old 12-29-2007, 07:59 PM   #5  
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Thank you everyone for responding. It is so nice to know that someone is listening!
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:16 PM   #6  
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misschris -- In addition to the other comments, I wonder what you think a diet is... do you starve yourself? Is it possible you binge because you're hungry?

Or is there something else besides losing motivation you can point to? For example, do you do enough to plan your meals?

Don't give up! this is a process of trial and error for most of us!
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:36 PM   #7  
From squishy to buff.....
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MissChris, I know exactly what you are talking about. In fact, your story has been my story for my whole life. I wanted so badly to lose the weight, but could never stick to anything longer than a month. I would lose 20-30 lbs and then gain back 50. I knew all the right things to do, and would research and compare plans endlessly. I frequented the Obesity Help before and after pictures, and checked into weight loss surgery. I became completely hopeless and depressed.

I wish I could tell you what it was that has changed in me. All I know, is that now I know that if I don't quit, I will get to my goal eventually. When I have setbacks (and I have had several since I started Weight Watchers again in October), I just get right back on plan and keep going. If I just don't quit, I will succeed! I wish I could bottle this up and send it to you! I didn't have a "click" moment, or see a picture, or get a medical diagnosis that made me feel this way. I guess all I can think of is that I am a Christian and I prayed that God would give me the strength to do what I need to do this time. And so far, it has worked.

I agree with the other posters that support is absolutely critical for you to be able to stick with anything. Don't disappear if you have a setback! We have all been there and will help you through it. And counseling may help as well, although that didn't do it for me (I tried that , too). Just don't give up!!!!!!!
Blessings and good wishes to you.
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:37 PM   #8  
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As someone that suffers from binge eating disorder (some of the things you described are classic signs of this), if at all possible I would recommend seeing a professional that specializes in eating disorders. I talked with a therapist once a week for a year and it really helped me to realize why I was binging and develop strategies to avoid it.

Most of all, don't give up and be sure to continue visiting the forums at 3FC. There is great support here and no matter what you are feeling someone has been there and can relate.
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Old 12-29-2007, 09:16 PM   #9  
I'm doing it this time!
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I am in the same spot you are. I could have written that post many, many times. (I probably have!)

What has helped me is diverting attention from the eating and finding things to do that make me happy and ease my anxietys. Eating is a calming mechanism that some of us use without even realizing it. I don't smoke or drink, I eat. Same thing, different addiction.

My kids are just now old enough where I can leave them at home and go for a walk. My husband bought me a M3P player and I listen to music as I walk 40 min. every night. I do it every night because I want to, not because I have to. It gives me something to do that I like, and it helps with my stresses. After my walk, I take a long hot shower. This feels soooo good and I look forward to the two things. When before I would eat all night to feel good and relax, now I do this.

My advice is to find something you love to do to keep busy and to get your mind off of food. If I am just sitting around, I will think only of food and eat eat eat. I've found planning what I will eat helpful. I plan things to eat I can't overeat on, and follow it up with a small piece of somthing sweet, or a granola bar. When I've had my sweet, it feels like dessert and I've tricked my body into thinking I'm done! Then I go do something fun! I also tell myself I can't eat when I'm not hungry. I get myself away from temptations.

I've yo yo'd for years and I'm just now realizing how this is not about food, but about my emotions. I love food, but realized I can't eat it all the time. I just can't. If I do, I will be fat forever. It's my choice.

This is a great video about losing weight.


PM me if you want to talk to someone fighting the same battle as you. (I eat in secret too)

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Old 12-29-2007, 09:47 PM   #10  
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Lightbulb same boat, different part of the ocean

I am experiencing the same types of behaviors as you, and I have just now realized that I could possibly have an eating disorder. I eat in secret, too. I eat in the car, rushing to finish before reaching my destination, getting rid of the "evidence". My little boy finds telltale evidence in the car and asks for a cookie (or whatever). I understand that this probably doesn't help you, but understand that there appears to be a lot of us out there. I am in therapy for something else, but I will definitely bring up the food issues on my next visit. I hope that you can find some counseling to work through the "empty spot" you are trying to fill with food. Let me know how it works for you; I'll do the same.;
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Old 12-29-2007, 10:11 PM   #11  
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I am not glad that other people have to deal with these same issues, but at the same time I am relieved that I am not the only one. I feel like my life is ruled by food.

I have been in therapy for the last couple of months for different issues (I live in a volatile and sometimes abusive home-- and it takes so much strength for me to even type those words out) and my therapist just took a new job. So I am in between therapists at the moment. But as soon as I start seeing someone I am going to bring the food issues up.

Thank you to everyone who has responded.
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