You have more will power than I do Laura cause I think I would be over there having a heart to heart with that woman. This is an especially hard time for DIL and she needs the loving comfort of her husband's arms, not her mothers. Mom can be comforting too but not like hubby with the shared loss and I can't imagine she is being much help since she is so busy looking inward and to her one needs. Your son could pull wife aside and tell her what he wants to do. Chances are she feels the same way and would like the alone time so she can begin to heal. I guess every family has to have their thorn and I think they change up from time to time. For us it is Katy and also my one SIL. Those two manage to keep things pretty stirred up. I haven't heard any other news as yet from her or for her which is mixed for me. I want to know but I dont' want to know if that makes any sense. I just hate the thought of her in jail for Christmas. Now I won't have to make Hawaiian bread with Brie since that is something that she and I have always had together on Christmas since no one else is crazy about it but I really miss her and have for years now and just hope that one day I will get my daughter back. She is the only one I have. On the upnote, Josh's room is done and now I need a vacation!
Melissa

Back from the grocery store and ugh do I feel miserable today. My throat isn't as raw and I'm coughing less, but the congestion in my head just makes me feel loopy and brain dead. The poor lady waiting for me to write a check in the line probably thought I was slow in some way :lol: I haven't written a check in a very long time, but the idiot who does payroll at hubby's work messed his check up again, so it was deposited late, so I could write a check but couldn't use my debit, just to be safe. I hate checks and hope it doesn't happen again.

Laura, I don't know how you are keeping quiet. Your son and his wife really need some time alone to grieve the loss of this baby and I don't understand how this woman doesn't see that. Maybe she thinks she is what her daughter needs, but it's not...she needs the only other person who understands it the same as her, the other parent, her husband. Yes, I'm sure grandparents are mourning too, but they do need to lean on each other most, it is different for them since it was their child, in her body, etc. I cannot imagine this woman doing this to them. I wonder if your DIL wants the mother there, or is just afraid to tell her to go? Anything you can do to make the move out quicker...go hang pictures for her or something? I know you wouldn't want to, but it might speed it up and get them out of there quicker. Just a thought.

I will get something for Mawmaw. I just hate the thought of another store, but there is always tomorrow. I feel so miserable.

Melissa, yay for the haircut! You are going to relax and walk out feeling like a new woman. No one deserves it more than you.

Theresa

Melissa, can you write to Kate in jail? I think you should write her a letter and tell her what you just told us...that you are thinking about not making that bread because it was your thing with her and how you miss her and want her back. You could go into detail on how her being out of your life has effected you, etc. and maybe it will get through to her. This is the time, since you know she is being forced to sober up at least for the moment. It just might make a difference to her. I'm sure she is going to miss some of the same things.

Sandi, I hope you and Jocie start to feel better and the airborne works wonders. I need to buy some of that stuff, but I never think about it. Must write it on list...only way I'll ever remember!!

Theresa

I think maybe I will write to her. I think she may think that I hate her because of all she has put me through and while her actions have not been smooth at all, it doesn't change the fact that I adore her and I always have. Part of the reason I take care of her children is because I love her. That is a good idea Theresa, I think I will do it when I get a moment of peace because I don't want to sound preachy or lecture like either. I just want her to know that I love her and I won't be making bread since it wouldn't be the same without her. I had a hard time at thanksgiving eating fruit salad. She always ate her weight in that. Weird how I think about food we used to share together-we did do other things too LOL.
Melissa

I think Theresa's idea is a good one, a sweet letter about bread and cheese and how sweet the kids are, no recriminations this week.
I think nasty MIL might be leaving my son's this weekend. I am worried that she used her time with DIL to say nasty things about my son and us. I know she thinks I'm weird because I didn't know all the "rules" for the wedding or shower, nor did I care much. I had 2 tables with my kids, family and 4 friends at the wedding and we were in a corner, behind the bar, where we couldn't see the bride and groom. MIL was at the table right next to them. There are no family photos of my side because she had the photographer running all over taking pictures of her and her side. There are more photos of her than of the bride. She is barely 5 feet and 90 lbs, with big boobs and she wore a strapless, gown with a train, more dressed up than the bride, who is a dear girl and looked plain and simple and beautiful. I don't think DIL realizes what a piece of work her mother is, and she will have to realize it without my help. My boy is fully aware and angry, but he doesn't want to upset his wife.
Hopefully, it's just a day or 2 more.
I am hoping my boy and his wife and 2 sons will come here next week for a Chanukkah meal and stay a night.
Laura

Theresa-Hope you feel all better soon. Glad you got the marker of Ty, been there many times before!! All markers should be washable and nontoxic! Sorry about your MIL, just go there with the mindset of having a good time and don't let her ruin it! It's your Christmas!

