Unknowingly Vegan
 

For the past couple of months I've been working on getting my boyfriend to eat a mostly vegan lifestyle.

This is a man, a wonderful man, who LOVES cats - goes out of his way for everyone. But, he's never really thought twice about his diet.... most every meal includes cheese and meat of sorts. He is in good shape.... jogs 5-6 times a week, is not overweight. Doesn't smoke.

Anyway, taking the 'explaining' route with him doesn't work. We are both far from being the 'debating' types. I primarily do all of the food shopping, alone. This works out to my advantage. I've been really working on cooking wonderfully - with vegetables, beans, and whole grains. He really loves my food, but still comments about the missing meat. I think he really feels he is missing something from his meal (despite the other protein rich foods). Typical man. I have caved to an extent for him. I will sometimes prepare a side dish of fish or shrimps or buy a tiny portion of bio, free range chicken. bleh.

But this is better than how he WAS eating: lots of takeout filled with cheap meat.

He does like the feeling of eating a healthy dose of fruits and vegetables. He is concerned with his health.

Has anyone else been in this position?? I assume it will take years for him, if ever, to really embrace vegetarianism... let alone veganism. I would love it if he did. I absolutely hate having animal products in my kitchen.

I cannot make him watch anything or read anything (such a food, inc.), nor do I want to 'make him do anything'.

Yup.

I was vegetarian for 16 months, and my boyfriend (now fiance) isn't. The thing is, you can't *make* someone change their eating habits, they have to want to. If he doesn't want to be a vegetarian (or vegan), then he won't, and no amount of trying to convince him will do the trick.

The best thing you can do is to continue to cook for him, and if he complains about a lack of meat, kindly tell him he can cook it himself.

DH eats vegan at home, because that's what I cook. When he eats something other than what I'm cooking though, it's always got meat in it. He knows if he wants meat, he needs to plan for it, purchase it, and cook it himself. He's very stingy about what he does with the very little "free" time he has, and it doesn't include going to the grocery store.

He says he doesn't miss the meat at home though, because he likes almost everything I've ever cooked. He's even starting to embrace tofu.

My friends that have been married about 20 years....the woman is vegetarian, the man is not. Somehow, it has worked for them.

I cook vegan things for my boyfriend and he really enjoys them. He said if I keep cooking yummy vegan food he doesn't care if its vegan. We are moving in together in a couple months and we have talked about it. I told him that he can have and buy and eat and make meat and dairy etc but that any thing I make for him for dinner will be vegan unless he has meat and I or him adds it to his part of the dish, but that will be rare since he would have to know what I am preparing in advance. But if he has some type of animal thing that he asks me to make him for breakfast or lunch bc he doesn't have the time I'll make it for him.

We've also been talking about him making vegan meals if he wanted to make dinner for us. He would need all the vegan replacement things, lol. Like fake meat crumbles or vegan sour cream etc etc. But he doesn't mind except for the cost increases that way.

So I figure he will be eating a lot more vegan than he has been which makes me happy. If through time he lets go more and more of his animal stuff than thats great! If with time he keeps eating just as much except for what I make him for dinner, thats fine too. Although turning people vegan would be awesome I don't try to, if people ask me questions I tell them, if they don't I don't talk about it. How much animal stuff the bf eats is entirely up to him but if he wants me to make his meals he'll be eating vegan

I should try stressing that he should buy and cook his own meat.... as nicely as possible. I don't mind if he doesn't 'embrace' being a veget/vegan. In fact, I cannot even fathom it.

What I think is getting me a bit down, is that I am making wonderful vegan feasts - and he keeps looking at it like "And where's my meat". Funny thing is, he has a mother that is very much the perfect "stay at home mother goose type". She always made 3 wonderful meals a day for the entire family. Each meal was prepared with meat, dairy and starches.

I even noticed, after we had been going out for a few weeks, that his fruit and vegetable intake were entirely too low. He had a cold almost constantly, despite his regular exercise habits. He could get sick from just looking at a sick person.

Maybe men just don't feel like 'men' without the meat??

pinkalarmclock - I'm just curious, is your boyfriend aware of the environmental benefits of being a vegan?

I'm asking because, for me to really understand veganism, I had to do A LOT of reading. I simply cannot easily transfer all of my knowledge to my boyfriend. He really just sees it as me eating 'very healthy'. He doesn't understand why I think its important. And to be quite honest, I don't really want to sit down with him and have a 5 hour talk about my eating ethics.

I'm wondering if your boyfriend is more ok with eating all of your vegan cooking because he knows a little bit about factory farming, etc.

