She is currently 14 years old and about 220 lbs. She has been constantly becoming more overweight since she was about 3 years old (at which time she was completely a normal weight) She has gained about 9 lbs every year, consistantly . My parents have tried to encourage her to take off the weight ( and before it was just to stop gaining so quickly). They have tried everything from having her walk the dog, trying to monitor what she eats, walking on the treadmill whilst she watches television, having her join a youth football (soccer) teams when she was very young, and more recently having her join a youth basketball team. These did nothing but embarrass her, because she would be picked on for being heavy set. She has had numerous blood tests done to see if she has a thyroid problem, but the only issue she has is anemia (low iron).
A few weeks ago she started dating a boy she has liked for about a year now. In this time she has dropped 9 lbs. She has always had lofty goals ( like getting down to 110 lbs, like all the other middle school girls around her). I am concerned for her, that she might be losing for the wrong reasons or possibly too quickly.
what are your thoughts/ has anyone gone through similar circumstances? If so, what motivated you to lose?
What did she do different in the few weeks that she lost the weight, compared to when she was "trying" to lose weight before? Perhaps she just need the right motivation. At her age, having a boyfriend can do that. I have an almost 14 year old son and lately he has been very concerned about how he looks, if his hair is right, he has been working out with light weights, eating better, etc. Why? Because he went into 8th grade and wanted a girlfriend. I think that's part of it, anyway. He does have a girlfriend, by the way. (I know he's young, but he is also very supervised, as is she). I think it's just that at this age they are becoming more aware of themselves and what they can do for themselves. Perhaps she is just now realizing that.
On the other hand, if she is starving to lose weight, then that is totally wrong. You said she is your little sister. Does she look up to you. Will she take advice from you? Maybe she is now ready to be open to finding out the best way to be healthy. If she doesn't know or have the right info, then she will do it anyway she knows how, such as not eating. But, if she is ready to learn (no matter how many times she has been shown or told before, pretend it's the first time. Teens, in general, only hear what they want to hear when they are ready), maybe she will let you help her.
Is she allowed on this forum? I don't know what the age limit is. If so, give her the link. Let her come and ask questions. Let her be responsible for learning what she can do to get healthy. There is a lot of great advice here. She may be more willing to talk to someone here, that doesn't know her, rather than family, which can sometimes be too close.
Just be supportive. It's great that she is losing weight, but make sure it's in a healthy way. You are losing weight too! Congratulations. You can be a wonderful role model for her.
Oh man, dealing with teen age weight issues is such a tightrope!!! I know because I have dealt with eating issues, slight overweight most of my life. I had a cousin whose parents made a huge deal over her weight...sending her to "fat camps" , trying to bribe her with a car to lose weight...everything. She would lose weight and then gain it right back and more. She never did lose the weight is now larger as an adult than she has ever been.
I don't think there is any one right answer...you have to tread very carefully, not to set her off on a destructive path. If she wants to talk about healthy habits or whatnot that is a perfect way to approach it...otherwise I would just keep an eye on her and watch for signs of trouble, it could be that now she just has a boost of motivation...it doesn't have to mean that it is entirely an unhealthy thing... I wish her and you well...
Well, how many of us have as our motivation something along the lines of "want to look better naked" and stuff like that, or wanting to date more actively? It's the same sort of motivation, really.
I don't think her losing weight for a boyfriend is totally unhealthy. I'd watch *how* she's doing it, more than anything else, and probably not intervene unless you saw evidence of really unhealthy practices, like starving or laxative abuse.
well, i am not sure how she is going about it. ( i live a few states away from her.) my mother was telling me that she had lost 7, and a few days later (she had a trip to the emergency room because she was having some lung problems, turned out to be bronchitis ) she was down 9 lbs from her original weight. She is very secretive about her weight, it embarrasses her, and she is exercise avoidant-- i chalk this up to my dad forcing her to do sit-ups as punishments when she was younger. When i asked her how she was doing it, she said that she didn't really change anything, she was just eating less. I will tell my mom to keep a close eye on her, and to be careful with what she says, though.
