Heh guys, good to see you're around. Grass, sounds like you went through ****. That sounded awful. I think I would have left. It's hardly about love when someone is abusing you. Storm, NBK, hi there. Sorry, no time to write now. Haven't felt like writing either. Nothing to say really except that I've been too busy. So discouraging to know you've been unable to do well and then have to talk about it. . . :( Crime girl, where are you? NBK, I forgot to say I like your new avatar. Did you do that in the sand?

Hi everyone-
Just a quick note to let you know I am trying to read and keep up but my life has decided to overwhelm me. I called and cancelled my cable today because I am paying for something I never get to watch. Sigh!
Sorry I haven't been on- things are crazy with school and we are going through a million changes at work as well. I have been pretty good with the exercise- I missed one day last week and one day this week so far so not too bad.
Food on the other hand is not being kind to me- I get hectic and I grab some kind of food to keep from starving and of course it is bad for me.
Anyway- I have missed you guys-
Red- Cheer up! I will start back with your horoscopes in an effort to cheer you up! Hang in there!
Little grass- glad you are back! Sorry your grandma doesn't see she is hurting you instead of helping. I know it can be hard to try to get someone to stop doing something they think you need.
NBK- like the new avator and congrats on taming the bf- sounds like you two are having a blast. Ironically enough I have a realtor coming to look at my place tomorrow. Small world-
Michimesh- hang in there- jump on when you can
kjk- it will be OK- maybe we need a new challenge starting on VDay?? Really keep track of this one. Let me know- I need motivation as well. Hope work gets better.
stormy- how is school? is it this weekend you have to go back?

Okay well hope I at least talked to everyone-
Sorry if it is brief- I will try to jump on later and talk more.
Hope you are all well -
Have a great night everyone!

Yay!!! Nice to see you both Red and CG.
Red - don't stress about us.. aslong as we know you are ok.. and alive we're happy. I miss talking to you but I understand about not feeling like it. Just remember we all love you and think you're wonderful!!

CG - hmmm try grabbing carrots. they taste good, fill you up and you can eat them on the run! Or bannanas.. they are the perfect natural fast food! Fibre, protein, potassium.. etc.. good luck with the realtor and getting all your school stuff done. And getting your cable cancelled, I'd take that as a pretty big sign of committment to your new active lifestyle! yay!! (and the extra $$ will be nice too)

My avatar, well the BF, before we were going out, went and drew it in the sand one day, took a pic and sent it to me, saying "have a happy day!" the best part was, he sent it to me on my worst ever day at work (i cried infront of my boss BIG TIME).. he couldn't explain why he did it, he just said he felt like I would need cheering up that day! doo doo doo doo.. that sort of thing happens to us all the time.. we get wicked coincidences occuring...but it is at the beach we go to most often.. there is a car park where we go to eat our junk food, and he takes his daughter there a lot to play on the beach and also at the play ground.. the coastal walkway goes right past it too!

Smiles and Hugs all round
Tuberculosis

CG, I am going to school this weekend. I fly this time and next and I was able to catch one out Friday morning before class. I lucked out. This will save me a little on the hotel. Good news, I get my car back Thursday. I am so excited. It has been in the body shop for 13 weeks now. So after my next two weekends I will start driving the 7.5 hours again. Hopefully, I will be doing okay with eating while driving.
I am happy to hear that you are still exercsing. You should really try to cook some healthy things on Sunday for the week. The preparation is worth it.

NBK, what a sweet thing your boyfriend did for you. How long have you two been together? Don't get discouraged with the lack of change. You are attending those pump classes so it will come!

LGH, are you detoxified yet? Are you happy to be home? You really make me want to try those Dove bars. I'll have to do that on a cheat day. My challenge is going by okay. The weight loss is slowing down. I know that I am trying my best though so I will get there eventually.

Red, cheer up and get you butt in here. Come and tell us how you feel. We are here to support each other and hold each other accountable.

gaah more blood tests results came back!! Basically I am one sick puppy. But for once my background iron levels were almost normal! seriously, I'm still technically aneamic, but it was my 3 highest count ever! woo hoo..

gotta fly, but stormy, bf and i got together in march last year, but didn't really start going out till june.. man it's too hard to explain, lets just say I learnt to have patience with him! he he...
take care, lose well
I can and I will
Tiff

hectic and harried and putting it all OFF!!!
 

Okay, guys, you have shamed me into writing. I do need a shout to get me in here sometimes and want one. Otherwise I start feeling left out, even though I know it's my fault. :( I have so many things to do but I'm just crying for some downtime. So, this will be it, along with some forbidden tea. The food and exercise have gone the way of the wind because I am so harried. I realize that this is my biggest problem. I am not made for this runaround. But what the ****, I've got to do it.


*********

NBK -- Thanks for the sweet words and for understanding my times of withdrawal. Between your kind words and stormy's kick A encouragement, I got back! At least I'm here but not really doing anything admirable. . . .You know, you sound so totally healthy all the time and so active that all this stuff about your blood just seems so out of line with everything else. Is this a hereditary thing with your blood? Can it be cured or only regulated? What causes it, not the symptoms, but the root of it? Do you know? Yeah, that was sweet the boyfriend made that in the sand for you. I hope you continue to get along and have fun together. I miss having a guy in my life like that. I was spoiled as a child because my brother was everything to me. Of course, we were just friends!! and maybe that's what I'm looking for in guys most of the time. Well, I mean, I'm not looking for it but those are the guys I have around me, all male friends. Problem is most can't even handle that, or the girlfriends or wives can't. Makes for lonesome times. The sig others don't believe I just want to be friends and more often than not, the guys don't want to believe it either. I think it hurts their egos. I am honestly happy having male friends. The guys I get involved with otherwise are usually jerks or I get bored with them very quickly. Oh heck, where did this come from. Must be the tea, which I'm not supposed to be drinking. . . Oh and yeah, send that boyfriend about here toute suite!! I need a guy that'll clean and do it happily. I am a natural slob. My abode would make any pig happy. I live in an overgrown, wild and tangled jungle, so thick it is impossible to see what is hiding in its midst. I want a male housekeeper to keep things clean enough so I can invite tons of people in for regular all-night bashes. He will cook delicious healthy vegetarian meals and make boxed lunches for me to take to work and other snacks for throughout the day. You know, really, if I were rich, or shall I say, when I am one day rich, I will hire people to do this for me. This is truly what I want! And then I'll just hire in guys to take care of other things as well. ;) Ah, that would be the life. Wow, this tea is really affecting me!

storm -- thanks for telling me to get my butt in here. It worked. Yeah, I've got to fess up, chocolate and more chocolate, ice cream bars and what have you. Damn. I just let go. Your reminder about VDay, which is a joke over here (girls give guys obligatory chocolate, guys do nothing but ask, "where's my chocolate?!"), made me angry with myself for having said I would be lose the weight and here I am doing zilcho about it. Discouraged, more like ticked off with myself, oh, just gotta find a way. Work just sucks my life away, takes all my time away. Oh well. Glad you got a good flight out this weekend. It must be fun to fly all the time. And the car coming back. 13 weeks, that is a really long time in the States I would think. People tend to live in their cars, no? What are Dove bars, by the way. I can only think of soap and it doesn't sound too good. No doubt a good thing! By the way, the meeting with the Olympic medalist is over. It was a press conference, not an interview. Sorry if I said that already. It was fun. I will tell you some things he said that made me think. Please remind me to do that, OK? You are shaming me into doing Pilates. Well, not yet, but I feel I must. It seems everyone is doing it and it's supposed to be really good for riding.

