Nightmare. Absolute nightmare.

I just don't know where to start on this one! After the birth of my first son I weighed 17 stone. I tried everything possible to shift it and the only thing that worked was a strict diet of 1000 calories and 1/12 hours down the gym every day. Eventually in 18 months later I managed to reach 13 stone before falling pregnant again with my daughter. She's now 12 weeks old and I've been DESPERATELY trying to shift the weight again. I'm currently 15 1/2 stone and nothing is working. Not a single lb has been lost and I don't know why

I can't go back to the gym (or any other local ones) as there now aren't any creches within 30 miles, so am going to have to try to find an alternative type of exercise which is going to be tricky with 2 young children.

I wasn't greedy while I was pregnant, I only consumed (as advised) an extra 300 calories a day but the weight absolutely PILED on, and was always around 1500 cals in total. I thought things weren't so bad and I was at 14 1/2 stone until I realised my scales were a stone out!

I just don't know what to do. I look disgusting and am getting married at the end of the year and am desperate to get back to where I was.

The thing I dread the most is my poor children being tormented about having such a fat ugly mother, it would just break my heart. If I can't lose the weight they're going to look back on photos of me and feel so much shame

So should I be halving my intake of calories again to make up for not being able to get to the gym? 500 cals a day does seem a little too less to go on though I thought about the Lighter Life plan, but they don't offer that where I am. I live in the country and am alone alot of the time as my partner is always working so I don't have anyone to look after the children, so even weight watchers isn't really an option. (they don't allow kids at our local one)

The other option I was thinking about is slimfast. I know they're 200 cals each so if I have 2 of those (as they advise you to take) and then a dinner of 300 - 400 cals then would that perhaps work?

I just don't know what to do! 12 weeks I've been trying for and you'd think I'd have lost something!

1000 calories is very unhealthy for anyone, but especially for someone who's 5'9! And you should never eat so few calories for any long period of time! Even 1300 (what you say you gained on while pregnant) is extremely low for your height. If you were gaining weight on 1500 a day while you were pregnant, then there is definitely a problem!

Here's my thoughts on the issue:

1. Are you sure you're only getting 1000-1300 calories a day? Have you been weighing, measuring and tracking EVERYTHING you put in your mouth with a program like FitDay or TheDailyPlate? If not, and you're guesstimating portion sizes, I would consider getting a food scale and start--you'd be surprised how many calories you're missing that you actually eat.

2. You've eaten starvation-level calories for so long that your body has metabolically shut down. If you've really been eating 1000-1500 calories before and then during pregnancy, your metabolism is probably very low. To stoke it up again, you should consider upping your calories pretty drastically for a few days.

3. You could have a thyroid problem. People with hypothyroidism have trouble with unexplained weight gain. If you have a thyroid problem, it's something that you need to check with your Dr.

In any of these cases, I might consider talking to my Dr. or seeing a nutritionist, who can go over how to lose weight in a healthy way. The very fact that you're considering eating 500-800 calories a day is frightening and sounds very close to anorexia. Regardless of what you think might be going on, please go see a Dr./Nutritionist...you may want to be a fit mum for your kids...but you also want to be a healthy mum. Starving your way to thin isn't going to set a good example for them...and so what if you're a little heavier in the photos of when they were babies? They're going to love you anyway, because you're their mum!

Oh Riot Rose don't get too upset. We all have times when we can't lose for one reason or other.

Have you seen the forum on pregnancy and nursing under dieting with obstacles? I don't know if you are nursing, but if you are, they might have better advice.

Have you tried calorie cycling or zigzaging? Many people say that this helps them break through plateaus because it boosts the metabolism. Exercise can also boost the metabolism, and as you know, higher metabolism means better fat-burning. I would be extremely worried about dropping to only 500 calories. It will send your body into starvation mode, and could seriously damage your metabolism long term - you hear all sorts of stories about people who can't eat more than 800-1000 calories or they put on weight. I also think that you cannot possibly get all the nutrients you need from only 500 calories. You've been on such a low number of calories for so long, that you have already slowed your metabolism, and you need to boost this before you will lose any weight.

Have a look at the calorie counters forum under dieting, and have a chat to people there about calorie allowances and read some information about calorie cycling. You could also check out this website:
http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm
Put in your stats, click "calculate", click on "7 day calorie cycle" and it will give you an example of how to zig zag your calories to keep your metabolism up.

Exercise is a tough one, and I'm sure that others can comment better than I. What about walking with the kids in a stroller, or the oldest one on a harness? I have even seen people running with strollers, so it isn't impossible. You can get some pretty rugged strollers and pushchairs now that could go along county tracks. Just getting out there with the kids would be a bonus. Now that the days are getting nicer you could put the baby in a pram and walk to some nice open space and play catch, football, hide and seek or anything else active with your son. It would be good for him too. You could do some step-ups on the stairs in your house, or even do light weights exercises (I've seen articles about people using tins and bottles of water etc in place of dumbells if you don't have any!). You could try exercise videos too. Although it sounds strange, I've previously had excellent results from the New York Ballet workouts - they are really hard work so you have a great cardio workout, and my posture improved tremendously.