Everyone is different but when I went vegan, I asked my husband if he wanted me to continue cooking fish for him (fish was his favorite meat). He said no and that if he wanted meat, he'd eat it when he ate out.

So basically my husband was perfectly happy with I cooked and he would sometimes eat meat when eating, sometimes not and then a few months later, he gave up meat for the most part. For a while, he didn't care about hidden ingredients (like chicken stock in his beans) but he has gotten better.

Of course there are many other couples where that doesn't happen.

I go through this kind of as well with my husband and even my kids sometimes. I eat raw vegan though..

There are times when I can get away with a whole month or so of all meals being vegetarian. But then I'll eventually get some complaints of someone missing meat when eating dinner at home.
Or like recently, I was making meat meat dinners every night.. My husband began the p90x and was thinking that meat is the better way of getting the high protein that the first phase (or whatever it's called) calls for.

So things vary here and while I'd love all meals here to be vegetarian or even vegan, I've realized that it just won't be easy when we've got a house full of people. (preschool through highschool and then myself and hubby)
I'll still always try, and have found that I can go much longer lengths of not making "meat" dishes than a few years ago. So I think that's a positive step in the right direction for us!:)
Things are even changing more since my 4yr old has recently decided he doesn't want to eat animals. He decided all on his own one day when he was watching an animal show with his big sister. They were talking about people eating some of the animals (I think it was a show about fish) and he got upset and said he didn't want to eat any fish animals. Then she went on to tell him what chicken actually was and what burgers were made from. So, now he's been backing off from all animal product foods that he use to eat.

So even though meals aren't always exactly how I'd prefer, I still try and noticed that over time (even if its taking years) I can make more vegetarian or vegan meals. I'll take it.;)

remee - would your husband be interested in reading things on vegan or even vegetarian body building? I don't like dairy but many body builders thing cottage cheese is the best food in the world.

I've done P90x myself and I'm interested in weight training and being vegan hasn't hampered me. There are some books and websites on vegan elite athletes that might be an interest to him if he cares.

My daughter is vegan and her husband isn't. He eats mostly vegan because she does most of the cooking. If he wants meat, he'll usually grill something. It seems to work okay for them, but neither ones tries to get the other to change. Heck, I even eat a lot of vegan dishes when we go vist or when they visit here. But I would never want to give up meat completely. At least that's where I am now. And if someone was trying really hard to make me change...I'd probably rebel.

I am sure that his desire to eat meat is no reflection of a dislike of the food you cook, just a happy (for him) addition to the great food you fix.

Barb

my boyfriend knows a little bit about all the reason because I just recently went vegan so I have been relaying all these interesting/bad facts. I made sure he was aware that I wasn't trying to get him to change at all but that I was excited about the switch and wanted to be able to share all the new things I was learning. He was fine with that, and I've calmed down now that I'm not doing a lot of reading about it anymore.

My bf doesn't have the "wheres the meat" problem. All he cares about is if something tastes good, if it tastes good he could care less whats in it. And although he doesn't want to be vegan or even vegetarian he likes the reasons behind them, mostly he feels bad about animals.

My boyfriend convinced ME to go vegan.

It wasn't much of a stretch, since I was vegetarian, so there wasn't too much "convincing."

But yeah, you really can't convince someone to go that route unless they're already inclined. Some people, no matter their information or feelings, just don't want to stop eating meat. But he should also respect your decision as much as you respect his. He shouldn't chide you for not including meat in meals. He should understand you're uncomfortable with that. I'm just assuming, but I totally would be! If I made a conscious decision to live a compassionate, cruelty-free lifestyle, I'd totally hit someone over the head if they asked me to make them a steak sandwich.

Hi Nelie~ I've tried to see if he would read anything but he's so busy and not totally interested in learning about it, that I don't push it. I do always share what I read though.lol
I think with me staying strong in how I eat and by him seeing that I'm looking good and feeling great, that it can make a positive influence and it may just make him more interested.

It's definately good to hear from other people who are interested in weight training and who are actually vegan or vegetarian. I know it's possible to have a super healthy body that way but sometimes it's a little tricky getting the other person to see what we see. I guess for some of our friends and loved ones, it can plant that seed by showing through actions of our own life style. :D

Oh remee, also I don't know if he looks at the beachbody.com forums but not only does the P90x book have information on following a vegetarian diet and doing P90x but the forums have a few threads about being vegan and doing P90x and similar.

I'll have to find it but they have FAQs for all their programs and the one for P90x said that the reason they recommend the diet they do is because most people eat crap. They don't worry about vegans too much because vegans tend to eat better than most people (their words not mine).