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Old 02-21-2005, 02:42 PM   #76  
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I want to thank you all for the warm welcome. To answer a few questions, I am presently on Glucophage and Avandament, but my doctor just told me last week I will be soon starting insulin( It downed my spirits at first because I really hate needles ).


Soon after discovering I was diabetic, I lost my job, which caused me to go into depression and become agoraphobic. Diabetes doesn't run in either side of my family, however I have recently found out that I may have a condition to where one of the side effect is diabetes.

Let me tell you a little something about myself. I'm normally the upbeat person inspires and keeps everyone else going. For the past year I am the one who has needed to be inspired; however everyone around me has focused more on how diabetes will kill me rather than looking at how I can live a good quality of life with diabetes .


Now that I have depressed you….Let me tell you the good news…….I am now coming out of my depression. I will soon be going back to work and I have now gained control of my life. In other words the “Happy Me” is back. I now want to be apart of a support group where I can help others and keep myself motivated.

Thanks for listening
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Old 02-21-2005, 02:59 PM   #77  
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Tae2tas - I am glad you are taking control of your life! I,too, suffer from depression-have for 12 years. Do you take any medication for it? It's one of the hardest things to overcome. Adding that to being overweight and trying to lose weight...it's amazing and a miracle we are still around!

Sorry that everyone around you is focusing on the negative aspects of diabetes as opposed to helping you find the positive. Maybe they are all scared and want the bad things up front and out in the open. You seem to have the right attitude, though!

The best part of this thread/group is that everyone here is great at giving support and even better at asking for it. I am like you, I want to be part of a group that is supportive of me and also not afraid to put themselves out there and ask for my help, too. Together, we can do anything!

Subpremeprincess - Sorry I didn't include you in my previous greeting! I didn't mean to overlook you! I was in a hurry and for some reason thought I had you at the top!

How much snow do you get? It rarely snows here and when it does, the grocery stores run out of everything! Even if the weatherman says there is a one in a billion chance it will snow, everyone rushes out for bread and milk! It's somewhat funny, except those few times it fell on my normal shopping day. That was an experience! People can really panic when they want to!!

Okay. Gotta go. Having terrible trouble with my computer program. It rained like crazy here (all day) and the power was knocked off for just a minute. It was enough to completely screw everything up. The line to our Athens branch keeps going down and we keep losing up link status!

Hope everyone is having a great day.
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:02 PM   #78  
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Good morning. Tuesday here. I'm not feeling well. Feel dragged out and like I'm coming down with something. Damn. The drinking is to blame largely and here again I have to meet up with guys tonight. I really don't want to but already canceled once before and as this is kind of work-related I don't think it would be good to cancel. I will try to not drink although again, this is the whole business drinking culture over here. But, a lot of it is me and just not being able or willing to go easy. But I hate NOT wanting to do something and feeling forced to. I will see it as an important lesson in work, business socializing, i.e. pretending to be enjoying yourself and your company when you're NOT!

Today I can finally get out to see my horse and I'm really wanting to cancel out, I feel that bad. One of my cats is sick. Maybe I have whatever he has. Could be the onset of hay fever too. The pollen is supposed to get really bad this week from the cedar trees outside of Tokyo. So many people suffer from it here in Tokyo. They go around wearing these white face masks all the time.

Yesterday I felt pretty sick, dizzy like. It was scary. Don't know what was up. I can scare myself real good too and that just makes it worse. I really wanted to reach for the comfort of the old familiar sugar and sweets but I didn't. I am trying to think of soothing myself with thoughts and words to myself, trying to stay calm and realize that the food doesn't really comfort me. Words are much better, imagining comforting scenarios not food related. That's what I need to focus on, not some mad rush to stuff junk in my face.

