Rude Compliment??
 

At work the other night, one of my co-workers came up to me and told me I looked good and that she noticed I've lost a lot of weight. I was surprised for the compliment given the fact that I had not been on my diet since back from my vacation (3 weeks) and I been feeling crappy about myself. It was a good pick me up.

However, the question that came next kind of irritated me a bit, despite the compliment. It was " How much have you lost?" then the "How much did you weigh before?":( I don't know but I felt that was kind of rude to ask. I mean ,I answered it honestly but still its not something I would have liked to share.

How do you avoid a rude follow up question like that?

I answer generally. Like oh I am halfway to my goal or something like that. If they press further, I just say I'd rather not discuss it, it's personal.

You are right - unless the co-worker is also a close friend, that is a pretty personal question to ask someone.

I would probably have quipped back something like - "What did I used to weigh? Well, only my scale knows for sure - and I have bribed it not to tell anyone. But thanks again for noticing my weight loss - you made my day!"

Nobody but my GYN and her nurse know what I weigh, and thanks to the new medical privacy law, nobody else ever will. Some questions are just inappropriate, one is asking a woman's weight, and another is asking her age. I don't care if I come off rude. I just refuse to answer.

I'd just say "thanks for noticing" and walk away.

its not as if she meant to be rude, she just didnt realise that asking that isn't a good move. I would probably ask that question and think nothing of it.. maybe....im not sure.

Hey! First of all, good for you for losing weight and being noticed! :cheer2:

Second, when someone asks me how much I've lost, I say something like, "Oh, around 40 pounds." That's the end of the discussion. I've never had anyone ask me how much I weighed before I lost the weight, but if someone did, I'd say "That's personal, sorry." I'd say it with a smile. But that would be the end of the conversation.

Keep in mind that some people will ask anything--they are just that gutsy. That doesn't mean we have to answer. All you have to say is, "I'd rather not get into that."

These days people ask and tell too much. You'd think life was some kind of TV show! It's really just gossip material.

Jay

I agree w/ everybody here. Congrats on the weightloss and the weight question to me is a very personal question as well. I would have done what the others said, "Sorry that is personal." and smiled and walked on.

:hug:

Actually, I think remarking on someone's weight loss at all involves a backhanded compliment. Sure they're saying you look good, but it implies that you used to look bad.

I like the Willy Wonka response: "Sorry, I'm slightly deaf in this ear. Next time speak up."

queennmab, :wel3fc:

I don't quite agree, though. :) Sometimes people have simply noticed that one has lost weight--it's not saying you "looked bad." It may be implying you "looked fat," but that's no surprise, now, is it? ;) :lol:

Jay

Just because someone asks a question does not require that we answer. If someone asks me how much I have lost I say something vague like "a little bit" or " enough" I do thank them for noticng, though. If they persist I might say " a woman who would tell her age or weight would tell anything"
'

LOL, Witchy! That's a good one, find a way to evade the question.

I'd probably say "I'm too shy to share that information" or "I'm not comfortable discussing that at this point". If you wanted to reply rudely, you could say, "I lost 50 and I used to weigh 200. Now I've always wondered - how much money do you make, and what size bra do you wear?" LOL. I'd never say that, but it's fun to think about it.

Originally Posted by Summerrrr:
Some questions are just inappropriate, one is asking a woman's weight, and another is asking her age. I don't care if I come off rude. I just refuse to answer.

Well, the weight issue, I could understand, but the age thing.... it doesn't seem to be "generally" offensive unless you're beyond your twenties, I'd believe. Reason being? I don't have a problem telling people I'm 22 because thats still relatively young, right?.

Though I personally, would never ask any woman age or weight questions because I'm not sure whether or not she would be comfortable answering it. However, if anyone ever asked me, I'm pretty sure I'd answer because 1) I'm comfortable with my weight and size, hopefully 2) never going to be ashamed of my age. Gosh, I sure hope that I'll be as gorgeous as my mother at age 50. (knock on wood!)

Actually no one has asked me how much I used to weigh but if they do I am going to answer them honestly and say 6 1/2 pounds.