And finally, don't be too hard on yourself. You say that you are disgusting and you are worried about your children being embarrassed of having a fat, ugly mother. I am sure that you are not disgusting. You have a BMI of 32. My BMI is 30.5 so we are not that different. We certainly have some weight to lose, but I wouldn't say that we are disgusting. You are obviously a kind and loving person because you are so worried about your children. Love yourself as you are, and lose weight for you.

Good luck

Hi there,

I know exactly how you feel. Although I don't have any kids, I lost 4 stone for my wedding in 2004 and looked fab, but have put it all back on and more! It's so frustrating. I'm going to try hard at teh exercise and healthy eating but I have just bought some lipotronics and proactol so I'll let you know how they go.

Good luck, don't feel done, there's one thing for certain your jkids would never be ashamed at you. They will think you are beautiful no matter what you look like.

Hello Riot Rose,
I completely agree with Azure here, and chin up babes You will get to your goal! Congrats for getting married soon! And don't worry about your kids looking back on photos, back in the 80's my mum was overweight and had a horrible afrostyle perm, now those pics are just funny because it's not how she is today at all. I wouldn't recommend Slimfast at all if you are planning on staying slim longterm, I've tried and my friend has tried and as soon as you stop it comes back, with more pounds.

Dear ..
First Of all, here is a big

Having babies is the most wonderful thing, so don't kill your self over the pounds piled up...

Plus I'm in the same shoes, I have both within two years, and didn't have time to loose what i gained from the first; everyone said breast feeding will help loose weight, i gained weight!!

Anyhow, 500-1000 cal, is ridiculous... I go to a dietitian now, she has given me a 1400 cal diet, and I bought a treadmill and walk 5-6 times a week for 30-35minutes. I started loosing now, and with the support I'm getting .. and looking at others progress I'm extremely pleased with my self.

I do recommend you do similar, or try WW for a few months, just to get a kick-start.. "we don't have all WW products available in the Middle East", and as the weather maybe better, get your self a jogging stroller, and take a walk in the park for an hour or so...

Or Make small changes to your diet, but eat sensibly... you need your energy.
If you need any support .. I will be more than happy to help...

thank you so much for your kind messages, it's really made me feel a bit more positive. I have to say I'm more perplexed than anything.

After I'd had my son I started at the gym 1.5 hours 5 times a week. It was about 5 months before I managed to start losing anything. I went to my doctor and spoke to him about it. I had all sorts of blood tests taken and they all came back clear, absolutely nothing going on with my metabolism or any other problems. Basically all he said was whatever I'm consuming to just half it and increase my exercise so that's pretty much what I did, didn't bother going back because I then started to lose weight.

As for the 500 cals a day, I know that the lipotrim type diets are all around 500 cals a day, which I know is rediculous but though since nothing like that is offered where I am then I'd try my own thing! I have scrapped the idea now but just though that it wouldn't really be any different?

I'm trying to go out for walks every day on a 3 mile circuit with the buggy. I know it's not nearly enough exercise if I wan't to lose weight but I know it's a start. I'd be back at the gym in a heartbeat if they started up a creche again though, I absolutely loved going and had a fabulous daily routine.

Anyway 1000 cals a day.....I'm just worried that if I increase that then I'm just going to absolutely balloon! I can't see how increasing this will help me lose weight??

I suppose at least at the moment I'm not gaining which is something. I'm not being unrealistic with my goals, I'd really like to get down to 12.5 stone. I'm not one of these size 0 obsessed people, just a size 14!!

I'm just so with myself, I really don't know where it all started to go so horribly wrong! I look back on pics of myself from 10 years ago and realise how fabulous I looked....of course at the time I thought I was a big fat cow..just as well I couldn't see into the future!!!

Riot Rose you sound so down!!

Stop looking at the pictures of 10 years ago!! Its going to depress you further and if you anything like me you`ll be on the vicious circle of `feel bad because I`m overweight so I`ll eat to make myself feel better` and so on!!
You need to focus of the step forwards you`ve already taken and your doing something about it which is ace.

Your children will love you regardless of what you look like on any photos. Its very clear you are concerned about how your children will be treated, my mum was and still is overweight but I never recall it being an issue at school.
My mum still got involved (granted she was never going to win the egg and spoon race) and the other children seemed to just remember that she was taking part. I can put hand on heart and say never once have I felt ashamed to be seen with my mum or when seeing photos of her.