***********

shanberg -- Hi there! Good to hear from you again. I missed you. Wow, sorry to hear you had such a bad weekend and now here you are again back at start with work. Well, let's hope things will be better this week at work. It sounds funny with the flowers everywhere. But flowers in the woods sounds pretty. Even if the previous owner was weird, anyone who loves flowers and plants can't be all that bad, don't you think?! But those colors do sound horrible. He obviously was into green. Yes, I'm living in the dark. It's awful but I have had no time to try to find a light let alone think of how I can get it home. This delivery dilemma pisses me off too. Everything revolves around the family situation, housewife sitting at home, husband at work. I guess they just don't think there are single working people who can't be sitting around waiting for a delivery person. It sucks and you're right, I shouldn't give a place my money if they can't accomodate me more. That said, I need a light! Right now I have a broken desk lamp that I have propped on my computer and I cleared enough space that I can do the proofing there but the main room is dark, just a 100 watt lightbulb to light the place. Oh well. At least I had that old light to put up. They're hanging lights from the ceiling, fluorescent, ugly things that every little Japanese room has. But they are bright and that's what I want. shan, little dried up baby fish is a snack here so they mix them in with nuts and seaweed and stuff a lot, dried baby shrimp, octupuses, squid. You eat the whole thing, just like that, head, bones, everything. I think it's gross as I'm vegetarian and even if I weren't would think it was gross but I hear it tastes good. You get used to lots of things when you live in different cultures, different countries, you have to and it's a very good thing to be too, open to other ways of life. But I don't want to eat any meat or fish and especially, like someone at work said, don't want to have my food staring back at me!

******

. . .to be continued
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:31 PM   #79  
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Hi, Red!

Sorry you are feelilng so bad. Sounds like you have a bug or something. The flu is flying around here in the states like a kite...is it over there, too? It could also be your sinuses...which is what made you dizzy. You be really careful, since you are in the dark! The fact that you aren't eating sugar is good...it lowers the immune system and can affect your white blood count!

I hope you find a light soon! If push comes to shove, can they not deliver the light to your workplace? At least someone is there that can sign for it if you aren't.

I like flowers, too, but the other owner had so many, my yard and house was infested with spiders. Now, I like spiders, just not that many. They tend to reproduce at alarming rates. I also had dragonflies, beetles, ants, and all kinds of crawly things. I have managed to weed out a lot of the strange plants and put grass down instead. The whole yard looks much better!

I think that putting fish or meat of anykind in with nuts is really gross. I'm not a vegetarian (spelled wrong!!), but I don't eat a lot of meat. I really don't eat anything with eyes. I can't stand that. And I hate going to Red Lobster when its crowded and you stand around waiting on your table and there are all those lobsters and things in the tank. I get so grossed out! I like other cultures and all, but sometimes even the Romans were weird!

Hope you get to feeling better. I am out the door. Just wanted to drop you a line!

Talk to everyone later!

Tootles
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:46 PM   #80  
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Thanks for the out-the-door message shanberg. I have a few minutes till I have to get out the door myself. Just trying to catch up here.

stormy -- thanks for the reminder about the gym. Well, I mean, I don't need a reminder. I always am thinking I HAVE to get to the gym and often I just can't because I have too many other things to do but yes, sometimes I can and just don't want to. It's very hard to differentiate between "not wanting to" and "not WILLING to" at times. I used to push the line too much and then get sick. My head tends to be stronger than my heart, which is a very good thing when it comes to discipline but can lead to overtraining, not taking rests, not being gentle with myself. On the other hand, if I don't WANT to I can just as easily get too lazy. Long run, long run, have to think of the long run. So, yes, thank you for reminding me about our Easter challenge. Please keep reminding me. I really need that. How is your day going? How have you been with the eating, the exercise? Keep us informed.

. . more later
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Old 02-22-2005, 01:39 AM   #81  
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I have a new light!! Hurrah! It is really bright. Didn't go to the gym because I couldn't take the big box with me, no time, but I had my stuff with me so I'm giving myself a pat on the back. Took a taxi home with the light. I was really worried it wasn't going to be the right hookup but it was and it was so simple to attack to the ceiling. So, I'm happy to longer be in the dark, at least in this way!!
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Old 02-22-2005, 01:42 AM   #82  
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Shanberg,

Yes I am on meds.... Zoloft has been the choice med and it was pretty helpful, but I am ready to wing myself off of it. I am not a fan of meds. The have a tendency to hold me back even when they help. I guess I have a problem with feeling dependant, but we will save that for Dr. Phil
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Old 02-22-2005, 01:46 AM   #83  
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Hi Tae, are you still on? Sorry I haven't gotten back to your last posts but I just got home a bit ago and have to run again. Am trying to get some things done here at home first. Will talk later. If you're still there, hop on and I'll chat now.
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Old 02-22-2005, 02:31 AM   #84  
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Red,

