Hi Eveyone
I just wanted to check in and say Hi to you all, I am not feeling very well this past week or feel much like talking, just one of those times,I am glad to see everyone is doing fine for the most part, I,m sorry about Eddie's father Pam , I know this must be extremely difficult for him, and for you, ((Hugs)) Susan I don't know what to say, these situations are so incredibley frustrating, it makes me want to scream for you, but I don't suppose that would help much would it,I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, To Jane, Angie, Marti, Cristi, Katy , Ann, Sue, Mindee, Katie,Julie,I hope that you are all doing well and everyone is having a wonderful day, I will try and chat maybe a little later or tomorrow, Take care Ellen

Thanks,everyone for the support about my x SOB. They moved him out of intensive care into a room with a phone. Looks like he's doing some better.My son is still going but maybe he won't have so much on his shoulders. :crossed:

Ellen,bless your heart.So glad you came up for air. Miss you lots.

Hello girls...I'm not feeling well today. It's TOM issues and it's making me feel nauseated! I don't feel like eating or moving......don't usually feel this way when PMS strikes, but this month it's driving me crazy. I'm sure that is part of my sleepiness this last week.

Jane--I think the little gloves and wheelbarrows sound so cute. I can picture it now....two little ones and you in the garden! Have Neil take some pictures of the three of you!

Katy--Why don't you and your hubby just drive on down to my house and do my yard for me!! :D I really need to spruce it up a bit and make it look more presentable. I feel like I've gotten lazy with it. At least last year, we pulled out a dead tree that looked hideous in our front yard.......little steps and some day I'll have this gorgeous yard.

Pam--You've raised a good boy! Going to see his dad and check to see how he's doing after all these years.....I hope he has a safe trip.

Cristi--I like the coupon gift. When James was in Portland for his training, I made this tiny little notebook type thing for him....and each piece of paper I wrote a reason why I love him so much. Punched a hole on the top of each paper and connected them w/ribbon. When he came home I gave it to him. He really enjoyed it. I wrote a bunch of silly things he does that just makes me smile and love him more for it!

Julie--AI IS funny. I watched it this morning thinking "OMG....are you serious?" The one girl who was a "psychic" then sang.....terrible. Amongst others of coarse.

Ellen--Sending get well vibes your way!! (((((HUGS & GET WELL))))) We miss you here.


Ok....I need to get myself together...find something to eat so I don't feel like I'm starving half way through work. I'll check in after work to say hi.

Talk to you all later

Take Care

This was a email from Mike's mother tonight........



Hi Susan,

Got both your e-mails - glad Gaby's cold is over.

I'm sorry mediation isn't going well.

I'm very confused - still trying to figure out what the problem is. As I understand it, this whole mediation thing was brought about because you refused to let Mike see Gaby. I understand that you were telling Mike to get his truck driving job back or similar job with another company so he could pay more in support and you wouldn't believe him when he told you they wouldn't hire him back at that time even though they had hired him back before. I suggest the main reason Mike can't get a job driving truck is their Insurance Co won't cover him under their policy. In view of his record, they probably won't cover him for 5 years from his last citation. Even though he has a valid Oregon CDL, the lack of commercial insurance covering him as a driver precludes any trucking company hiring him. Thus, even though you may feel he hasn't tried to get his old employment back, he has - prospective employers kept turning him down when they run his driving record. The fact is HE CAN'T GET IT BACK, nor will he be able to get a driving position with any other company that has an insurance policy that provides that they can exclude anyone they consider a 'bad risk' from coverage under their policy. He is paying the price for some of his stupid actions in past years. Unfortunately, so are you. If your refusal to let him see Gaby is based upon your not receiving child support in the amount you feel you should be, that position is no longer supported by the Courts. Most States now allow that parent visitation rights as it is in the best interests of the child that he/she receive the love of both parents.
As you know, Mike lacks the education and/or skills necessary to give him employment opportunities with better paying positions. Additionally, his age works against him.

I have some questions:

[1] Mike says he has a copy of what is supposedly the recorded birth certificate which has the last name of _____ crossed off and _____ written in. When was it changed and who changed it? If Mike is shown as the father on that certificate, how could the baby's name be changed without his permission? Doesn't the law require that the baby be given the father's surname? Was there a Court hearing to change the baby's name?