Crime girl -- yes, I am going to attribute my loss of balance to the lack of horoscopes! Always good to put the blame somewhere other than where it belongs! Sorry to hear life is overwhelming now but kudos to you for keeping up with the exercise. I am very impressed. I totally hear you with the grabbing food bit but, heh, like I said, the exercise is super important and will help change your body inside, right imbalances and all that and you will eventually get it all together! Keep it up CG, you are, and I think I speak for everyone here, an incredible inspiration. And I really mean that. Look at you, with everything on your plate (Irishism? no pun intended!) you still make the time to come in here and give each and every one of us a line and word of encouragement. I really miss you when you're not here, your colorful posts and upbeat tone, unflagging optimism even in the face of a work and study deluge. You're super!

grasshopper -- how are you!?! Are you detoxed yet? I still can't believe what you went through at your grandmother's. It sounded awful. Perhaps though it was meant to show you yourself just how much you really want to eat healthy now. As you said, it's not HAVING to eat like that, it's WANTING to and when you realize that it can mean big changes. I think this is something I have to look at constantly, not just with eating, but with all aspects of my life.

KJK -- I'm glad you checked in. I was worried about you kind of. I hear you on the work deluge. That's a shame. Just try to get through it without doing too much damage. I think grass' suggestion to get the exercise out of the way in the morning is good but maybe, if you're like me, you just want to sleep in so I can understand if you just don't have enough resolve to do that now. With your schedule I can very well understand it. I think too, after work, is very hard. This is my problem as well and that's why I've been trying to force myself to get to the gym before work. On days I'm not going to work I'm usually riding and that means getting up early so I do that. Hmm. other days, I try to incorporate a bit more walking into my commuting routine or force myself to take a break at work and walk. Can you do this? Do you drive to work? Can you park farther away than usual. Can you get out at all during the day? Tell me more about your day and maybe we can think of something. Also, you can still watch your eating. Maybe you can focus on that and not worry so much about the exercise.

*******

OK, I have spent way too much time writing this. But you all I know just want so very, very badly to hear from me?!?! Right?!?! Right!?!? . . . . shaking heads. . .silence. . . oh well. . .ciao tutti! :wave:

Hi guys - 3:30 am and I can't sleep. It seems to be the magic time of day when I either sleep through or wake up and stay up....need to look that number up on the eastern clock and see what meridian that is associated with...just for kicks :)

Red - now that I'm home and detached from it, it doesn't seem like **** anymore. It was very hard at the time though because while I like the way I eat now, who wouldn't want a can of pringles?? And to have someone who loves you waving things in your face constantly saying "this won't hurt you - you're just scared you're gonna get fat...well you're starving yourself to death as it is..." If BF did that I'd deck him! But I've been away long enough now I can remember the good stuff about the trip too.

As for the understanding finally and WANTING to eat this way - apparently that was isolated to my vacation. Last night it was all I could do to keep my hands out of BF's dinner - pasta with spicy sausage. Then I had these chocolate chip cookies that were made out of rice. I am not suppose to have them but had 4. I'm sending them out of the house today. No way I can go 5 days without those cookies and be fine - and yet NEED them now. It must be boredom. I wasn't hungry.

Red - I'm glad you're back on the board too! I'd love to hire men to do ALL of my work :) And one with good massage hands too :) As for the weight loss frustration. Been there!!!! Falling down is not failure! Failure is not getting back up. Get up and keep trying. You'll get there one step at a time. Maybe they're babier than you'd like but you're talking about a life change - not a fad diet! Life changes are NOT easy or we'd all make them every day. You can do this and we're here to help you.

I'm falling asleep now so I'd better go. Cross your fingers for our weather. I need to work today. Can't afford to keep losing clients to ice and snow. sweat dreams - or good day.

grass -- ox or the tiger. most people would say tiger but the signs really apparently overlap for two hours either way. ox is 2 a.m. and the two hours before or after, tiger is for 4 a.m. and the same. But I don't know anything about it really.

OK, glad to hear there were good things about your visit and I'm also glad you're still human and yearning for those bad awful foods too! ;) I like the way you say "I sending them out of the house!" I can just picture the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland or something screaming, "Off with their heads!!" and you pointing to the door and screaming, "Out of the house!!" to the cookies. :rofl:

Thanks for the kind words. You're so right. Getting back up. I had a really good quote about that, quite a crude one, from the SEALS but it is trapped in my dead computer and I can't find it. If I do I'll post it here. It always gave me encouragement.

It's funny you should say that about changes not being easy. I was so frustrated this morning riding because I just can't seem to get what I have to be doing (with my pelvis and hip joints and all) and the teacher isn't too good about saying I'm at least headed in or seem headed in the right direction. She said she didn't expect me to get it right away and if I did then she certainly wouldn't need to be teaching me because it would mean I had amazing talent. I did, by the way, get her to say that I looked like I was indeed heading in the right direction! Hurrah!

Ok, thought I'd catch you still awake but it looks like you're 'aslumberin'. Fingers crossed for your weather. :crossed:

Oh, yeah, one more thing. I just had a slap on the head from someone. Decided I was going to make this box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, something I grew up on and haven't had in years and years. I'd got it at the imported foods shop and it was sitting around and I thought I'd make it at last in a pigout kind of moment. Well, I'm thinking of eating it, yum, yum, with the pasta boiling away. Then I go to drain off the water and stupid me, I wasn't thinking and the boiling water goes over my fingers holding the sieve and I drop the sieve into the sink (which was in need of cleaning!). So all the pasta (but a little bit) felt out and was not salvagable. Now, was someone trying to tell me something!!? OK, I can take a hint!

:) Red - your pasta story is too funny. Too bad BF's food didn't fall in my floor last night :)

I tried to sleep but it didn't work. So I did some yoga for stress and pilates for my droopy belly :) I'm fully awake and half functional now.

