Need a hug...
 

I'm new here but I could use a :hug: . DH is in Iraq and I've been working since beginning of Dec. to lose weight. Well, today while talking with DH I let something slip (it was supposed to be a surprise) about my loss. When I told him how much I had lost, all he said was "that's nice". Not a way to go, I'm proud of you, nothing. :?: I've lost 25 pounds guys, that's major for me! I haven't been this small in like 7 years.

I'm not going to let this stop me, but it really is a bummer!

Thanks for listening!
Jenn

Awwww.... :hug: You're right not to let it stop you; having our mates notice and be impressed by our weight loss is wonderful, but at heart you have to do this for YOURSELF.

I'm sure he was just distracted.

Here's a big :hug: from me, too. Men can be really thoughtless sometimes. Just remember what callystia said . . . you've got to do it for yourself. :D

Jenn, if it makes you feel any better, I had to tell DH when I lost 100 pounds and he squinted his eyes, looked at me and said ...

That's nice, dear! :lol:

just like your DH. Men!!

(it doesn't mean that they don't care or appreciate how hard we've worked ... I think sometimes they just don't know what to say when the topic is weight ... it's such a minefield!)

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Jenn,

My take on it is this...men just don't take weight/weight loss as that big a deal, especially in the women that they love. The reason for that is because they love us either way, and often don't see the differance when we do change because they just don't think about it. Either way, we're beautiful/sexy to them. It seems strange to us, because we obsess about it so much.

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and that pretty much comes straight from his mouth:)

I am sorry that he did not share your victory with you! I am proud of you, as 25 pounds is quite an accomplishment! Keep on, keeping on! Be so proud of yourself, and keep up the awesome work!

I know my husband doesn't seem concerned because whether I am 200 pounds or 150 pounds, he loves me just the same. It doesn't make it easy. That is why I come here for support.
You have done awesome. You should be really proud of yourself. Congratulations.

I started on my weight control just today, but have been "talking" about it for months after last bub. My other half says he will support me and asks how. I am lucky to have him, but i wish he wouldnt discuss it with his work collegues. It's embarrassing cause he works in a warehouse where gossip is rife. If I fail I don't want people to snigger at me. I know he's only trying to help but I'd rather he help silently.

He always tells me I am beautiful and loves my body and can't understand WHY I want to do this for myself.

Males - They just don't get it.

Aww, I'm almost in tears! Thanks ya'll!!! I feel better. He's usually such a thoughtful guy, it just caught me off guard I guess. But, here's to keepin' on keepin' on!

I love you all!!!

How long until DH comes home? I'll bet you'll knock his socks off when he actually sees you in person! :D

Congratulations on the awesome wt. loss. WTG. Your DH will be so happy when he sees you. I'm sure it's hard for him to visualize it over the phone. Plus men are just men.

meg is right, wt is such a "minefield". My DH said very little while I was losing weight. I told the people here on 3FC's that I finally met my goal at least 2 weeks before I told DH. He didn't really encourage my wt. loss or discourage it. He never said anything bad at all before I lost the weight. He has now said that one reason he never says much about it is he thinks I'll think that he thought I looked bad before. (man, that didnt' come out right , but I'm sure you'll know what I mean). Hugs.

Jenn, Congratulations on your success! He'll be so proud of you when he sees you!

I agree with Meg who said that men don't know what to say. My husband always seems to think it's a trick question, when I say something about my weight, and he's never sure what to say. I finally had to tell him a few months ago that I needed him to say encouraging things to me, and he's tried to since then.

Lilybelle, I understood exactly what you meant.

:bravo: :cp:


:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: Jenn rocks!!! :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

You know, I've learned - slowly - that if we want something from the men in our lives, we have to be blunt and ask them directly for what we want. Hints they usually don't catch; subtlety passes right under their radar. But if we tell them flat-out, "Honey, here's what I want from you in this situation..." they're usually more than happy to try to give us that. At least, my DH (well, we're not married, but near enough) is like that. If I call him when I'm feeling lonely and insecure (it's a long-distance relationship) and just expect comfort, it usually doesn't work, and I end up getting mad at him for being "unsupportive". However, when I call and tell him, "Love, I'm really lonely and kind of insecure right now. Can you please spend some time with me and remind me that I'm not alone in this?" he will do exactly that, and especially once I've told him what my general need is, he can take it from there.

