Hubby's check today was very, very little and I was a bit shocked...though I shouldn't have been, it happens every holiday when he doesn't work as much. I grocery shopped, but it's still very far from a well stocked, healthy kitchen. Split breasts were on sale and I usually would stock up and buy a ton, but can't afford to this time :( I do have 3 packs of boneless/skinless chicken, 3 packs split breasts, and 2 lbs. lean hamburger, so we will eat healthy suppers all week...it's just lunches that I don't have a clue what we'll be eating. I bought hot dogs and mac n cheese, and it was horrible. I haven't bought those things since we started this group, but there is no choice this week. I will just be very, very strict with counting out the calories to limit the portions, and will try to take most of my calories from supper instead of lunch.

Melissa, if she is prego, then you have maybe 7-8 months (who knows how far she is along) to get her straight and living with you. If she can stay straight and move in with you, then she can help with the kids and together you can deal with another baby. She needs to realize that YOU are the one who will support her, be there for her, and do everything possible to provide for her kids. She can't do this without you, and hopefully she is waking up to that reality and will lean on you instead of the jerk and drugs. I know it is very hard for her to just get clean and she needs rehab of some sort...esp. if prego. I saw the author of Million Little Pieces on Oprah, he's a recovering drug addict, and he said this for parents of addicts: you have to let them know that you love them and will help them get clean when they are ready to receive that, but then the choice is up to the addict. So, if he is right then you have let Kate know you're there and will help and now it's up to her. I would talk to her and try to let her know over and over that you love her and want her to be straight, etc.

:rollpin: Cadwell, get on the ball girl! You can give in to some if you must...but not EVERY SINGLE TEMPTATION!!! :rollpin: :rollpin: your head is going to really hurt if you keep it up girly!

Sandi, my hubby is the same way about the shrinking chest. I have lost a lot of my inches off chest and stomach and he doesn't enjoy that much. He feels they are his toys and I'm taking them away :lol: I still have my big butt though, so he can't complain too much...for now!

Theresa

Better chase me with that rolling pin too-I need it! I am still waiting for mom to pick a day and I am antsy to get started with meetings. I am expecting Katy to call me today sometime or just show up. I am just glad LB is still in jail and it doesn't look like he will be out too soon either. Hopefully Michelle can get her placed and she will be out of circulation by the time he gets out. There is still a chance she will have to do some time. I just really hope and pray that she is serious this time. She is so missing out on some really awesome kids. Pretty proud of myself-it is 719a and Logan is fed, bathed, and dressed, I got a shower, and Odessa is in the tub now having the time of her life. Course when you are up at 5a more gets done earlier and the only one I got to go back to sleep was Amanda but she is my sleeper. I am in the same boat for groceries for the next few days Theresa. Crappy top ramen, hotdogs. I have some money but I am kind of hording it so I can pay for WW and there is food, just not the things I would really prefer or that are good for me. I am going to need to renew my lisence next month and I would like to have a better picture this time.
Melissa

Oh, I soooo hear ya on the license pictures! I have always taken horrible, horrible pictures but the one I got here in NC is not too bad. It's because my hair was down and over one side of my face and you can't see my chin :lol: I was surprised they allowed it because you can't see my face very clear, noticed that after the fact but they didn't say a word about it :shrug: I really hope Kate is serious as well. You can do it if she can help, but another baby would be asking so much of you. Maybe when you are face to face with her, you can tell her that you are not sure you can handle another one and who knows what would happen to this baby if you can't. I know you won't want it to go into foster care or something, but maybe it will scare her if she knows you cannot handle another one and it's going to rely on her. There has to be a motherly instinct and love in her, and if she stays off the drugs she can tap into that...I believe the motherly instinct is so strong, she just has to find it.