Oh, to answer your question - I am still detoxing. To fully detox takes 3-6 months. Most people detox that first bit of gunk with the two week programs. They get about 30% of the junk (and it's better than doing nothing!). I'm after as much of it as possible...because the last bit is all the chemicals and the strong stuff that was able to withstand the liver and everything else in the body trying to get rid of it :) :) Besides, after the stuff I was exposed to this weekend I have a bit of an extra detox headache right now. I did get a glimps of how I use to feel all the time. Anxious, in pain and feeling of being out of control of my emotions and thoughts - like they were completely running me and I was just along for a wild ride. It set in on the plane ride home. That feeling of "my god I need to eat crap and NOW!" I was completely losing the ability of saying "no you don't - you're not even hungry and you don't even like that stuff."

I think a big difference between my being able to not eat at night while there vs. here is that there I always had people to talk to. Family was coming to visit constantly - cousins were staying over - my sister and brother are both really late night owls....they all kept me busy. Here we watch TV and relax....that means I have more time to think about food and I end up eating late at night, when I'm not even hungry. I need to work on that. Find stuff to do - make soa, replant flowers, crochet on my blanket...anything.

I'm rambling now - I hope you're still around to read this :) hahah!!

ramblin' duo
 

hi there grasshopper -- yup, I went out to the store after the pasta loss and got the stuff for a salad. Got some other stuff too but we won't talk about that. Made and ate the salad. Hurrah! I've always said, it's like adding water to a fish bowl. You can't take the water out and dump in new or you'll kill the fish. Keep slowly adding fresh water (good food) and the old dirty water (the junk food) will go.

You know, reading about detox. It would seem that all these "cravings" people talk about are really just that the body has been poisoned. I mean, as a kid, I ate very well, good food because my mom was really strict. I never had cravings. And all this talk of pms and stuff. When I'm off sugar I don't even know my period is on the way till it's upon me. I think too that this is part of what you're talking about. All the junk that's put in food, so much doesn't even have to be listed and besides, what does the FDA know really. If big business hasn't bought them off then still, what do tests really prove most of the time. There is so much science doesn't understand.

You know, about the talking and not eating and watching TV and thinking about food and eating, I think a lot of that is pure habit. You know how in the States when you watch a movie it just naturally means eat and drink for most people. Well, here no one eats anything at all or drinks anything. Well, ok, a few people but they are the exception. I thought it was really weird when I first came here but now I'm the opposite, I find it strange when I'm in the States to see all this eating going on in the theaters. Then again, that doesn't mean it stops me from eating or anything. . . ;) So much of it is psychological cues, like with smoking and people saying they have to smoke when they drink or they have to have a cigarette after eating. We're all like Pavlov's dogs really and we can break the cues somehow I think, just haven't really thought about it much. With smoking I just said to myself, "I'm not a smoker anymore. I just don't do smoking." It was simple because it was black and white. Eating's not like that and people (at least I for one) don't like the sound of "never again" when it comes to our favorite foods.

Ramble on, grass. I love ramblers!

"Oni wa soto, fuku wa uchi!"
 

By the way, today (Feb. 3) is a Japanese traditional holiday.
It's called Setsubun and you get dried soybeans and throw handfuls of them out your front door yelling "Out with the demons, in with good luck!" It's to purify your house or office, wherever you do it. Just don't hit people with the beans! And be sure the beans are dried ones. Don't just like open up a can of baked beans and start throwing it, SPLAT!!
And then, for good health in the year, you eat the same number of beans as your age plus one extra.

Crime girl -- try it out at work and people will really think you're nuts!!

Wow - I bet the movie industy here is hoping that fad doesn't make it's way to the US! You spend more money on food than you do the movie ticket!! I had a friend with Cancer when I was younger and she had to eat ice chips or drink water..that's all she could drink there. They would charge her for a large drink every time she got water!!!!! We were in shock and I wrote a letter to the manager..he basically said - sorry, but rules are rules, if we break them for her we have to break them for everone. I never went back to that line again. They have since been bought out by bigger theatres and I can see why - if they conducted all their business that way.

We do not have a dining room or a kitchen table. We have a breakfast bar. At first I thought it was a great save in space. I put a cabinet where the table would have gone - sold the table and all was well. now I'm seeing we'd probably be better off if we had one. We could eat together at the table. No TV and enjoy our meal and have time for each other. AS it is now we eat while watching TV - usually his food is finished first. And then I cook mine. By the time I sit down he's finished eating. Our time together is then watching TV. Usually me reading, him watcing some silly show he likes. I think that needs some tweeking.

Glad you made the salad and I think you're right about the fish bowl. Trying to change all your habits at once is so depressing - it leaves you wanting for every single thing you found comfort in before at a time when you most need it!

I bough a book - 10 habits of naturally slim people. It's really helping me. I attribute a lof of my ease on vacation to that book - and some of the lack of ease now, to the fact that I put it down. Basically they interviewed naturally slim people - weaded out the ones who have always been slim but have been fighting weigh their whole lives - so that all that was left was the people who really had been naturally slim forever. Then they interviewed them on how they eat, why they eat, what they do for comfort, what body parts they hate/like (most never thought enough about their body to hate a part - it was what it was and they liked it). I am enjoying reading about it and becoming aware of things that I do that sabotage my weightloss.....

for example - they say to look at how babies eat. They will NOT eat if they are not hungry. It doesn't matter that it's their favorite, or grandma made it (got me through most of the week!) or that it's a holiday or was expensive...if they aren't hungry they simply don't eat!!! I'm trying to remember that.

okay have to get ready for work. It's snowing outside. I'm scared we're going to have a traffic repeat of two weeks ago. It's not the snow that's the problem - it's a million people hitting the roads at the same time with the snow and ice...no one can get anywhere. At least they treated the roads this time. bye for now!

Hahahaha!! i was thinking of Crime Girl trying it the whole time I was reading along!!!!

Well good luck with the demons! :) And good luck with the beans too :)

"If we have to break the rules for one, we'd have to break them for everyone" :?: This guy would definitely not do well in a logic class. You know, it smacks of Japan though, they're always going on about, "this is what EVERYONE does" and so you (me) can't have it another way. And I'm constantly saying, "I don't give a rat's *** (or Japanese equivalent term) about what EVERYONE does, I just want to do it this way." :lol: Yeah, really, some people need to get knocked over the head. I can't believe that theater said that. Pathetic.

What's the name of that book? That's not the "Thin for Life" book, is it?

Babies not eating when they're hungry! :bb: Again, I have pictures of us following this quite literally, picking up our forks and spoons and just throwing them across the room, slapping at waiters' hands as they're setting a plate in front of us, plate and all the food falls to the floor -- and best yet, realizing we're not hungry after we've just taken a bite of something and just spitting it out, sending it shooting across the table. I love it! Gotta try this!! I'm sure people will find me just adorable!! :rofl:

Oh, heh, take care out there today, grass!

