I'm sorry your friend was so tactless and couldn't see past her own issues to remark upon the wonderful amount of work you've done and you're fantabulous restraint with only 7 bites of dessert. You know, I know, these other ladies know, weight loss/maintance is a constant thing. It's not something we can quit being vigilant about. You did it the right way, planned accordingly, adjusted calories leading up to event and then, restrained yourself during it. You should be applauded for that and if this friend can't see past the end of her spiteful nose and congratulate you, I will. Congratulations on a job well done.
OK, I'm going to open another option.....she's your dear friend, you've been NICE about the comments....but the cucumber remark is WAY out of line.....what a *kind* thing to say to a dear friend....jealousy is rearing it's ugly head?
YOU HAVE LOST 97#!!!! all by yourself, she didn't do it for you. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you don't need her to watch what you eat, you're an adult and can make any choice what you prefer to eat. You shouldn't have to explain your diet logic in-depth, geeze some people just are NOSY.
you have incredible patience....I might have slapped her.
Ohhh Robin I feel ya.
I went out after work with some coworkers before a show last week and ordered a salad while they plowed down a double decker appetizer tray...they offered me some and I said no thanks, to which I then sustained the sarcastic 'oh I forgot... you're on a diet' ....well right off the shoulders I let it roll...even though I really wanted to turn around and snap back something along the lines of 'ya maybe you should think about one too man, cause you're not so svelte yourself!'
They also got pizza for the monthly birthday a couple of weeks ago for lunch...I went, I brought my water and skipped the soda, had a bunch of salad and the 2 small slices of veggie pizza there. I knew I was gonna have it, I planned it in my day...but the responses I got was oh...huh...surprised to see you here...I didn't think you could have pizza.....
whatever....it just kills me...because the more and more I lose the more and more they are all supportive and excited...but become critical the moment I either eat something they think I shouldn't or say no thank you to something I really don't want. I've just reserved myself to ignoring what other people say...even my best friend.
Let me say this. People who haven't walked 5 miles a day for weeks along with eating half of what you are used to have no clue how hard it can be. I learned this the hard way. I mean, I always knew that ppl don't seem to get it and love to slather on the advice to us who are losing, even when they have never done it. But one day after I had lost about 70 pounds in 2005 I was in my hometown visiting and we were eating at Casa Ole. Here I am counting in my head how many chips I am having b4 the food comes so I can write it all down when I leave and look it up online to see how many calories and fat grams everything has.. when I hear my sister across the table saying something about my neice gaining some weight (her daughter, who was about 5 yrs old) but adding that she doesn't eat much. And in truth she didn't eat much, and now the child is long and tall and still not eating much... but let's get back to the comment..
She was saying something about how her older girl is so thin and Jenna isn't. (wasn't yet) And my mom always says that Mallory (the older one) is like my sister (who was 95 pounds in high school) and Jenna is like me (not just weight but attitude, school interest, etc. (I was a nerd who read alot and got really high grades, Jenna does too). So then my sister says, "And I just don't want her to be like Selina, and have that problem." And I looked up and then looked at my dh and he sorta smirked, like what was that??
So even though my mom always told me to be the bigger person (ha, what a pun) and just let remarks slide, I was sick of letting them slide. So I said, "Excuse me? You are gonna say that right in front of me and HER? What right do you have to tell my neice it's bad to be like me? Much less sit here and call her fat when she isn't?" My sister and my mom of course don't like any type of confrontation. So they get quiet and then get their things and go pay for their food and then go to the car. So I did the same. She called me right after and said, "You know, I didn't mean anything by that. I don't get what the big deal is." I said, "That's exactly right. You don't get it. You were always small. You haven't dealt with being less important than other people for 26 years either just bc of your weight (bc we all know that being fat tends to negate how smart and funny and all the other things we are). And on top of that, I've had to be the 'bigger' person and let all the comments go all my life. Well, I'm not letting them go anymore. I have worked my butt off for the way I look now and I'm not letting you or anyone else make me feel bad about myself again, esp. not in front of your and my kids!"
