Yes I have. I have been judged by strangers before my weight lose and after. I don't think your weight had any thing to do with it. I think it was a guy with low self esteem and the only way to make himself feel better is to make someone else feel worse.
When I had lost about 60 lbs., some guy that worked out at the gym I worked out at, came up to me and asked me if I was getting better gas mileage in my car since my weight lose. I just smiled at him and said I haven't noticed but I will check and let you know. About 2 weeks later I went up to him and told him no I was getting about the same. Well he apoligized and told me he was trying to compliment me on my weight lose and did not realize how bad it sounded. I guess sometimes people don't mean to come across as they do and we get our feelings hurt easier because we already have such low self esteem.
Terrie
Terrie, that was very rude what the guy said to you. But, sometimes people just don't think. You handled it very well.
My son that is in the Army Reserves had a girl come up to him the other night at a club and say "you know you'd really be cute if you had some hair". This really offended him. He explained that he is in the military and she shut up and walked off.
I don't know why anyone thinks it's OK to judge anyone on their personal appearance. It's no one elses business.
When I graduated from college I weighed in the low 200's somewhere and I moved to an apartment that was basically in the middle of an urban university. I used to get looks and comments all the time. I can't even tell you how many "moooo"s I got just walking down to the laundramat.
So I sat down one day with my shy self and said that I would come up with a snappy reply for the next time someone commented on my weight. I didn't have to be strong all the time, just for those few seconds to blurt something out.
So the next time someone said "damn, you are soooo fat!" as I walked by, I turned around, faced a rather unfortunately gorgeous group of typical frat boys and said "why thank you for noticing!" with a big smile on my face just like I'd been complimented. The just stared at me for a few seconds then turned and walked away silently.
Yeah, I cried when I got back to my apartment, but now 10 years later I can really smile about it all. Yeah, I did good.
Just for a minute think about all the people who DID smile at you that day. Do you remember all of them? Did you make a note, " oh, he smiled at me.. he must like *fill in the blank here*" If you are going to give that much weight to someone who was negative and rude (if that's what they were and not in their own littler world) then to be fair to yourself, you have to give just as much weight to the people who were nice and positive.
Isn't it amazing how we let one negative can out weigh a whole boat load of positives?
When you're not feeling good about yourself, or feeling self conscious about your weight, it's easy to interpret everything as an insult. Maybe he was insulting you, maybe he wasn't. But it says more about him than it does about you, because idiots make comments like that to people of all sizes.
A couple of summers ago, I was out power walking. I was pretty much what I am now - 5'5", and around 145 pounds. Plus, I was walking a lot in those days, so I was reasonably fit. Coulda stood to lose a few pounds, but not what I'd call "fat". Thing is, even when I'm thinner, I'm (to borrow an adjective) "bootylicious".
So as I'm walking along minding my own business, a carload of teenaged boys drove by. One of them felt compelled to lean out the window and holler at me (I was the only person around) "Hey, he thinks you have a fat ***!". I was a bit upset, of course, because my *** really wasn't harming him in any way, and hey, at least I was out there exercising, working on it. And I was wearing black gym shorts - not some clingy tights or something, so really, what could he see? But then I put it in perspective...who the **** does this self-important idiot teenage think he is, that he's entitled to go around shouting insults at people, like he's some kind of world-beautification police or something?
Consider the source, and don't let some rude, judgemental, small-minded person ruin your day. If you let that prevent you from going out and enjoying your life, then you've let him control you, and neither one of you deserve that.
But then I put it in perspective...who the **** does this self-important idiot teenage think he is, that he's entitled to go around shouting insults at people, like he's some kind of world-beautification police or something?
YES - consider the source. A major point I'd like to make is that people who insult others usually do it for A LAUGH. Yes, that's right - a laugh. When you think about how our society now considers comedy to be insulting & degrading, you'll see what I mean. I remember waaaayyyyy back in the day, Don Rickles, a well know comedian, was just Mr. Insult USA. But he couldn't compare to the comedians today - the things they say are SO outrageous. Comedy shows, comedy skits, etc. - it is mostly making fun of others.
I'm not saying "it's OK" or that it's "right"... I'm just saying "that's how it is"... so yeah, consider the source.
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Maybe the stranger in the gas station was reacting negatively to you
because of your appearance, and maybe he wasn't.
But suppose he was....
Imagine how he would treat somebody whose appearance didn't please
him because of being the wrong skin color, or having a physical
impairment. Maybe he's one of those anti-social people who
would have deliberately bumped into an adolescent boy to see if he
could make the kid drop what he was carrying, or the type of person
who might grope a sexy-looking woman while passing her in the doorway of
a gas station, or the type of person whose pets keep dying prematurely.
If he was showing comtempt to you because of your appearance, then
you already know he's some type of scum, but don't assume he's an otherwise respectable person who only has a chip on his shoulder about
fat people. Odds are he's more generally screwed up and his hatreds
aren't so neatly contained.
I hate the way the mirror lies to me!!! That's the worst feeling ,when you look in a mirror and you look good then you go out get a photo of the night and you look like 2 times the size you thought you were .
I get paranoid sometimes when people look at me but most the time that I'll get a comment or remark on the roads it's usually compliments. I remember leaving a club one night a few years ago and some boy called me a fat *****. That crushed me. You shouldn't let looks affect you because sometimes people tell me I give confusing or angry looks when in reality I'm just thinking...
I remember when I was at my heaviest weight of 260, whenever we would go out to eat, especially at an all you can eat buffet restaurant, I would get looks of disgust and the feeling of "why are you even here" but then a lot of the people giving me these looks were also heavy. I've learned to just ignore people if I think I'm getting any certain hurtful looks.
There's a big difference between "He gave me a look of disgust" and "he had a bad expression on his face". For my own sanity's sake, I'd choose the latter. There's what actually happened and there's how you *interpret* what happened. Life is too short to care about what strangers think.
I will always remember one time when i was coming home from college, i was just arround the corner when a car pass and they yell to me fat ***, i feeled so bad that i run home to cry to my mom, it was terrible and all the people looking at me in the street
Hi Siren, I think we've all been there. I was watching my son's soccer game and I overheard some kids talking about how my jeans might explode. I remember that remark, but I've put my own twist on it. It was a wake up moment for me. I convinced myself that I needed to make some changes. I think their rude remarks actually helped me. Flow
Fortunately (for them, hehe), no one has ever came right out and said anything to my face. However, what I really hate is feeling "invisible". I can't stand to go out with my skinny friend and watch all of the guys come up to her and ignore me. The thing is, I'm really outgoing, so it is not because I am projecting a negative attitude. It is the weight, and I hate it!
Teachergrrl, I can totally relate. I am fun, outgoing, always have a smile on my face, smart (if I do say so myself!) and interesting yet I never get attention from guys; it's always my thinner friends. You really do feel invisible when things like that happens; half the time I wouldn't even be interested but it would be nice to just be approached!!!
I remember that remark, but I've put my own twist on it. It was a wake up moment for me. I convinced myself that I needed to make some changes. I think their rude remarks actually helped me. Flow