Theresa

I am hoping she contacts me today so we can really talk. It is only a little after 8a here so I am sure she is still sleeping. I am not sure what time last night they cut her loose but it had to have been at least 10p and not sure how long it took before someone got her. I am going to try and pin mom down to a day today-I just know that if I can get my butt in there it is going to help me get back on track. I would like to not have to lie too big when I get my lisence. I will definately pay the extra to get a new one when I get to my goal weight. The only way I could possibly do another baby is if it was short term. If she has to do a year or something it would only be a few months before she got out and she would have to come live with me. It will take her time anyway since I am sure she will have fines and she has some debts she really needs to take care of. She also should pay me back the 572.00 it cost me for the truck I gave her-she never changed it over to her name and it got towed and I never found out until like 3 weeks later. I would be happy if she just helped with the kids and got diapers once in awhile. It would be nice to have another set of hands to help out. I would have to move again if she did move in or even if I just got the baby because 3 bedrooms wouldn't be enough for 5 kids and 2 adults-we would be stepping on each other.
Melissa

double post **sorry**

Oh, I really hope she does get in touch with you and you two get to talk it out some. I'm sure she's not going to be feeling real well if she has stayed off the drugs. Good luck, I will keep you in my thoughts.

I just shared some SF/FF French vanilla pudding with Tyler and this was our exchange:
Ty: ice cream!
Me: pudding!
Ty: after another bite and a moment of thought--ice cream!

:lol: he just didn't belive me it wasn't ice cream...so I might pull the switcheroo next time they want ice cream, this is so much better for them. I need to get off my butt here and get ready to pick Allie up. I am feeling sluggish from not eating the healtheir foods, so will get some chicken boiling for supper and try to come up with something halfway healthy for lunch. this week is so going to suck!

Anyone else getting told the server is too busy to post a message?

Theresa

I am getting that message alot and it also logs me out all the time too. I will have to check out the puddings-my kids are ice cream fiends and I have a hard time staying out of them if I have them.
Melissa

Melissa- You do have time regarding the next baby. Kate is the wild card and you just can't know what is next for her. It would be ideal if she cleaned up and came to live with you, Does she have any skills that can help her bring in some money? If she goes to a half way house and decides to clean up, maybe she can take the next few months to figure out how to become employable, and then surely she could help out with expenses. I do believe that in there somewhere, is a good girl, who did learn a lot from her mom. She's just not using it yet.
Cadwell- what is in-n-out? Do I have to move to CA to have a complete life? We will be in Carlsbad sometime in Feb? Do I need to find one there?
My NSV today is that I am totally aware of my behavior at the 2 trade shows this weekend, where all the vendors have baskets of candy in their booths and I always stop to say hello and fill up. It won't happen this weekend because I am telling you all about it.
Laura

I just had a wake up call that I think I really needed. I was in this funk, hating that I have to eat these yucky processed foods for a week, that I have no money to go out and do anything, :blah: i took a bath and right as I stepped out my neighbor rang the door bell. These are neighbors that hubby grew up with, she used to spank him even and her son is hubby's best childhood friend. Well, she is raising her grandchild and her husband died a couple years ago, she has it hard.

Okay, so I step out of the tub and she is at the door. I answer in my night gown (was counting down to bedtime, that bad of a mood) and she says she loaned her car to her SIL (lives next to her) and he left her lights on, and she has to go get the grandson, Cody, from school and had no way to get there because her battery was dead. I got clothes on, took Tyler from his bed and Allie in her jammies and I rode her to the school. On the way there she was crying and said that on Tuesday her son (hubbies old friend) went into the ICU and they still have no idea what is wrong with him, but he is very ill and might die. Wednesday was the 3 year anniversary of her husband's death and that is very hard for her. No one was visiting her son in the hospital, not even his wife, so she has to keep going to be there and it's very uspetting that he's being abandoned pretty much.

She was to pick up Cody and her grand daughter, since her father is in ICU and won't be home to get her as he usually does, but when we FINALLLY got through the line at the school, they said the girl had gone on the bus. She was SO upset, telling them she called the office and the teacher swore they did not tell her. So now we had 3rd grader on her way home, but no one was there to let her in or get her. So, I took her out there and we waited until she got off the bus and took them all back home to the grandma's house.

It just was a huge wake up call to me. If all I have to worry about is that we have to eat hot dogs and mac and cheese for a week, then I have nothing to be depressed about! Others are dealing with so much more, my problem right now is so minor. She just opened my eyes to that, and t hen I was thinking of Melissa here and how she is dealing with so much more as well.