I fell in love last year and exercised the most and ate the best during that time.I was in a great mood all the time,and I had more energy...so I was more motivated to exercise...on top of wanting to look my best for my sweetie.We fell thru as a potential couple,but I kept losing anyway.
He was very attractive.He paid alot of positive attention to me and treated me like a lady.I felt feminine and attractive again.It was a major,long-lasting self-esteem boost.I wish it would've worked out...it may have under different circumstances.What's meant to be is meant to be(and vice-versa)..Maybe that little time span when we were floating on cloud nine wasn't meant to do anything but boost my spirits...and when it served it's purpose it ended.
So even if your sister is losing for the wrong reasons..if she's doing it the right way and she's happy just be happy for her and support her journey to a healthier body....
Last edited by RedPhoenix; 10-13-2007 at 06:28 PM.
Reason: Had more to say...
Hm, 14 year olds are very different creatures than us "grown ups" , they live much more in the present and won't be truly motivated by health concerns due to obesity that might catch up with them in middle age. If health concerns are not at issue right now then they don't really really matter until it becomes a problem (in a child's mindset). If her motivation is losing weight for a boy, well, that probably isn't good motivation, but so long as she eats healthily (exercise or not) and doesn't descend into an eating disorder as a result, I wouldn't get overly worried.
If you are concerned, though, maybe you could talk with her about it? I know I would have loved to have a big sister to talk to about boys and weight when I was 14!
Last edited by shrinkingchica; 10-13-2007 at 07:02 PM.
Oh, the generation seems to want to learn more about mating at younger ages these days..... anyway, back to the point: 9 lb seems like a lot, but when she's active and young, a 220 lb girl can lose that much easily! In one week, that's a little suspicious. 110 lbs isn't bad for a girl her age, unless she's really tall!
I was about your sister's age the first time I tried to diet (and was successful for a while) and it really doesn't feel like that long ago. I know I was very self conscious and embarassed about the whole thing and *had* to do it all by myself. Because I was going to high school and therefore *very* grown up and independent. For me it had a lot to do with wanting to wear what my friend were wearing and fit in.
Here's the thing the bit that tripped me up (hence the 'for a while') was maintenance - there's information everywhere in girly mags, even the ones aimed at younger girls about losing weight, dropping a dress size, whatever, nothing about what to do when you get there though. I had no concept that you couldn't just do it and then stop. Or that exercising myself into oblivion in the mean time wasn't the best way to do it in the first place.
Maybe the best thing you can do is point her in the direction of tools that she can use to help her lose weight safely and sensibly and in a sustainable way - the teen section here for example?
she is exercise avoidant-- i chalk this up to my dad forcing her to do sit-ups as punishments when she was younger. When i asked her how she was doing it, she said that she didn't really change anything, she was just eating less. I will tell my mom to keep a close eye on her, and to be careful with what she says, though.
thanks everyone.
Can you help expose her to different exercise? I was the klutzy kid in gym class & mocked for it, so I grew to hate it. Though I was a normal weight as a kid, the lack of activity helped pack the pounds on as an adult. But I've found that I enjoy solo exercise activities a lot more than team sports. I'm not coordinated enough for most aerobics classes, but yoga and pilates seem to be manageable. When you're in town to visit the family, maybe go to some classes together.
I agree with the poster who said it's how she's losing the weight that's important. Emphasize the importance of being healthy and eating well/exercising over being thin.
my little sister:
, they live much more in the present and won't be truly motivated by health concerns due to obesity that might catch up with them in middle age. If health concerns are not at issue right now then they don't really really matter until it becomes a problem (in a child's mindset). If her motivation is losing weight for a boy, well, that probably isn't good motivation, but so long as she eats healthily (exercise or not) and doesn't descend into an eating disorder as a result, I wouldn't get overly worried. 