Hey -the book is Ten habits of naturally thin people. I can just see you sitting in public spitting food..throwing peas! :) Great ;) :)

I saw the way we learn guilt and emotional eating in action on vacation though...an aunt had her grandson there and she made him a dessert plate - first it had 3X an ADULT portion - but then she made it AFTER he told her he didn't want any and she begged and begged him to try just one bite. The poor kid finally had a bite just to get her off his back - but none after that. I just sat there thinking OH MY GOD - THAT'S HOW IT STARTS!!!! She MADE him give hugs to all of us too - I'm a stranger...how do you MAKE your child hug and kiss a stranger. I left the room so he didn't have to hug me. I know this isn't weight related but you CAN'T teach a child good touch/bad touch - trust your instincts and be careful with strangers if you're MAKING them hug and kiss people they are scared of! An attitude problem is one thing but making a standard rule that they have to kiss people bye just because it's cute and makes the ADULT feel good - that's crap!! The adult needs to grow up if their self worth is so fragile a strange kid refusing to kiss them can destroy it!

wow, I'm pissy today. Better get ready for work. I have a staff meeting today and this is where the dumb doctor usually attacks me with stuff he's not said all month. i'm tryig to get my game face on and make sure I don't let it effect me. Talk to you guys after work.

Strange but lovable???
 

Okay- I am sitting here laughing my *** off (I wish literally) because I am going to do the "bean thing" for the Japanese holiday and quite frankly perked up at the idea when you were explaining it Red. The funny thing is- you guys have me pegged. :lol: I have every intention of taking beans to work and doing this ritual at lunchtime. I also had the image of people throwing cans of beans outside when I first read it. Good thing you clairifed that Red. :lol3: Otherwise- I probably would have taken some canned beans to work and really mucked the place up! Is there anything I have to say?? If not, believe me I will make something up to give the appearance I know what in the **** I am doing.

Also- I now have a mental image of the opening of a bad restaurant. It would be a room full of food critics throwing food at the waiters and each other like children. :lol: There is a lot of truth in that though- my brother lost 80 pounds following the premise that he would not eat until hungry and exercise is necessary like food and air. He is a marathon runner now. I should take his advice and follow those premises.

Red's horoscope of the day:
Beware of flying beans today. Life is like a flying bean- full of nutrients if you can catch it and cook it up for yourself but dangerous if you allow it to hit you in the head with no attempt to try to gather it's goodness.

Man- I am definitely amusing myself today. Thought you could use some humor Red. :lol:

red- Thanks for the kind words- you are always so sweet to me and I appreciate that. The funny thing is the things you feel you see in me are indeed things that you possess yourself. You have a high capacity to truly care for people and that is a rare trait. Don't get discouraged and let that fade. Keep your ability to see the good in people and to **** with the bad people in life. :D
As for getting back on track- I have absolute faith that you will do just that. I think you also probably sabatoged yourself with the pasta although I have to admit that was a truly funny image you painted.
I think we all bounce through life not fully knowing what we are doing and I think that is what makes it so fun. If everything was neat and tidy and worked out like we hoped- we would be so bored and as humans would create some drama somewhere. The pitfalls in life are sometimes a blessing in disguise. Often we learn and frequently it makes us laugh. Humans are such uniquely weird creatures when you think about it. Anyway- too early to get too deep here. Hang in there!
Congrats on the progress in riding- I know that it is an important part of your life and am happy that you are beginning to excel there. Good job!

kjk- Glad you hopped back on the board- keep coming back!

stormy- so school is this weekend- glad you get to fly. Is your car where your school is located? So you fly up and drive back?? Good luck at school and keep up the good work.

Little grass- WOW girl- you need to get some sleep! Sorry you were up so late last night. Hope the weather cooperates and lets you see clients but if not- at least you can catch up on some sleep.
I think red is right about the habits in eating- that is one reason I cut off my cable. All those commercials and people in shows eating food. I would end up snacking and watching because in my family growing up that is what we did.
I am going to check out the book you were talking about- love to read about how others have done it and suceeded. ;)
As you your episode with the child- I hate to see people do that. A child will eat if he gets hungry. I think it definitely sets a precedent for bad things to come. We need to teach children that eating is a necessary thing to keep living - nothing more nothing less. So- I can see how it would frustrate you seeing her set this child up for failure. It is a sad thing.

NBK- Have fun with the bf! He sounds like a sweet guy. How much longer is he with you before he has to go back?
What is the deal with your blood tests? Are you OK? Do we need to be alarmed? Fill us in, would you? We worry.

Okay- I really have to go. I am now late for work but I feel it was worth it to get to talk some this morning. Thank you ladies for all the inspiration and kindness. You have made a real difference in my life and especially in my struggle to try to lose weight. So- Thanks! :D
Have a wonderful day everyone!!!
(Throwing beans) and Have a happy Japanese Holiday!

One word.. hungover... gaaah....
he he .. well not really, just went out drinking last night with the wireline boys and BF and we were out until 1am... would have been alright as I had stuck to heineken and vodka lime and water/lemonade.. but then bf said he'd never had jager meister, and someone bought some jelly shots... grrr.. if I don't have too much sugary alcohol I am normally fine..but when we got home it was too hot to sleep, had to have a COLD shower.. still only got 4 hours due to heat. Had toastmasters this morning, gave and evaluation for the first time, I was so tired I got dyslexia.. couldn't spell or get my words out right he he.. still I made it there.

Ok - Red - you rock!. I have lots of male friends. That's what I look for in a guy. I get really pissed off with guys who take me being their mate the wrong way (unfortunately the ones that do this are always the weird stalker types, not the hot, cute funny ones I wouldn't mind...). Well done with getting your position in the right place, I remember when I was a kid, my instructor almost broke my leg showing me where my thighs should me, I was that inflexible! he he. As for the pasta.. pasta can be your friend try lemon juice, spinach, toasted pine nuts, garlic and tagatelli or another flat noodle type pasta. Oooh put fresh toms in it too and a little bit of parmesan (I figure you're vegetarian? if not put some bacon in).. it's not too un healthy and provided you don't do what I do and eat a family of 20 sized portion you'll be sweet. You'll forget all about macaroni and cheese too. As for me being active and healthy... pffft lazy and unhealthy more like it. I love to sleep! It's seriously my favourite thing in the world.. well after the bf and cheese..lol.

LGH- I hate people who do that to their kids. My parents didn't thank god. I think because mum had had an episode with the priest who was to christen her. She wouldn't let him pick her up or go near her (she was 3) for anything, so Gma and Gdad had to take her to another church. years later there were allegations of this priest being "innappriate". You know you a bf do have something really good in your time together in front of the tv, you can be relaxed and independent but still together. Alot of people feel the need to be doing the same thing constantly or fill the silence with talking.