I will not complain anymore, others are have it so much worse. I told her to let me know if she needs anything else, and I saw just a bit ago that someone was down there jumping her car off so hopefully she'll be okay now. You just never know what your neighbor is going through, I live right beside her and had no idea.

Theresa

Hello all!!

I don't have time to catch up on everything I just wanted to pop in and say hello! I am glad to be back at work and back OP this week after all the Christmas parties last month. It is good to be back to a normal routine. I haven't braved the scale yet but judging from my clothes I'm guessing the damage was minimal even after quite a few days of not-so-great eating and a couple days of extremely terrible eating. I did exercise a lot through it all and that is probably what saved me.

Theresa...you asked me about loose skin. Yes, I have some, I couldn't really expect not to after so many years of being overweight. I have a little extra skin where I used to have belly rolls, and my chest are is also a little saggy (going from a 42DD to a 34C I guess that is to be expected). It's not obvious except from certain angles like when I bend over. Standing upright it's just a couple little ripples very low on my abdomen and also just a bit right above my belly button. It definitely doesn't bother me enough at this point that I'd consider surgery even if I could afford it (which I can't). I can't really notice any on my arms or legs. Also...I read that skin continues to shrink long after weight loss so even people that have a lot of extra skin right away might not have so much a year or two later. The school nurse actually commented to me last fall how she was amazed I didn't have loose skin with all the weight I lost. I told her I do have some but she was surprised that I could wear sleeveless tops and shorts and not really have any saggy skin showing. The only other place I notice it is right under my chin there is a little bit of saggy skin, but I had that before I lost weight and so does every other woman in my family over age 30 so I think I would have been stuck with that no matter what. I am bothered more by my non-existent bottom than I am by the loose skin that I have. It doesn't seem to matter how many squats I do...I just have a flat butt and that's that. If I could have my saddlebag jiggle removed and injected into my booty I might just consider it. Oh, well, just goes to show that no matter what our weight we will always find something about our bodies to criticize.

HI to everybody else!! Hope you are all having a great day. I have to run and get some things done around here but I will try to do a better job of catching up on everything soon. It's so good to be back! This is such an awesome group.

NSV for the day was dragging my lazy self out of bed at 4:45 (yes, 4:45) this morning to do an aerobics video before getting ready for work, and then I went in to work early and stayed late to walk, too.

:o oww! that :rollpin: hurts! but i did better today, at least so far. i may have a salad later. no samples today ;) just coffee.
lol laura.. i don't think you would have to move to have a complete life, although i have heard of folks that moved to the east coast from ca having in-n-out burgers shipped to them on dry ice or something, out of desperation. that's a little extreme, but only because it's not like they would be good if they weren't fresh. especially the fries, which are killer. but i have to resist, or else theresa will whack me with the rolling pin :D

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. I hate it too when those things happen.

Katy came over yesterday about 6p or so and was here until after 10p. We talked the whole time. Man she was more messed up than I had imagined. I am really hoping she meant what she said yesterday and isnt' feeding me more poodoo-it is so hard to tell when they are addicts. Meth no less. She hasn't had any drugs because she was in jail and she swears she isn't going to touch the stuff again. I just don't know how you can without going to some kind of rehab. Meth is nasty stuff. I guess time will tell and I will have to see what happens. She is very confused. On one hand she says no more david and then it is like well if he changes and shows me...the guy hit her! That is a deal breaker if I ever heard one. I told her to keep him away from me cause no one touches my kids-EVER. He is still in jail with 10,000 bail and he is looking at least 2 yrs prison too. Kate still could wind up doing time and I will know on the 28th after her trial. I may go with her possibly if she needs the support. It is just that she has messed me over so many times I am nervous about letting her get too close. Weird I know. Logan has his checkup at drs. here shortly so I better get a move on. I never even got dinner dishes done last night since I had company.
Melissa

I'm having a don't-wanna-eat-nuthing day. I don't even feel hungry. WI was the same AGAIN, which is better than a gain so it's okay. Yes, it really is okay. I'll tell myself that a million more times and maybe I'll believe it.