She just sat there on the other end of the phone. Then she mumbled something like 'well I didn't mean to say anything to bother you' or something. I couldn't let it go anymore. I went and packed and drove back to my home in Houston. I didn't even stay to hunt eggs so we did our own here at home (we had colored more than 70 to take down there). And I am NOT the kind of person to make my kids miss out. I was just so infuriated (for one of the first times in my life). Instead of having any empathy for me and the battle I have fought sense before I could write my name, she continued to step on me.
Do you want to know why it was especially touchy for her at that time???
She is heavier than she has ever been. She weighs about 128 or maybe more now. And she is 4 ft 11 in tall. She is in bigger clothes than ever, maybe bigger than when she was pregnant. And she is now dealing with ppl making comments. My uncle (the joker of the family) also keeps telling her "Hmm, looks like you are going up when your sister is going dowwwwwn." And you have to realize that she never has read books on losing, or how others have lost, and now she is beginning to get scared that she can't lose it. Ever. I have empathy for her in this. (yep, back to being the understanding one of the two of us). It is all new to her. And one more thing about this, ever since I said something to her, she has been very supportive and more understanding. She even compliments me when I see her, which is nice to hear (even though I tend to think it is a bit forced, I say thank you anyway). I truly believe that when I was very heavy I didn't think I had a right to defend myself. Now I do, and she along with everyone else have to get used to it.
So always remember that each person who makes these comments is probably fighting a battle of her own, maybe weight, maybe something else. But whatever it is, they want the focus off them and on you. Doesn't mean they are hateful, just confused by their own thoughts. And I have always said that when you start looking better, others get scared because things WILL change. And it's the truth.
My mom does that to me. Like at thanksgiving when we were still at our friends house and pies were brought out I didnt eat any and she assumed it was because I was "dieting". So when we got home and 2 hours later I had pie she ragged on me about not being able to resist it.
Uh...no, just wasnt hungry then. In fact I was stuffed.
But even my DOCTOR did it once. I was in to get a fasting cholesterol screen and the first appt they could get me was 1 pm. So I hadnt eaten since 8 pm the night before. As soon as they drew my blood I pulled out a clifbar. She started commenting on how THAT was why I was fat. Eating clif bars. Ummmmm Its 2:00 pm and I have eaten a whopping 240 calories today. Yeaaaaah.
I will NEVER understand why people comment about other people's eating habits. Maybe it's because I've had a weight problem for a long time (in fact, before I was heavy I was too thin so I always heard the "you're going to blow away in the wind" comments, which annoyed me as a child), so I guess it's easy for me to see how hurtful and just plain irritating it can be. But still...how can people not see how rude they're being? I honestly don't get it! If a coworker came to work and only ate plain lettuce leaves for three days straight and then had two boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts on the fourth day, I honestly don't think I'd say a word. You know why? Because I don't CARE! It's her body, her choice -- she can do what she wants! I'd give anything if everyone felt the same way. We all know what's good for us and what's bad, and we know when we're making bad choices. Heck, I PLAN to make a bad choice here and there just to treat myself, and I don't need anyone to TELL me it's a bad choice.
It really is amazing that people will try to give you advice about losing weight even when they've never had to lose an ounce. People STILL try to give me advice, even though I've lost 70 pounds since July. First they ask me how I'm doing it, and then when I tell them they proceed to tell me how I SHOULD be doing it.
Robin, I'm sorry she was so rude to you. Many times people open their mouth without thinking. I have definitely had my share of food police since starting this wt. loss journey.
At Christmas my sister's MIL commented on me having a piece of pie. She was totally rude and said "I see that you are going to end up fat again". I wanted to smack her but instead just laughed and said "not on your life". Since she is about 100 lbs. bigger than me, I'm guessing she hopes I gain my weight back. I don't know why she thought what I eat or what I weigh is any of her business at all. I didn't offer any excuses to her. I had purposely skipped my breakfast so I could have 1 piece of dessert.
Sometimes I just want to tell the food police "dammit, I have lost over 90 lbs. so I obviously don't need you telling me what I should or shouldn't do and while we're at it maybe you should watch what you eat".
I just remember a line my mother used on a food police neighbour once : "You look in your plate and I'll look in mine" and she kept on eating... love my mom!!