[2] You said you have had "sole custody" of Gaby for over two years with the Father having no rights, not even visitation? We were not told of any Court hearing rendering this verdict. Mike never mentioned any Court hearing granting you sole custody or taking away any of his Parental Rights. Do you have a written document from the Court stating you are to have sole custody? Where was the action filed? What is the Courts' Case/File #? Would you provide us with a copy?

[3] We reason that all this hoopla surrounding Gaby's name gives credence to the possibility that Mike may not have fathered Gaby. Is it possible that someone other than Mike is the actual father? Because of this nagging doubt, Gaby is not named in our Wills. We have asked Mike before to obtain a DNA but he has always said that it didn't matter to him - that he loved Gaby!!! Would you consent to having DNAs run?

[4] Doug told Mike that you paid him back $2100.00 about the same time as we loaned you that amount to help you with your paycheck loans that you had outstanding. Did you deposit that to his checking account so you could write checks to pay off the loans? I understand you can still avail yourself of that account.

Hope you and Gaby have a wonderful birthday celebration - have her card picked out. Looking forward to seeing her pictures. Please remember, I love you and pray everything will work out between everyone all to Gaby's best interests.

and this was my reply. Sorry to clog this nonsense here but I trust you all for feedback. My mom thinks I shouldn't talk with Mike's mom anymore. I am way too trusting - but I THINK she cares about me, don't THINK she would help Mike with attorney fee's and such.
She obviously has been fed a pack of crap,,,,,,lol. Anyway, best get ....feel better today. Spending time on my knee's....helps a lot :)


Hi,
I wish I could talk with you in person!! The information in this email is 90% untrue......
Where to begin????
Mike wasn't seeing Gaby because in late August after several counseling sessions he lied to me again. I just felt at that time that we needed something in legal form for these visits to happen.I was meeting him half way and he wanted me to come all the way to Seaside. It was one thing after another and it never had to do with money or him getting a job.
It had to do with Mike's instability and constantly crossing boundaries. My own thought is he wanted a relationship with me. It wasn't like I was closed to the idea but the more we spent time together the more I realized how he hadn't changed.
He told me he sent some money and it never came. I called him and he said it had come back to him "what do you want me to do??" . I said........"mail it again". He said ok but it never came. I called back and asked about it,,,,,,this time he said.....he wasn't going to send it after all.
If he didn't have the money he could have just said that but my thought is he never sent anything to begin with.
Again, it wasn't money , it was about building trust.....and I never told him to get a driving job....I wouldn't do that. Obviously his "drug free life" is more important to Gaby if she is ever to have a father.
I am aware that visitation and child support don't go hand in hand. I offered him Friday's and Saturday's and holidays to match his time with Lauren. I offered him 1 week each month in the summertime when she turned 5 years old.
He refused and now it is about me being the "fit" parent.
Gaby's name was changed in the required time frame. This was after Mike spent the first month of her life doing drugs and causing such stress - also after he chose to spend the money you sent for Gaby on drugs. I think he will admit he was at his lowest during this period. It was a very difficult time,with Gaby as a new born and I was scared of Mike's behavior.
AFS deemed it an abusive situation and gave me a grant to move out with the kids.
The Justice Department under some law gave me sole custody when Mike and I agreed that he was the father. He was given a chance to contest that at that time. It goes to the parent that has physical custody when it is established. Mike should have a copy??? It was in the first court order for child support.
Mike is the father, there was no one else but him. If you want to pay for DNA to satisfy your doubts that would be fine on my part.
I know Mike talked with Doug but that information is incorrect. I have never paid Doug back on anything, let alone $2,1000- I have never owed him.Though I do pay him for babysitting..... I cashed the check you sent and made money orders - which were sent to you.
Whew............is that everything?? I am sorry. I vented yesterday and probably shouldn't drag you into our problems.
Gabrielle is a delight and it just seems to me we have ventured into an area that we shouldn't be. I never wanted a court to decided, it would be great if her parents could. I urged for mediation - which btw- we only had 2 hours - we are allowed 4 without paying extra fee's. Now we have a "custody evaluation" which will cost 1000's more.....senseless to me.
What I have always wanted for Gaby was stable visitations. It hurts the kids , because I have seen it with Lauren. When he shows up one Saturday and not the next..... I would love to raise Gaby with Mike in her life. It hurts not to be able to share her with the other person that loves her just as much as I do. I have always wanted that.......and I know Mike does too. When she does something cute ,,,,,,,I want to reach for the phone and tell him all about it.
Anyway............
Gaby went to the gym today and played. It was cute - enjoyed watching her. She loves Beethoven and Clifford. She knows she is 3 and is getting her colors down. I will go to dress her and she says "not pretty" and pushes the clothes away...lol.
She is a doll. I get the pictures on CD - they should be sent soon, I will email you them.I get the others on the 11th.
Better gt back to work!
Love to you both -
Susan