I forgot this...yesterday's things I did:

1. 4 miles on gazelle
2. some water

That's it. And today...nothing so far, so I better get busy on that!

Suzette, it could be that sugar is a trigger food for you, as it is for me. One bite and it sends you off wanting more and more. I know that I cannot have the "jsut one bite" mentality because for me it sets me off with wild cravings. The only way is to have none at all...sugar detox as I like to call it :lol: Or, it could be you were just out with hubby and having a good time and you let your guard down a bit too much. If it was that you needed more carbs, I think you'd be craving it all the time, not just when it is set before you, right? My guess is it had more to do with the sugar.

Theresa

i'll be praying for kate melissa.. it is hard to quit meth but it is possible. my best friend was very addicted to the stuff but she quit and has been clean for over two years. she didn't go to rehab, just na meetings, so it was hard -- but its hard no matter what i think. hopefully they will put david away for a long time because if they don't split up and one continues to do meth, then the other will too (like with any kind of addiction). but once she is sober for awhile i imagine she will begin to see that they don't have much in common.
and of course, guys that hit girls don't change. i don't care how messed up on drugs he was it's no excuse. hopefully she is ready for a new life.
:hug: for you melissa -- hang in there superwoman!

Melissa- i really hope kate can get into a program of some kind either NA or rehab or some type of support group. If she really wants to and will get support she can beat this- maybe with a support group she can see that David is a loser and she doesn't need him at all. I will keep ya'll in prayers!

ok - theresa went from :snowball1 to :rollpin: (sandi runs away from theresa as she confesses to eating really bad today.)

It was all stress induced -100% stress - today was so horrible at work- i ate whatever was around and prolly devoured 4000 calories today. oh well Brushing myself off and picking myself up from the fall off the wagon. but then i feel as i am just making a sorry excuse by saying today was so miserable and i ate because i was stressed.

Suzette- I have trigger foods and can't eat 1 tiny piece of cake/french bread or any pretzels/chips/crackers etc.. i just crave them on a constant basis and will eat more and more and more. I really blew it today -not quite a binge but very, very close. I just keep eating and as the day progressed and the stress got worse I ate even more. tomorrow is a day of fruit and water and raw veggies. they say you can't "detox " your body but i think you can to a point.- I find eating very high fiber grain type foods doesn't set off a trigger for me. and there aren't any cravings after eating whole grains /high fiber grains.

MMMM in- n -out burgers - I have had on a trip to calif. YUMMM :hungry:

My thought for the weekend: STRESSED is DESSERTS spelled backwards.

NSV for today is i actually ADMITTED to overeating and should have no lame excuses for it- just because today was stressful and miserable doesn't give me a reason or excuse to eat poorly. there, i feel better now!

have a good night all
Sandi

i really need to start hitting the gym more. i haven't been in a week, and i probably won't have time today. it's been pretty hectic, but i really need to get motivated and start finding the time because i've pretty much hit a plateau. anybody have tips for making time for workouts? y'all seem even busier than me so i wonder how you all do it.
sandi -- way to go on putting past bad eating behind you quickly.. i am hoping after awhile of having good habits, we can all gravitate towards healthy ways of dealing with stress. i know at this point i don't resist cravings as well when i'm stressed.

Wow where did everyone go?? I have been busy with Katy since she is going into rehab here shortly. I just can't get over how fragile she seems. It just breaks my heart to see her this way but at least for the time being she is going in the right direction. Her LB had a bond company call her last night at 10p wanting her to bail him out. It really got her upset. On the one hand she knows he is bad bad news but she seems to conflicted-it all comes from being in an abusive relationship. They can be hard at first when you leave-she knows she needs to.

On the good note, I start meetings on Friday! Mom and her friend SueAnn are going to take turns watching the kids while I go and I am very excited to get going. Eating hasn't been stellar but not too hidious either but I am really wanting to be totally OP again and get that energy back!

