[stormy1]

Hi I am feeling a little better. I just worked out for 55 minutes You think I even came close to burning off a bit of that pasta and bread

Does anyone have anything fun planned for the night?

CG-I have to start reading ahead too. In fact, I am about to get started on that. What a great way to spend the day,huh?

Little GH, I wish I was hiking. My hubby is working. It is 64 outside right now so it would be wonderful. It is great exercise too. We have on area around here that has a lot of rocky terrain and after you walk up what seems to be a million steps it turns out to be a great workout. Sounds like you already had a great workout at the gym

KJK, you will do great working out at home. Plus, as you know come Monday the Y will be packed

This year will be different for all of us. The new year's resolutions will be kept

[little grasshopper]

That's all that needs to be said about that little incident. Let's just say I'm not craving TB anymore

I decided to have some wine tonight - after all , it IS new years. Shouldn't take much - I haven't had ANYTHING to drink since before Thanksgiving. I got a nice, mild red. I usually like strong reds but I'm thinking that since I'm not drinking and my tummy isn't use to it, I'd better be nicer to it

Hike was great! Beautiful weather and we finally got Maggie, the scared Lab to swim! She did just fine and was so proud of herself she kept tackling Mac! He'll actually swim with his head under and eyes open looking for fish. Freaky dog!!

Well I'm finally mostly into those jeans I've been craving. BF washed them though - oops! They weren't dirty - just broken in by all the times I put them on and stretched them, then took them off when they wouldn't fit.

I didn't give my resolutions...here they are.

1. better my overall health and fitness
2. improve the land we are buying and get it ready for building
3. put time and engergy into building my private practice
4. travel more - I've been home bound since going back to school...need to travel more. This starts Jan 28th when I go see my family in Arkansas.

Okay, tonight we're going to a couple's house - Stormy - you're right - it's VERY hard to find that perfect couple situation where everyone gets along well. We have a few that are mostly blended. They are out of town this weekend though I know we'll have good time tonight. You all have a great new years!!!! See you next year

[redballoon]

Good morning. First day of 2005! It is an absolutely beautiful blue-skied morning here. Cold but no wind. Gorgeous. Well, I set my alarm for shortly before midnight last night. Woke up. Turned on the TV, saw a countdown and then went back to sleep! Just hate the thought of missing the actual changeover.

So, yes, I'm going to get myself to the gym today. It's open for 6 hours from noon and last year it was crowded! Have to pay extra but it's worth it to start the year off right! I was even dreaming about working out last night!

You all stilll have a few more hours till midnight. Have fun! And to those of you out there maybe reading this and spending New Year's Eve alone, so did I. It's no big thing!

[redballoon]

Oh and heh, for all you budding Japonophiles out there, here's what happens here on New Year's Eve and around. Crime girl, saw your post and found this for you.

http://www.thelema.net/hml/00Shinto/chap_10.html

The ringing of the bell is a beautiful sound, so somber and meaningful-sounding. I used to do the whole thing, line up before some of the biggest shrines in Tokyo for hours before midnight, then, with total silence and the only way we knew it was midnight was from checking our watches, move toward the shrine at midnight, which took another hour often.

Tomorrow I'll make a shrine pilgrimage and wish for whatever in the new year. Boy, have I got a list!!!

[Crime girl]

Hey everyone!

Red balloon- thanks for the info- I love to learn about other cultures and beliefs. It is easy to forget that their are other rituals in the world.
Good for you going to the gym!! Great way to start the new year.

stormy-Good job on the workout! To answer your question I plan to herald in the new year with my bf quietly at home. I really don't like going out and having to deal with all the drunks.

little grasshopper- Don't be too hard on yourself about Taco Bell. It is better to go ahead and get rid of cravings rather than let them persist. Wine is not all bad- red wine is suppose to be good for you in moderation. Have fun tonight and don't sweat it! We will beat you..er..I mean ..encourage you to get back on the horse.
Your hike sounded wonderful and I am so jealous.
Have fun tonight but be careful driving out there.

Well I just finished dinner and I am going to relax now. I failed to go to the gym because I feel a little under the weather. I PROMISE I will go tomorrow and get with the program.
I hope you all have a great New Years and I am grateful to you all for the support this year!

Tomorrow is Saturday so it is a good day to look back at our week. What worked for you this week and what didn't?
The question is:
What were the best moments for you in 2004?

[stormy1]

Little GH, have fun tonight. Be careful.

Crime girl, I am staying home too. We are ordering Mexican (I know, we had Italian last night, but all I have had today was a couple of pieces of turkey). Since i ate bad last night and did not do a lot today I really did not have an appetite. We'll open up a bottle of wine and watch a couple of movies. I do not want to get out on the road tonight either.

