I am just sitting on the computer tonight... I have had two thyroid screens in the past like 5 years the last one in the summer of 99 but I won't rule that out by any means. I need to get a physical, it has been a few years anyway.

Ruthie ~ The sleepiness/Tiredness... I think it has been going on forever... It was really worse when I was pregnant and I attributed it to being pregnant but I have always been able to sleep 10 hours at a stretch and not bat and eye.. and only get up because I had to.. I feel like I could sleep at just about any place at any time, if I get into calm mode I can crash... doesn't matter where I am or what I am doing.

I really wouldn't of thought about a sleep disorder until it was brought up in class today. I swear I am not one of those people who just thinks because someone says it I have it.... I got online tonight and took two online tests for sleep disorders and I passed both of them with flying colors (and I don't mean the good way) It is weird I hadn't really thought about it as a problem until today, even though my husband has been giving me a hardtime about it since forever. I will be reading a really good book and be really interested in it and not sleepy at all and fall asleep... or be playing a game (like Everquest) and realize I walked halfway across a country(zone) while I was asleep with my head on my desk, falling asleep while driving :(... reading outloud to my daughter and fall asleep while in mid sentence. All of this just seemed normal to me, until today- Being 30 years old and still able to sleep for 12 hours straight isn't too normal (and wanting to sleep 12 hours straight because I feel like crap when I am awake... I don't know I think I will make an appointment with someone... just to feel them out.

Ruthie ~ I am sorry about your trees.. it annoys me when that happens, it seems so unnecessary....
There is sooo much paranoia? going on right now it isn't funny and in all honesty the lay people aren't the ones being targeted so why don't people just get a clue? Do they not realize that these people are still just trying to make a point that they can reach, the important aspects of daily life... the press, the news, and the government? They may eventually try to target the civilians again but it is going to be with something different than anthrax (IMO)... I don't know what to tell you to do about the anthrax situation but I do know that there are some civil liberties they could be infringing on... if they make you feel too uncomfortable then I would talk to your direct supervisor and if he/she doesn't do something about it... then you may have a way to pay the rest of your way through grad school :) ... You should be able to go to work do your job and go home... you shouldn't have to worry about you co-workers thinking your a terrorist... People are still so closed minded!!!!!

Wildfire ~ isn't a Blue Moon when you have two full moons in a month? or something like that?

Thanks for your imput guys I think I am going to make a Dr's Appointment. (Especially since our family deductible has been met for the year and I just have to pay the minimum on everything:) ) hehe!!!!

Hugs,
Amy
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Ruthie, I can relate to your co-worker problems. I feel the same way about the gossipers that I work with. I think that they go a little paranoid because I don't just join in and I actually do some work! Humans are such pack animals and have such a 'for us or against us' attitude. Don't they realize that talking all the time about fearful things can't be good for morale, etc.?

Yes, Witchy Ones--it's so cool that the full moon is happening Samhain night! At the staff meeting yesterday, I told everybody that if it was okay I wanted to take next Wednesday off. And they said 'oh Halloween?' And I said, 'yeah, religious holiday and all that!' Didn't miss a beat!!! :lol:

Thanks for your supportive responses, guys. I asked my boss today if it was all right for me to work with my door shut and he said, it's your door, do what you want! So that's what I've been doing, and oh what a difference. So much negative energy from all those discussions -- they feed off each other. I look out the window at the turning leaves in all their glory and thank God for another beautiful day in my life. I did get some satisfaction, though ... one of the stories going around yesterday was that a "middle Eastern looking" guy bought thousands of dollars worth of candy at a local wholesale outlet. This prompted people all over northern NJ to freak out and cancel trick or treating right and left. I tried to tell the girls in my office that I KNOW from EXPERIENCE in my own life (when XDH and I owned a grocery store) that it's not unusual to buy that much candy at once right before Halloween, and it's not unusual for "middle Eastern looking" people to do so b/c they own so many grocery stores!! They weren't having it, though -- they just wanted to live in their little conspiracy-theory world. Today the NY Times printed an article saying the FBI investigated, cleared it, and said it was perfectly normal. I e-mailed the article to the secretaries' supervisor and she passed it around for distribution. Ha! In your face! Amy, believe me, it has occurred to me that they're making my workplace kind of a hostile environment, but right now I'd rather just shut them out than take action against them. No one's said anything right out, so I probably wouldn't have a case anyway. They know I'm pissed, which is just making them all the more gossipy.