Hope you guys are all doing ok!
Melissa

Melissa, I am so estatic for you! Things seem to finally be going in the right direction...see, all your work is paying off finally. I am so very glad to hear Kate is going into rehab, that is the best place for her. LB won't be able to reach her there, right? Well, it's not like she has the $$ to bail him out anyway, and there is no way you're going to do it :lol: so guess he gets to sit there, as he should. I know rehab must be heartbreaking for you to watch, but it is much better than her being out there on the streets with who knows what happening to her, right? Rehab is a much better place. Oh and WW meetings...YAY! You deserve it all to go right and I am happy for ya.

Where have I been...playing with garden plans and having a ball. We have been in this house 2 years, and each of those years I spent about $200 on flowers for the front yard that didn't work out. First year I was a gardening idiot and just planted whatever I liked, and well since it's all shade and I planted full sun plants :rollpin: nothing came up. Last year I researched more, assumed it was partial shade, and planted accordingly with a bunch of horse manure from MILs horses. Well, it all came up but stayed real small, like it just stunted out. I did even more research in the past week and found out it's because it is mostly shade to full shade and plants are competeing with the huge trees (3 maples and 1 pecan) for nutrients and water.

Last year I did get a hydrangea to grow and even bloom, it was a tiny baby and grew over a foot and bloomed, even after being trampled by a dog and put into a pot. So, I have been tearing through internet and a huge stack of catalogs and researching one plant after another, measuring my beds and distance up to the windows, etc. I finally have a plan for what I want to get for the two front beds and have decided to buy a wildflower mix for shade to toss under the trees, which is impossible to deal with because of roots. I have learned that last year when we tilled all our new topsoil and manure into the ground we did wrong...this year I will redo all that and leave it on top and just plant in that. Supposedly, this will help the plants establish and by the time the trees do eat through it all, they should be stable enough to survive.Since I'm going to line the house with hydrangea, I will use compost instead of manure.

**sigh** sorry if that was boring, but I am learning so much and that is where I have been! It has been keeping me out of the kitchen and very distracted, so it does have a weight loss purpose.

If anyone knows about this gardening stuff please HELP me, we can even move it to email to not bore [email protected]. Hubby has laid down the law and if I don't get this to work this year I have to give up on the front yard. Everything grows beautifully in the back yard, just gorgeous, and it's in full sun, so I know it's not just me :lol:

Theresa

Melissa, just wondered about something....has Kay been staying with you, and how did all the kids react to her? This has to be so confusing for them.

You might try some online seed companies. Alot of times they will "zone" plants for you climate, soil ect and then they state too whether they are full sun, partial or shade. Don't have to buy from them but you can get a good idea of what flowers will thrive in that spot.

I really don't think the girls know who she really is. They like her and kind of treat her like a play date. Odessa does call her mommy and me mama and it is funny cause both kate and I answer at the same time (geez who is confused lol) She isn't allowed to stay here but last time when we thought she was being released, Michelle said she could come over just not stay here. I really don't have the space for her although I would make it for the few days she will be around before rehab-I would know exactly who she was with and she would be safe. The kids seem to be rolling along with everything fine and even Josh has been happy to see her which is a biggy. The first time she was coming over I let him know so he could prepare and the first thing he said was "kate is my sister and I don't like her". I told him to be pleasant and he didn't have to talk to her but when she came in he seemed happy to see her too and talked her ear off even. She has been coming over about 11-1p and staying till 10p when I go to bed. She loses track of time alot I noticed. I am hoping it is just drug residue and not permanent damage. She just seems so young and small to me.
Melissa

I get about every single catalog from all the online companies, all the local ones, and many from the Ohio area where my mom lives. I also go thorugh Davesgarden.com where consumers rate different online and local flower shops and it's a watchdog sort of thing, so I have looked at about everything there is out there. i am picky and most of the usual things at the local nurseries aren't interesting to me. I know my zone and all that, it's just the tricky almsot complete shade and nutrient sucking trees. I think I got it now, so it BETTER work.

I am glad that things are going smoothly with the kids. Sounds interesting to have you both answering to mommy/mama. That would unbelievably hard I'm sure. She looks young and fragile because she is your baby and always will. Just make sure she knows how her actions have effected you and the kids and maybe she will straighten up.