I don't mind answering questions about my age or my weight. I figure, the only way to make middle age and average weight acceptable for women is if enough people own up to the truth. Other than on this forum or in some sports competitions, when was the last time you heard a woman admit -- let alone proudly -- that she weighed 150? Thanks to mass mediafication (my new word for the day, even though it isn't a word), 110 is the new 150.

However, a woman can be forgiven for killing you if you ask if she's pregnant. Especially if she's not. :)

Kim

Originally Posted by veggielover:
Well, the weight issue, I could understand, but the age thing.... it doesn't seem to be "generally" offensive unless you're beyond your twenties, I'd believe. Reason being? I don't have a problem telling people I'm 22 because thats still relatively young, right?

LOL - I don't have a problem telling people I'm 37 and that's still relatively young, too!

Originally Posted by bargoo:
Actually no one has asked me how much I used to weigh but if they do I am going to answer them honestly and say 6 1/2 pounds.

:rofl:

I think each CIRCUMSTANCE is different. My brother has lost 30 pounds in a couple of months...everyone asks him how much have you lost, what did you weigh before, etc. He doesn't mind. I have lost 14 pounds in 6 weeks...no one seems to notice...I don't mind...I can see it. I will say my kids and family have noticed my eating habits and exercise and have given me kudos for that...but they say to them I look the same.

You have done a great job...focus on that!

I guess if someone asks in the future you could look at them and say "well, what do you weigh?"

Boop: I had the same thing happen to me a couple of years ago when I had lost 30 lbs. They asked how much weight I lost and I said, "30 lbs. Thanks for noticing!" Then they asked how much I had weighed and I said, "30 lbs. more than I do now..." :D It worked and got the point across with a bit of humor! ;)

(And kaw: we have a saying in the pharmacy about women and pregnancy... 'unless you see the baby dropping out at that moment, never ask a woman when she is due...' :o )

Originally Posted by aymster:
Boop: I had the same thing happen to me a couple of years ago when I had lost 30 lbs. They asked how much weight I lost and I said, "30 lbs. Thanks for noticing!" Then they asked how much I had weighed and I said, "30 lbs. more than I do now..." :D It worked and got the point across with a bit of humor! ;)

Haha! I would have loved to see the look on her face if I had said that! Thanx now I know what to say next time someone asks me. Its smart and sassy!

Hmmm well I really don't have a problem talking about my weight or weight loss. So for me asking how much i lost would not seem rude to me. But I am all quick to tell people how I lost my weight so no one thinks I lost weight in an unhealthy manner. Though I must say I don't get those questions often. I got more questions when I was 25lb heavier that I thought were rude. Like 2 times in a matter of months people asked me if I was pregnant again because I have a habit of resting my hand on my tummy when I am thinking.

You know what? I have no shame. I answer honestly and am not offended or embarrassed by this question. Yeah, I weighed 175 once! So what? I don't weigh 175 now, and while I'm still going to lose 24 more pounds, I know I look pretty fit even at 149! :D I DO see why this question is rude, but I don't completely understand why one would be incredibly bothered by it... yeah, sure, some of us might have been pretty overweight once, maybe even obese, but when it gets to the point where people notice it, we've obviously come a long way, so why does it matter? ;)

Originally Posted by kaw:
I don't mind answering questions about my age or my weight. I figure, the only way to make middle age and average weight acceptable for women is if enough people own up to the truth.

HIGH FIVE SISTER!:carrot:

Originally Posted by phantastica:
LOL - I don't have a problem telling people I'm 37 and that's still relatively young, too
:rofl:

Hey, I wouldn't be ashamed of my age ever. 37 IS YOUNG :D. I think some women tend to get insecure when they reach their 50s but you are right, say it loud if you have nothing to be afraid of!

Originally Posted by NightengaleShane:
You know what? I have no shame. I answer honestly and am not offended or embarrassed by this question.... yeah, sure, some of us might have been pretty overweight once, maybe even obese, but when it gets to the point where people notice it, we've obviously come a long way, so why does it matter? ;)

I totally agree. I'd feel proud as opposed to feeling offended. I wouldn't interpret the comment much as would rather see the glass half full.

Hee, I dyed my hair black and it's definitely not natural. Ooooops! My natural hair color is in my icon though. :)

When I was a kid, I always asked people their ages, until my mom told me it was incredibly rude. I couldn't for the life of myself understand why... I was 4 years old... and I LOVED telling people! ;)

You should post a bunch of pics and ask us all what look good, Shy Moment!