About the neighbors...I was able to see thru their LR windows that they have a floor to ceiling bookcase, so I wonder if that shoe-throwing noise was them putting books away. So hopefully it will stop soon.

I am baking a whole mess of veggies for dinner -- sweet potato, potato, and eggplant. I don't know what else to have with it, but I've already had 14 points today so I'd better chill. I can't find my WW book, but I'm guessing sweet potatoes are 3 points? I'll figure it out later.

Aren't we all chatty today? :) I love it!

Ruthie-so sorry you have to deal with all the negativity at work. It really isn't fair. Good for you shutting the door.

Amy-I agree, go see the doc. How is your iron level? If this started when you were pregnant, could it be as simple as being anemic???

Wildfire-I am starting the weights tonight! We are suppose to have house guests. I cleaned and cleaned and the closer it got, the less I wanted them here. The father and son are coming in to work 2 conventions. On Sunday night I asked the Goddess to delay their arrival. My home wasn't ready. I got a phone call a few hours later saying they had broken down 8 hours prior and wouldn't be in til today. Well, Chris has to work til 9-10ish tonight. They are his friends. (I don't like them) I am hoping the hotel room reservations are set. He is suppose to start tomorrow and the people put him up in a hotel. So I am hoping my desires come true. Why did I agree to it? Well, sometimes for the sake of a relationship, you must deside what battles are worth fighting. I thought this is something I could live with. I guess it wouldn't kill me but I won't be happy. We will have to be quiet while they sleep ect... Convention work is wierd hours. Yuck! So, I hope I have the house to myself, if not I do them in my bedroom! ~flower

Well, my company got here. I guess my wish is now, please be gone by tomorrow! :) They haven't been too bad. The boys love having them here. They love helping building bikes and ramps and video games.... Not what I like at all! I hope I will survive. I had to wait till 9pm for my walk cause I do not allow anyone in my home unattended any more. Too many things gone, when I wasn't looking. It is so sad that I trust noone anymore.

Wildfire-wasn't is you who wanted the food journal posted? Well, what are you eatting??? I did the workout last night. I failed miserable at that thing for your tummy. Can you say immpossible???? The rest, doable but I did feel the burn! :) ~flower

Hi all. I went shopping tonight....and to my surprise fit into a smaller size pants. I think maybe the store is making them bigger. *L*

Flower, I think it was Goddess who asked that the food journal be revived. I've been so busy I just haven't had time to post my food. It's after 10:30 here and I still have to do crunches, pack lunches, iron clothes, paint my nails...yada, yada, yada....I just don't have enough day! I was surprised that I felt the workout after I did it. More to it than it seems.

Really have to run, just wanted to pop in and say hello to all of you. Tomorrow I have to be in Toronto and it will be late before I get home, and Friday I'm going to a candle party. So if you don't hear from me until the weekend, I'm hanging in there and sticking to my workouts! :)

I wish someone would shoot me! :(

I have had the worst food day in a while... It started out really good but I have had a crappy day and I ended up eating like 8 oatmeal cookies... That is for the most part all the bad I had but man, why did I do that? If I had not of eaten those I would of been right at my 1200 calories for the day and that was with two pieces of fruit. Grrrrrr.... I feel like a cow this week, it is TOM- I took measurements last night and I wanted to just cry. Why is the last 20 pounds so freaking hard?

I don't like myself too much this week- I think I will go for now- I have whined enough.

Congrats Wildfire on the pants!!!!

Amy
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Flower--hang in there! They'll be gone soon. I've had guests before-people that I love dearly but I was so happy to see them leave after 2 weeks I danced a little happy dance in my living room when they left! Are long are yours staying?

AMYJO--courage! We've all come crawling back a thousand times. Those cookies are already digested--don't worry about it. With the oatmeal and raisins they even had a bit of nutrition there---maybe?

It was me who requested the revival of the food journal and it's been a big help--love to see more posts there! I'm going into my 7th day [wow, a whole week!] of eating well--wish me luck!

Eydie

Congrats on the pants, Wildfire! You too, Goddess, on your week-long success! Keep it up! Flower, don't let the stress of guests you don't like make you overeat (too much).

Amy, don't worry about the cookies -- be flexible. I agree with Goddess that there's probably some nutritional value there, anyway! If you can find them by you, I buy Health Valley oatmeal raisin cookies, which are really small but delicious. Three of them equal one WW point.