Theresa

I can't wait till it's time to go out into the garden. We are snow covered and kind of gloomy, but not too cold.
I blew the weekend. Too many dinners out to celebrate DH's birthday. I feel fat and yucky, but I will be OP right now and workout today so I am not going to be a crazy.
Laura

It has been in the 50-60s here, today will be 60, some days actually felt like spring, and today will be 60 again. I noticed this morning that my daffodils are actually poking out of the ground :stress: If they come up now, I guess if it does get cold again or more ice, they will die...then that's it? I wonder if they would come up again. I hope so, because that is about all my front yard has going for it right now...at least I know they are at least alive and coming up, that's good.

I ended up in the ER with Tyler last night. He was standing on his bouncy horse and fell forward into the filing cabinet. Somehow as he hit the cabinet his finger went in that little crack between the drawer and the side of the cabinet. I really don't know how it got in there, but it somehow managed. I couldn't get it out at first, then had to push in the top of the draw to get it. It was bleeding everywhere, just gushing and I freaked out. Held a cold wet rag on it and called his doctors office, who said I needed to either call 911 or go to ER. My friend picked us up (Allie was with MIL) and we flew to ER, but he was very quiet, pale, trying to slip asleep and I was trying my hardest to keep him alert and looking at me, he completely soaked a kitchen rag, his shirt and my shirt, with blood, but it had stopped bleeding.

End result, they had to give him stitches and because of location had to do it the painful way. He got a shot of Tylenol and a shot of Benedryl, which put him to sleep and then they did it and he didn't feel much of it. Also found out he has ANOTHER ear infection. It is hard getting him to keep the bandaging over his finger, think I redid it a zillion times last night. Seems to do okay during the day because he's distracted, it's when he lies down that he starts messing with it.

Theresa

Sorry about Ty. Kids do heal fast, but it is so scary when you have to go to the ER.
Laura

It is scary when they get hurt-no matter how old they are but it seems harder when they are so small since you aren't sure they understand exactly what is happening to them. Josh had a fight with a wood stove when he was about 2 and got stitches under his eyebrow and my daughter when she was about 5 got hit in the head with a golf club-that one really scared me bad. So far, with the other kids, we have just had bumps and bruises.

Glad you are home again Laura and now you can get back to normal. I can identify with fat and icky. Kate came with all kinds of junk yesterday and then I laughed at her cause she got me some frozen yogurt cause she remembered I was watching what I was eating. I teased her bad since she had also brought pizza, chips, soda, and cookies! Yes I had some too-ugh. Tomorrow I get groceries and I am glad glad glad. I would like to have a couple days jump before my first official weigh in at WW.

Melissa

I finally worked out at the training center. I did a class with a 9lb metal bar called Body Bar Basic Training. It was hard. Then I did a 1/2 hr on the elliptical, taking it really easy. I liked the class. I like the elliptical. I hate the mirrors everywhere you look. I didn't know i looked this bad. I think when you are fat, you tend to look in the mirror in certain poses and set yourself up before you look. At the gym it's different. You see yourself everywhere, especially when you don't want to, like when you are in a squat, butt out, and about to fall over. I have to develop the attitude that it will look better the more I go.
The other good part was that it was a really good mix of women, all ages and sizes, but I was definately the fattest.
Food is good today.
Melissa-Where is Kate going when she leaves you? Is she safe? Was it helpful for you to have another set of hands there for a while? Maybe she will enjoy the little ones because she doesn't have any pressure re providing for them and that will help her stay straight.
Laura

I hear you about the mirrors! Pretty soon though it won't bother you anymore. Right now I believe Kate is safe. She is supposed to be going to rehab soon and then if she is preg they can get her into some housing, if not she will have to wait. She isn't allowed to stay here at this time and she isn't much help really. She has been here every day and I am picking up after her too and I noticed that she didn't spend as much time with the kids either. She was chatting on my computer. I did have a message from the bond company and I am afraid she is trying to bail David out-she will be throwing everything away if she does. I am wondering though if David is just pestering her to bail him out. I just need to get her into rehab as soon as possible and I am also waiting for michelle to call me back too. I had heard there was going to be a no contact order and that needs to go into place now and I also want to be included in the order. I am just so afraid for her.
Melissa

I am the same way with mirrors in malls...or anywhere that has large ones where you see more than your face. Have to say though, I look a bit more like the me I expect to see, and less like the me I don't recognize. Twenty pounds isn't much a difference to the eye, so I think it is my mindset. I am happier with myself now that I feel healthier. It's not so much the weight loss but the exercise and my body being more physically fit that changes how I see myself now. Still not even close to where I want to be, but I don't see myself and think "who the **** was that?" anymore.