CG-I hope the bean ritual goes well!. I have a genetic blood disorder called thalasseamia. It is hereditary, but I seem to have some ******* mutant version of it, as the minor form, which I supposedly have is meant to have no symptoms what so ever. But I have a lot of the issues that people with the major form have (just on a lesser scale) if they live after birth. I wrote to the foundation in the states and they seem to think all my problems are NOT caused by it, but do agree there could be an intermediate form, but apparently I'm not severe enough to meet that! It's ridiculous.
It got into my family courtesy of the Spanish and Portuguese raids on cornwell at the bottom of england... well that's the only way we can work out how mediterranean blood got into it. I am definately not asian or african so that's it. As for the blood thing, basically I am just not absorbing B12 at all, and my blood cells are consequently a bit more unstable than usual (normal peoples lasts 2-4 weeks, mine last ~ 4-6 day). Hence the fatigue.

Well I had best get cracking on work. Sorry if this seems a little disjointed, or I've missed anything, I am still feeling decidedly below average!

You are all such inspiring people. I really enjoy being able to talk to you all.
Tiff

Crime girl -- Definitely strange, DEFINITELY lovable! :love: Just up here. I guess it's too late to tell you what to do with the bean thing as it's already 4:30 p.m. there but it's what I said, "Out with the devils, in with the good luck!" or you could just say "Out with the bad luck, in with the good!" However, the devils, especially at a workplace is an interesting twist on things. In Japanese, it's what I wrote at the top of the message, "Oni wa soto, fuku wa uchi!" (oh-knee wah sew-toe, foo-koo wah oo-chee) Oni means devil, soto is outside, fuku is good fortune and uchi is inside. Ok, Japanese lesson of the day! It's a fun holiday. You'll see celebrities, sumo wrestlers especially (I don't know why) on TV throwing beans at the big temples in Tokyo. Anyhow, if you really did it at work, CG, I'm sure WHATEVER you said was interesting! :lol:

To be continued. . .

Heh there people. I spent so much time catching up on another thread I haven't time to write here anymore. NBK, just wanted to say, remember that boss at work who made things miserable for me late last year? Well, today is his birthday. I haven't even spoken to him yet this year. Just have nothing to say to him not because I'm giving him the silent treatment or anything. He's such a wimp he hasn't said anything to me either. He's no devoid of you know what. . . Anyhow, since it's his birthday I was wondering if I should say something. . . oh well, just take it as it comes. I have such a soft spot for jerks!!

Hi guys...

Red - I have no idea what advice to give you - I'm a softy too and I'd probably say happy birthday because it's what I'd want if it was my birthday. But I hope I'm never as stubburn as he is, so that I don't end up in this situation. You're funny though saying you're a softy for jerks :) :) I think you're in good company unfortunately.

Are you ready to start your day?

NBK - FORGIVE THE YELLING! :) I hope you had fun!! Sounds like you and BF are really doing well - that's great!! I can't imagine how hot it is! Last year our A/C went bad and we had a few nights that were too hot to sleep - you have my sincere sympathies!!!

Crime girl - I'm still laughing! I KNEW you'd celebrate in style!! Tell us how it goes. People may think you're crazy now but they'll remember you forever (as the crazy girl) but STILL..... :) Glad you're feeling so cheery.

Stormy - back to school this weekend? So close to the end! Hang in there!!!!!

I'm leaving people out I know - sorry. I'm SO tired. I'm about to go see if my regular girl can cut my hair the way I want it cut.

I've always wanted the messy Meg Ryan Bob cut. Since she first got it I've loved it. I was just afraid my face was too chubby. Well after seeing my entire family with short hair (and my mom too) I decided to go for it...I'm having a wierd "did I already type this" moment.....Did I?????? Sorry if I'm repeating info! I'm just exciting....I'm going to get it all cut off :) :) Right now I have long curly dark brown hair - I'll keep the brown :) But short messy bob is coming up :)

Hi grass! Still have my computer on. Thanks for the advice on the jerk boss. I didn't mean to just address it to NBK. It's just that she was just on another thread so I thought she was out there listening and we had talked about it a little in a PM. But yeah, I did here too. This was the guy with whom I'd been friends for over 15 years and who, as far as I see it, decided to act like a pr!ck and pull the rug out from under me workwise in order to keep himself looking good for his retirement package. So sad. So like him really. He is incredibly stubborn and in stupid ways. I'm always the one that will make the first move in a standoff, a cold war. Always the one to try to restore ties so to speak, and more often than not, I really don't see myself as the one that started the whole thing. I guess, it just has to be the "bigger" one who does such. He may not even be there today. But I will see. A lot depends on my mood and circumstance. If we meet in the hall or something I'll probably say something. I don't think I'm going to go out of my way to make him feel good. I did enough of that!

Oh grass, you didn't say anything about the meg ryan messy cut. I love that cut though I can't say as much for Meg Ryan. In fact, though I used to like here, there is something about her these days that is so incongruous with that cute, boyish cut that it really makes me dislike her more. The cut is so innocent, tomboyish, fun-loving and forgiving. But I see her as a very conniving type, very calculating and ready to stick you if she doesn't get her way. But you go for it. I don't know what you look like but it sounds like it would fit your personality!

very conniving type, very calculating and ready to stick you if she doesn't get her way?

wow - no one has ever said those things about me before :) haha!! Just kidding - I know what you meant. I'm going Saturday. I'm a little nervous. This is the shortest i've ever had my hair and if they screw it up I don't have far to go before I'm shiny bald :)

Good luck with the boss. Business is such a nasty business!! It brings out the worst in some people!! I hope things work out.

Talk to you soon. I've made it to 8:30 without snacking. I'm not hungry - just bored.

Grass, I was talking about Meg Ryan!!

Red- sorry to dissappear, had to go hang out at home and wait for the glazier to come and fix my window.. damn it's hot. lol.

LGH - cheers! YOu have a friend called "short messy bob" AND he's coming up to see you.. as well as you getting a hair cut? Awesome.

I don't like meg ryan either. I think she simpers on screen and I hate that. but that's just me. I don't find brad pitt attractive either (Shoot me now, I know)... he he

OOh yah picked up my tickets for the trip today.. woo hoo...not long now!

Oh yeah red.. why not say, in a really loud voice, so everyone can hear
"happy birthday! You must be really looking forward to retiring this year, now you're XX years!" ha ha ha then say, you know you look so much older...

ok that's the b!tch in me coming out..

That could be good, NBK. He's not here today though. Probably taking the day off to cry or something. He's 57. I, total *****, was going to say to him, "How old are you? Was it 67 or 66?" And when he said, "I'm only 57" I would say, "No way, you look MUCH older!!" :lol:

And he's real sensitive about "getting older." . . . I think my soft spot has definitely diminished.

