[melwolfe]

My hubby made remarks in the early years although nothing truly nasty but when he did I'd simply ask what size he was wearing and what happened to his hair? He shut up pretty quick then! I also left him once for a full year, I dated several men over that year and would only talk to him when I had too ( we have a daughter) he figured out pretty darn quick that he loved me. That was approx 15 years ago and since then things are much better. He knows I can and will find someone else if he doesn't treat me right!

[ringmaster]

Even when I lose this weight, I'd still avoid dating any guys that put down others based on weight or anything else. If I ever should gain the weight back, I don't want someone who will put me down for it.

No offense to the men on here...but so many men really are so superficial and just want a trophy.

[ravenousblue]

I don't get some men's mentality that I have seen on countless talk shows. They have their wives/girlfriends on and are critical of their weight-some to downright mean and abusive tonality yet they are fat, ugly and bald.. I don't get the nerve they have!

But I have seen drunk toothless hicks in bars who make fun of less than perfect women and seriously have convinced themselves that they are worthy of a pam anderson type..

[canadianwoman]

Originally Posted by hayhurst

My husband is 15 years my senior and told me my weight was a problem in our marriage. He is not attracted to fat women! I want to lose weight for me and have lost 20lbs. in the past month from healthy food choices and exercise an hour a day. I just can't believe he said this to me. I now feel so uncomfortable around him. I am feeling angry, and confused.

Every guy that I have ever been in a relationship with has said something negative and hurtful regarding my weight.

Strangely the same weight I had when I met them did not seem to stop them from getting to know me but it was only later on when they had an issue with it.

Now they can .....bite me.

Edited to add: After thinking about it, there was only one guy who never had a problem with my weight. He told me that my weight was never an issue for him and said it a few times. Sadly he is currently going through chemotherapy for colon cancer.

[geoblewis]

The criticism towards women based on our appearance is nothing more than misogyny that is nurtured by a preponderance of media depiction of "perfect" women that skews the average male, who is most likely wrapped up in self-gratification through porn as opposed to actually stepping up to having a meaningful and truly intimate relationship with women.

When a man like that decides to walk away from a woman, it's not about the woman. It's about the man not being able to keep up with the woman.

Georgia

[TamiL]

The only man who ever dared to tell me that I was fat became my EX husband............

My current husband thinks I am beautiful after 12 years of marriage....

[ravenousblue]

I think allowing a lover to insult you comes from self confidence.The relationship is to be nurturing not negative. A boyfriend/husband calling you fat isn't going to help the situation. Often these guys need work themselves!
I think it is great to support eachother. My lover thinks I am beautiful no matter what. When she met me over 10 years ago I was 60lbs heavier and she thought I was beautiful then. She thinks I am beautiful now and when I get down to my goal weight, I will still be loved. She is supportive of my endeavors but is not a superficial pig

[nippy29]

what an arsehole! sorry, i know you love him but what an arsehole! gosh if my boyfriend said that to me i'd tell him i'm not attracted to the awful farts he produces but beggers cant be choosers!

[Thighs Be Gone]

Men that make stupid comments well, make stupid comments. If it wasn't about your weight, it would be something else--the way you dress, your hair, who your friends are, etc.

Before I got married I actually had a couple of guys mention things about my weight to me--I was like 150 at the time--they went buh-bye pretty quick.

[roobear]

Originally Posted by hayhurst

My husband is 15 years my senior and told me my weight was a problem in our marriage. He is not attracted to fat women! I want to lose weight for me and have lost 20lbs. in the past month from healthy food choices and exercise an hour a day. I just can't believe he said this to me. I now feel so uncomfortable around him. I am feeling angry, and confused.

He's an idiot. My boyfriend says i'm fat but i don't let it get to me cos i'm half the size and weight of him. At least you are making the effort for you and not for him. Chin up and keep going.

[Stella]

I`d expect my husband to tell me, in a respectful manner, if he had problems with my weight.

I`m painfully aware that I have gained 2st since we met and, although he never commented on it, he`s always been supportive when I said that I`ll try to lose it. So I do think that, deep down, he`d prefer me to go back to what I used to be like.

My dad was a different matter, when he was young. He used to really put me down and when I told him not to, he`d say "Better I say it to you than a boy, because that will really hurt!" As if he was doing me a favour!

I understand your anger at these men. If they were really concerned, I feel they`ll be right to say, but there is a right way and a wrong way to address such things!

Stella

[Mahina Lani]

In a way, yes.

During a particularly difficult period in our relationship, it transpired that my BF wanted me to lose weight because he preferred me at the weight and size I was when we first met and he wished I had longer hair.
Considering the reasons behind the difficulties we were going through this was a slap in the face for me, especially considering he's gained a little weight as well.

He's never outright said that I'm fat, but that one comment was enough for me.

to you guys that have gone through similar, or worse with their families/partners.

[EmmaJCC]

Ah hun what a horrible thing for him to say!

[freedomreins]

I'm so sorry you guys have had to go through this... someone who loves you for you and not for how you look should never make such hurtful comments, even in jest. When I was younger my dad said he'd give me $100 to lose 10 pounds. I was about 12 years old so of course it seemed like a good deal but at the time I didn't realize he was doing it because he thought I was fat. Now when I talked to him, because he knows I'm doing WW, he says "so how's the fat club going?" because me, my two aunts, and some of their friends have an email support group as we are all doing WW together.

I am completely head over heels in love with my current boyfriend and he's done wonders for my self-esteem. I think that's the way it should be - the person you're with should not be putting you down and encouraging your insecurities, if they love you, they should support you and tell you why/how they love you rather than focusing on what they don't like in such a negative way. If they are concerned for your health because of your weight, there are far more supportive and polite ways to address it than resorting to name-calling. Even though I love my bf and see this as a long-term relationship, if he made any negative comments about my weight half as bad as some of you ladies have received, I like to think I'd be strong enough to let him go because it'd be for my own good. You know that Eleanor Roosevelt quote about no one making you feel inferior without your consent? I think drawing attention to our 'flaws' is an effort by others to make themselves feel better and I absolutely wouldn't stand for that. However, when it comes to marriage and etc, I have no experience there and I know packing up and leaving over what seem to be just little comments is a bit over the top.

I hope you ladies show these snotty men how fantastic you are inside and that you can be proud of yourself and love yourself at any weight because you have so many good qualities that are not overshadowed by a few extra pounds!!

[Stella]

I can fully appreciate that men like this cause a woman to feel uncomfortable about her body. My husband would never say anything like this but I am thinking of my dad.

My dad abhorrs fat women and has always been very vocal about it. He would be one of these men who would shout to women in an ice cream parlour that they don`t need that. When he got together with my stepmum she was slender and laughed with him. When she gained weight during her menopause however, she took it much harder than women usually do. Although he never said anything to her directly, she knows how her man feels about fat women and was terrified about becoming one of them.

She never got back to her old figure although she is now obsessed by her body. She even resumed smoking hoping that it would help her to slim. The other month she spend EUR 600,-- on slimming pills frmo a dodgy website which caused a major fall out with my dad.

I feel he is largely to blame for her obsessions and unhappiness about being what is by no means too fat for a 62-year old. He never gives her reassurance but will complement her when she embarks on yet another diet or fitness regime. He never directly says "you are too fat for me" but he says it indirectly in so many ways...