Red, I saw them ring the bell this afternoon on the news. Very cool! Hit that gym!

Everyone have a great night and look forward to the great year ahead of us!

[redballoon]

Wow, I have so much catching up to do! Here goes, looking at the posts from WAY back!

little grasshopper -- your work sounds so interesting. I have always been interested in such things as you seem to have in your work. You say that you were taught to be grounded in school. What kind of studies were those? for massage or for reiki or . . . ? In any case, I hope you don't faint anymore. Though again, maybe this shows that you are really tuning in to your customer's energy. You have to take it to the next stage now.

Doesn't it just bug you when other people think they have you pinned for some certain personality. Me too, most people have it soo wrong. But heck, I'm not just ONE way, I'm many ways, so maybe they just pass judgment too soon. Why do they even pass judgment I wonder.

Good work on that gym stuff. Pedometers are good for keeping you in line. I tend to wear them, however, when I know I'm doing a lot of walking but it may be a good idea to wear it every day and record the dayend number. I know when I have one on I'll go out for little extra walks, climb some stairs in the office etc and that all adds up, doesn't it?


Crime girl -- Really hear you on the "eat out of habit when I feel anything is wrong." It's a response to anxiety, isn't it. I think it's natural. Some of my cats do it. It's starting to piss me off though. I mean, like the other day, my stupid boss snaps at me and I run off and eat chocolate, after being so determined not to. It's some sort of response to hurt. Maybe I should just go break something, or better yet, make a little voodoo doll of him and stick pins in it, snap its head off, smash it against the wall, I don't know, anything but why oh why turn it on me. Well, eating's not abuse, it can be very comforting but why comfort myself that way. Yes, have to find other ways.

Yes, I was engaged with my job. It was creative and drew on many of my abilities. The way I see it, my boss taking that work away from me was a way to shut me up, perhaps it was not meant literally (I was complaining about the lack of support from the rest of the "team," the inflexibility and unwillingness to change on others' parts in order to make better pages) but in any case that is the way I perceive it and feel it because it did shut me up in two ways, literally and figuratively in that it put a stop on the expression of my abilities. I suppose what I should do is just look to express myself elsewhere and really, there are so many other and better ways. . .

As for your question (old by now) of when did I feel the most fit and healthy? I guess that was back either when I was a kid, or if you want something more recent, then about 15 years ago when I was cycling to work, hitting the gym at lunch (we had a gym in the office) and after work. I didn't really even like my body then but when I think of it now, I was really fit and strong, didn't have any rolls, and yes, I see pictures and like the way I looked but it didn't last long. And thinking of it now, I guess being out in the world more, meeting more people and experiencing new things, I reacted in the old ways of "protection" and soon was back, though not grossly overweight, regressing in some ways. Oh well, we're all works in progress, right? A dance over the years with the addition of new steps. I sat down at the piano for the first time in months yesterday. Never have gotten any good. But I play some piece and want to ad lib, improvise, but don't know how. But I think the fact that I feel a lack and want to fill it with something of myself indicates progress, meaning there is something more there to express than before. Now, just how to do it!?!

So, bringing back the thought, wherever I was years ago isn't a place I want to return to, at least not JUST as it was then. I can take bit and pieces of things I had achieved then or ways I was and revive them, adding the best notes of today to create a truly beautiful medley, a medley of ME!

Oh baby, getting carried away. Caffeine rev!

This is getting long. To be continued. . . .

[susanne]

Recap day.

Boy, so many messages Its hard when you are MIA and then trying to catch up. lol.

Crime Girl thanks so much for the structure you provide here. It makes so much differnece! I really do apprecitae what you do here.

My recap. I managed to jump back on here. And I had my first date last night. That's enough to make you not eat.lol. Hopefully the thought of my next date will help me survivedinner at moms today. I am hoping hte gym is open and I can work out first then eat at moms. It is a pain to keep going to he gym. Sometimes I get resentful. I see all these skinny people who barely move and its not fair. I need 5 miles a day and skimpy calories to make the scaled go down. OH! and I mentioned that I wasnt sure which I weighed, the 233 or the 230? well I was 231 this morning, and still that every time I jump on. Next week my goal is to see 229. Just get me into the 220's....

Does anyone else find it a bit scary sometimes to lose? Sometimes I do. Like, I am proud and excited but at the same times Its like I am driving to some place I have never been and it feels a bit unnerving. Does anyone else have that or am I just weird?

Good Luck Today Everyone!

Susannah

[Michiemish]

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE....

