Hey all. Derry, I hear you. It is so easy to let outside stress derail us. Which is funny, in a not so funny ironic sort of way since the way we treat ourselves is so unhealthy and not good for stress. Sigh. And you certainly have had a lot of stress to deal with.

I have two good things to report for the day. 1) I did make it to the gym this morning. 2) I did go ride my pony tonight. Two things I have been finding excuses to avoid.

Have a good day all.

Hi guys, almost forgot about you because I wasn't getting email notices! And I've been chatting away now that I've found instant messenger. That's a lot of fun but can really eat up the time. Nevertheless, it may be better than sitting here eating! With all the typing, I can't eat. Well, sure, I could, but I don't because it's so obvious what I'm doing. Not like zoning out watching the tube or something.

Well, I was hoping to be able to report a weight loss, but damn, the scale shows no change. I've been doing a lot of walking and have been eating well. Actually stayed away from a night out on the town last night. A guy was leaving and people went out with him. They all wanted me to go but I said no. Don't know. Seems kind of stupid to be saying no to a bit of afterwork socializing for the sake of calories. But I know me, there is absolutely no way I could drink something noncaloric or stop at one beer. So, I stayed away. It's better overall I guess, no money loss, can feel OK going in to work. I realize that a night out ruins the next day pretty much too.

And now I'm cooking up a spaghetti sauce. Just made the wholewheat noodles and will take the lot into work. Back on track.

Oh, god the haircut. I hate it, hate it, hate it. Thank you Derry and Rave for your words of sympathy. I thought I didn't need the picture. I mean the hairdresser does my hair all the time. I said, same as last time and figured she could tell what length it had been. Noooo. So, it's way to short and I look sooooo old. It actually means my body is looking younger than my face and hair. Oh, I so hate having a dowdy middle-aged woman's cut, because I am middle-aged and now I look it! Why do hairdressers do that? Do they think we want to look that way? Oh well, what's done is done. Lesson learned, like you, Derry, don't leave it up to their judgement.

Oh, on the metric. One kilo is 2.2 lbs. so..... 70 kgs would be 154 lbs. Now, I'm just over 163 lbs. I look at the handfuls of fat around my midsection and it makes me hate myself. Where did this come from and why doesn't it go away? I mean, I don't eat much. I suppose being only 5 feet doesn't help. But, boy, I've been walking so much again. How do these people who weight like 110 lbs do it? Are their bones hollow like a bird's or something? Oh well, gotta go now.

Take care all and I hope you find the motivation you need. I don't know. Not caring feels nice. Caring means self-criticism and loathing for me. There's no way around it. I know it's not good and all that, but I can't want to get the fat off and not be disgusted with the me that got me there.

Ciao tutti! :wave:

Heh all, is someone going to start a new thread for May? See, I'm ahead of you all and it'll be May in a couple hours! :yes: I can wait though. Rave, you going to do the honors this month? :encore:

Red - A little anxious for the new month to start?? :lol: I haven't decided what to do with my hair yet... get it cut again, or let it grow out and just throw it into a braid. That's definitely the cheaper of the two options. You sound more upbeat in this post. Or maybe you just had too much coffee? :p Caring to me isn't about criticism and negativity. Caring is genuine concern - a desire for self betterment. Then there's the not caring, which, while very freeing, means I eat whatever the heck sounds yummy without regard to health implications. And then there are the negative, self loathing, self destructive thoughts. Spin the wheel and see where I am today!! :^:

Derry - Though I don't encourage using food as an emotional buffer, I know it well. And I think we have to give ourselves some latitude here, because really, we don't know anything else. I've written about this in my journals and in my entries so often. I know I use food to comfort me during really hard times. I just am barely coming out of 8-9 months of doing it again. I am trying to learn to find other means of comfort in my life, but it's difficult to do. Kind of like fixing the roof. When it's raining you can't, and when it's not raining, why bother? No, I don't have asthma.. not even close. It's just that the pollen count here gets sooooo high - we're one of the nation's 'hot spots' if you will - that the more time one spends outside, the more coated with plant spew my respiritory system gets. Even people who don't suffer from allergies suffer. :p And coupled with starting to run again after months of not doing anything... yeah, my lungs had to hack up a lot of crud. I'm pretty sure that's all it is. Now if I don't watch it, yeah, that will turn into bronchitis in a heartbeat. Been there, done that.

Thunder and lightning this morning. It is so pretty, but... :mad: why doesn't it do this during the week and leave my weekends nice for working with the horses!? Bah.

Yesterday I overslept because CSI was on an hour late on Thursday night. I simply can not miss CSI, so I was really tired when I went to bed, and slapped around the alarm clock Friday morning. No running for me. I'm lucky I made it to work on time. So today is running, the last day of the first week of Couch-to-5K. Tomorrow will be pilates. I must remember to drink my water. It's much harder to remember that at home during the weekends. And so far, I'm doing well. I gave myself to the end of this month to get to my 'starting weight' of 200 - very scary. This morning I'm at 200.5. I'd call that a win, because that puts me at 2 pounds down for the week so far. Monday morning is weigh in for me, officially - we'll see what the scale says then. I did that on purpose. It makes me more aware of what I'm eating on the weekends, because typically I tend to overdo it. If I know I have to weigh in on Monday... I'm more likely to watch it more closely.

Hope everyone is having a great Saturday so far!!

Edited at about noonish to say:

I worked out!! I did my Couch-to-5K!!! :dance: :cb: And I pushed it on the last interval - I ran much faster, then added another 20 seconds of as-fast-as-I-could-move-my-little-legs!! Without falling over, that is. Was about 6.7 mph. Oh MAN that felt good. :hyper:

Yesterday was kind of a lost and off the wagon day, but it was a good day at least. We went to tour a college with my son and he liked it and we did well.
I ate, though, and had no remorse.... today I feel badly about it, but yesterday it was all about the day and the goodness of it. Do you all ever feel that way? I call it "social eating", just as bad as emotional eating, but a different kind of day.
But, my mini goal is to journal and I shall do my best to write it all down and figure out where I stand. We did do a fair amount of walking on campus, so that will help.
Red, my weight and yours are very close, and I know what you mean about the 110 pound people. I think they starve themselves or maybe they do have hollow bones? One time my mom was putting sunscrean on my back and said in surprise "you are so solid", it was meant to be a compliment. I think what she meant was that even though I might look "larger" (nice way to put it?) I am very compact and solid as a person. I work out and walk, and sometimes don't as often as I should, but I definately do not look like I weigh as much as I do. I would say that I look like I weigh 135 - 140, but I weigh much more. I think that is becuase I am "solid". Does that make any sense at all?
When I get on the scale at a doctor's office, for example, I've had nurses make remarks like that to me, they would never think I weigh as much as I do, yet I do.
I think that might be one of the reasons why it's so hard for me to lose weigh?
Linda

Just FYI, the May thread has been started, so make sure to post there!

Here's the link to the new thread. Hop on over!


http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=57219