Yeah, I can definitely relate. I have never been comfortable around guys. Not because I don't like them or anything, but because I always feel awkward and unsure of how to handle the attention. I am comfortable in my own element, and confident when I am at work, but out in public I basically resort to a "looking through people" approach. It's automatic and I've had it since I was a teenager. I'm sure I look like a total B-yotch, and I'm equally sure that I have "snubbed" some really nice guys along the way, but I almost can't help it.

It's ironic, my sisters have always been tiny and cute and I've always been jealous, but now that you mention it, I remember my youngest sisters both had issues with creepy people. Both are married, but one was almost stalked at work and had to be escorted out to her car at night from work, and the other had some guy trying to buy her kids toys at the store.

Great--- I hadn't really looked at it from that angle, but even so- I still think that losing weight will be worth it. I want to enjoy buying clothes and be able to keep up with my daughters, and be here for all their important events, so I guess I'll just figure out how to deal with it when the time comes.

This is something that I think about too....I was abused in the past and sometimes am very nervous around guys. Right now I get almost no attention, but I know even when I got to 190 before I started getting attention. Now though I am walking around most of the time with two kids, so maybe that will get rid of some of it, but not all I'm sure, and I will be alone sometimes especially since I travel for work. I think I'm going to take some self defense classes when I get a bit lighter.

I think I'm one of those bizarro chicks that actually ENJOYS a good "catcall" from time to time! -but I can understand that not everyone feels this way.

The most important thing to remember is IGNORE THEM. Whether someone is giving you unwanted attention for being too dam hot, or unwanted attention from being too fat... too short...too tall, too tattooed, too anything! etc... completely ignoring someone is a powerful tool.

I don’t personally feel threatened when a guy makes a pass at me (verbally). It’s usually pretty harmless. I’m also not terribly flattered because I know that, especially with the really aggressive or inappropriate ones, they probably do this to a lot of the women they encounter. To me…it doesn’t amount to anything. It doesn’t mean they want to drag me off in the woods and assault me and it also doesn’t mean they think I’m the most drop dead gorgeous women they’ve ever seen.

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear what some of you have endured. Seriously, I had shivers go down my arms as I was reading all of this. My mother was in a big store's parking lot, dropping off her cart, when a man said, "Sorry ma'am" and grabbed her arm. She screamed and yanked away so hard she fell on the ground and he ran away. We still don't know what he was going to do. And that's the scariest thing.

So here's one point we talked about when that happened: if you are out by yourself and it's dark, you can ALWAYS ask a store associate to walk you to your car, or at least watch you to your car. Better slightly embarrassed and safe than sorry, right? I worked retail for 7 years, and we NEVER left the store by ourselves after closing. Someone at least had to watch you safely to your car. So trust me, most places will more than understand.

Getting off the totally unnerving topic here, I agree that most men are probably just show-boating or whatever and don't mean anything by it. I'd have to ask my super-hot sister, but I'm sure you eventually learn to ignore it.

Women are taught by society to be people pleasers. So we automatically feel like we have to respond or at least acknowledge advances because otherwise we might be seen as rude or a 'bi*ch'.

A book that changed my life is "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. It basically says that there is nothing wrong with being rude, and that, for example, refusing help in a parking lot is not being a bi*ch, it's being safe. Better to refuse a legitimate offer of help than accept one from someone who just wants to hurt you. So I think you made the smart choice by staying in the store, just to be on the safe side. Like others have said, you can ask for an escort when going out.

Originally Posted by FreeSpirit:
Since I've lost weight, I've started getting more attention from men. I mean, it's nice to know that I'm attractive but it honestly makes me uncomfortable and I don't know how to handle it.

Sunday night I went to Walmart and I was walking from my car to the store. I was on the phone talking to my fiancee and there was a group of three men standing around a car. As I walked towards the store one of the guys hollers at me, "hey baby, why don't you get off the phone with your boyfriend and come talk to your new boyfriend!" I just kept walking but it made me feel so uncomfortable... it was dark, and I was alone. I stayed in the store for at least an hour and a half even though I only went there to pick up one thing just so that I felt safe enough to go outside.

A couple of weeks ago I was walking into a gas station. I was alone at the gas pump, there was nobody else around outside of the store except for this guy sitting by the door to the gas station and as I walked in to pay for my gas, he's like, "hey miss america, nice legs."

It makes me want to go out in sweatpants with no make up on just so that I don't get any attention. I'm 19 and I havn't been this small since I was about 14, so I obviously wasn't getting any attention from grown men back then. I don't know how to handle all of this.

:?: :(

I am sorry you are feeling uncomfortable. You are still so young and I can understand why you would feel intimidated. Most of the time men are doing stuff like this they don't realize how they are coming across. I think they don't expect a response and if you were to respond in kind they wouldn't know what to do! LOL I am not suggesting you do that, just pointing out that they are likely insecure.

I may be odd woman out, but honestly one of the things I am looking forward to is being noticed again! I know that sounds horrible because I am married, but it is high time my husband experienced some jealousy again. LOL He loves me, but let's face it - it's been a long time since he had to run off somebody hitting on me. I think it might be fun :)

Most guys who cat call do it because they either think that's an appropriate way to deliver a compliment, or, especially if they're in a group, because they WANT you to feel uncomfortable so that they can feel powerful.

For the former, I make direct eye contact and a small smile, nothing that says "continue to do this!", but, somethign that says yes I did notice you.

For the latter, depending on the comment, I may make a smart remart back, or just stare at them in the the eyes (to let them know I'm not intimidated) and give them the same look you do when you think someone is an idiot.

As for feeling safe- always ask for an escor to your car. And, if you see someone who looks a little intimidating and you're alone, a lot of police officers say that you should make eye contact, and walk confidently. Direct eye contact shows that you're confident, and, more importantly, shows that you have noticed them, and could identify them (making you less of a valuable target) The other ladies have had some great comments on safety.

When I was a teenager I had an older man harrass me outside the mall. I was waiting for a ride home and he started saying all sorts of graphic sexual things he was going to do to me. This continued until someone leaving the mall overheard him and threatened to call the cops if he didn't get the **** out of there. I felt helpless and powerless and I decided that I never wanted to feel that way again. I never wanted to need someonelse to stick up for me.

A similar thing happened a few years later. I looked at the man straight in the eye and told him that he was inappropriate, called him a choice name, and told him that if he didn't decide to go elsewhere, I would be informing the police that he was sexually harrassing a minor (I was in college but I was only 17) I also made sure to let him see my nice can of pepper spray for good measure.

At first I was very uncomfortable with the attention. LOL--I remember posting here about 18 months ago when a man complimented me on my jeans. Now, I am not so uncomfortable. It may take some time but you will get used to it and find your own way of dealing with it.

I am sorry to see so many abuse victims, its unfortunate. I am in that group as well. As a result, I have always been shy and awkward towards men. I thought I was looking forward to some attention but now that I see men looking at me when I am out, I am finding that it is makes me nervous. I hate to think what it might be like when I am closer to my goal weight.