One of my biggest goals is to have well-defined abdominal muscles. I'm not going for a 6 pack or anything, but 4 would be quite nice! I'm starting to see two.

Anyway, my girlfriend wants me to "keep a little squishy" because she thinks it is fun to cuddle with and adorable. I do NOT want to keep this "squishy" AT ALL - as long as I have any pinchable fat on my stomach, I will not be happy. I want to be VERY chiseled in appearance and fit, and I am getting there. This makes the girlfriend very disappointed and we've even had arguments about it because I don't want to keep the "squishy" for her! I've given her the whole excuse of, "But excess fat isn't healthy!" to which she replies with, "yeah, but a LITTLE squishy is not UNHEALTHY! you're not even overweight anymore! I'M SAD! I like squishy! And if you DARE get below 135, I'm going to be MAD!"

This really irks me. It sounds like she's joking, but she isn't.

Your health is of the up most of importance. If she likes "squishy" then tell her to start gaining! Keep your weight down as much as you can. Don't listen to her. I have read before that even being just a few pounds up *may* put you at risk for stuff.

Keep eating healthy and exercising, if more weight comes off then hey great, if it doesn't then that is where your body wants to be at. Don't let her fool you into not losing though!

Hey Shane,

Always difficult when our SO doesn't see eye to eye on these things... Sorry to hear about the conflict.

I'm not sure whether you're asking for comment or commiseration, so I'll just start typing. I think the important thing is that you do what you want to do--it IS your body. On the other hand, there's no need to try to convince your girlfriend to see things the way you do. It's not the worst thing that she likes you the way you are.

Perhaps your weight loss and goals are something you should keep more to yourself, knowing that she's not going to exactly cheer if you drop further. By which I mean, rushing in and saying "Honey! I lost another 2 pounds!" may not get you the response you'd like! So, just keep it more personal.

Here's a story that's kind of comparable. One day I mentioned that I'd like to start using a color rinse on my hair. My SO got all huffy--said something like "Well! I guess I should use a rinse on MINE, so I won't look so OLD!" OK, I got out of that conversation quick. But, I still wanted to put a rinse on my hair. And I did--for over a year--and it was so subtle that she didn't notice! But I got tired of "sneaking around" to color my hair, so I finally CONFESSED! And you know what? She didn't even remember that we had that prior conversation, or that she had reacted that way!

So just don't push the point--maybe things will be fine anyway!

Jay

Jasmine31: I don't really have much extra baggage anymore, just a little bit of "squishy" on my sides... and my g/f doesn't like squishy on *her*, just ME! She is naturally thin, though... like she is one of those people who eats all the time, sits on her ***, and stays thin because she's so damn fidgety! She says it makes me fun to cuddle with. I don't think having a little bit to pinch at on my sides is going to be detrimental to my health, honestly, but I don't like the way excess fat looks. Ew! Jiggly!

Jay: comment, commiseration, whatever... it's all good! That is interesting about the the color rinse... I think that IS how I will approach the subject of my abs - I won't talk about them, then she'll see them appear one day, but she will have gotten used to it and like it. I also know that if I *DO* get below 135, I won't be telling her The number doesn't matter nearly as much as the appearance, though, you know?

BTW Jay, you are such a mystery... seriously... you should post pictures, I bet we are ALL curious

Tell her that belly fat is the most dangerous to have. If she wants you to be "squishy" anywhere, that is the worst place.

Is she overweight at all? She might be feeling insecure that once you get a 6 pack , that you might not be attracted to her anymore.

That sucks when people start telling you what to do, or not do, with your body. My boyfriend is always talking about how he is going to start working out. I guess I am almost as guilty as your g/f because i am always telling him how great he looks now. He just has a very little bit of fat on his belly. All he needs is to tone up. Part of me is telling him he looks fine like he is because I want him to feel good about himself...but also, because i truely believe it. I would not tell him not to lose the squishy fat on his belly if he wanted to, but I want him to know i love him for him.

NightengaleShane - maybe she is worried you will look too good??? Maybe she is worried that you looking so great there is a chance you will leave or someone will try and steal you away?????? Insecurity sucks.

Mwahahahahaaa!!!!

Jay

LeedaRenee - nope, she's not overweight in the slightest! She is 5'10" and 125 pounds and does mostly modeling for a living. one would *assume* she'd want to date someone who also looked like a model (as I did when we first got together! she now confessed I was too boney for her liking, though) I too did quite a bit of modeling before the weight gain - print and commercial since I'm too short for runway and way too tall for petite!

Blueyedblonde - Strangely enough, she IS somewhat insecure. I have no idea why, she's gorgeous... but she gets jealous that men and women alike hit on me often...even though SHE gets hit on just as much! She also hates the fact that I'm bi, because it means she has twice the chances of me leaving... or something? *rolls eyes* it is all ridiculous to me... I love her and I've been nothing but faithful...