Melissa, seems this spot you are in is not much easier than the last one. Now there is the hope she will get straight and ditch this loser, but at the same time there is doubt and fear that she won't...then there's the disappointment and grief if she goes the wrong way. I have my hopes up for you that she is serious and not stringing you along for a place to stay during the day.

Theresa

Where ever does Kate think she can get the money to bail out that jerk? I hope she doesn't do something stupid to get money for him. I hope she gets into a rehab real soon. Does she have a cell phone? Maybe you can hide it somewhere so he can't reach her.
I feel so much fatter and yuckier now that I saw all those mirrors, but I will stay positive.
Laura
Laura

Laura, just look at it this way...you are doing something to change the reflection in those mirrors. Stick it out for a month and wait to see what you think by then! You get to watch yourself change in those mirrors..it's a great opportunity.

Thanks Theresa
You're right.
Laura

Kate is using again. I am so undone right now. I hope everyone is OP and doing ok
melissa

Oh no Melissa.
How did you find out?
What's happening with rehab?
I hope she isn't pregnant.
You have done everything a mother can do for her, so please focus on the sweet little one and Josh. I know it's so hard.
Laura

:grouphug: we are all here if you need to vent, Melissa. I cannot imagine how hard this is and how horrible it feels, but you have done all you can for her, she knows you're there when she's ready to get straight, so now you just have to wait, hope, and pray for that day. Protect the kids, lock the door, and let her know you do not support her when she's using...that's my advice, though I know it is so hard to do and easy to say. We are here for you to vent and let it out though, you are NOT ALONE.

Theresa

I had my suspicions already-she was being inconsistant with things and her attention for the kids was going back to 0 again. I called Michelle and I guess Kate was refusing to go to rehab although that is all she has talked about the last few days. I told michelle that I love katy and want her to get help but the babies come first with me. I read up on Meth use so I know what to look for. I am such a polyanna when it comes to those things-I have no clue. Katy admitted to Michelle she has used since she got out and she also isn't giving up David. I have to walk away and I feel like I am on the verge of tears but can't because I don't want to upset the kids-they don't understand. If she does call me today I am going to let her know that I know she is using and if she is high, she can stay where she is. It is only a matter of time now and logan will be mine legally. I just don't understand how you can do that and especially if you have kids! It is so selfish and she can kill herself or give herself permanent brain damage with this stuff. She still hasn't gone in for her preg test. If she is, she needs to get in now-it causes premature delivery, neuro probs, and some other stuff to babies and I just pray she hasn't done any harm to the baby. It is just killing me-I guess I just put too much hope that this time she was going to get it together. I know I have done all I can and she is an adult now. These are HER choices and I just have to pray that they don't cost her her life.

Foodwise I went shopping today with the kids and got my stuff. I will write out few days worth of menus and I get to start WW on Friday for meetings. I need to get myself focused on other things and I will start with me and doing what I need to do for me. I feel totally tubby and my back, hips and other joints have been aching again-due to weight gain. Time to get serious!
Melissa

hey everyone- i have been awol for a few but I have been in such a depression i didn't wanna whine too much or be all BLAH- everyone has enough troubles on their own w/o me going on especially when it isn't all that big - just me and "what if- ing" myself to death.
so in order not to digress:

Meissa :hug: -i hope WW works out good for you, i so glad you get to go i know you'll enjoy the meetings as well as the tips and great info you'll get!
Theresa :hug: i hope tyler is ok- i am jealous - i have a black thumb everything i try to grow dies a horrible death
Laura -:hug: remember mirrors add 15 pounds when you look in them and yay! you are doing something about it so those mirrors will be fun ot look in real soon.