I am still having difficulty getting re-started -- as you know if you've seen my posts in the food journal. Gotta keep plugging away. Waahh....I know I hang onto food b/c it's my one pleasure left in life. I'm still fighting with DD and I just can't wait for this school year to be over so I can live alone again, quit my job, move away, etc., etc., etc. All right, enough self-pity.

You should see what they're doing in the lot next door -- leveling the ground, ripping out the wooden perimeter fence and taking a whole lot of bushes with it. When I come home the earth-moving machines are going non-stop, forward vrummmmm, then backward beep beep beep. It could drive you crazy.

Good things about today: more leaves will turn, I will continue working with my door shut, and I'm going to a concert tonight. Yay!

I think the biggest problem I am having is I haven't seen any weight come off in sooooo long that I am starting to get discouraged. Like I said over 3/4's of the time I am too tired to exercise and just eating "right" isn't working at all. I am hovering right around 146 it goes up a little and it comes back down- I have seen 145 on the scale once. I am just getting frustrated.

Ruthie - I understand what you mean about the constuction bit.... up the street, they cleared about 15 acres of wood for a Target store... 13 of that 15 acres is parking lot... My daughter (remember she is 8) gripes everytime we ride by it about why do people have to cut down trees and about how stupid it is.

Thanks for the support guys. Got to get the kids to school.

Amy
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I suspect a little self-sabotage coming on. Even tho I've had a good week, last nite I had thoughts like 'it wouldn't be so bad if I had this or that "dangerous" food item'. This always happens to me--I start feeling too cocky or something or when things are going well something goes off in my brain that compells me to screw it all up. So my hope is that with this awareness I can keep this streak going!

I made it thru my 8th day and **** yes, I'm proud! It's been so long since I had a good run like this and I feel so good now and have so much energy that I wonder why I ever go off this plan that works so well for me. Thank you, Goddess! [And I don't mean me either!!!]

Have a great healthy weekend, everybody!

Eydie:lol:

Good for you, Goddess! :) Between you and Flower, I don't know who's more inspirational lately!

Baby steps for me...I'm just glad I have been within points the last couple of days -- exercising is my next step. Someone I work with (and am friends with) made a comment to me today that I don't think she meant to be mean but made me feel sensitive about being fat, esp. since I gained all this weight recently. I'm trying to turn my hurt feelings into motivation somehow. So please, don't anybody say she was wrong, or a ***** -- I think too many people have avoided the topic or been nice to me, and it's helped me to ignore my massive weight gain. I'm 4'9", and a few years ago I weighed about 108 lbs. Right after I remarried in 1997, I had gotten up to probably around 118 lbs., and after I quit smoking a year later, I made my way all the way up to 163 lbs. Really, I am just huge for my height, and I don't feel like me at all (I've said that over and over in this forum, I think -- I feel like me in a fat suit). Anybody watch "Friends"? You know the flashbacks where Monica is a fat teenager, and it's that skinny little actress in a fat suit? That's how I feel right now. When I was a teenager, my weight yo-yo'ed, but as an adult I pretty much have been a thin to round person (pregnancy excluded, which was my previous high weight before now). I have to keep trying, but I just can't keep on being this fat. I can't stand it.

OK, explosion over. Maybe I'll go ride the stationery bike now. Later.

And thanks, you guys, for being my support group. I really can't picture talking to anyone else in my life about these kinds of things; I always hear the criticism in the background.

Ruthie ~ Love you hun!!!!! Sending you my warmest thoughts!!!

Goddess ~ Congrats girl... sounds like you are doing what you need to!

I had one of the best compliments today from my best friend from like middle school... we have been friends since we were like 12... we don't get to see each other too often and months go by with out us being able to talk but it is always like we talked the day before. Well to make a long story short, this lady has seen me from A to Z... There isn't anything that we haven't been through together... she has seen me at my best and my worst- I called the other day and she called me back today because she wasn't home... well she said I don't have a but a second but I just wanted to tell you(we had lunch like 6 weeks ago for the first time in over a year) that I have never seen you look so good. You look better than you have ever looked... I take this as a huge- huge compliment... I am still not were I want to be but as much as I complain I am healthier than I have ever been... I am so glad that I found you guys when I did because you really do help me stay focused.

