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mandalinn82 01-08-2007 07:28 PM

Uncomfortable With Attention - Anyone Else?
 
So, with losing weight has come a lot of attention from people around me...friends, family, etc have all been commenting, regularly, on my weight. People are noticing. People are talking to me about it and mentioning it. Granted, the comments are all positive, thats not the problem.

I am -very- uncomfortable with getting attention of any kind. This goes back to some childhood garbage, and that part isn't important...what is important is that every time someone pays attention to me with my weight loss, I either deflect the comment or become totally, completely uncomfortable and fidgety. What stinks is that people really seem to want to talk about weight loss..."what'd you do?" or "what diet are you on" are popular questions...its socially acceptable for people to talk about peoples weight losses! So people keep prodding and I keep dodging...to the point where I've had to script responses to give when people comment and practice them in my mirror.

This is half rant and half plead for advice...Anyone else have this problem? Anyone have any tips for either getting over the attention phobia or dealing with the comments?

PS, I know that this is sort of an annoying rant, given that there are lots of people who LOVE it when people notice their losses and want MORE people to notice. I don't mean to seem ungrateful for the compliments..they just aren't comfortable for me.

AquaWarlock 01-08-2007 07:31 PM

Kudos to you on your apparently noticeable progress. Anyways, if you're uncomfortable you can deflect it with a pretty generic acknowledgment & answer like "Thank, I'm just trying to live more healthfully" -- if they prod on about the specifics, you can add "oh I'm not doing anything in particular, just a more healthful lifestyle." It's polite, but closes off the topic.

redlight 01-08-2007 07:40 PM

I'm fickle. Sometimes, most of the time, I like that people have noticed that I've lost weight, but occasionally the comments bug me.

alinnell 01-08-2007 08:03 PM

I agree with AquaWarlock~choose for yourself some sort of pat answer and stick with it. Thank the person who asks and if they ask how, say your answer (like I'm watching what I eat and exercising more) and then if they ask you how much you've lost, tell them that it really isn't any of their business. That will shut them up!

And I like your new avatar (although I liked your previous ones, also!).

Ilene 01-08-2007 08:13 PM

When I'm at my ideal weight (10-15# less) I look muscular and athletic, I would guess, I don't find I do, but I've had cashiers comment: "Oh, you must do weights" ... I'm really not sure if it's a compliment or not :shrug: specially they way they say it... I feel funny when they say that ...

One compliement I love to get is when I go to give blood and my heart rate is really low and they comment that I must "in shape"... I love that compliment...

mandalinn82 01-08-2007 08:18 PM

The "how much have you lost" questions are the worst. Although I did tell my future father in law, and he said, essentially "So you want to be under 100 lbs?" because apparently he thought I had "topped out" at under 200. Yeah right.

I have my rehearsed answer down...first its "how kind of you to notice, thank you", and if they ask what I'm doing, "I go to the gym a lot" (an incomplete answer, but whatever). It just frustrates me that I have to REHEARSE this stuff.

I'm so weird.

Thanks for the avatar compliment. I am trying to keep it up-to-date with my progress.

Chestnutlass 01-08-2007 08:35 PM

I totally understand what your saying. Once (it seems like so long ago) I lost 70 lbs. When people noticed I lost weight I had the exact same reaction. It can be really hard. You have to admit that you were fat before. You have to admit that you have always been able to live healthfully (yes we all do not make the choice) and finally there is the fear of failure. Right now I am having a really hard time with that. After gaining all the weight back I am trapped with people who used to comment about weight loss, knowing it is wrong to comment on weight gain.

Be proud of yourself and your accomplishements. When people comment now I say "well, we all just do the best we can."

