Hi,

Why is it assumed that fat people are slobs and unattractive?

I am very sure that I get treated very differently because I am larger, especially when I go shopping.

My hubbie has always been really supportive, but my in-laws drive me nuts with their attitude, almost as if I am some sort of slob.

In general, I thik this attitude is really prevalent in society (especially UK) and its almost criminal to be fat.

Ok, Im off to the movies.

S

Have you ever seen any of the specials where they have the same person go places -- thin and then in a "fat suit" and it's amazing the difference in how they are treated. They've even done some where someones car breaks down and the "model" gets tons of people to stop, but when she puts the "fat suit" on, no one will stop. It's really pretty sad to judge people on their outward appearance.

I am shocked and appalled EVERY DAY at how differently I am treated now that I am thin than when I was fat. It makes me sad.

Hi Sara,
I agree about the prevalence in our society today, UK and elsewhere! THe following statements I make are of course based on my own beliefs and opinion based on current knowledge I have gained thus far (both external and internal).

I have been on both sides of the coin, nice figure and fit and overweight! I had and have to deal with things on either end and so that is why I feel it is so important that we must be secure with and in ourselves, love ourselves and believe in ourselves and even if we are not so happy with the current situation to have a belief and good attitude while reaching our goal, whilst in the meantime, remembering the beautiful and positive things about ourselves along the way (internally, etc. )

I do not consider myself a follower, never have! THank goodness for that! I think being a bit of a noncormfist in subtle ways is a good thing in certain avenues or respects. For example; society's beliefs, views and expectations regarding beauty! It changesssssssss! In the days of mariyln monroe, to be curvy and have an hourglass figure was in! THen, we hit the waiff look! To be pencil skinny! We are bombarded by what is acceppted, via t.v, magazines, you name it! What is scariest about this is how not only it influences our psyche, but that of our young people, children and teens! A search for identity is in place, and voila, roll models! It just recently came to my attention thatn ow underweight models are banned from performing or being acceppted. Eating disorders went up during the super thin skinny society promoting days, correct me If I am wrong.

Societal expectations or demands surely have a huge impact and as much as I hate to say it (and hate it) stereotypes have been and are a stronghold universally...only difference is they vary a bit from culture to culture, etc.
I honestly never felt the need to be super thin, even when it was in, I just always wanted and wantthe best I can be! for me! where i feel comfortable and happy with myself and am content with it! Personally, I think curves are sexy! same thing with fashions or fads of this sort, oh bell bottoms are in then out, this is in and out! please people, I wear what looks best on me!!!!!! I dont care if its in or out, if i feel good and happy how i look, thats what counts!

Sara, I don't know exaactly what is being said to you by your in-laws to have prompted you to post or walk away from the situation not so feeling good, but dont let anyone or anything get you down! I don't know your situation, but I think that people, even close ones, can sometimes say things that have a negative impact without realizing it or just dont understand.
Pay no attention Sara, fight it! and fight it like the dickens!

As for your comment of societal view about overweight persons as being slobs, etc. , not just in the U.K, but from my personal experience seems to be more of a prevalent view in all of europe! The other one is, (a very stereotypical and common belief here and elsewhere) no willpower! ohhhhhhh, that makes me mad! All of my life, I always beleived in my strong willpower. One day, long ago, (after i had put on weight) a woman freind of mine happened to utter the words, "no willpower" boy did I get mad! yes i have willpower, and strong willpower, once I set my mind to it I can do anything! hmmm, it's no wonder I have gone from being an extremely social person with tons of friends to basically a hermit, very weary and picky of who I surround myself with!

To get to the punchline,,,,,,, don't let anyone get you down, absolutely do not stand for negative comments like that! Don't let anyone bring you down or make you feel bad about yourself! what do they know? think about it? You know yourself better than anyone! introspect, analyze, introspect! well ok, i guess that's it for now, you struck a chord in me and I get passionate about such things, which is good because i can fuel or channel it......hope you had a great night at the movies do let us know if it was good and or if you have any recommendations.

While people do get treated differently based on outward appearances, I've also noticed that we often treat ourselves differently as well. I was just thinking about my daughter the other day. She used to color and perm her hair and wear makeup. Since she's put on weight, she doesn't do that anymore. She keeps her hair in a ponytail, wears no makeup, tries to make herself look unattractive. And I remembered...I used to do that. I wore a ponytail more often than not. I wore frumpy clothes. My daughter favors sweats.

heaven, I just saw your post. You feel responsible in some way for your daughters current behavior? OH my goodness, and, or if, you have placed a lot of emphasis on apperance, not to late to change. I don't know how old your daughter is, though I am assuming she is young. Don't you worry, t hey change!
I agree what you said about changing intrenally yet I am in a whole different ball park game. Not a kid anymore! I am a grown woman! My folks, as beautiful as they are, back in my heydey appearance was a big thing in my family! Let me put it this way, a lot of emphasis was placed on my appearence. I had a certain appearance for some time and when it began to change I dont think they quite adjusted or they had some difficulty. THey just were not used to seeing their once beautiful daughter overweight!!!!! and I got those feelings through unconscious behaviors and remarks on their side, not to mention those of others surrounding me! My parents, I love to them to no end, they are super! Needless to say, not so long ago they saw how i got ( like not wanting to go out because i put on weight or didnt look perfect, etc.) and one day my mom actually apologized! she said honey, im sorry, i think maybe i made you like this! THey felt just awful when i wouldnt even go to visit! we are not perfect, we learn from each other! As for you daughter, i dont know her age but at a young age particularly, we go through phases! for me, it only stands to reason that i was not taking as good care of myself (when i felt down) as i normally do! the best advice i can offer is, don't emphasize it! If i had a pimple on my face, my parents used to point at it and say, whats that? quizically? lol come on now! focus on the positive and build on that! maybe a new dance or spring shopping trip together? I have worked with many children and a wise woman once told me, even to focus on the positives too much is an over emphasis on appearance! A simple compliment will do. HOw true that was!