Whatever you do don`t consider Lighter Life. I did it for 4 months and yes I lost a lot of weight (but I`ve since put it all back on and more within a year) but looking back it was possibly the most miserable 4 months of my life!! I became the two headed woman to my boyfriend the poor bloke!!.
Its all well and good losing weight and buying new clothes but whats the damn point if when you go out to show off your new clothes you have to drink water and constantly run off to the loo. I would never recommend it to anyone, it didn`t refresh my view on food, it made me want it but think that it is a bad thing, really screwed my head up. Sorry to anyone out there who has done LL and thinks it works but you definately have to consider what sort of quality of life your going to have whilst your on it. Its all well and good someone standing in front of you saying `of course you can still go out and do stuff just don`t eat or drink anything` but putting it into practice is a different matter. I ended up being a hermit sitting at home miserable because I got sick of scoping out the nearest toilet wherever I went.
Sorry if this appears to be a bit of a rant but I feel very strongly about this. I know dieting has to pose some restrictions but LL is just too unrealistic and very restricting.

I`ve tried slimfast but I found it the same a LL, I constantly felt lightheaded as if I just wasn`t getting enough of something all the time. I also found exercise became difficult as I tired or felt unwell very easily.

What about dieting online, I did the SW one for a while and seeing my weight go down on a graph actually gave me a real boost.
The walking is an excellent way forward and just think how many people don`t even do that much exercise!!

Hope your feeling brighter soon

I personally don't think Slimfast is a good idea. Once you start eating 'normally' again the weight will pile on. You need a system that allows you to eat normal food (like Slimming World or Weightwatchers) not shakes and biscuits and drugs. If you are unable to get to a class you could join online. Or if you hate the thought of slimming clubs and want to do it alone - check out the library - Books by Judith Willlis (SLimming managine) are sensible or see if they have any Slimming World or Weight watcher books. I guess you could try those GI/GL type diets but I think it all gets a bit complicated.

If SW/WW seems comoplicated too then just go with a low fat low cal type diet - but one you can live with i.e. not one where you lose the weight on low cal stuff and then go back to normal eating habits!

Hope that helps

when i was 17,and 10st 4 (and thought i was horribly fat..) i discovered the 'magic' of drastically cutting calories (500 a day was the general allowance, one day i had 26 (yes, calories) and for five days in a row i had none), and went down to 8 stone in a couple of months, becoming a depressed, irritable, physically very unwell person at the same time. as soon as i started eating somewhat normally again (i didn't want to fail my A-levels because my brain was too fuzzed with hunger to study or think) i began to put on weight pretty fast, and now i'm far heavier than i ever was before i started cutting calories. i don't know if i'll ever be able to maintain a normal weight on a normal diet but unless you starve yourself forever, very low calorie plans just don't work. and a depressed, irritable, physically weak mum can't do the best for her kids.

I`m tending to agree with froggie83 on that one!! LL pretty much did to me exactly what froggie describes which is no way to live life!!

Well since starting this post, I've lost a grand total of

2lbs

This is so frustrating I could just scream!

Oh well it's REALLY hitting home now, what a revolting monster I really am. Had a picture taken last week that went in the local paper.....knew that I'd be looking like a disgusting fat blob but didn't expect just how vile I'd be looking! Absolutely shocking....Now there will be 100s of people laughing about me.

The thing is some women can be big and they look pretty, they have beautiful faces. I'm completely screwed because not only do I have a hideous body to be ashamed of, but I've also got a very, very ugly face. At least if I can get to a normal weight then I won't stick out so much. I hope in some way it would even help me be a little bit better looking. I just don't want to have to go through this wedding with people taking pictures of me all day. I've already made the decision that we won't be having a photogropher....definitely a wise move as I don't need a reminder of how much of an ugly bride I am going to be!!

Still only 2lbs down despite the diet and 3 mile walk a day. Have decided that it's time to up the exercise and try to do it twice a day AM and PM. Things will be alot easier now we're having longer evenings.

It's just absolutely doing my head in. I'm trying SO SO hard and nothing is coming good of it. I don't know when to draw the line and just accept that I'm always going to be an incrediby ugly fat woman and thats that. I just feel like punching myself in the face really, really hard!

I think you are being very hard on yourself.

Everyone gets that way from time to time. You just need to pick yourself up again and start over. I know I need to. When I stopped going to SW I put on around 1.5 stones more - I really could not afford to! A daily struggle I know. If you do manage to lose some weight why not reward yourself with some new cosmetics if you wear them, a new hair cut and colour or a gorgeous nail colour. I bet you will not feel so ugly then. I know some women don't bother when they feel fat but I think it is important to try and look your best - for YOU. If I don't leave the house without my eyebrow pencil and lippe at least then I do feel like crap-and look it! If you are not into warpaint - treat yourself to some lovely jewellry or maybe some undies. If you can't spend much get some lovely smelling bath/shower stuff or even a body lotion. Sometimes just going for a walk (when it is not raining , though I do not mind the rain) can do wonders -unless you go buy a bakers of course!