Hey Everyone...
First of all, I'm really sorry to put a damper on you on this beautiful day by submitting a thread like this, and I know I'm always here complaining...but I wouldn't be here complaining, but instead, giving advice just like the rest of you, if only by my weightloss were a sucess-- but it's not. And that's why I'm here,that's why I'm losing hope, losing faith in myself. I don't know, I don't know why everything in life comes harder than usual.
For two years I've been trying to lose the weight I gained. 30 pounds is not much to ask for, right? An average person can usually lose this 30 pounds in a span of 4-5 months. Well why is it taking me longer than 24 months then!? While I did have my ups and downs-- more downs now that I look back, it still wasn't something that should completley sabottage my weightloss. But make me gain even more weight?! Despite all the excercise I do!? Another 10 pounds gained.
I go to school full-time (I have gym class 3 times a week) and have two jobs, both consist of being on my feet all day, running around, helping people. I also try to go to the gym 2-3 times a week, ride my stationary bike and jump rope. But latley, I can't do it anymore. I'm so exhausted. All the friggin time. I just can't do it anymore.
My eating is not consistent. My life is hectic, and I have trouble having my main meals other than breakfast. But aside from breakfast, which I always mak sure to have (usually yougurt, bran buds and sliced fruit parfait with a glass of v-8) I just nibble around all day. I don't eat a decent lunch and almost never have dinner, but I'm eating every 1-2 hours. It's hard to count calories, and even though they may not come from the healthiest and most wholesome foods, I find that the total would average from 1100 to 1300 calories.
I'm always uncomfortably full, I'm NEVER hungry. People say, eat whole grains, it takes more time to digest so you'll feel full longer. I don't need that. I can eat a slice of cake and feel full for the rest of the day...so do I still need to eat healthy food anyway?
Oh I don't know where I'm getting at. To be blunt, I feel like crap. I tried excercising every day but I gained weight. I was devestated. I also knew it wasn't muscle mass because my clothes were still uncomfortably tight. Then I heard of the 80/20 rule (80% good eating, 20% excercise to lose weight), so I tried that fore a week or two and woke up this morning to find that I'm officially 152. I've never been so heavy before in my life. I thought I was fat at 137, now I'm just ashamed of myself. Because, I feel like when I don't try, I gain weight, and when I really do try, I still gain weight.
I feel so hopless.
I just want someone to tell me what's wrong with me. There's either something wrong with my head or with my body. Maybe I'm in denial? What am I denying? The fact that I'm probably consuming 1800 calories when I don't even realize it? Well some chicks here, loose weight eating that same amount, why am I ballooning like this, then? That I'm not excercising enough? Then why am I always so tired? Why does every joint in my body ache so much right now? Why do my feet hurt so much? Should I force my self to get up and excercise anyway despite the fact that I'm dying to just lie down and vegetate for once?
I feel so hopless. What's wrong with me? I got blood test results to see if I have any deficiency in my boody, but everything came out normal. Am I just trying to find some sorry excuse for my weight gain? Is this really all my fault and am I just lying to myself? I just want to lose weight...I just want to stop gaining. Ugh, some one give me a good slap in the face.
I'm really glad I got this off my chest. Even if no one read/reads this this, I'm glad to have finally released this. This 'what am I doing wrong?' speech. Now...I think I'll go bike for a bit...even though I really just wanna sleep and never wake up.