TGIF!! You'd think I have some big, stressful job, the way I state that, lol.

Katy - sorry about your situation with the attorney friend. Through the years, I've been made to feel small by my choice to stay home and take care of my family, by more than one person. They were swiftly cut from my life when it happened twice. Once, it could have been a misunderstanding. When it happens twice by the same person, they are being hurtful. Oh sweetie, at first I thought your DH was gonna plant weed, until I figured you meant it as a verb, not a noun. TOO FUNNY!!! :rofl:

Pam - the Stones are one of my favorite bands. I remember seeing them on the Ed Sullivan show and got a much bigger kick than with the Beatles. They just seemed.... taboo, you know?

Cristi - I think we all have the winter blahs to some degree. It was sunny here yesterday, but my own personal weatherman (Neal teaches Earth Science) says it's going to be cloudy today. Guess I'll just have to put a Stones CD in, and dance, lol. How're you liking I is For Innocent?

Hi to Ellen and Julie.

Marti - hope you're feeling better. Love your notebook idea for James. All men, without exception, need to hear how much they are adored, lol. I have done the coupon thing in the past, too, and have to say it's a good idea. Hope James spaces them out more than Neal did, lol.

Susan - oh dear. I do think Mike's mother cares about you and Gaby very much. But I also know when push comes to shove, if she is like most of us moms, she'll do whatever she can to help her own child first. And she may be afraid that if Gaby is so far away, Mike may slip into some old habits. Since Rocky has no issues with exes, is it feasible for him to move to Oregon? I know that's not Plan A, but sometimes Plan B looks better and better.

Sophie - hope you have a good day at work. And please post here so the other members don't think I'm talking to myself. (Although I'd admit to it freely. :D ) Don't make me erase your bio, lol. :)

Neal and I are going to talk with the retirement people at VU today. They'll explain some of our options with the IRAs and stock that we have. Also, give us some info for health insurance. With me being 10 years younger than Neal, and not available for Medicare for so long yet, that is a big issue to me.

What's on your agenda for the day?

Good Morning!
 

Susan - more ((((hugs)))) I liked your response to Mike's mom. My gut says though, that your mom may be right. The letter from MM asked for some awfully specific stuff, made me think she's been talking to a lawyer already. I just love reading what you write about Gaby - your love for her just jumps off the page....I just have to have faith that this is all going to work out for you.

Jane - Well, my attorney friend is a little peeved with me....she called me and was upset with me about a helpful suggestion I made during our conversation yesterday. She had been bemoaning her sad finances for quite some time in conversation and, darn it, I made a suggestion. Oops. I realize the unsolicited advice is annoying, but I didn't think it was unsolicited at the time..she seemed to be asking for some help. Guess I was wrong. SO I got to have a charming conversation where I, of course, apologised and would not offer any advice ever again, but then I had to cut her off 'cause she started in again on all these excuses for why everything is going wrong in her life. I realized it is a case again of her not wanting to take responsibility for things and looking around for someone to lay it on...all this is the guise of "being open and honest" I said that was not how you treat someone who is trying to support you...so now she's ticked. As the Stomach Turns.......

Julie - I watched that AI - the psychic was too funny! I loved that the heavy SAHM got through..she had such a beautiful voice but I thought they wouldn't see past the "image problem" as Kenny Loggins put it. I just get hooked on this show.....

Cristi and Marti - hope you two are feeling better.

I'll try to bbl when I get the guys off to school.