The moral of the story: Don't be subtle or expect him to know what to say. Smack him upside the head with a clue-by-four, and he'll be much more helpful. ;)

Oh, gosh! :hug: :hug: :hug: He probably just didn't know what to say. He might have been afraid that if he sounded too positive, you would think he didn't like you the way you were. Sometimes men get in a bind that way! So give him the benefit of the doubt and TRUST that he is happy for you even if he didn't make a lot of noise.

Congratulations to you for all your hard work! You are truly a winner.

Jay

a lot of men have no concept of what 25 lbs means either. To them it seems a lot smaller than it is for us.

Sending you tons of cyber hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Try not to let it bother you. Your hubby loves you either way, with or without an extra 25 lbs. Men just don't seem to be bothered by weight like we are. It's also real hard for him to get a visual picture of you. Wait til he gets one good look at you and it really sinks in what you have done. He will be so proud of you. Congrats on the phenemonal weight loss, yet alone under so much stress. You have much to be proud of.

Just throwing another point in here... it could possibly be that he is worried that you may be looking even more gorgeous than when he went away and he may be worrying about whether you will catch the eye of other gentlemen. Being so far away from you could bring a whole lot of new insecurities that you hadn't noticed before. I could be talking out of a hole in my hat, but I am kinda thinking out loud.

As far as something that has already been said... my hubby has NEVER told me how much better I look now, because he loves me at any size. It used to disappoint me, but the more I think about it, I think I would be disappointed if he said I looked 'better' now, because then I would wonder how he could have put up with me when I was bigger. Sometimes men know just the right things to NOT say.

I hope you don't have to be apart for too much longer, as I know I would be lost without my 'baby'.

Zelma

sometimes it doesn't hit home until someone sees you

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Awww...sweetie.

Mine never said a WORD about my ever-increasing weight until this past New Year's Day and then he got really aggressive. He told me he didn't want me looking like I currently did or feeling as I currently felt or living like I currently lived on New Year's Day, 2008. To him, this wasn't about weight but about a lifestyle change.

In your case, the distance adds another complexity. You must be worried to death about having him so far away in Iraq as it is, and he probably doesn't want you to worry about your weight, too. He's going to love you any which way.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: Just you wait till he gets home and sees you :carrot:

Jenn!

Here's a hug for you! :hug:

I agree with the crew...Men often have no idea how to react. If they make a big deal over the news then they think WE will think they thought we looked bad before. If they DON't make a big deal over the news then at least they won't be accused of INSINUATING that we might have looked less than fabulous before!

Also, we are so involved with our weight loss that the average person or even our husband can't really completely "get" how much effort it takes to accomplish unless they have also been through something like that.

I agree with the many who have said to do this for yourself. I'm also sure that being in Iraq has GOT to be very, very difficult no matter what. You are fighting a battle, too, just not the same one as he is! Go for it, and come back here to 3FC. We know how you feel finally losing TWENTY-FIVE pounds!:carrot: That's fantastic!

Cheryl

I think your poor DH is quite stressed out over there in Iraq and that's why he's not himself (you said he's usually more thoughtful). With what he's going through right now in Iraq - life and death situations and the sacrifices he's making for us (which I hope he knows we truly appreciate), weightloss just seems so petty. To you (and me) its not petty, but in the grand scheme of HIS life right now, its pretty insignificant. Like the others said, weightloss is generally petty to most men, but when a man is stressed out for VERY good reason, its even less a meaningful issue to them.

Originally Posted by Nikaia:
Smack him upside the head with a clue-by-four, and he'll be much more helpful. ;)

clue-by-four :lol3: I am SO stealing this phrase....

Marree - I moved your question about airplane seats to its own thread so it wouldn't get lost. :) Go here: Help - Airplane Seats