I am here. I'm a night owl so you can always catch me in wee hours
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Old 02-22-2005, 02:54 AM   #85  
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Hi Tae, I've got to leave soon so I can't really talk now. How are you doing? How was your day? Ah, I see you're on the West Coast. That's why you're still up. It's going on 5 p .m. here so that means it's midnight there.
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Old 02-22-2005, 03:06 AM   #86  
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So, Tae, I'm really sorry to hear that you have diabetes and may have to take insulin but OK, let's not dwell on the downer part of it. What is IS. You're are really doing the right thing getting on here with us and making moves to get your weight down and eat more healthfully.

You really went through some tough times, didn't you, what, with you learning you have diabetes, suffering from depression and losing your job. Wow! When it goes wrong, it really goes wrong, huh? Well, I went through some really stressful times at the end of last year and I'm still suffering because of it. My legs were going numb so much that I couldn't walk too well. I couldn't run and I had been doing a lot of jogging on the treadmill at the gym and heavy weight training. That's just a hobby of mine. Then I was sitting around a lot. I hate going to doctors and never go so I don't really know what's wrong but I know the stress was horrible. Anyhow, I'm pulling out of that and getting back on track and feeling good about it, though of course I have my down days as you will see if you stick around this thread for any length of time. Like shanberg said, most of us here seem to really know when to ask for support and we give it too but the asking is really important so I hope you will to.

Don't think you're going to depress us. Heck, it's you with the problems, not us! Just kidding. No, but really, I don't know how people get funny about hearing other people's problems, I mean, if that person isn't really in their face like calling them at 2 or 3 in the morning or just going on and on and on ad nauseum without letting the other get a word in sideways. So, don't worry, OK?

And heh, Tae, I want you to take off that "I am such a cow!" from you signature. Now, I LOVE cows but I don't think you're saying that because you love them. Come on, kid, don't be down on yourself because you're fat. And look at you go, by the way, did I see that weight tracker move again?! You've lost more, haven't you? Well, whatever, you've really got to start loving yourself. I know that sounds cliched these days but try it in little steps. And calling yourself a cow is not loving yourself.

Well, I've gotta run. Go drinking with some old men. Well, they're not that old but they're older than me so it makes feel better to say that! BUT, the older Japanese guys always pay for everything!! Hoo-haah! Too much drinking these days, really! But, it's work-related and this is Tokyo and it's so much a part of the culture. This is definitely NOT the place for alcoholics.

Well, hope to hear from you soon. I can read a message on my phone if it's the first one since I last went on the thread but I can't reply. So, catch you soon.

Heh, Tae, you just got my 999th post! That's gotta be a lucky post.

Last edited by redballoon; 02-22-2005 at 03:25 AM.
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Old 02-22-2005, 04:46 AM   #87  
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Red,

Thanks for the thoughtful words. OMG! ...that cow thing was put on so long ago I completely for got all about it. I had first put it on to stop be from pigging out on sweets and as odd as it sounds it helped, but it never got me down it just reminded me if I didn't stop eating the way I was then, I was going to be the size of one. Although I think the cow is so adorable because he looks as if she is laffin' there will never be a cow as sexy as me......just kidding .

Red, tell me more about this leg thing. How are you doing these days? I hope alot better even though the end of the year was just a couple of months ago. I understand about not wanting to go to see the doctor. I feel the same way.

Well I guess I might as well get off this computer go to bed. I hope you drank enough for me too
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Old 02-22-2005, 09:06 AM   #88  
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Hi guys. I always seem to write when there is no one around. Get ready I'm down.

My eating has been horrible and it's directly related to stress. The problem child doctor at work is really at it this time. I mean REALLY AT IT. He's so determined that I don't know a damn thing that unless I stroke his ego all the time and act like I have no opinion at all, he spends his time with shared patients proving me wrong instead of fixing the patient. He is extending the same "I know more than you" attitude to the other doc too and is changing just about everything on the other docs patients, meds, diet...you name it. You can't tell me that for 3 years you've needed the same supps and now suddenly you need COMPLETELY different stuff.....all of you - at the same time!!!!! Anyway, he's passive agressive and he's very threatened by me - so he uses every chance he gets to prove I'm stupid or tell clients that are seeing me regularly that they are not getting any better and "can't come back to me until he okays it."