:hug: to everyone else

I am not OP but thats because i am just not eating much.. food is blah and right now so is lots of things. I am down another pound- i need to get over this and i will be fine.. let me get myself together and i will vent to you wonderful ladies - maybe thats what i need.
Sandi

Vent away Sandi...we all do from time to time! Sorry you feel so blah, i usually am this time of year but since we are having spring-like weather it hasn't hit me.

Melissa, I am so sorry she let you down. You are doing the right thing by focusing back on yourself and those kids and cutting Kate loose. If she doesn't want rehab and wants LB, then she cannot be around the children. She knows it and still chooses the drugs and him, so there is nothing you can do. Sounds like she was saying just what you wanted to hear and stringing you along...don't let her do it another second, now that you have found out the truth. I really hope she isn't prego, just to think what that little baby could be going through if she is.... makes me want to cry and I dont' even know her.

Theresa

i'm so sorry melissa. it is so hard to have to watch someone you love make the same destructive choices over and over. if she isn't ready to change, then there is nothing you can do but focus on your own goals and the little ones. they are helpless, but kate is not -- she can change whenever she decides her life is worth going through some sacrifices and discomfort. good luck with ww.
laura.. i feel you on the mirrors. i just try to think of the reflection as a glimpse into the past, because it's a representation of the old me -- on the inside i am already committed to healthy eating and exercise, and the mirror is trying to play catch-up and failing!
eating this week has been a challenge. there is a lot of junk in the house and not much healthy food. i've stayed on the stright and narrow at work though.. the gal training me said she gained a bunch of weight after she started, so that gave me motivation to stick with my usual unsweetened black iced coffee (even though i could anything, even those 800 calorie devils i never had the $$$ for, for free). if i don't ever try them, then i won't have the taste for them and get tempted constantly. pastries are a different story though.. i was born with the taste for brownies and coffeecake :devil:

oh Melissa i so feel for you again :hug: Addiction especially to drugs changes a life- Kate can choose to change she just isn't ready yet. it may take some harsh reality for her - Candice is right- concentrate on the little ones. they need you. and one day kate may need you too- it's so hard to stop being a MOM as our instincts take over and we want to baby our children who are hurting . it make me want to cry too- and hug the babies and babysit for you so you can have some free time -Etc..

ooo candice- free starbucks goodies:hungry: i'd have all kinds of trouble not eating them- i was born with a chocolate spoon in my mouth I guess!

we are starting more spring like weather- 75 during the day but I think my problem has been i am on this emotional roller coaster and want to stop the ride- it all started last week with that dear man passing away right before his 50th wedding anniversary - i mean here we were getting decorations ready and we get the call he had died- so the party turned into a memorial service-
2nd- our Sr. adult Pastor took another church and his wife and i were very close and i feel i am losing a good friend
3rd- my oldest quit her job the other day as her boss informed her he could get any sl_ _ off the street to do her job- he had become increasingly verbally abusive to her and she never got her paycheck on time - always a day or two late- but i wanna be mommy and help her and she doesn't need /want my help but i find myself saying well how about this or that and she gets mad. so i have to butt out.
4th- this was a bad weekend with work as some people overstepped their boundries and caused a major upset and i can't go into details but this could spiral outward into a few innocent bystanders (me included- actually everyone on Staff) having to find other jobs- it was a mess that caused a lot of difficulties to everyone on staff-of course i am "what ifing" myself to DEATH- i am the queen of what if's-
and i am all :( with myself as to losing weight- everytime i get OP something happedn to mess it all up- like i set out to start exercising and i have a miserable cold and can't hardly breathe let alone exercise.. i feel like i am a terrible loser (and not a weight loser) and just make excuses not to exercise.
i just can't seem to get it together.
ok rant over and i do feel better- this cold/sinus pressure is kicking my butt
i haven't eaten much lately - emotional upset for once does not = eating.
thanks for listening, especially Melissa as you have so much more to deal with.
Night all
Sandi