Hugs to all,
Amy
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Ruthie, I read your post early this morning and I've thought all day about how to reply. I know what I want to get across--I just don't know how to get it out.
Sometimes I think that all it takes is a change in the way one looks at things, like 'the click' when everything snaps into place and you wonder why you didn't get it before.
I feel like I've recently had one of those'shifts in consciousness'. I've found that "depriving" myself of certain foods is really self-nurturing of the highest order! I know how I'm going to feel when I go on a binge and when I can change that behavior I'm really loving myself. When I can rouse myself to exercise when I'd like to just slug out for the day, I'm loving myself. And with this attitude I feel like I can head off my ususal self-sabotaging behavior--that's the plan anyway!
I'm a victim of thinking that for some reason I don't deserve to be at my goal weight and I've had enough! So I'm going to out-talk all those critical little voices in my head! I absolutely deserve it and so do we all! :D

Ruthie, I really know what you mean about not being able to stand it---that's ususally when people have some big wonderful breakthru! So hang on!

Just a quick hello.

My daughter has strep and is coughing and vomiting, and I'm feeling pretty crappy today. Hopefully I'm not getting what she's fighting.

Haven't eaten much at all today, and been a total slug...moving from the bed to the living room was the extent of my activity.

Where is everyone? Honestly, you can't catch this through cyberspace. :^:

I'm feeling better, but my daughter is still miserable. Now I'm faced with do I go get the material for her costume for Wednesday night, or not? I don't want to spend the money or time on a costume if she's going to be sick, and I don't think sending her out in the cold is really a smart thing to do, Halloween or not. I'm ogre mom of the year around here. :rolleyes:

Goddess, congrats on your 8 (9 now?) days of being OP and resisting temptation!

Amyjo, isn't nice when friends say things like that? Things they really mean, not just things they're supposed to say? You have come a long way, and you should be proud of yourself. The glass is half full, not half empty. ;) Give yourself a pat on the back.

Ruthie, I feel the same as you. I don't feel like the fat person I see in the mirror. I know I see myself as being much bigger than I really am, but inside I feel like I'm trapped in someone else's body. Does that make any sense? Kind of a contradiction, I know.

Where's Lamorgan hiding?

And Flower, you haven't been posting here! Now I know something's up when you don't post. ;) Everything okay?

At some point today I'm going to find time for a walk and my weights. I think after shopping and before dinner might work. I also think it's time for me to start journalling every day, so I'll be visiting the food thread, too.

TTFN

I'm here! I'm having a really difficult weekend -- much troubles with the teenage DD. I suspect, though, that she is smart enough to come around. A little while ago she shared her breakfast with me (she made a truckload of food). She has been WAY disrespectful, and I'm not having it. I withheld college app fee payments until she demonstrates that she has some gratitude in her and recognizes that I'm not just a money machine. The fighting just hurts me to my very core. I told her ... she really only has a few more months to live with me, she might as well make them pleasant. Why is she still rebelling like this? It's really a mystery to me.

DH had a Halloween party last night. I went with my sister and BIL. Unfortunately, the wench DH had that date with back in February was at the party, and I just couldn't bring myself to sit in my former living room with her -- and with all the people I used to hang out with, who know that story and yadda yadda yadda. I just couldn't do it. I'm just not there anymore, you know what I mean? I spent most of the party in the bedroom watching TV. I didn't catch an attitude or anything, I just waited patiently for sis and BIL to be done socializing so we could go to the next party, which was BIL's friend's -- he's 10 years younger than me, so that was a weird crowd for me to be in too. Sis had made me promise I would make an appearance at the second party instead of going straight home (b/c she knows I spend all my time at home alone now and rarely socialize and I was really depressed yesterday), so I did and she took me home after 20 or 30 minutes. It was cool.

I have been thinking that I might ask my doctor for a referral to an endocrinologist to see if I could try a rapid weight-loss program. I have been trying to analyze the causes for my failure, and one of my biggest obstacles is that I am so busy and so focused on very specific goals right now. I feel like if I could make a short-term commitment to a stringent plan, I might do better than by trying to inch along slowly, especially since I have at least 40 lbs. to lose -- really more like 50, I have to stop kidding myself. I know that I've already learned to eat a healthier diet than I ever did in my life, and I know that daily exercise is important, so once I get the weight off I won't bounce right back up b/c of bad habits. Sometimes I feel so, I don't know, empty, barren, drained, and I just can't add depriving myself of food for months and months and months to my list of sacrifices. When I was 16 and had gained a significant amount of weight, a doctor (who I now think was crazy) put me on what's called a protein-sparing fast. All I ate every day was I think 9 oz. of protein: meat, chicken, fish or egg whites. It was nearly starvation, but I lost about 10 lbs. a week. The problem was that I put it right back on, and I cheated, which I now know was very dangerous and actually could have killed me from the enzyme imbalance it caused. It was not an appropriate diet for a 16 year old. But I could do something like that now -- just carve out a few months to focus on that, be done with the bulk of the weight loss, and carry on with the two jobs, the school, the DD school, the future planning, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc. I'm going to call my doc tomorrow and see what I can get arranged.

