Help my friend
 

Hi everyone, I'm back from the Lakes, what a great time I had (and I was good ... apart from the booze :devil: ).

I need your help. I went on holiday with a good good friend, she's early 30s, 5'4" and (a guess) about 17 stone and she could not walk uphill without turning purple, stopping to breathe and holding her hand to her heart, which was beating at a crazy rate.

She has been trying for some years to conceive and drinks fairly heavily (every day ...)

I had a long (alcohol-fuelled! :^: ) chat with her about her weight and she has said that she does not see any real need to lose weight as a few years ago she had a female aerobics instructor who was "very big" (her words) and told her that she just needed to walk for 20 mins a day to be fit, weight does not matter.

She also believes that the BMI doe snot apply to her, it is "rubbish".

There is one of you who is an aerobics/gym instructor (Stef, is it you?), please can you help me to convince my friend that she is kidding herself? Or anyone with some sage advice, please? She thinks that now I have lost some weight I am being all evangelical about it, like some sort of reformed smoker, but seeing her so unhealthy and not even aware of what she is doing to herself scared me.

Any help, thoughts etc welcome.

Thanks guys.

GOD she sounds like me :o only weight and height wise I can

walk quite far though as I do it daily as I have no car I think she

is right in saying daily walking will at least help her be healthier I

think I'll shut up now as I'm same size as her!!

I do agree that the walking will help her, but will that be enough, do you think?

Maybe I'm over-reacting? I don't want to gripe on at her and make her feel bad about herself, I just got a bit of a shock really.

She just sounds so like me :lol: If she doesnt want to lose weight

you cant force people everyone wants to be slimmer but its just

getting your head into the right place to actually do it isnt it?

Walking would be a good start I think.

You are sooo right Veggie, you made me think back to how I felt before January this year, if her head is not in the right place then me saying anything is not going to make a any difference.

Made me also think of my Mum, who has always been supportive without pushing/insulting/hassling me. About time I applied some of that to my own behaviour.

Thank you for turning my head around :spin:

ME? RIGHT? Well theres a first time for everything!


Pity Sarahs not about she is the advice giver!

Hmm, interesting to see if Sarah's advice makes me feel any differently! :lol: :lol:

Walking alone will change her body shape and make her fitter and healthier. For the past 2 years I've walked at least a mile at lunchtime and although for a long time I weighed the same my shape changed - making me feel much better about myself. I have recently stopped walking at lunchtimes due to a temporary job change. And boy can I see the difference. A shirt that used to fit me struggles to go right round and not gape. I have had a weight gain - about 7lbs, not enough to cause that much damage - it's got be the lack of walking that has made me rounder.

I think walking would be a good start for your friend and if she enjoys it and sees and feels a difference in herself it might spur her on to take more positive action. Baby steps are the only way to do it - for me anyway - I have to make small changes often, Either way as you say if here heads not there .................. be there for her and don't push into something she doesn't want, else you'll end up losing a friend.

I'm sound about the same size as your friend, 5' 4" and 16 stone - one of my friends is being very supportive after a drunken talk on Friday and a heart felt email yesterday - sometimes it's easier to say things not face to face. Have to say my friend is a larger lady (she'll hate me for putting it that way, she is larger than a size 16 sounds better )too but she has lost a lot of weight and looks great on it, but would like to be smaller. I have 2 best friends all of us are on the chunky size and all try to do something about it constantly - this is going to be my time. Be there for your friend, I bet like me & mine you are a source of inspiration to your friend, being as you are dealing with it and if you can she can too.

Be there for her. encourage her to walk and see what happens.

I walk home and back at lunchtime from work when I started at

the call centre :p my trainer :devil: said its a shame for people

who dont

stay at lunchtime they dont get to meet everyone! Good god

you are there for 7 hours a 1 hour break with a bit of fresh air

stops you from cracking up doesnt it?

certainly does. If I stay in the canteen the people at work moan about the same things day in day out. Much better being outside at least I can day dream the hour away.

NickyB,

I think you have come across an impossible situation here. You (along with almost everyone else she will meet) will see that she does need to lose weight. But she doesn't really want to yet! Just like a smoker she isn't in the right place in her head yet and anything said to her will only make her more determined to stay as she is.

The psychological research into smoking cessation is currently being applied to weight loss, dieting and exercise. And there is a model of understanding that fits both. It's called Stages of Change, and stage 1 is Precontemplator - "I don't want to!" basically. There is nothing you can do to convince your friend she should change.

Think about it, she wants to conceive, her GP will have told her that her weight is probably drastically reducing her chances and that hasn't helped her make up her mind, has it? So a well meaning friend with a really positive experience isn't going to do it either!

I am sorry that I can't give you any advice on how to help her. My instructor's head desperately want to give you a whole heap of info. But my exercise psychologist head says NO! You might lose a good friend! Deep down she knows what you kow - it is common sense after all. She just doesn't want to hear it yet, and she may never want to.

All you can do is be there for her. Go ahead and set a good exapmle, but never point it out, never offer advice, never suggest anything. just wait for her to ask - then only answer the question she asks and let her lead the conversation.

Fingers crossed, both that you have the patience to succeed and that she comes to her senses soon, Stef

Lots of sound advice been given here on this topic. You can't nag anyone or bribe anyone into becoming healthier, it has to be a need from within. I think we all know from our own experiences we can switch from saintly to out of control in an instant and for the most bizarre reasons.

For me results count and seeing myself reduce in size and increase in energy not to mention confidence is a great boost. I will not be slim on holiday in France this summer but will feel confident in my size 16 swimsuit, and not feel I have to hide in a beach tent. I am still obese , I still have a long way to go but i am going to get there.

I had a rather indulgent weekend as it was my husbands birthday, I overate more over these past 2 days than i did all week last week, maybe I thought i had missed out on all the goodies and had to make up for it..........problem is now i know i have to be determined as I am away again next week in a hotel on a conference for a week, now it won't be easy but when i get back my summer hols will only be 4 weeks ago, this will stay firmly in my mind at all times!!:s:

We can all succeed we just have to be determined to let nothing get in our way and be very selfish.
You get whatever you settle for, feeling good isn't good enough, I want to feel GREAT!!:cool:

Thank you all very very much.

Been thinking hard about it, my next task is to find a "Big and Beautiful" top like the one Alison wore on her eviction night, my friend loved it.