WARNING: superficial-sounding material ahead. I never care what my friends weigh, but I keep letting my own weight hold me back.

I used to be the most outgoing social butterfly, but since gaining 50 pounds, that's all gone down the toilet. Now, I'm sometimes socially awkward and only revert to my old self when drunk. Since trying to lose weight, I haven't been drunk... I honestly haven't gotten smashed since St. Patrick's Day.

I feel like I have hardly any friends in the town I live in. I'm originally from the DC area, and back up there, I had several true friends and an abundance of acquaintances. Now, I have one true friend - my girlfriend - and a few acquaintances - her friends. I made a few efforts to go out and meet people when I first came down, but a large portion of the people here in Gainesville, FL are annoying, ditzy, rich sorority types who I normally can't stand. (It's a college town... and since I don't even go to the university, I've been ostracised from day one.) There are exceptions - I try not to judge anyone, but I don't want to hang out with people who I can't have an intellectual conversation with... I guess I'm being too picky about choosing friends, huh?

Anyway, my excuse for not making any more friends here for the last year and a half has been that I'm not comfortable with myself. LOGICALLY I know that this theory is RIDICULOUS and STUPID and social skills and personality have NOTHING to do with weight, but I just don't feel good about myself. My fashion sense doesn't appear to be as good, either, because my selection of clothes is very limited, as I refuse to buy fat clothes. My reason for this is that buying fat clothes means that I'm giving into my weight gain and getting comfortable. My personal style means so much to me - I think clothes can be used to not only bring out your best features, but also as a tool of self expression. I have the same five outfits in rotation... baggy clothes that I never wore while thin unless I was doing the laundry and had nothing else.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Share your stories... and did you overcome your social anxiety?

I didn't really have that problem, mostly because I didn't realize how big I was, I was in deep, deep denial... but as for the friends part of it, why don't you see if you can find things like bookstore readings, "philosophy cafes"... maybe even take a single, interesting and intellectual class AT a college to meet people. Being alone in a new town is TOUGH, and between that and discomfort w/ appearance, you can snowball really fast if you don't make the effort to get out there. You sound awesome, if I lived in Florida (shudder) I'D be your friend!

LOL@(shuddering at the prospect of living in Florida) - I don't blame ya there. Florida sucks! Actually, it's not ALL bad... maybe it's just one of those places that's fun to visit but sucks to live in. I'm excited about this summer because MAYBE just MAYBE I can go to the beach for my birthday! My birthday is at the end of August... I don't go to the beach because I figure no one wants to see my cellulite-covered *** in a bathing suit! haha! I'm doing a public service by not showing it.

Your ideas for making friends are awesome... there's a pretty awesome bookstore here that actually is also a coffee house and has local musicians performing... maybe I'll make some friends there if I try harder. I've been there a few times and made some acquaintances, but no keeping in touch

so, out of curiousity, where DO you live, anyway?

Hey! Floridian here... a transplant, but been here for 6 years. I live on the west coast south of Sarasota.

Florida does not suck, thankyouverymuch. It can be hard to get used to, however. You should feel lucky that you are in a college town where there are actually some things to do! I'm about to relocate to the St. Petersburg area myself because there is very little of interest in the area where I live.

OK, enough about Fla. As for the weight holding you back--gosh, get yourself some clothes that aren't baggy and that you like! Don't punish yourself further!

Also, I have some news about the beaches. First, it's really hot in the summer, so locals down here tend to go to the beach only early in the day in the summer. Fall-winter-spring is when everyone goes beaching. Second, there is a large population of older people here, and you will see that no one cares much what others look like! We all go to the beach and have a good time, beer bellies and cellulite and all! Life is too short!

Go to that coffee house and to other events and groups you might enjoy, and try to make some friends! It does take some time...

Jay

I would not like to live in a college town. Too many young boys for my teenage daughter to fall in love with and too many young, hot guys that I can't have!! lol.