Laura-Sorry about your sons MIL! Is there any way you could invite them for dinner and the night, but then watch the boys and let them have a night alone? They could probably use it!

Melissa-I can't stand cleaning my 10 yo daughters room, I feel for you! It sounds like a great idea to write to Kate and let her know how your are feeling. With her being sober right now maybe it will hit her. Big hugs to you:hug: ! I hope you have a peacefull time while you get your hair done, I get my turn tomorrow! I can't wait until I can look in the mirror and not see all this grey!

Shopping wasn't too bad yesterday. Grace's flight was an hour late, so that was fun in the airport with McKenna and Sam! It didn't start raining until we were in eating dinner, and it started pouring so hard they issued a flash flood warning for the area we had to drive through to come home. We almost stayed the night in Reno, but I really wanted to come home! My mom flies in Tuesday morning and Grace flies out Wed morning, so we are going to Reno Mon night and staying until Wed. That's enough motel room time with kids!
Did get lots of shopping done though! The only shopping left is for hubby to do. He was going to do it Sat but they were just told they have to work Sat instead of having it off:( He's the one who put it off, NOT my fault!

Well, gotta go wrap!

Kathy

My throat is much better and the nose was clearing up and I was feeling better, then all a sudden I started feeling like I was going to throw up. I realize, after feeling sick for a couple hours, that I have only eaten donuts all day. I didn't even realize that I never ate...I fed the kids, but not myself. This might be how the 3 lbs. disappeared :lol: I have never forgotten to eat before, this is a very new issue.

I am really dreading Christmas now. I called Mawmaw to tell her that Allie's Dear Santa letter is printed in the local paper today, and she started crying saying how she didn't get to buy gifts for anyone because no one would take her shopping, everyone is too busy for her, no one visits, etc. I thought MIL took her out every Wed., but Mawmaw says she just doesn't show up anymore. This woman is stuck in her house, on her last leg of health, and according to her everyone has just stopped visiting or even calling her. THis upset me, and I offered to take her out but she refused, said it's too late and she's just going to cook all the food for everyone as her gift to the family. I told her she doesn't have to do that! Just being here is enough from her, really no one expects from her, she is on such a tight little budget as it is. SHe wouldn't hear anything I said and I called hubby, and he snapped my head off saying he is not feeling well now and he is working and trying to get home for Christmas and just can't deal with anything else right now. According to him, she just doesn't have the $$ to buy and so decided to cook, that's what she told MIL at least. She will never tell MIL the truth, she never does. She cowers down to her and lets them walk all over her and it burns me up every time I hear of these things. I wanted so bad to go over and help her baking, but we will just make her sick and that would be horrible in her condition.

This is turning out to be a miserable holiday for me, BUT the kids salvage everything. THey are SO excited and I am just trying to focus on them and live it through their eyes. The best way to go this year. They are so great, I'm lucky to have them and that is my focus.

Theresa

Ok i am in a mood so here goes my 2 cents :soap:
Theresa- i would so be nice to Mawmaw- flowers or something sweet- it would so tick off your MIL -who even tho i don't know her- i don't like her LOL
and you can tell her the kids still think Santa brings stuff so don't worry about gifties! or tell her the kids will not care who gets them what - they just lved their toys.
I don't like The MIL in Lauras situation either. (See i am in a mood):devil:

All my shopping is DONE except for some rolls for Saturday and i can grab them tomorrow on my way home from work- the store is 1/4 mile from the job

OP today too as i can't handle real food yet.

Melissa- i agree with everyone about a letter to Kate. she needs a lot of love right now. maybe just a card from everyone too. Maybe check to see if they have a chaplain available because we make up bags for the Prision ministry so the inmates can make cards for their families. and the inmates get toothpaste etc..
Kathy I have Lots of presents that need wrapping- care to help out??;) My hubby drives me crazy with wrapping- Every piece of paper has to be measured and just perfect and taped the right way Etc.. makes me NUTS! the gifts look good but gee the kids tear them up so who cares?

I am in a mood cause i have too much to do and no time to do it and I don't feel good so that adds to my :stress:
adn i am annoyed at a family situation and feel very helpless about it all
My BIL's 1 son( my nephew thru marrige) is down here about 30 miles north of me and he & his mom are basically homeless right now. well this is BIL's ex wife and the ex & son are staying with her parents for right now -But she can't do drugs in their house so she won't stay there. BIL is leaving Sunday night from NC to get son for 2 weeks if the son can behave he can stay in NC. BIL's now wife will treat him like crud (as she does my BIL's other son) and i just feel bad cause it's like no one wants this 14 YO kid. yes, he is unruly but he has never had rules or been made to behave. it's not the kids fault his parents losers. My hubby said he would call DCF to get the kid into foster care if he can't stay in NC -but i mean he's in a house were no one wants him and it's Christmas. I know we are not supposed to hate but i am really close to that emotion right now. we can't get involved- Bil's Ex wife HATES my hubby and would lie about him to police if we tried to get the kid. :tantrum:
Sorry guys i had to vent - it really bothers me.