Let see..recap for the week... i went to my weight watchers meeting even though i really didn't want to go..But i still went..Putting together a mixture of songs on my ipod that i can walk to also..starting monday... Well have to get back to work ..later

[stormy1]

Hi everyone. Happy New Year!

Recap: No sweets this week, woohoo. Did great with the exercise but not so good with the eating. Ate Italian food one night and Mexican food the next.

The challenge this week will be school. I leave on Thursday and get back Sunday. It is very hard to eat healthy when I am up there at school. There are only so many Subway wraps that I can handle.

[Crime girl]

Hi everyone!! Happy 2005!
This year I will lose weight and get healthy. I will also finish school and start working in a job I love- I hope. Alive in 2005.. .

Okay- for my week. I did really well with eating but I did equally bad by not exercising. I will, however, get into the swing of things this week. I am going to try to go to the gym at least 3 times next week.

stormy- I know what you mean about school and eating right. I am on the run so much when school is in that sometimes I am forced to grab something-I agree that there are only so many Subway wraps one person can eat.

michimesh- good job going to WW! How do you like your iPod? ...I want one of those so bad! A mix of music is a great idea- I love to make workout mixes- it really helps me get motivated and moving.

How is your mom? I hope she is still doing well. I am glad that you are getting to spend some time at your own place. If you are like me- you miss your freedom and space.

susanne- you don't have to catch up on everything. It is hard when you miss a few days to respond to everyone. Just pick up and move forward and let us know how you are doing. That is what we are interested in anyway.
I feel the same way somewhat about losing weight- it is more comfortable sometimes for things to stay the same. Change is a hard thing for most people. I wonder how things will change when I lose all this weight. The bottom line, however, is that I know the change will be a good one and I will get use to it.

red balloon- like I told Susanne- just catch up on what you can and move forward. With the amount we post it can be an impossible goal to totally catch up and comment about everything.
I am with you on not wanting to go back to the place I was at when I weighed an amount I was Okay with. There were other things in my life I was unhappy with that no amount of weight loss could make better. I asked that question because I wanted to remind people what it felt like to be at a healthy weight they were okay with. You can never go back and recreate the past but when I think about what I felt like back then I get inspired to feel that healthy again.
I am truly sorry about your job and I hope you can get back to the place where you feel like you are valued and appreciated either at that job or that you leave and find someone who will appreciate you. A person who actually invests in where they work is a hard thing to find and I am sure someone woudl appreciate your passion for what you do. Good luck! Who knows- maybe this is your year to excel at work.

Okay- well I guess I should get on with my day! I woke up with a sore throat and headache so I am going to battle this off so I don't start the new year sick.

Hope you all have a great start in 2005!

[little grasshopper]

Hi guys!!! So many us here - it's GREAT to see!!!! I'm soooo glad you're all here. It's the only place where people will do a dance for you because you lost 1/2 a pound!!! PERFECT! (no, I didn't lose 1/2 a pound...false alert).

Susanne - I think I know what you mean about being scared to lose. I think I sabotage myself sometimes because of that too. People treated me differently when I was thin. Like I was all body and no brain. I was in sales and worked with construction companies. Over half my companies thought it was funny that I was there sales rep. FUNNY??? But as I gained weight they began to respect me more. Maybe because of a lot of them were overweight too so it was more comfortable...maybe because I was taking the "sexy" out of the situation??? All I know is I felt more comfortable with them as a professional at a heavier weight. This time I'm doing it for health. I have to stay focused on health so I see cheating as sabbotaging my health rather than my weight. It's seems to be working so far.

Stormy - (everyone else might like this too) you won't BELIEVE the new years we just had. We were going to a couple's house...I needed the wine to deal with her. Turns out the wine was VERY good idea!! She flipped out at 11:30 - none of us can figure out why...her husband NEVER left the room we were all in! She flips out, packs a bag, tells him she's getting a divorce and 911 is programed into her cell if he touches her she'll dial. Then tells my BF that she is in a violent and unsafe place and he has seconds to move his car because it's blocking hers - before she calls the police. The husband to his credit was very calm through the whole thing. He never said a bad word about her and just handled it humbly. I'm thinking he's dealt with this before. Anyway, she was gone for about 30 minutes then came home and they went upstairs (we were stuck there, we'd both had drinks and were nervous driving) so she could yell at him some more. Then she FINALLY came down and took her meds and it was over fast as it started. So, the wine was a VERY GOOD idea Most interesting new years I've ever had

okay, weekly recap - cheated and got back on the wagon faster than ever before Signed up for a gym and have been working out. Walked every day this week. Eating not as good as it could have been in that I've been eating too much meat and nutts - not enough fresh veggies. Focus this week is on eating more veggies, less nutts and on working out 6 days

oaky, BF is waiting for me - have to go.