I've come to the conclusion that perhaps she just feels like it is a strange competition and is afraid of me getting as thin as she is, even though we both wore the same size when we first started dating!

you sneak, you.

Boy, do I know where you're coming from on this one (my partner and I lost weight -together-, but i lost a bit faster...and for 4 months, we went on a "you're obsessed! you are too strict! you need to relax because you're not fun to be around" rollercoaster that eventually arrived at the real problem - "you've always been bigger than me! I don't want you to be smaller! I feel fat compared to you!" and finally came back around to "I like your body and mine is OK too").

Obviously from the above account, my first response to you is going to be to wait it out a bit. Have you been bigger the whole time you've been together? In that case, she just needs to adjust to your sizes relative to eachother again, and that takes time. She may be feeling intimidated, or missing things you used to do together that take a backseat to your current weight loss efforts (for example, ordering pizza and watching a movie). The "Squishy" fixation is probably just symptomatic of a bigger problem adjusting to the changes you're making. My partner kept calling me bony - like, "your bones are stabbing me, you're not comfortable anymore", but she has adjusted now and probably so will your SO to the squishy being gone.

Anytime someone changes in any sort of relationship (friend, family, SO, whatever) it takes adjustment for everyone around them, because your perception of the other person and the role that person plays in your life changes. It takes time but it all works itself out.

I really don't advocate lying to your SO, though, about your weight/fitness/whatever. I tried this, and not only did my partner find out, she got really irritated. It only temporarily delays resolving the issue at hand, and that sort of stuff can really undermine trust in a relationship. Plus, if you are confident in a healthy goal, and in your relationship, you should be able to say that you have chosen your goal and if she wants to discuss it, you're open to it, but right now its what you are comfortable with. That way, you're opening up discussion rather than closing it off, which will help strengthen the relationship in the long run. It will also allow your SO to express any concerns she may have in an atmosphere that is open, rather than secretive.

Shane--
Maybe your girlfriend feels more secure with a someone who's a little heavier than she is. She may think that if you get in great shape, suddenly someone's going to come along and take you away. Irrational fear, most likely, but it seems to happen that way!

I've found that over the course of our relationship, my boyfriend has been really supportive. He started dating me at 185 and I'm now 155--what a difference, eh? He likes the change, but he also says things sometimes that clue me in to the fact that me losing weight also makes him nervous. He seems like he's joking around, but I can see right through that to the nervousness deep down. He likes that I'm slimming down (I know I look hotter when I'm smaller!)--but he also feels a little threatened by it because it makes me more desirable to other people, too.

Okay...I'm going to say this and probably be the shallowest person ever, but I'll say it anyway. I've noticed a pattern in myself--I don't date anyone I think is more attractive than I am--I never have. It's not really a conscious thing that I do, but I've discovered that about myself while looking back at past relationships. I don't date people I think are unattractive, either...they just can't be prettier than me. I think I feel more secure when I'm more attractive than the person I'm with--they won't leave me if I'm the hot one (that's the theory, anyway). I imagine if my boyfriend one day suddenly became Brad Pitt, I'd be feeling pretty insecure myself.

Bigger than her, yes, but initially not by much. She weighed 115 and I weighed 125. She wore a size 4, and so did I, but she is 3.5 inches taller than I am. She now weighs 120-125. She told me that she thought I was a bit boney for her tastes at the beginning, but she found me hot anyway. She didn't think I was fat or undesirable at all even at my highest weight, and she only supported my weight loss efforts because she knew they made me happy.

I also think that she, like your girlfriend, feels comfortable that I've always been a little bit bigger than her (well, now a lot, but I started out just a little ) . Like I mentioned in a previous post, maybe she feels threatened that once I hit my ideal goal, we will weigh around the same.

BTW, it's great that you and your partner worked out those silly issues... I take it she doesn't feel fat around you anymore, hopefully?

My hubby prefers larger women. I knew this when we married. He married me when I was over 250 lbs. But when *I* decided to lose weight for *ME*, he had no qualms about it. He prefers larger, but he LOVES me. So if your girlfriend has a problem, then it's her hangup, don't let it be yours. She'll either accept you either way, or she won't. Be prepared if she can't move past it. But do what you need to do for you. If you remain the way you are for her, you will be unhappy deep down and it may lead you to pack some weight back on as time goes on. DON'T SETTLE. Do what YOU need, not what she wants.

My boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight. He says he loves how my body feels, how I look, etc. If I was down to 180 or so I might consider maintaining but right now I am unhealthy. I need to be healthy and at this point, what my lover thinks is of less importance.

I love my boy's soft belly too but if he wanted to try for a six pack, I'd be all for it. If you like somebody enough you learn to adapt as they change. Unless someone has like a chubby stomach fetish or something, that might cause a problem. But that's unlikely.

Just remember it's your body and you'll have it for life, but people come and go.