For the past two weeks I've just been feeling terrible. Granted, last week and this week, I haven't exercised at all. So, it may just be exercise withdrawal. But, I go through this like once a month or more for more than a week.
I feel fat. I feel bloated and flabby. When I was heavy, I looked in the mirror and saw myself thinner than I really was. Now, I look in the mirror, and all I can see is fat. Especially when I look in the mirror when I'm naked. I hate my flabby stomach, my flabby arms, my flabby thighs. I know it's all mostly extra skin and there is nothing I can do about it, but that makes me feel worse. I can feel my ribs, see them when I suck in my gut, I can see my collar bones. I know that everyone else sees me as thin, but I just can't see it. I think I just have an unreal perception of myself and I don't know what to do to fix it. I can grab handfuls of flesh. I wish that I could just cut them off sometimes. I'll never be able to afford the surgery unless I win the lottery.
I'm just so disgusted with my body and what it has turned into. I want a flat stomach. I want to be able to wear shirts that cling to my body and not have to worry about all my extra belly skin jiggling around when I walk. I don't want to have to worry if people are looking at my extra arm skin flying around when I move my arms in a certain way. I hate wearing pants and having that extra belly skin hang over the top of them when I'm sitting.
Yes, I know what I've accomplished and I'm happy for it. I'm just so unrealistically scared that I am going to gain it all back. I obsess over it. It's all I think about. "I'm going to get fat again, I'm going to get fat again." I hate it and it depresses me to no end. I eat healthily and I try to get regular exercise. I always thought that I could get rid of this stomach problem, but when my doctor told me that it was all extra skin, I realized that it was pointless.
I'm really, really hating this right now and I just don't know how to feel or what to do.
Thanks for posting that. Not that I'm happy you're going through this, but I think it helps to know that someone else feels like me.
When I first starting reading these boards last fall, you were just finishing your weight loss and I was in awe of you. What an inspiration!
Now I'm a year into my weight loss and have lost almost 100 pounds. A lot of people tell me I'm an inspiration.
And I feel like I'm a fraud, because I have lots of days just like you do. How can I have lost almost 100 pounds and still be obese? I know I'm never going to have a skinny little body because I can just see where the flabby skin is going to be. And I am terrified of gaining it all back too! How can I be an inspiration when I haven't even maintained anything yet??
So, what to do??
Sometimes maybe it helps to look at ourselves as though we were outsiders. Why is it you would be an inspiration? Well, look at all you've accomplished! You've changed your entire life! You eat healthy and exercise and do better than probably 80% of the population.
And you know what? Many women who have never weighed above a size 2 feel fat, just like you do!
Finally, you know it's once a month you feel this way. Is it TOM?? Also, can you tell yourself that this is just not rational?? Sometimes that helps me a little!
You know what? You are still a huge inspiration for me. I've watched you reach goal and then continue to change your lifestyle after that. And I think it's perfectly normal that you and I will feel this way a lot of the time.
Have you exhausted all options about getting reconstructive surgery? You know, it can be covered by insurance, since it's reconstructive and not considered cosmetic. When I once again become gainfully employed, I'm going to find an insurance company that covers the type of surgery I want to get, and get that insurance. I'm actually going to begin the process soon. And also, most surgical centers offer financing as well.
Do you wear a shaper? I know it helps me feel better about my stomach. They also got ones that shape your thighs too. I wear mine all the time.
I hope you feel better (And start exercising too, it always helps me feel less flabby).
I am sorry you feel so down right now. I could have written your post about myself. I recently reached goal and am not happy with the loose skin that I have. Some days I wake up feeling thin. Some days I wake up feeling fat. I obsess over the scale if I go up a pound. Other people tell me I am "skinny or thin" but to me, I feel like I am average sized. I have no butt at all and it doesn't look good in jeans or capris. I actually think my body looked best at about 170 lbs. while I still had some curves and the loose skin was not near as bad. I don't mind losing the DD's but I hate how my breasts look now. I definitely don't have a flat tummy either. As for plastic surgery, I want it and can't afford it right now. I keep hoping to win the lottery too and then I would just get my whole body over-hauled.