My SIL is a lot like your friend. She lost a TON of weight from the time she was a teenager to now (too much, we all think) because she was obsessed about her weight. Now, everytime I am around her, I feel HUGE and completely discouraged. She is not as tactless, but she says things like "no one here is going to lose weight because I see what they are eating..." (she is running a family Biggest Loser program) I think she is not mean-spirited, just like your friend isn't, but she might not always think of the ramifications of what she says before she says them. I am proud of your strength in just having 7 bites of that many desserts. I honestly don't think I could have done that. Don't worry about what others think or say- all that matters is what you think & do. Good Luck!
I just remember a line my mother used on a food police neighbour once : "You look in your plate and I'll look in mine" and she kept on eating... love my mom!!
I can see you can all relate and FULLY understand. I kinda knew you would. When I'm with my friends...... I am the only one amongst us who is counting calories. It works for me and I plan on doing it forever and ever. I don't think my friend meant to be mean or unkind in anyway. I think she was just being ummm.... not too swift. And she's a real, real bright one. Go figure. I also don't think she can fathom actually planning on eating dessert and planning a whole week in advance at that. If she says something again, I will have to just tell her in a nice way (I'm not looking to cause a rift here), that I really don't appreciate her comments. That they bother me. Hopefully it won't come to that. But I have a feeling, a strong one at that, that it will be necessary to say something sooneer or later.
And Ilene, something tells me your mom's line is going to get a lot of use from here on in. I for one will DEFINITELY be remembering it. The food police. Grrr. Gets me so mad. I think I will need to get used to it.
While I do agree with everyone that the "friend" was tactless in her chosen words, and the comment didn't have any place being made - I also see the other side of the coin.
When I'm chubby (like I am now.... 168 at present typing) I swear to you that MY DIET and MY EXERCISE and MY WEIGHT LOSS (or gain) is my MAIN daily train of thought. So of course I talk about it. When I'm thin, I talk less about it - WAY LESS! - but it is still in the back of my mind.
I have a friend who is obese. I love her to death, and we've known each other well over 30 years. (geesh! I just made myself feel old! LOL!) We've talked about weight & weight loss to the extremities. Why we eat, what our downfalls are, how we feel about it, etc. When we were teenagers, I was very thin (too thin) & she was "normal". Not fat, but normal, with a little bit of a tummy pooch. It shocked me when she recently told me that she still sees me like that, but considers herself to be "cow-like". HUH??? I mean, we've BOTH gained & lost weight - LOTS of it. But she has gained much more, and I am, even at my heaviest, still thinner than her.
Yet, I do diet, and exercise. Sometimes I do the two-steps forward and three-steps back thing, which is why I gain/lose/gain/lose - but I am always TRYING. She doesn't. She'll eat three or four helpings of dinner, and have two candy bars at lunch, & never eat breakfast (or eat way too much) - and then she'll ***** about HER WEIGHT. Then of course, sometimes, she throws out the junk food & tries to eat healthy, but if I ever make a suggestion of something she can do better or whatever, she gets snippy. I understand this behavior - I DO - but after so many years of the same old yappity-yap, you get kinda tired of hearing it. I even get tired of hearing it when it comes out of my mouth.
So maybe best friend was just having an off-day that day. I'm just sayin' - AND TRYING - to not be so critical even of those who don't always say the right thing.
If she's tried to give you support otherwise, it's possible she wasn't herself at that very social event, perhaps nervous or preoccupied. Let's hope that's it. But why on earth she would bring it up later and use an almost humerous word like "fiasco" - kind of sounds like she was trying to minimize what she knew was a mistake or get you to laugh about it to get herself off the hook.
I hope she's apologized by now and it's over in your mind and hers. But if that's not the case and it comes up again, remind her you were within your calories and ask her if she honestly believes you will only deserve nice desserts when you weigh less. It's possible she really thinks you don't, and that somehow she's supposed to stop you until you are worthy. If these ideas are in her head, you two need to TALK!
Sorry the night had a low spot. Sounds great otherwise.
love my mom!!
The food police. Grrr. Gets me so mad. I think I will need to get used to it. 
