New here - and really down atm! (sorry looong and whingey post)
 

Hi everyone!!!:)

I'm new here...well technically I have been lurking here for a while, but I seem to be REALLY struggling today and decided to be brave and actually post!!

Anyway, I should admit that I am kinda lucky I guess in that I am not technically overweight I think (haven't stepped on a scale for a while) but rather on the hmm larger side of average if that makes sense (and rather embarassingly unfit and untoned atm:o)...so yea wanting to lose weight is more a self-esteem thing rather than a health thing...
Its not even that i decided that I want to be you know 'model skinny' or something like that its just that since gaining weight at the outset of puberty I have felt rather uncomfortable about my weight.

My main issue is that ever since I went to boarding school about four years ago (I'm at uni now) I picked up some unfortunate habits namely comfort eating and binging (should this be in another forum??:?: )
The thing is that since my family is rather health conscious we never had too much junk food at home (except maybe some chocolate here and there -the chocoholic gene seems to be common in my family:D ) and I was not used to having it most of the time I really took advantage of the fact that I could go and buy whatever I wanted when away from home...and eating junk became less of a 'taboo' I guess...
The fact that I was kind of unhappy for most of my time there also got me into the habit of cheering myself up with big tubs of icecream etc...

So yea my biggest problem is really that - I do think that I eat rather healthily most of the time (I dont like fast food like burgers or fries and I eat loads of fruit and veg etc), but my eating seems to happen in cicles...:(
I will eat (exceptionally) healthy for like 2 or 3 weeks at a time (not starving myself obviously just not overstuffing myself at mealtimes and not snacking too much) and then it all goes down the toilet! After loosing at least some weight during those healthy phases I will always have some kind of binge phase...

And I really DON'T know why it happens!! When I'm eating healthily I really don't feel deprieved (bcuz I do actually enjoy healthy stuff) and I ALWAYS feel (as ridiculous as that sounds) that I will NEVER be tempted by junk food again and despite trying to prepare some solutions for when it might happen again...I always seem to be caught by surprise!!! I have tried so many things: finding substitute activities (since a big part of it seems to be emotional), cutting out all refined, pre-packaged foods & sugar, going low carb even random stuff like 'behaviour-modifying' hypnosis tapes:o (yea that one is rather embarassing!!)...and despite being aware of what exactly is triggering at the time (eg stress/depression etc) I don't feel able to stop it!!!

So yea I feel kinda stupid because I'm sure that compared to many here my issues are rather insignificant...but I just feel soo demoralised beacuse after 3good weeks I just had a bingey weekend and can't seem to be able to completely get back on track since then!!!
Sometimes I feel like I am never going to be thin!!!
I just hate that for years and years I keep loosing and gaining the same couple of pounds!!!!

If anyone happens to still be awake after my looong rant:dizzy: ...I appreciate any type of suggestion or comment!!!

Hey Girlie! :) This is an ok place to post I think (the mods handle that decision) but where you should really visit is Chicks in Control. That is where we do all of our whinging and receive support when we fail.

You don't have a lot of weight to lose and your eating is "mostly" on track. You could work on the binging, but I think you'd probably benefit a lot from just adding a bit of exercise into your life. You didn't mention anything on that, so I'm assuming you don't already exercise regularly. Just a few times a week may offset the ocassional binge and help tone what you do have.

I've got a theory... but lots of people do! :lol:

I think when we're really stressed, really having to work hard, really scheduled, lots of deadlines, lots of pressure... it just starts to feel really OPPRESSIVE and then we rebel. We don't WANT to have to be the good little do-bee anymore! We just want to relax--enjoy--do ANYTHING WE WANT! In other words, revert to about age 3. ;) And what could be better than eating a whole tub of ice cream all by ourselves! Ha! Because we CAN! And that relieves that feeling of being controlled and oppressed and not having any fun in life--for awhile.

I think people use drugs and drink too much for similar reasons sometimes. At least intially.

So the hard thing is to find things that will relieve all that stress and constrained feeling other than food, drugs, alcohol... Taking a day off and going to a park and hanging out. Going for a long walk. Going to the gym. Doing yoga, meditating, visiting a church for contemplation... Things that don't involve eating "bad" foods or using other substances as a source of "fun." Because you know, it isn't fun for long...

I agree that you probably don't have to make any big changes--just fine tune what you're doing about exercise, and work on stopping the binge eating.

Good luck!

Jay