Just a quick good night before bedtime-
little- good luck with the haircut- good for you! Sometimes change can be a good thing. Are you going to do the scene from When Harry Met Sally once it is cut? I think you should take your bf out and reenact it. I have to confess- I have done that scene- with a blind date that was being a total jerk! He left me at the restaraunt.
*******..anyway..

Red- I did the ritual at work and some of my fellow workers joined in- management thinks I am crazy but what is new there?
I ended up saying :


To the old, long life and treasure,
To the young, all health and pleasure;
To the fair, their face
With eternal grace,
And the foul to be lov'd at leisure.
To the witty, all clear mirrors,
To the foolish, their dark errors;
To the loving sprite,
A secure delight;
To the jealous, his own false terrors
-Ben Jonson

It seemed right for the occasion- it was fun!
Anyway- glad you told me about it.

As for work and all the politics that it involves- I know it is too late now but I say:

"Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
-Pablo Picasso

I do say suck it up and say Happy Bday- I am betting that will make him feel worse than ignoring him because you are the one being the better person. It will probably spark feelings of guilt if he did you wrong.


NBK- I am sorry to hear about the blood disorder- hope you didn't mind me asking. Are they giving you B12 shots or something now to make it better? I know it has to be hard not having a lot of energy. Hope I wasnt too nosey- just worry when I hear one of you is sick or hurting in some way. The mother hen in me I suppose.

Okay- well I am out of time- need to sleep. Early day tomorrow and I work all day. After that I have a dinner meeting and then a later meeting. I should finally make it home around 9 o 10pm unless my last meeting gets out early and I can get to church tomorrow night- then it will be more like 11. Okay- I am sure you will all sleep better knowing my schedule. :lol:
Have a great night everyone!

CG- no problem. I am pretty open about things. No issue talking about my mutantness. now if only I could be as ripped as wolverine! hmmmm hmmm wolverine...

well have a great weekend! I'll try to check in sometime
Take care
Tiff

Good morning guys! Red - I knew what you meant :) I was just having fun with you. :) :) I'm not a big Meg Ryan fan either, except for her short hair cuts. I think she plays the cutsie role very well but she has a hard time breaking out of that role and me believing her. I also wonder if that's really who she is...doesn't seem that way. But who am I to know?? Stars get both ends of the public life drama - like it or not....we get the wrong impression of them so many times...both good and bad.

I am officially throwing my scales away. I go on vacation and lose weight only to come home and gain it right back??????? I weighed myself the first and second morning of my return and I was a solid 135 now I'm right back up to the weight I was at before vacation 137-141. Go figure. I guess I'll just keep plugging away and see where I land. I'm eating well and will start walking again this weekend. We'll just have to see where that takes me.

Talk to you guys soon! Meri

Hi there everyone! It's Saturday morning here and I have just a couple minutes to get ready and out. Another late night last night. Ugh. Shouldn't have done this. Sometimes I think though it's best if I sufficiently disgust myself with my behavior. It then serves as the final straw to really change things. That's the way I quit smoking. I was smoking from early morning, lighting my next cig with the last. It was so disgusting. I was out of work and full of anxiety but my own despicable behavior just made me go, "Enough!" and I stopped cold turkey, never went back and that was about 15 years ago. So, I'm thinking this stupid "socializing" with the guys at work has got to change. And it will. I had no fun last night. It was NOT worth it. The longer I hang with these people the more I will become like them. It's not the drinking that's the problem, it's the company I'm keeping. OK, I had tried to meet with others but of course because it's always a last minute thing with me people are usually busy. Anyhow, hope to catch up with you all later! Thanks Crime girl, for the horoscope yesterday. Just full of beans, aren't you?! Glad you did the bean-throwing thing at work. Certainly a a unique version of it.

Here's a photo of some children throwing beans. Did you look like this, Crime girl?

Red I'm completely disgusted at you!!! (did that help move things along any? If not, scratch that - you're a big girl. If you want to go party - go party...it's dealing with the results that's the disgusting and hard part for me!)

I read in my book today about how naturally thin people eat. They savor every bite, eat exactly what they "want" to eat (usually eat healthy so they actually crave healthy foods too - but will have the cake when they want it). It takes them 20-45 minutes to eat a meal because they take their time with each bite and enjoy the **** out of it - as if it were the most tasty thing on earth! They don't watch TV or drive or rush - they just enjoy their meals...and I'm writing like they're some extinct animal.....well they kind of are...anyway I decided to give it a try. I told BF what I really want for dinner we cooked it and then I relooked at my plate and decided I didn't really want one thing after all so I didn't eat it and then I ate really slowly and loved every single bite of my dinner. We turned off the TV and turned on the Jazz and just talked and ate. One of the best meals I've had in forever!!! I coudln't have bought that meal eating out!!!! I had grilled steak and a small salad with spring salad mix, avocado and peppers. Olive oil to dress and a tiny bit of spagetti squash. It still feels out of this world. I have a hint of a craving for ice cream but I'm full - completely full and I ate 2/3 what I normally eat. I left 1/3 of my small steak on the plate because I was FULL??????? I hope this works at every meal :) :)

Tomorrow is hair cut day - I'm getting excited. I hope I don't look like a dork when it's done. If I do - so what, it's not the stuff doesn't grow! :)

Talk to everyone soon! meri

Grass! I like it. I will enjoy your disgust of me! All right! Now I don't feel so bad. :lol:
I just like to party too much. Work hard, play hard. I think I need to do a little bit more work and then I'll feel happier about the partying.

Heh, that dinner sounded lovely. If you have the time to take, or can make it, you're right, this is the thing to do. I can't say I could ever leave anything on my plate. If I'm at home I'll just put what I want on the plate. I guess at restaurants I leave things though over here the portions are small.

Good luck with your cut. If you think you'll like it you probably will look good in it. I hope you're going to a good hairdresser. The cut really is everything with bobs. I always have a version of a long bob or medium bob I guess it is and I always pay a ton for a good cutter because I have seen how bad it can look, how boring and matronly, with a bad cut. But like you said, it'll grow out, so if you don't like it, don't sweat it.

Wow, it's really quiet on here lately! Where is evreryone - me included????

I have been catching up on sleep and BF and life since returning from vacation. Trying to avoid the fact that I lost weight on vacation and seem to have gained it back. I won't tell you all the profanity that brings to my lips!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGG I'm starting to think i'm just suppose to be this weight.....but I can't change the diet anyway, so I will just see where I land.

Do you guys know what I hate?? of course not! I hate it when I feel all nice and skinny and I get pictures back that say otherwise!! They say I look like humpty dumpty.

I did well with not cheating last night. I ate supper at 6:30 and didn't really need anything afterwards. I did have some detox powder which I probably shouldn't have had. It's sweet - so I was still feeding a craving....

Tomorrow we're going to a superbowl party and they are having a chili cookoff. I will eat some and just hope I don't get a sick stomach.

Good morning!
 