Hi. I am lurking. Wildfire you know me so well. I am not in a good mindset. Diet is going wonderful. But personal life. Chris's friends may break us up one of these days. He has been out past 3 am 6/7 nights. I realize they live in oregon and we won't see them past mid Nov but it is killing me. I do realize they are getting him a temp job earning 25 $ an hour but I would like some time w/ him too. Times like these, you really notice what a ten year difference makes. He can't say no to them. I took off my engagement ring last night. Yesterday I had found the perfect place to get married at too. Totally hurts my feelings. I don't know if he noticed the ring, but I told him not to say he loves me. Because I don't like the version of love he is displaying right now. I hate going to bed alone. I hate that his friends have been seeing him more than me, and when he is home he is grumpy from sleep deprevation or he's asleep. It's kinda like when a guy says he's sorry. They are so accustomed to saying it, but have they really learned what they did was wrong and will they not do it again. Nope, they just say it to move past it and to avoid a fight. I feel the same way with the I love you's. I totally hurt him but I can't be in last place.

The guy he was with last night is in jail right now. They got pulled over on the strip last night and he had a bench warrent for his arrest for failure to appear in court on a traffic ticket. And I have to compete with white trash like this! They aren't in my house. I kicked them out after 3 days and 2 nights. So, I have no idea if Chris will be working the convention anymore and we really could have used the money. He's gonna be laid off in Feb and I won't be working all of Jan. So money is gonna be tight. So that is why I have been so quiet. I hate Halloween. Kinda wierd for a Pagan to be saying that huh??? I have always hated it. I hate scary movies, I don't like the dark. Anyways, Chris and I have a big fight this time every year. What is with that? We will make up. I just need him to know that I can't be ignored...that isn't what a relationship is about. So, next post with be happier and back to happy me!

Cameron is gonna be the croc hunter for halloween, Grif a clown and Cameron an army dude. (his words) Grif is still sick. I think his diaper rash was a yeast infection. The antifungal cream seems to be working. Anyone want to start a new thread?

Hugs to you, Flower. Hang in there. I had a feeling you weren't around b/c of your guests. I'm not going to even try to give you advice, b/c I have not yet figured out the mystery of guys and why they act the way they do. At least this hasn't affected your program -- I applaud you for that!

BTW, thanks to all of you for your positive replies to my last post. I am still thinking very hard about looking into a medically supervised plan. I'm going to call my doctor today.

It's monday, what does your scale say? :)

Mine says 183. Down a pound from last Monday. 1 pound short for my month goal. I got 2 days. :D I can do it!

Chris came home last night straight from work. He didn't return any phone calls. He talked to his dad on the phone for a bit. I know he got yelled at from him. I told his dad what was going on. Then he started to carve pumpkins with the boys. I cleaned the seeds, salted and baked them. Then took a bath. I hate the smell of pumpkin guts on my hands! :) We then went to bed. I get more kisses now cause he can't tell me he loves me! :devil: He knows how hurt I am. He keeps asking what's wrong. I am just not in the mood to be overly happy. If I am happy around him he'll think all is forgiven and he'll go back to his dumb friends. Well, the next 4 days are all taken care of. I work til 2 pm and then he works at 3-10. So, very little time to goof around there. I suppose he could go out after work. I will try not to let it get to me.

I turned down my invitation the join a new coven in town. I was accepted and I just can't seem to find the time with one car and Chris having 2 jobs and 3 children and no reliable baby sitter. I don't want to be a flake. Solitary life is much easier. I am still welcome as a guest on the email message board version.

Oh, mr jail man called last night before Chris got home. I don't know if he was calling from jail or if someone paid his bail. He'll be out today no matter what. County is way too crowded to keep a non paying ticket payer. Stupid man.

Flower, good for you for staying on your plan. Pretty remarkable for all the frustration you've had lately! And only one pound away from this month's goal!
I have no idea about my weight--I'm not at the point where I can get on the scales and not be attached to what it says. I'm in my 11th day of 'good behavior' though and I'm loving it!

Eydie

Okay, I'll start a new thread then!!!! See ya on Oct 30th thread.