The coffee/book house place sounds like a great idea. We have a book store here that serves coffee and has tables and has local entertainers come to it to play music. I've been once. It was a lot of fun. I just don't get out much because i have my kids at home. They miss me enough when i go to the gym after work.lol.

I agree with JayEll...go buy at least one nice outfit that makes you feel good and go out and have fun!! Nothing makes you feel better than when you KNOW you look good!!!

I live in Florida. Near the Orlando area. I don't like it because I was from up north, too.

For me, I've always been fat. When I was younger it didn't bother me but I didn't have many friends. Just one true friend at a time.

When I moved to Florida everyone was snobby and mean and I was made fun of very badly. I went from social and happy to anti-social and miserable.

I don't like to take walks outside when other people are walking around my neighborhood. I'm not good with talking to people on the phone I don't know so I don't answer it at all.

My social anxiety got better when I switched schools and found some people who were like me. They were bigger too so I didn't feel as bad. But I still find it awkward to get out and do things. I go out very little. I hate talking to people I don't know.

I'm not even sure if that has to do with my weight. But it might be because of it from when I was younger.

And Florida sucks. Yes, it does.

YEAH the north ROCKS! I miss DC/MD/VA BUT it's cheaper living down here. I'm also glad you notice the snobbery of Florida people! I don't mind taking walks outside, but I get self conscious riding my bike. I ride my bike 20 miles 4 days a week, though... I just suck it up. Very mean guys yell things out to me like, "HEY FATTY!" and "YOU'RE SCARY!!" - up north, when I was thin (I didn't get fat until coming down here), I got yelled at too, but it was things like, "HEY SEXY!" and *insert cat call here.* I literally couldn't go outside for more than 2 minutes without someone trying to pick me up. I shot them down 95% of the time BUT it was FLATTERING. It's just AMAZING and hurtful to see the contrast of how people react to me now vs. 50 pounds ago. Any time someone yells something out to me, a tear falls from at least one of my eyes... don't they know chubby chicks have FEELINGS TOO?

I'm so lucky to have someone who truly loves me for me... I've been with the same person for 2 years... who has seen me 50 pounds ago and sees me now and STILL loves me AND finds me sexy... I find it incomprehensible but lovely.

My friend was also from up north and her and her brother ALL gained weight when they moved down to Florida. I think it has to do with less things to do, as well...well, less things to do if you don't want to PAY to do something...like the parks or the beaches.

Lots of sketchy people around here, too.

HAHA, my dad told me the same thing! That all "snowbirds" gain weight when moving to Florida. I miss how many free and/or super cheap things there were to do in DC.

Florida is also MUCH more trashy than I thought it would be. It's full of trash AND snobs... and all the artists here are really not that passionate about their craft. I miss DC-style artists - the kinds who already had college degrees and pursued their arts because they loved it and it was their life. The "artists" down here are going to turn into boring professionals once their 4-6 year lease away from the real world expires.

And I miss the DC scene... the only scene here is the University and the frats. There are a few local bands, but those kids are super snobby about who they let into their scene and they're not a very welcoming crowd... I miss the unity of the scene in DC. It's just a cultural shock that I fear I'll never get used to.

But yeah - those snobby Florida *****es generally don't want to be friends with an overweight artsy girl...

Florida is depressing enough to make skinny people gain weight and fat people to get depressed enough to lose it. XD

I wish I could see all the awesome stuff up north. Grr! I used to live in VA and visited Maryland often.

*****es = you know, rhymes with riches...

OOOO you lived in VA? what part? I'm from Manassas!

I with you!!!! I love Florida- of course I have NEVER lived anywhere
but here so maybe I am not the best judge!!!!! I am just north of
Sarasota Jay- Bradenton area! Great Weather TODAY

Nightengaleshane- Good luck to ya!!! You seem like a nice
down to earth person WITH personality! I Love the beach
hate the sand.