Mari

Mami 01-08-2007 09:01 PM

Wow. To a person who's mostly always been a "normal" size, prior to this post I would have thought it rude to not acknowledge somebody's weightloss if we see each other a lot. As if I don't like to offer compliments to others who really do deserve them. And in your heart you should know that you deserve the compliments. When someone does something so drastically wonderful for themselves, I just feel happy for them and I like to let the person know. I complimented someone in the gym who had lost a lot of weight and asked (oops!) "what's your secret". His simple response was "I do cardio 5 days a week and I eat 6 meals a day." Anyway, now I'm wondering if I offended him! Most of us who have commented probably didn't mean to be at all rude or to make someone feel uncomfortable. Anyway Amanda, you look great and that's what people are thinking when they see you and they like to say what's on their minds if its acceptable. Personally, I LOVE it that people are finally starting to notice my weightloss (and less people have been asking if I'm pregnant..wish I was kidding here), and I love to help people if I can, so would be happy to share weightloss methods if asked (but that's just me).

Crescendo 01-08-2007 09:13 PM

I hate that too because it still feels like they are noticing my WEIGHT and not me. I would rather people just notice "ME."

Congrats on the weight loss!!

mandalinn82 01-08-2007 09:14 PM

Mami - I know people mean well, and I'm -not- offended by compliments...just uncomfortable with them. I would never be angry or put off by someone giving me a compliment. For personal reasons, I'm just really uncomfortable when people pay attention to me or acknowledge me. I really do understand that people are just trying to be nice and giving compliments, and its never offensive...just uncomfortable!

Thats why I've worked so hard at scripting responses...the last thing I want to do is make someone feel bad for giving me a nice compliment, or be rude...I just have to have some sort of response planned because my own personal weirdnesses make it really hard for me to get that sort of attention.

RememberHowToSmile 01-08-2007 10:02 PM

I also like your new picture. It looks really nice.

I'm weird about my weight loss. I like when people notice because it means that all my work is paying off but I don't like when people start making a huge deal and asking all sorts of follow up questions of how much did you lose? How long have you been losing? What are you doing? What do you eat? ect.

In a couple of NSV I posted about how my sisters friend have started making comments to her about my weight loss (which she then tells me) because they are don't know if it is rude to tell me or not.

jtammy 01-08-2007 10:37 PM

I can relate to you. Over Christmas, I really felt uncomfortable when my extended family commented on it. They knew me from before, before I gained so much weight. It was uncomfortable when they mentioned it.

When people that I've only known as a fat person comment, I don't feel so uncomfortable. I usually enjoy and appreciate it then. I just realized that, over the holidays, when I saw some family I don't see very often. Not logical, I know, it's just how I feel.

My stock answer when someone comments about losing weight is "I'm trying to." When they ask for more details, if I think they're just wanting to satisfy their curiosity, I just say, "nothing special, just watching what I eat, and exercising more". Some people even ask "Have you had that surgery?" That kinds of irritates me, as though that's the only way I could do it.

I don't like the questions where people want an exact amount. "How much have you lost?" "How much more do you want to lose?" With some people, I think they're just asking to get an idea of how much I started at. :p I don't have a good answer for that.

shrinkingchica 01-08-2007 10:58 PM

You know what---- you just get used to it. You will keep on getting these comments for a long while to come as you continue to lose weight.
I felt soooooo akward at first when people told me how pretty I was (followed by, "but you always were anyway") and how good I looked.
I literally didn't know how to take the compliments but eventually I got used to it and now put on a chipper smile and say "Thank You."

I think I have gotten too used to it now though....... because people say "you are looking so well/pretty/whatever" and I nearly always forget to say...... "So are you!"
I probably come out looking like the most egotistical person now lol! :p

crazynette826 01-08-2007 11:11 PM

I agree with you. I too get uncomfortable with any comment on my weight. I think a lot of my problem is that I've tried to be as invisible as possible over the years. I've tried not to draw attention to myself and especially not to my weight. So to have people comment on my weightloss makes me uncomfortable. I don't really have any different suggestions for you, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
By the way, you've done awesome, and you look amazing!!

Ilene 01-08-2007 11:20 PM

I think Tammy hit it on the nose, the difference between a compliment "Lost a lot of weight you're looking nice" and the enquiry mind ones who want to know every freakin' detail of your journey, so they can calculate your original weight... :frypan: at them!!


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