The LAST time he adjusted me I walked in and said "my neck is jammed up again, do you have time to adjust me." He starts with "It's probably not jammed...that's almost impossible to do.....(it's been jammed every single time I've ever been adjusted....putting your head through a windshield lets you do the impossible with some things - oh and MOST PEOPLE ARE JAMMED IN THEIR NECKS!). Anyway, he was so determined I wasn't jammed that he twisted my neck repeatedly, trying to prove it was a normal adjustment that was needed - he actually hurt me. I was getting ready to tell him to STOP when he finally FINALLY checked and sure enough I was jammed. He jerked my head so hard - out of anger and when it adjusted he tapped me on the head and said You're done and walked out. I never let him touch me after that. But now he's treating patients the same way.

He did the same thing to Greg (BF) He had a big wreck on his mountain bike. We thought he'd fractured something in his neck but I wanted him to go there first. I wish I hadn't done that now. He's okay now but he went through months of pain because he was only seeing this doctor - he couldn't see the other one at the time....this doctor kept telling him it was all muscle issues that I hadn't worked out yet. He told him over and over that I wasn't doing MY part to get him well. Thankfully Greg believed me when I'd tell him I still thought he was out of alignment. Finally he got in to see the other doctor - months later - because of a flu issue - the other doctor adjusted his neck and he's had full Range of motion and no pain since. AND I HAVEN'T TOUCHED HIM. It wasn't muscle after all that time. The damn doctor was so determined it wasn't something he missed that he didn't check Greg properly and the guy walked around in pain and I walked around feeling like I sucked at what I do because I couldn't even help HIM and I was working on him daily!

This is all coming out now because the office manager caught wind of it and told the head dr. He knew some of it but not all of it. He's asked me to write it all out - petty stuff and all. He wants all of it. Now that I see it all on paper I swear I don't want to go to work today. I just want to stay home and cry. This guy is hurting people and not treating people because of his own ego. EGO. It's not just the way he's treating me. I can deal with that - the guy is a jerk - okay. But now the way he feels about ME is causing him to treat other people differently and hurt them!!!!

I just want to eat until I can't eat anymore. I want to sit down and cry and get drunk and eat everything my heart wants. I don't even care - I just take the stupid meds when the pain kicks in. Plenty of people take them and are fine with it. And yes. The depression side of it has kicked in too. I'm mad and feel stupid for not seeing that keeping my mouth shut about how he's treating me has let him go further and further - and now he's using his passive agressive stuff on patients. I feel so guilty!! I lose his patients left and right. And it's because they aren't getting better - because he's talking trash about they're bodies....when he puts them on the wrong supps and then won't let them move at all - after I give them stretching exercises...he tells them "oh my god - you could have slipped a disk doing that!" I look stupid and they are scared to come back to me!

I'd like 5 minutes in a dark alley with this guy - I'm sure ONE of my four black belts taught me SOMETHING I could use on the guy.


Guys I'm sorry. I'm pissed and sad, and barely keeping it together right now. I have a client in two hours. I am excited partly though - I am adding stuff and changing the feel of my treatment room. Making it more comfortable and nurturing. Getting more music, a set of windchimes ( they won't ring - they just look relaxing). I'm trying to create that relaxing place I saw when I imagined my office years ago. Less like a doctor's office more like a retreat.

I sure wish someone was here right now. I hope you're all doing well though. Please keep this doctor thing and the meeting I have to have with the two of them in your thoughts. It's a hard thing to have to acuse a doctor of letting his ego get in the way of his medicine. Espeically when that doctor sees you as less than an ant.
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Old 02-22-2005, 09:57 AM   #89  
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Hi, all. Finally made it in to work this morning. There was some kind of accident on the expressway and I was detoured through a lot of back roads. It was extremely foggy this morning. Took forever to get bact to the main road! Plus, I am horrible at directions. Once I left my home area, I was in unknown territory. I just knew I was going to have to call work and have someone come and find me. I know that doesn't sound too bad, since I was somewhere I didn't know well. The thing was, the place isn't that far from where I live! It would've been sooooooo embarassing!!!!