I think I'm the only one here who doesn't find this to be a rude question! I WON'T answer how much I weighed before, but I will say how much I've lost. People, I've found, are genuinely interested and find it amazing when I tell them the total amount.

Originally Posted by Shy Moment:
on my gosh Shirley you jest lol. I know don't call you Shirley lol. I take such horrible pics. I am just one of those people that the camera isn't kind to. lol

Shirley? Like... Shirley Temple? Laverne and Shirley? Is there something I'm missing? :lol:

It also depends on who's asking. If an overweight person asks, I figure they may be interested in losing, too, and then I may say more.

Jay

You know how some folks say they've lost weight and nobody notices? I've had the opposite situation. Everybody notices. And most of them have said things to me. Co-workers say things several times a week. The maintenance man has "weighed in", no pun intended. The old man who owns the local deli said "what's going on with you? You're losing so much weight!" like I was sick or something. A co-worker told me another guy from the deli mentioned how "skinny that girl you work with" got. Mind you, I've still got belly roll and a huge behind, so all it makes me think of when they say stuff like that is was I really so big and didn't see it?
Anyway, the ladies I work with notice things. If I wear a pair of shoes they haven't seen me in, they say something.
Sometimes it's nice. Sometimes I want to tell people, quit eyeballing me and MYOB. :p I don't want you looking at my butt. :p

Originally Posted by NightengaleShane:
Shirley? Like... Shirley Temple? Laverne and Shirley? Is there something I'm missing? :lol:

"Shirley" is a play on "surely." Have you ever seen the movie "Airplane"? There's a line in there like:
"Surely, you must be joking."
"I'm not. And don't call me Shirley."

Ya, I don't mind telling people how much I weigh or how old I am either. This whole "Be coy about some fundamental facts abouts yourself" attitude has always baffled me. Especially the age thing. Yes, I'm 43. Yes, that is older than many other people. But why is that a bad thing. Growing older sure beats the alternative.

But if someone doesn't answer, a simple "I'd rather not share that, thanks." would suffice to shut down the nosy.

I usually don't mind sharing vital statistics about myself, however, being 5'11" I've always been asked things like, "Oh wow, your feet are HUGE! What size are they?" (they're 11½W). After a while you get a little sick of freak-show mentality.

Originally Posted by :
This whole "Be coy about some fundamental facts abouts yourself" attitude has always baffled me.

It's not being coy for me. I simply don't like having to reveal certain fundamental facts--as though we all have a right to know everybody else's shoe size, bra size, age, weight, height, number of children and grandchildren, sexual preference, religion, level of schooling, number of parking tickets, and so on! I tend to reserve some personal information for people I know well and care about, and for particular others I care to share with. Not just with anyone who has the nerve to ask!

But hey, that's just me. ;)

Jay

Haha, some people, like Jay, are just private people.

Others, like me, could volunteer ALL that information without shame. "I wear a 9.5 shoe, I'm 21, I weigh 149 pounds, I'm just under 5'7", I have no kids, how could I have grandkids? I'm only 21... I have an associates' degree but that's it, along with a few Microsoft certifications, no parking tickets, I don't follow a particular organized religion but I was raised Catholic and have a strong relationship with God, I'm bisexual, and have been dating a girl for 2.5 years! HA!" None of that is private to me. I'm not a private person and like to laugh at private things. Most people, however, are NOT like me :p OH! We have to throw POLITICS in there, too - another subject so many are somehow afraid to share their beliefs on! I'm a liberal independent. That's not private, either... and if you ask/get me going, I'll talk about sex, too... :lol: (though not on this forum! only because it's inappropriate for the 3FC code of conduct, though!)

Thanks to everyone for explaining Shirley to me. I think I HAVE heard that line now that I found out where it came from, I just forgot. Haha. I'm sure my mom would know it right off the bat ;)

I have always tended towards the "tell all", until I gained so much weight. You guys are the only ones who know that I started out at 182 lbs. Yikes, yikes, and yikes! Thats a lot of fat.

So far, no one has noticed that I have lost weight. That is a little discouraging. I can hardly notice myself.