:coffee2: Another day another delema. X sob is going to live but might be incapable of ever caring for himself so smack back in same old fix. Poop.

Susan, that woman is a piece of work! She's called an enabler. As long as her attitude is thus Mike will be able to work her. I know addiction. My sister is a meth A and I was married to an alcohoic for 10 horrible years. You know what to do. Insist on it. Rooting for you ,girl.

Jane,Lets rock! Stones, CCR,Kansas, Forener. Good stuff. My son loves my kind of music. Rock and Roll forever! :lol:

I watched AI. That psychic was to funny. Why would a mom let her child make such a fool of herself? I'd of nailed my son in his room to keep him from going but then my son has better sence.

Katy, I fear the woman is a toxic person. They spreads their poison to who ever they can. They will find a way to blaim you or others for all their problems. This kind of person is not good for you. My sister is like this. Like a vampire they suck out all your good energy and leave you feeling depressed and victimized.

Thats my 2 cents. Wish I could fix my own life like I could others. :lol: Talk to you all later. (((HUGS))) to all.

Pam- you are so right! I have had too much involvement in the past with toxic people ( my dad and my former friend/maid of honor) and they behave exactly as you describe. There is no problem ownership because any problem they have gets projected onto someone else. I got tired long ago of being the dumped-upon. My BS detector was going off anyway before her phone call (see my previous day's post) ...so I have chalked this up to a "no good deed goes unpunished" situation and taking advantage of being able to put some distance between us.

I agree with Susan's post - this place is great for getting validation and feedback - you gals are so so supportive!

Good Morning Everyone
The sun is shining here today but it is brutally cold, spring is looking better and better right now,
Hi Jane :wave:
sounds like you have a busy day, dealing with retirement decisions,I am very frightened thinking that far ahead since during my marriage , since he controlled every penny , nothing was ever set up for the future, he also didn't believe in insurance policies, siting that he wasn't going to make it easy for me to move on with my life ie: another man , if he wasn't around , didn't care how the kids and I survived. so I have nothing and that scares me to death. I can see how the medicare would be of a concern to you, I hope you can figure something out, but it will be such an exciting time for you both.

Hi Susan:wave:
I think although Mikes Mom does care about Gaby I would agree that thats some very specific legal jargin she posing to you, and I would be very wary of her motives, best way for her to get information is to act like she is concerned about you,and she may be, and she may working on Mikes behalf which is more likely the truth.People become ruthless in these situations and it becomes more about what they want than whats best for the child. Under decent circumstances it would be best for the child to have both parents in her life, but if Mike isn't as clean drug wise as he says it could be devastating and destructive to Gaby and Your lives. My guess is your new attornery will suggest you stop correspondence with this woman at least about legal matters and Mike ,and keep it strictly about day to day events in Gabys life. I do hope this all gets settled soon for both your sakes(((HUGS)))

Hi Pam:wave:
Sorry to hear about the ex's condition, what does that mean for You and Eddie, whats the distance between where you live to him. I sympathize for the condition of this mans life, but I sympathize that you and Eddie are drawn unwillingly back into this situation. I pray for his recovery ,so that You and Eddie can move on with your lives, and he with his. I hope that didn't sound mean. hopefully you know what I mean. So your an ole rock and roll gal huh, I was called Metallica Mom LOL loved ,boston ,pink floyd, and still listen to floyd,I love all kinds of music.from the angelic voice of Sarah McLachlan , Holly McNarland to metal and everything in between, I have been to Metallica concerts and Julio Iglesius concerts, LOL I agree with your last statement its so much easier to give advise , that apply it to our own lives, why is that so hard do you think.:lol:
Hi Marti:wave: Hi Cristi:wave:
I do hope your feeling better, sorry to hear that your not yet, I'd send some home made chicken soup but I fear it would be frozen before it left Canada.:lol: Get well girls.(((HUGS)))
To Everyone else I hope your having a wonderful day so far. Take Care

Good Morning Ladies

Susan, as Katy has written she has spoken to someone (lawyer) and what Pam said about being an enabler, parents are the best enablers. Past guilts and *love* has the user dancing all over the person.
I have to say your reponse was well said...I think there should be an issue of a drug user having visitations. Past drug user I should say. And with that does he have to have drug testing regularly? Like every 3rd month?
I keep thinking about the fact that his ex being on 14 ys old when he had a relationship with her...how old was he?

