[Optical Goddess]

Hey,

Back in the day I lost 80 lbs with weight watchers. I went from 220 to closer to 140... I've gained some back. I know that right before we moved from Wisconsin to Illinois I weighed about 170-ish. I had been doing weight watchers for the past year previous to this, fighting with 10-15 lbs for over a year.

I quit WW because it wasn't helping and we weren't sure about our finances moving closer to Chicago,new state,ect...

I decided to ditch the scale and instead concentrate on how I feel and look and what my body can do. I am one of those who gets obsessed about the numbers and lets the scale dictate how I am going to feel that day...

So, I moved on to Body for Life, which I really liked. I liked the idea of several small meals a day rather than 3 big ones, and I've always enjoyed weight lifting...

Two days ago I bought my first pair of real running shoes, fit for me and everything. We're stuck in flooding and severe thunderstorms, so I'm not able to use them, yet....

My issue? I got sick about a week ago, which sidelined me from working out and ended up messing up my diet as well ( damn you, dried fruit!).
Add to the mix that I'm bipolar, and my Dr. flat out told me that there is a small section of medicines that seem to really help me. I take seraquel and wellbutrin. I'm not sure if the medicine has anything to do with my weight gain/stubborness or what, or if it's just something I'm trying to pin this on?

What happens is that I think of something like that I wanted to look really good when I go home to see my family in December. I didn't care how much I weigh because i know the body is wierd and with muscle weight and water weight and everything.... but December is not that far away anymore and I dn't know if I'll be able to do anything to make a difference. Then I just feel ****ty because I feel really fat and slovenly, so I eat and feel bad and eat again, yadda yadda yadda. Like I said, I don't know what i weigh. I am five seven and my measurements are 39-31-40.5.... a lot of it is mental.

It angers me that I let my body and how I feel determine my worth so much. My life is starting to really do well here with work and social activities and just living...so why are my weight loss efforts stalled before they even start?

it's not that i don't work out, it's just that when something happens that stops me from being able to, I don't handle it well.

I'm not sure what I'm asking from anyone, I just needed to vent. If I could only accept that I am not that bad the way I am now and that everything else is just improvements, it'd be a big step. I'm definately one of those who can give great advice that she doesn't adhere to herself.

thanks again, so so much!

[winning the war]

Not to be forward, but according to those measurements, it seems to me you'd look good in anything! My son took seroquel and wellbutrin (not at the same time though) and he didn't gain weight, though he did w/ Zyprexa (which really works for him). I always feel crappy when I don't eat well and don't exercise, feel like a failure and like I'm gaining weight at the speed of light. You're not alone. I wish I had some advice. It's a mountain we all have to find our own individual way around. You can do it, just don't give up. Take care of yourself and I hope you're feeling better.

Jenny )

[JayEll]

Hey Goddess,



Sounds like a really hard time for you, what with being sick lately and all. Some of your down mood is because you've been sick, so know that as you get better, your mood will change a bit. Of course, the bipolar situation is being addressed by your doctor, so that's good.

It sounds to me like you have two different ideas or attitudes going at the same time, and they contradict each other. One is, you are valuable as you are, your weight doesn't matter, you are worth more than numbers. The other is, you're really unhappy with your body the way it is. So naturally these two ideas put you in conflict.

I can relate to this because I used to have the same conflicting ideas. And they were holding me back from losing weight. Because I thought that I should "accept" myself the way I was, I kept gaining and gaining until finally I was obese and miserable about how I looked. I didn't like the way I looked. I decided it didn't matter whether I "should" accept myself, I didn't like what was happening!

Instead of running for the nearest bag of chips, I chose to change. It wasn't easy, and you know yourself that it takes effort.

You were doing things that worked. And then you stopped doing them. Well, you can begin again! Maybe WW is different where you now live. Maybe you need to rededicate yourself to Body for Life. Perhaps you have to take some serious steps, like getting the fattening foods out of the house so you can't turn to them.

Then I just feel ****ty because I feel really fat and slovenly, so I eat and feel bad and eat again, yadda yadda yadda.

This is the worst cycle to be in. Eating when feeling fat, while the tears roll down your cheeks.

Put the bad foods down. Sit down and plan what you're going to do, and the day on which you'll start. Go to the store and stock up. You know how to do this, and I guarantee if you get back on a program now, by Xmas you will feel a LOT better!

Hang in there, Goddess!
Jay

[Optical Goddess]

Thank you all so so much!! I've decided to use this weekend to restock my food, do a lot of cooking so I have food at-hand, and plan out my work outs. it is very true that when you know you're not making the best choices that it does seem like you're gaining weight at the speed of light ( very good description).

When I go out with my husband, people always tell him how pretty they think I am, and I do get noticed by dudes in bars ( not sure if it's the dudes or their beers that notice me, though ).

I know that when I work out and make good choices I feel tons better physically as well as myself. I so appreciate all the comments. I will read them over and over when feeling down.
Sometimes, it's just great to know that we're not alone!

Thanks again so, so much!-- it's amazing how some posts on a forum can really change my outlook

[lumifan4ever]

I'm a little late joining this thread but i just wanted to add my moral support. Goddess...I know you can do this!! Sounds like you are now on the right track. I'm so sorry you have been feeling ill. That i am so sure has alot to do with your down mood. Sometimes i am sooooo gung ho ready to go out and excersize and then bam...something happens and i can't. I feel so helpless when that happens. But i know you are going to pull out of this. You definately have some time before christmas to lose some weight or inches. I too have that goal of christmastime to be down to my goal. I haven't seen my aunt and uncle since weighing 196 and i would love to be about 125 when i see them at christmas time this year.

Keep your chin up and you will see the sun just over that mountain as you climb it!!