Hi everyone!
Wow- Little grasshopper you are right- it is quiet on the board lately. Okay- I will make more of an effort to get on here and see what is going on with everyone. Who is with me??

I have a busy weekend ahead of me- I have about 300-400 pages to read until I comprehend them, a thousand errands to run, a house to clean, and bills to pay. I need an assistant to run my life while I concentrate on finding a job for after graduation and getting through school. I may have to quit my job before I go insane. Sigh.

Red- thanks for the pic of the little girls throwing beans- I looked much goofier than that but I had a ton of fun. Everyone toasted the holiday and the little ceremony helped bring cohesion to my office. Everyone loves a celebration and there was tension on my floor- this little stunt got everyone talking about how weird I am so it had good purpose. This of course was only an afterthought for me. I did it because it sounded like fun! :D

Don't sweat going out with the "boys". :hat: A night of drinking is not going to kill you. If you think it is hindering weight loss- make a deal with yourself- if you go out drinking you owe yourself 30 more minutes of weight lifting for the next day. That should help balance things out. Also-a lot of the people that you see that look like they have their life together - don't. They may be able to work out and eat right but that doesn't mean that they are enjoying their life. For some people- this area is easier. It is probably easier for you to make friends and enjoy your life than most people. We get some good traits and habits and we create some bad ones too. It wouldn't hurt to hang out with someone who has the eating and exercise thing down but you sound like you have a good handle on things. I should hang out with you. You can't be perfect all the time and you shouldn't try to be-cut yourself some slack. You are only human. Have fun in your life. Okay off my soapbox. :soap:

Red's horoscope for the day:
Today you will take a step torward a bigger goal. You will have strength and determination of spirit. Don't get discouraged if it feels like it should be a bigger victory. It takes baby steps to get where you are going.

Little grass- when you get back from the haircut- get on and let us know how it turns out. I am sure it will be great. I also want to say that I think EVERYONE (even supermodels) don't like what they look like in photos. I have a really skinny best friend and she thinks she looks like a blimp in her pics. It is hard to be objective about yourself. I bet your photos are wonderful.
Sorry that your weight has been flucuating but I am sure it will come back down once you get back into the swing of things and maybe detox that bad stuff out. Be careful with the chili and don't make yourself sick but have fun at the party! :cb:

NBK- I am glad that you are okay- I know- I panic. Sorry to be so nosey.
wolverine huh? I just want his claws and ability to go postal. Are you talking about the comic books or the movie? Hmmm..I defintely dont want his hair or attitude though. :lol:

Okay happy campers. Where is everyone else- kjk?? michimesh? How about all you lurkers?? Speak up - we would love to talk to you. ;)
I am out of here- need to kick my butt in gear and boogie. Maybe I could clone myself then I could get everything done. Hmmm....

Yeah!! i'm with you crime girl :) :)

I got my hair cut. I have NEVER in my life felt so excited about a hair cut!! I look HOT!! :) :) I've never felt that way either. It was such a cool transformation that people were standing there watching! I asked the girl if that made her nervous and she said it did :) But she did and incredible job and I will not go to anyone else. The best part - I found her by accident at a Walmart hair salon, so this cut with styling and a lesson on how to part my hair - I'm such a goof when it comes to styling hair - only cost me $12.00. Can you believe that????? I feel like I look younger and happier and I strut my stuff when I walk. :) Best hair cut in the world :)

I'm really excited about it and I can't wait for BF to get home and see it. It's very short and razor cut into layers that flip out. Messy as heck and a brown meg ryan style. I LOVE it! :)

okay I'm going to stop gushing and go tackle the briars in my yard now. I'm double layered in clothing and ready to go at it!

I'll check on you guys later. CG - don't burn yourself out this weekend but please, do pay the bills :)

Hi guys, good morning. Sunday here. I don't think I am going to weigh myself. No, I guess I will. It's my fault for not having it all together this past week. Yesterday was really, really bad and another reason why I shouldn't go out drinking for a while. I was stuffing food in my face, really a kind of sugar binge. I was so tired, just wanted to sleep and yet we were real busy at work and two people had called in sick so it was really just me and another guy helping out a bit. Of course the aggravation with that situation and the hangover and lack of sleep on top of that and the fact that I have tons of other work hanging over me when I get home or for whenever just makes me want to cry. I could not be strong. It really pisses me off, now too, to know that everything I did was avoidable and the only one hurt was me. I am going to try to find a way to be nice to everyone but especially to me. And that involves discipline on my part, because what others want me to do is not nice for me! Really, so much of the time, I feel others are truly entertained by my suffering. Honestly, they seem to enjoy seeing me lose it, squirm, whatever. I guess this would so as they so often are jealous of what they think my life is like. I wish I had people in my life who are disciplined but always know how to have fun. Ok, shut me up, someone.

**********

Grasshopper -- Gush on!! It's nice to hear people gushing. Gives us hope. That is so great with your new haircut. So great you love it and wow, excellent that you were able to find someone good at a cheap place. If that girl has any guts she'll find herself a better place to work. Sounds like you found yourself some talent. Oh, a good haircut. I know just how it feels to actually like a new look. I'm really happy for you.

I really wouldn't worry about your weight. Maybe it's just your look you didn't like at the moment. For every "bad" picture you can find a "good" one. Which is the real one? Probably both. Take more pictures if it bothers you. And remember pictures don't capture the real aura and that is probably the most important thing. There are certain types of people whose energy is everything about them, others who don't have that energy. The former tend to look so unlike themselves in pictures, the latter look like themselves. I guess that's what being photogenic is about. There is no way that you at 137 lbs and 5 ft. 9 is a blimp so I really don't want to hear it. :no: Makes all us with lots of real fat to lose feel really bad. ;)

Crime girl -- thank you so much for the horoscope. Waking up to one on Sunday is rare and I really needed it today. I think you have helped to salvage my day! and I like it too. I need to remind myself of the importance of taking baby steps and of the value of them as well. Strength and determination is what I am low on now more than ever so I really need to try to get some.