I have to help "stuff" 300 candles into cups tomorrow a.m. and then I am off work for 3 days YAY!
Have a good night everyone

JANUARY 2 WHERE ARE YOU???( i am with Laura on this one too !)

Son's miserable MIL finally left today. My son is so happy about it. They are finally alone 4 weeks after losing their baby girl.
I am a MIL and I do try hard to listen to my 2 girls and not intefer, even when I think they are doing something silly. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do and the most important thing is for my sons to be happy. Sometimes they give me too much info about my sons and I want to run away.
Sandi- It's a shame that this boy's mother is useless. Maybe the grandparents will want him if the mother leaves. It's a hard lesson, but you can't save everyone.
Melissa- How is your hair?
Does anyone know how to add a digital photo to a post or a PM?
I saw on the forum that people are doing it.
Laura

Hello everybody!

I am just trying to catch up quick here after missing a few days. It has been a crazy week. But at least I am back OP and feeling good. Just two more weekends to get through.

Sounds like everybody has been having a crazy week! Laura I am so glad that your son's MIL finally left and they can get some time alone. What a difficult time, and then to have somebody pushing in and not giving the space that they need to heal.

Sandi sorry about your BIL situation. It is so sad how many teenaged kids have those serious kinds of problems when they should just be worrying about things like grades and friends and just growing up. I hope things work out. With my job working with high risk kids I see this kind of thing every day and it just breaks my heart. They have so much potential if they just had the guidance at home that they need.

Theresa, how terrible about your mawmaw! I agree that flowers will make her feel really good, and Sandi is right about the gifts. Your MIL sounds like a real pain in the neck. What is wrong with some people? They just aren't nice and there is not reason for it. Maybe it's just because they are unhappy so they want everyone else to be unhappy, too.

Kathy sounds like you have been really busy, too! How did the hair turn out? Have fun in Reno!

Melissa I agree with everybody else that a letter is a great idea, and now is the ideal time. It might really hit home with her, especially now that (hopefully) she is realizing all of the consequences of how she has been living and how much she is missing out on. Good luck.

Yesterday my FIL actually went to my husband's work to talk to him! We haven't talked to either of them for months because MIL has been mad at us. We didn't even get invited to their house for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. But yesterday he brought us some gift cards and had a nice talk with hubby. MIL still won't have anything to do with us, but it sounds like they are really having some problems and now my husband's sister said something to MIL that upset her and now MIL is furious at her, too, and she is not getting along with her own sisters and SIL's, either, and refuses to go to any Christmas parties because of it. So...it's not just us and now I almost feel bad for her. It sounds to me like she is just a miserable and unhappy person. (Just to clarify...my husband is adopted so I actually have two separate families of in-laws because he was raised by his biological mother until he was 5 and then shuffled around all over between relatives until he was out of school. It wasn't until after we were married that one of his uncles & his wife wanted to legally adopt him and we agreed to it because they did have a hand in raising him and my dad had just died and I was heartbroken that my kids would grow up with no grandfathers. It is an odd situation that's for sure. It's the adoptive MIL that's being so nasty. His biological mother has had a rough life but she is so happy to have us in her life that she goes out of her way to make us welcome in the family and is extremely sweet to us all...we are going to her house for Christmas on Saturday night.)

I am officially off work until January 3rd, but I have so much to do these next couple of days that it doesn't really seem like a vacation yet. I really do enjoy my Christmas breaks every year, though. I think later today I am going to have my daughter snap some "after" pictures of me. I have not done that yet and I am thinking that maybe it will help me to get through these next two weeks to be able to look at them and compare them with my "before" pictures whenever I am feeling weak around the goodies. I want to be able to fit into the same clothes I've been wearing now when I go back to work! I know if I can get through December things will get easier for me again. Must stay focused.

Haircut is wonderful! I feel so light again. My hairdresser called me Rapunzel when I came in but geez it was the first time I have been able to go since I got the girls in May of 2004 and now when Logan grabs a handful it doesn't hurt. Of course the kids all looked at me funny when I first got home. There is massive things to do today since tomorrow is the big day for us. Joshua said he wanted to spend the night with ex so we will see if he makes it this time. He usually changes his mind when it comes down to actually staying. I am going to write Kate today too when I have a quiet moment. I tried yesterday but I just feel at such a loss of what to say exactly.