Sometimes I feel negative about my changes and then I think of all the great health benefits from losing the weight and I start to see things a lot more positively.
I know that you have been a great inspiration for me as well as for many others here at 3FC's. I wish I could say more to help.
For the past two weeks I've just been feeling terrible. Granted, last week and this week, I haven't exercised at all. So, it may just be exercise withdrawal. But, I go through this like once a month or more for more than a week.
I know how you feel I finally pin pointed why I go through a week once a month that I feel just terrible and nothing is ever right, I want to quit work, get depressed about little things and so on. For me the week right before my period I feel like this and it took me 15 years to figure it out!! I am a dork but now that I know this happens one week before AF I can deal with it and mentally change my attitude. Don't know if this helps but maybe it is just a hormone change if this is happening once a month.
I bet you look fabulous!! Losing 100+ lbs is something to be proud of!!
Hope you feel better soon!!
Instead of saying: "I'm going to get fat again, I'm going to get fat again." , what if you replaced it with: "I'm choosing never to get fat again. Every day I'm making the choice to stay healthy and fit"? The power to keep the weight off is 100% under your control -- I promise the weight won't sneak back on by itself.
Meg -- Thanks for your post, especially the framing of the fears there. Please feel free to say that again to me when I'm getting scared!
Thank you all SO VERY much for all of your kind words, your little stories and your support. It means so much to me. You are all wonderful, caring people and I love you all!!
Sometimes I feel like I'm abnormal for feeling this way. My DH says that I'm completely unreasonable about it. The scale goes up three pounds and I freak out. He always tells me, "you are not fat", "you are not going to gain all that weight back" and "you look fantastic". He gets aggravated because I don't always believe him. He doesn't understand why I feel the way I feel.
I really do think I have a warped self-image. I pretty much just realized how insecure I really still am. I don't like that. I've tried to change it. I've tried to look in the mirror and see myself how I really do look to others. I just can't.
Maybe it is TOM, but my cycle is SOOOO irregular, I can never be sure.
I do wear body shaping undies when I have on a clingy dress, but that's about the only time.
I just wish that I could finally be content and happy with the way that I look. I wish that I could stop obsessing about gaining weight. I will try the suggestions that you guys gave me.
Thank you again!!!
A late reply, and I'm only going to echo the same things that other have said, but I felt the same way, too, and after maintaining for almost 5 year still have some of the fear. I think having a little of the fear can be a good thing- remembering where I came from and how easy it would be to end up back there is one of the things that keeps me maintaining all the healthy habits day after day instead of slipping back into the old me.
Do you still have an old pair of pant? I have one pair of denim shorts that I couldn't zip on the day I decided I had to change my life. I'll keep them forever. Whenever I have a mental "fat day", I pull them on and watch them fall off.
When I hit my goal weight, I had the same feelings. Elation, fear, disappointment: my body sure didn't look like the fitness models in the exercise magazines. And I did those exercises! But I'm not 26 years old and childless, either. I asked my body to put up with a lot over the years, and it still works. Lots of weight training has improved the shape and composition, the quality of the food that I eat has improved my skin and overall health, but the stretch marks and sags are still there. Like gray hair, they aren't going away. Even if I hadn't been obese, sags and stretch marks would be a fact of life at this point.
Just know you aren't alone It gets better...keep eating right and exercising...it worked, and it will continue to work for you.
Can someone tell me where to get one of these body shapers? I need one.
Everywhere ~ Walmart, Kmart, Target, probably in any underwear/bra section in any department store in the US. I buy mine for $3 at Walmart. I plan to buy an expensive one once I get to goal.
What are these, anyway? Body shapers, body-shaping underwear ... are they like girdles?
Yes they are girdles. They just have a different name these days. Personally thin or fat I tend to wear them. Why? Under my black slacks I like a smooth line (not showing my panty line). I feel comfortable wearing them. they tuck my stomach in, etc. They don't make you thin. They remold the shape a little better.
I don't know what to do or how to feel anymore