Oh, I don't feel responsible. In a way I'm responsible for how she now views food because of how I was raised to view it. But the behavior is something I've noticed that most overweight people take to. It's like...you reach a certain weight, you start feeling unattractive and so you start behaving unattractive. That weight might be different for everyone. But at some point, I've noticed that most overweight people let themselves "completely" go, and not just in the weight department. I think when I was overweight that I was subconciously thinking what's the use or something along those lines, so I didn't even bother taking the time to try and "pretty up."

I believe people treat you differently depending on your weight...because more people came up to talk to me when I was 160, and wanted to hug on me...

But in the end, I know we treat ourselves differently because of our weight, too. And people also treat girls who are too skinny differently, as well.

But then, I find the people who outwardly say to people, "You treat me like this because I'm fat..." just as annoying as, "You treat me like this because I'm black."

I mean...I am now accepting my body, and am not going to make other people uncomfortable because I am bigger. I have a bunch of nice friends at school who care about me, even skinny friends. They don't care about my size, but that DO get annoyed when I'm all depressed over it.

And everyone who says, "If you're so unhappy about it, change it!" But it's for you.

Let the people who want to be disgusted and rude be disgusted. It's for you anyways. And we can't change it. Sure, it's wrong. But racism still exists. All those things still exist. I mean, at least our size is changeable. I find worrying over other people's actions makes me miserable.

I'd rather not worry about it and worry about my own health and size and what *I* think is my good size.

I agree with you here. I gained a lot of weight during the past 10 years, went from a size 5 when I married in '97 to a size 18 now. I had very low self esteem to begin with, but with the weight it just got worst. Eventually I stopped buying pretty clothes for myself, mostly because I was embarrassed at the stores, so I wore jeans and sweats. I stopped wearing makeup because I thought, what's the point? I'm fat and ugly anyway. It's like I was waiting to lose the weight and be within the society guidelines to make myself look pretty again, otherwise it would be a waste of time. I know how silly it sounds but it made sense in my mind...sometimes it still does. I'm working on it though, not just the weight but trying to look and feel prettier every day.

I got really depressed when I was 250...but I had been for a long time. I stopped brushing my hair, brushing my teeth...but when I got thinner I started brushing my teeth to fix what I did, brushing my hair, and trying out makeup. I still don't like makeup...I don't think I'll ever wear it. But I was cutting my own hair and buying more impressive clothes.

Great topic, girls!

I have always had weight issues since I was a kid and even when I gained more and more weight over the years, I have always continued to wear makeup and do my hair. But I don't think it is because I feel confident or comfortable in my own skin. I think I do it as a way of "making up" for what the rest of me looks like.

I agree - fatism is the only socially "acceptable" discrimination. If people were to behave towards people of color the way they behave towards the obese they would be shunned, fired and sued.

I also agree on the taking care of self. I think the first step for me is dressing crappy because I dont want to spend money on clothes that size. So I will live in one pair of jeans and wear them too tight or too loose. Then it degrades to - why bother with the rest of my appearance when my clothes look like crud. etc.

Interesting topic. I do believe that there is a different standard of treatment for overweight people. And not all overweight people let themselves go, I have known some plus size ladies who really do present a great image of themselves. But for me, while I don't think I was a total slob, I know that the more overweight I got, the less care for my appearance I took. It was all subconscious, but looking back on it now, I realize that I let too long go between haircuts, I didn't really take the care with my make up that I do now, I didn't work hard to find clothes that were flattering to my body type. All part of the negative image I had for myself.

Hi sarah...you are absolutely right...overweight people are indeed treated differently and discriminated against... Its in America/Europe/Australia/Asia every where!!!

Now when you complain about this...people will tell YOU to change and be positive or ignore others blah blah! But is that the correct answer? I do not think so!!! (Its like telling disabled to ignore or be postive rather than fight discrimination...how fair is that?) I wish all overweight people stand up for it rather than just suffer/ignore this fact! Most overweight people will not be able to maintain weightloss all their life (proven stats) and further more obesity is going to increase and more and more of our kids will suffer from this.

Its proven in studies that:

1. Academic and professional success is more likely if you are better looking (even if you had similar qualifications).
2. Thin people tend to break traffic rules more often than overweight people but thin people are more likely to be forgiven by the traffic police.
3. Look at Miss USA (Tara Conner)...She got a second chance merely for her looks (there were thousands of other women who were probably rejected/disqualified in the first round because they were a lb or 2 overweight or an inch or 2 shorter...they never got a second chance)!

I have had issues with my inlaws as well (honestly, i can never respect them as much as I would hve otherwise now)! People who havent been through this struggle will NEVER UNDERSTAND!!!