Thank you for saying you should hang out with me. We would probably be great together. You sound like a lot of fun and yet someone who is very serious and sensitive so I know there's something more there. So often I get so bored and then annoyed because I can't find the mix in the people around me. I don't think it's that others don't possess these traits. I think they ignore large parts of themselves because they don't get good reviews. We should all be a bit "madder." We should all care less about what others think and more about expressing ourselves. I am saddened to think that people think me strange or crazy when I look at them and wonder why they aren't living their lives, why they are living someone else's, the perceived lives of people on television, the lives of people others want them to be. I must say, however, that even these "wasted" nights out do have their gems in them. Often I find things out about people that I would have never found out hadn't I seen them in these different situations. Circumstances reveal the man. How true. The office can only reveal so much. Sadly, things that aren't so pretty are also revealed but I should be glad for that as well. They allow me to stop daydreaming about someone. The cold, cruel reality is better in the long run. It allows us to move on. On the flipside, the diamonds under the rough exteriors that are revealed are indeed precious and I will try to focus on them more. I have yet to find someone who has the eating and exercise thing down who has the life thing down too and I for one would much rather hang with the people who have life down than the other. The eating and exercise is naturally linked to how you deal with others and yourself but it doesnt mean the thinner person or the one who exercises more has it right. It all depends on how it's done. And at a certain point it becomes merely cosmetic, superficial and those moments may be even when the person is very overweight. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we can have everything "righter" than right, moments of pure gold, but those moments won't necessarily be visible because you need more of them in order to see changes on the outside and that outside is not just our appearance but also our lives. Anyhow, looking over what you wrote again, I guess, yes, the drinking is hindering my weight loss, but I suppose that the socializing, the putting myself out there with an assorted mix of people is furthering my life, my development as a person so I should see it as a good thing. Now, how's that for a soapbox! :soap:

I'm glad to hear the bean-throwing thing helped your office environment. But, it seems a shame that everyone got talking about how "weird" you are when it's actually them that sounds weird to not be talking, to not have cohesion, to have this tension in the office and not be doing something about it, right?! You, the "weird" one, are the one doing something to better things. Yes, perhaps it is weird, but only in the sense that it is not normal, not the norm. Leaders never are.

Stormy, NBK, come out and play! KJK, michi, you too.

Jacque, how are you? Come and talk to us. I know this is a very sad time for you but you don't have to think about losing weight now if that's too much for you. But, you can still just come and chat with us. Anyone I missed? Any newbies, jump aboard! We're not a sewnup bunch. You'll only be the new gal for a couple of posts. Come in and join the fun.

To being weird...
 

Red-
I don't worry about those people that think I am weird- different- strange-
I revel in the fact that I am unique and can create special and precious things in my life that I don't feel I need to explain. I just think it is funny when someone questions my motives for things...
Here is a poem I love and identify with:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.


But for now we must have clothes to keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.


But maybe I ought to practice a little now? ...
So people who know me are not to shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple!

Hope you enjoy it- you may have read it before..
Have a wonderful day!! :D

Crime girl - I use to clerk federal court and our main boss had her 50th birthday party. She loved that poem so we went to the good will store and bought her a spandex purple dress with a shiny, big silver belt! It was all gag of course but the joke was on us because the very next day she came to work sporting her "new look." It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. She was STRUTTING her stuff!!! In front of judges and all!!! She had pictures taken and a great laugh and then changed clothes for meetings and such but said it was exactly what she'd hoped her 50th birthday would be like. WHO KNEW???

Red - thanks for the good words. I've lost about 25 pounds now and I'm down to the stubborn last few. I'm going to have to work REALLY hard for them and I don't like that idea. I KNOW - quit whining. I'll try!!! I forget that I fought hard to get here too :) I can do it and so can you!!

I told my mom, who has short hair too, about my hair cut and she went into a mini shock. She will see it tomorrow - she's bringing me a huge comfy chair she doesn't want anymore :) I had to fight her best friend for it - daughter's rights and all :) just kidding! Anyway, we are meeting half way tomorrow and she is also bringing me my brother's juicer. I am going to start juicing my breakfast - spinach and veggies with pear juice. I'll get more veggies that way :) I'm excited about it. Man I'm one sick puppy - excited to be eating liquid spinach! What happened to me???????

I'm half way through a nice mixed drink - does that redeem me any?? I'm finishing the other half quickly and off for some QT with the BF :) Good night!!

so sick of myself!
 

Hi guys, I have been awful today again but I am getting so sick of myself that I sense a change in the air! also, I am trying NOT to go on an allout, "the diet starts tomorrow" binge just because I start eating junk.

I WILL NOT despair. I will win this battle with the fat, this lifelong battle that is just me wanting to indulge myself over and over again.

My weight was up as expected today too. A whole kilogram, which is 2.2 lbs. I don't deserve to lose. This was wholly the direct result of my own doing and I hold myself totally responsible. :cry:

****************

Crime girl -- I felt horrible riding today because I was in the arena with the mirrors and I could see the thunder thighs and hippo butt and it was just too depressing! Did that stop me from eating sugary junk later? Of course not. I say it pushed me in that direction, the one that says, have a cookie and make the pain go away. Damn!

But, I am going to get this right! I am, I am!!

I was hoping to see the horoscope coming true and don't know if it was. I sense also a glimmer of improvement in my riding and the teacher seemed to think she saw something too but I don't know if I can do what I was doing to get that nod from her. It was too painful!

But your horoscopes always make me look for them to happen. That's why the real negative ones are scary. But too positive and I start expecting too big of things and that then depresses me when I don't get it. I am a flake!

CG, I loved your poem. Summer gloves, satin sandals and sausage just ain't me but I did like it. It was cute and I'd never heard it before. You know, I never thought you were bothered by being thought crazy. In fact, I always had the feel you enjoyed it and that's why you went out of your way to perpetrate the image. :lol: I am more worried about the people saying that, not that they say it but that they just don't get it, the fact that not doing "crazy" things is truly dangerous to themselves and eventually others.

And Crime girl, you'll make a poetry lover of me yet! (Actually it's probably destined as my mother was forever quoting Shakespeare) I found, thanks to your bean-throwing words, this bit of Jonson that we should all remember to get this task of weight loss and whatever other dreams we harbor . . . DONE!!

Time will not be ours forever;
He at length our good will sever.
Spend not then his gifts in vain.
Suns that set may rise again;
But if once we lose this light,
'Tis with us perpetual night.
Why should we defer our joys?


grasshopper -- I used to make veggie juice all the time too. It made me feel so healthy and I am positive my skin glowed. I guess it would, wouldn't it. I have to think of this more as it will help with my vanity to keep in mind how pasty skin looks of someone who's been eating tons of sugar as opposed to someone's who's eating super healthy.

grass, i didn't realize you had lost 25 pounds. That is really something. And I'm sure they were a fight to get off. God, this is so hard. But, I guess it would be right. Our bodies are designed to hold onto fat no matter what. I guess I will just have to put myself through some real discomfort, mostly mental. I mean, hunger pangs is not a real pain or anything. It's all the mental discomfort I think for me. Damn. I am so pissed off with myself. But grass, your words of encouragement are much appreciated! Keep them coming, please!

So, did your mom see your hair yet? I hope she likes it. Ahh, huge comfy chairs, I want one! Glad you got it. To think she would have given it to a friend over her daughter! No, no, can't have that, can we? :nono: So, what is your mixed drink of choice? I'm assuming this was a broccoli asparagus carrot blend or something along those lines, no? ;)

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Ok, back to the proofreading. Where is everyone else? Come on guys, I know you have lives and all but think of me, who doesn't!!