Husband preferred me big!
 

i am new here and feel a bit nervous but here goes...wondering if aonyone has had the same experience. when i met my OH i was size 18, about 4 stone overweight. he said he loved me for me and made me feel good about myself. but then i put on even more weight and it was really getting me down and i was worried about my health, so i have slimmed down and am now size 10 and really happy. the problem is he is not interested in me anymore and the other day he blurted out 'i liked you better when you were big' i was so shocked and hurt after i put in so much effort and i dont know how it could be true anyway but he said he always loved my curves. has anyone else had this problem?!

Well done on getting to a size 10 honey that is such an achivement.
I am now a size 14 but started at a 18 my husband likes a big bum and from time to time trys to mess up my diet beceuse he likes bigger chicks.
Its because when I was bigger no other men looked at me and now they do. he feels totally insucure about things and where I am alot more confidant now to it scares the life out of him. Maybe your hubby is the same.
Only a suggestion I could be completly wrong but hope it helps
Well done again I am a little jealous as a size 10 is my goal :) how long did it take you?
xx

Could he be feeling insecure because you are slimmer now?

I was thinking of the insecurity too. Emphasize that you feel better about yourself, and you're just extending years to your life by being healthier.

I'm sorry :hug:

Men, they are so insecure. He may be worrying that as you get down to gowl that you may look good to someone else.

also (and I dont know you, so this isn't a comment on you, but maybe a suggestion?) although you may feel sexier and happier at your lower weight, are you more controlled about what you do/eat? Do you say 'no' to a lot of things now? Could he be referring to the fact that when you were bigger you would do/eat/drink anything in a pretty carefree way and not really give it a second thought?

(At least that what it might have looked like from the outside - you clearly weren't happy about yourself at that size given that you've lost so much weight - but if you're anything like me the self-flagellation takes place behind closed doors!)

Huge congrats on your weight loss, by the way! :hug:

X

thanks for your replies. it took a long time to get down to this size about 18 months. but even though it seemed to take ages i think it will (hopefully!!!) stay off because i didn't rush. i honestly dont think its the insecurity so much, although there may be a little bit. but definitely he gets annoyed that im always wathcing what i eat and going off to exercise instead of spending time with him. more than anything he just doesnt like skinnier women, never has and u suppose thats his personal choice so i dont know what i can do!!

I dont have any advice, but wanted to say congrats on getting down to a size 10 :carrot: Thats awsome. Hugs to you btw :hug: i know this situation is hurtful :(

Originally Posted by bargoo:
Men, they are so insecure. He may be worrying that as you get down to gowl that you may look good to someone else.

Yep, men worry about this. He is probably thinking this slim, sexy bird is gonna find someone as equally slim and sexy and leave me behind, he just needs reassurance. Anyhow you lost it for you, not for him and you have done really well. Congratulations!

Originally Posted by bargoo:
Men, they are so insecure.

Takes one to know one! :D

or maye he just likes larger women. It does happen you know. I'm sure though once he gets used to it he'll love you just fine

There's nothing inherently deviant or defective in a person preferring a not-thin body type in a partner.

We take for granted that a man (or woman) can become less attracted to a partner because they've gained weight (and we don't blame insecurity). We even call it normal, but the reverse isn't as culturally acceptable (but it's just as likely).

Some people have more rigid preferences than others. If it's too rigid, it's often called a fetish (but only if it's significantly outside cultural expectations - a man with a super model or blonde fixation is sometimes considered a jerk, but rarely is considered deviant).

I met a lot of very nice and normal (except for their partner preference) men through BBW sites (aimed at hooking up larger women, with partners who found a larger body type attractive). Because of my desire to lose weight (and my tendency to gain weight), I made a point of looking for a guy without a strong body-type preference - guys who dated women of a wide range of sizes and shapes (and hair lengths/colors - because at the time I liked to change my hair color and style a lot).

Most men and women, even those with a strong preference are flexible in their preferences. That someone may become more or less attractive is only part of the romantic equation.

My celebrity crush is "The Rock," Dwayne Johnson. My husband's is Drew Barrymore. No matter how much weight we lose, neither of us look (or ever will look) anything like the other's preferred body type (and that's ok).

As an example (and a stereotypical one). If you learned that your husband preferred bigger or smaller breasts than those you currently possessed, you probably wouldn't (I hope) run out and get breast augmentation/reduction so that you would perfectly match hubby's ideal.

My husband had glorious red hair when we met. He still has long hair that he keeps in the same ponytail style, but now, it's mostly gray (and the ponytail is hiding a larger bald spot). I've hinted a few times, that I certainly wouldn't complain if he decided to dye it back to the incredible auburn it was when we met. My husband much prefers my hair long, but I keep it short because it's easy to keep clean. He prefers red and blond hair, but if I get an impulse to dye it black, I might. Preferences aren't generally requirements.

Does your husband expect you to regain the weight in order to be more attractive to him (and would you consider it), or is he becoming abusive in droning on and on about how much prettier you used to be, once-upon-a-fatter-day? That's the real issue. Is his weight preference for you trivial information or is it vital to your relationship?

If you or he can't get past it, then counseling would likely help, but it doesn't have to be a major issue between you.

Add me to the list of those thinking it could be insecurity. If he loves you, I'm sure he's not actually disinterested because of your body. My boyfriend met me thin(ish) and still loves me now. If it were about my body, I don't think he'd still be around. This is a shot in the dark, but I'm betting he's threatened by your new power and/or afraid, at least on a subconscious level, that you'll get new male attention and maybe even cheat or leave him. Despite seeming generally simple, guys tend to get crazy ideas about things like that. Talk to him about it.

Originally Posted by LoopySal:
iwhen i met my OH i was size 18, about 4 stone overweight. he said he loved me for me and made me feel good about myself.

Remind him of this. If it is true, then he will love you just as much at size 10. I also agree that it may be insecurities. Can you include hm on your new lifestyle? Walks together, cooking together - in only an apron and heels :D

He may be one of those guys that prefers a larger woman. Or it could be insecurity. Or both!

I think what you want to do is simply tell him how you feel, that you feel happier and healthier at your new weight and that when he harps on the new you as being "less desirable" it is hurtful to you.

Don't make too big a deal out of what you eat or don't eat, and let him know that exercise simply feels good, i.e. make sure he knows that you are not doing it for weight loss anymore. If you can include him in some of your exercise activity, that might help him feel that you want to spend time with him.