Red - Glad you got a light! And that it was the right one and is bright!!!!

Hang in there with the gym thing. I read in a magazine that you are supposed to take a day off after you do weight training...to let your muscles heal. So, if you go every other day, you are still doing great! And, of course, there is always the walking in place method!!!

How was your drink meeting? What do you drink? I work for a Budweiser distributorship, so I find myself always wondering what others drink! Can you even get Bud over there?

Tae - I take Zoloft, too. I took myself off of it after three years on it and I was doing so good. But, then I had a lot of things happen and ended up back where I was when I started. I decided right then and there I would take it forever if it kept me from going back down the blackhole of depression! Lots of people don't like taking meds for long. They feel like they are lacking in something...control, ability to live their life "normal" or whatever. Me, I just care about being happy and able to live my life. Its only one little pill...it helps me, doesn't control me! But, to each their own. Plus, if you need it, you can always go back on it!

Little Grasshopper - I am so sorry about that jerk of a doctor! I can't believe he would be so petty as to sabotage you and harm other patients. Sounds like he needs to go back to medical school and relearn the Hypocratic Oath!!!! He also needs to see a shrink-he is the one lacking and is taking it out on you! I hate that!

You know, it is a good thing nothing else happened to both you and Greg. His lack of action could've lead to something worse than just being jammed and out of line! Does he even understand the concept of malpractice lawsuits???? What a jerk!

Okay, I know you are feeling guilty about your patients and not saying something sooner. But, it is NOT your fault!!!! You have done what you are supposed to. He is the one that is to blame. He is the one doing harm to others in an attempt to hurt you. That is bad for a "normal" person, but for a doctor! Who is supposed to help people! And you are NOT stupid! You kept quiet because you didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing he was getting to you. I woulda done the exact same thing! You were in a no win situation. If you said something, he might've been even worse and really tried to sabotage your career. Not saying anything just goaded him furthur. It read like he was trying his best to cause you to blow up-and used anything he could against you.

My advice, write everything down. DON'T feel guilty about it. He did this to himself. All he had to do was the right thing-he choose not to. That was his choice and he is the one that needs to suffer the consequences. You tried to ignore him, but it sounds like it has gotten to the point where to continue ignoring him and trying to keep peace is dangerous- both for you and the other patients. There comes a time when you have to make the hard decision, when you have to say here is my line, I've drawn it and I won't take anymore. If nothing else, think of it as doing it for your patients. They only have you to stand up for them.

Don't let him get to you so much that you give in to your wanting to eat. That is like another victory for him. You are so much better than him. Anger can be a good thing. Wrap it around you like a coat of arms and use it to keep the binging at bay. I do think you need to treat yourself to something...something you wouldn't normally allow yourself. That might help allieviate the internal need to eat and eat and drink and binge. A small outlet can make a big difference to the overall pressure.

I'm not sure if my rambling has helped you in any way. Just know that you are not alone and you are not at fault. The hardest lesson I ever learned was that there are actually people out there that are evil. Not just in the movies, but in actual, real, everday life! I try to look for the good in people, but sometimes there isn't any good to find! That is hard to accept. You can only do so much. I'll say a prayer for you. Just dig down deep-I'm betting there is strenght in you that you haven't found yet, just waiting to be tapped into.


Good luck!
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Old 02-22-2005, 10:30 AM   #90  
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Grass, hang in there. This is teaching you so much about what you will do later probably with your own practice.
I know that sounds lame but I just had to say that so you wouldn't feel bad about hating it all. It really sucks. This guy is a kook, obviously. Don't worry. The patients will see it. You see, they will already recognize it because you're making the lines of demarcation clearer between him and you.
I can't write much now, but just know I'm rooting for you. I'm in your corner as we all are.

But come on!! DON'T EAT! Don't let this guy get to you. If you eat or get drunk BECAUSE of him you're just allowing him to TOUCH you. You said you didn't let him touch you anymore but he is violating you big time! Stop him, Grass. Get back in touch with YOU. Come on, deep breaths, this is not as horrible as it seems to you from the perspective of others, the patients. This is for you to know so that you will never go there yourself.
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