Kayelle I am so sorry to hear that things are in a mess at your house too. I just don't get why people have to be so stinking nasty. Life is just way too short for that and that is how we wind up with regret in the end. By the time we realize how stupid we were acting, it is too late. I am happy to see FIL made an overture though-could be the beginning of renewal.

Theresa I know the thought of another store is enough to even crumble the strongest, but she sounds like she is just so worth it. I should go today to get milk but I'm not. There is just too many last minute things I have to do today. I haven't even wrapped the present I got each kid yet. It has been hard since I always have someone up and about just about but I will have to sneak a bit here. Josh knows I got them something but the stuff that was donated I hid in the garage so that will be Santa stuff.

I better get busy here. I have a birthday cake to make and lots of other stuff.
Melissa

Melissa glad you love the haircut! You definitely deserved something for yourself. You deserve a whole lot more than a haircut...but that's a start! I hope you have a good day and get everything done that you want. The birthday cake is such a great idea.

Well....I did it. Taught my daughter how to use the digital and had her snap a few pictures. Funny how before I lost the weight I'd look at pictures and all I could think was how fat I looked. Now I don't really see myself as fat in these new pictures but I find plenty of other things to criticize. I guess that is just the way we are made, self criticism is part of the deal. Probably would have helped if I had put some makeup on and done something with my hair before I had her take them, but she was in a hurry so we just did it. I have them uploaded on the website where I put my photos so if anybody wants to see let me know and I'll send the link. There are a few before and during photos there as well, and some of all my critters.

Speaking of critters...we have a new visitor for the Christmas break. My son's biology teacher has a pet snake for the classroom and needed somebody to take her home and take care of her over the break. My son really likes her and I guess I was the only mom crazy enough to agree to a snake in the house, so she's here with us for a couple of weeks. Actually...I kind of like her. Her name is Killer and she's a corn snake. She's long and skinny and has bright orange spots. Very pretty. We set her aquarium up in the exercise room so now I can watch her while I exercise and it does make the time go quick. My mother tells me I have lost my mind.

You are a nicer mommy than I am-don't think I could hang with a snake even over a weekend lol. I am doing great task wise. Cake is done and frosted, dips are made as well as the meat and cheese tray. Now the joy of bathing everyone-I have to do them in shifts. They will all be grubby by the end of all the festivities but I at least want them to start out sweet. I was hoping to get SIL out here so I could sneak and see a movie but I guess they were all out "visiting" until like 4a so I am not holding my breath. It is almost tempting to farm all the kids and just go see a movie and have some down time but since Logan isn't really Jason's responsibility, I would feel guilty sending him too with the girls plus I am not sure how he would do since there are so many people he doesn't know. Well I am off to start the bath brigade!
Melissa

I finally bit the bullet and joined a gym today. DH is a member and they have a special for family so I joined. I have 3 one hour sessions with a trainer starting Jan 3 to work out a program. I am interested in cardio and free weights, not weight machines. I think weight are better for me because form is important, and I like that. There are also classes but it will be a while before I jump around in front of mirrors and skinny women. I feel good that I am doing this.
Kayelle-send me the link so I can applaud you.
Melissa- maybe SIL should help you out with Logan, since you are surely helping him with the girls. What would he do without you-stay home?
Laura

Laura, I sent you the link. Hooray for joining the gym!! You will love it in no time. I used to dread any kind of exercise, now I hate to miss even a day. Even when I have a not-so-good day with food, I always try to get a good workout in.

Melissa did you get all the baths done? It used to wear me out just getting 2 kids bathed. Hope you get to go see that movie soon. You really, really deserve it, and Laura is right...I bet he wouldn't mind helping out with Logan after all that you do for the girls. He probably would be happy to be able to do something like that and give you a little much-deserved break.

I am more disturbed by the snake food than I am the snake itself. Frozen baby mice IN MY FREEZER! Now that is a little weird. It's a good thing I'm not really squeamish about anything (except spiders ewww). She only eats once a week, too! Wouldn't life be easier and cheaper if we only needed and wanted to eat once a week?

I just wish I could overcome my "all or nothing" attitude about food. It seems like if I mess up, I REALLY mess up. If I'm eating healthy, it's incredibly healthy. Why can't I just find a happy medium and overcome those tendencies to binge after one bite of something unhealthy? I've done great since last weekend but now I'm worrying about tomorrow night and Christmas Day. I want to enjoy myself and have some good food but NOT stuff myself with it.