Pam, ah man that bites about the xsob. Letting your son decide how he wants to deal with this is the best thing for the both of you. He can walk away knowings hes done what he can and you know you have raised a wonderful person.

Marti, I hate when you say your TOM is bad,,,cause when you have a bad one I have a bad one. And like you I start getting symtoms early...why do you have to live with this? I used to have full time TOM 3/4 times out of the month sometimes the full month,,,now I don't have TOM full time but I have the achy body, headaches and bloating 3/4 of the time. yay...grrr

Cristi, I am amazed about your weather....has it always been cold cold and icy? I know our weather has changed alot in the past few years...we have had alot of t-shirt days. Warm, some ice and snow but still warm enough to wear just the basics. It was colder in Sept. then its now.

Jane, I never did say congralutions for the retirement of Neal...

Julie, again wow on the weather...

Ellen, hope you are feeling good enough to join us soon. Hugs to you....

Katy, so I had momma Chris make my scarf which she did in no time, I obught some shiny beads matching the color of the scarf and I have tacked a fewe on. And it looks so cool.

Well need to go clean the fridge,,,soemthing doesn't smell right in there,,,*shudder

Hey Ellen saw your posting....its cold over there too? Geesh Im almost in the tropics here.

Im going to the relief benefit concert Monday,,,Barenaked Ladies and Sarah M (I can't spell her name) Brett Butt is hosting it.
Tonight Im going to Man of Lamncha

Hi Ladies!!

Well first off
SUSAN: Im sure that genuinely Mikes mom does care about you and Gaby, but honestly those questions are really non of her business to be asking. That tells you right there that hes not handling things on his own!!! I think your response to her was proper, at least you are being decent with her and not holding his actions against her. She should be greatful for that!!!

PAM: Sorry to hear that the ex is going to burden your son so much, hopefully things brighten up for you all!!

CRISTI: OH MY GOD!!! The thriller kid on American Idol, what a riot. I totally wasnt expecting that whole outburst!!! DBF and I were laughing so hard we were in tears!!! These first few weeks where they go searching for people are usually the only ones I end up watching, cause they are the funniest!!

HI to Jane, Ellen, Angie, Katy, and anyone else who pops in!!

We're supposed to go over to my friends house tonight, as her husband who left for the military, well he's been struggling so they've released him, so hes coming home today...Not sure if we're going to end up going over though, we'll see..! Im glad for the kids sake, cause he didnt belong taking off in the first place. The oldest child is going to be so excited to see him!!! We probably wont end up having the kids this weekend, so Im gonna try to catch up on housework and homework!!!
Well back to work, will check in with you all later...

Julie :cool:

I have no time!! I have no time!! *wah, *wah.............lol.

Ugh. I have to type a paper for Beck real fast so I better get busy. I also have to take the Gabster to grandma's in Milwaukie......but wanted to say hello!!!!!

Honestly I don't think she has talked with a lawyer. Just the way Mom Mac writes. Very impersonal and businesslike- she has always been like that. I know she brought up the last name of Gaby before and I explained it at that time. I wanted Gaby to have a name I loved, my fathers name,a name that she could be proud of.......so there!! lol......
But, ya...........we can do Gaby emails and that is that. I need to shut my mouth with her.


Mike was 27 and his ex was 14........and he had a relationship with her mother before he hooked up with her,.,...........and woooo hoooo. ....I think they were all on Jerry Springer at some point.......lol.

Anyway, Plan B??? lol..........Rocky has a lot more problems with Nana- she would threaten a custody fight if he JUST came over for a visit and left Kris behind. So, it was .........bring Kris , I guess. Though I wanted some time with Rocky by myself to get to know my kids. He can't come though if it is Baseball season..........and I hung up the phone on him.........this was last night. .....so I called this morning after talking with my mom because she said he has been a great support . So, we talked and he didn't sleep and I didn't sleep all night. He was sweet and said he never would want to hurt me that I have enough going on in my life. Blah- blah.......

As My World Shurns....lol

best get. Payday!!! Going to get my 40 days of purpose book......yay.....

THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!! :)