[stormy1]

Little Gh, how uncomfortable that must have been for you. I do not like when couple's fight in front of others. She should be very embarrassed. I bet you are glad you had the wine. Sounds like she had too much wine. Some of my friends tend to get emotional when they consume alcohol.

CG, please do not get sick again. Are you taking a good multivitamin? What a way to start off the new year.

Susanne, back on the dating scene again, huh? So are you going on a second date with the same guy? Try to use the gym as motivation, I know that it can be very aggervating. I hate gyms when they are a meat market. All these people hitting on each other. On the other hand, hitting the gym will help you get to those 220s much quicker!

Michi, keep going to those WW meetings. It is another way to stay accountable.

[Crime girl]

WOW- grasshopper- that girl needs to get herself on a mood stabilizer and maybe an antidepressant. I bet that was awkward- I also HATE when couples fight in front of me. I probably would have hit the wine bottle harder to avoid having to look at either one of them. Look at it this way though- you got a floor show without even having to pay for it.

stormy- I don't think I am sick yet- I think a lot of it is that the tempatures here keep changing. One day it is 70 degrees outside- the next the high is 50 degrees. I am taking a good multi vitamin and pretty much lounged around all day. I watched tons of TV and sat on my fat butt. I am starting to feel better- I think maybe I just needed a mental health day. Anyway- school is coming fast and you and I need to get in the mindset for school.

While I am typing I am watching "Growing up Gotti". Wow- these people make me feel better about my life. Her kids are monsters- no respect- it is like watching a car wreck. Man! I still can't figure out why she even gets a TV show. Her father was a mob boss- that makes her a celeb? I really need to change the channel.

Well- I will go for now. Have a great afternoon everyone!

[redballoon]

Hi people, so glad to see some action here. I was looking for you ALL day yesterday, I was so down and out. But with the time difference I was totally alone! Boo hoo!! But I made it through and DID get to the gym. I was dragging but I did a little, jogged 3K and did a light chest/back workout and some crunches. What a wimpout for me though. I was really depressed and I know the reason. I got on the scale yesterday morning, mainly because it was New Year's Day and I thought I should face the number and just get on with it. Well, I was shocked to see the number. I honestly couldn't believe it because I'm still wearing the same clothes and I have lost so much heavy muscle. And I'm even lower than I was last month I know. Ah heck, it's so depressing when I think of last summer and how fit (thought still overweight) I was, how revved at the gym I was and just, damn, damn, damn. . . it really ticked me off.

But then I thought, OK, that was then, this is now, and I've just got to accept it and deal with it. It's so depressing though. . . Also, though, I'm trying to do it without the caffeine kick and that was major I think. I used to down a strong Starbucks and hit the gym all hyped up. Now I go in cold and people ask what's wrong. That doesn't help. I don't feel that bad but to them it's like a different person. Yeah, druggie, no druggie, I guess it is quite different. Now I start to understand why it's hard for people to get off drugs and alcohol when they're in a crowd that expects them to act as they've always acted.

OK, I'm rambling. You all must be sick of my long posts. . .


***********

susanne -- Glad to see you back. I'm glad you had a date last night! Was it fun? Hope so, and hope the gym's open. Try not to see the gym as a chore, as something you HAVE to do. Try to see it as something you WANT to do, a treat to yourself, a reward. Those "skinny people" in there may or may not move much but they probably don't eat much either and even if they do, well, there's lots more people with the same body makeup and metabolism as well. Consistency is key. It's so easy to "be good" and then undo all that goodness in a few minutes. I can We have to change our habits. Don't get down. Please keep going to the gym and and watching what you eat. You will get there. The 220s are not that far away. The next step is never far away, and then it's the next and the next and the next.

And yes, I know exactly how you feel about being scared. I was just thinking the same thing. But, tell me, does your fear come from knowing that others will notice or from your own fear? I have fear and anxiety about others. I don't want to be noticed. No one believes it when I say it but I am very shy and hate people commenting on me. Maybe it's the criticism (even positive), not the attention. In any case, I don't want people to make comments. I said earlier I want people to judge me on my looks but actually I dread it because then I'm afraid I will think of them as shallow. Anyhow, what am I trying to say? I guess, just, many of us are scared but think of it as stepping out on an adventure. There may be some rough spots, such as the ones that little grasshopper mentioned but there will be a lot more good parts. And certainly, a lot more than you have now. You have learned a lot from being overweight. Take that experience into a new body and you will have a much richer perspective than people who have never been where you are now.

michie -- where do you go?! Sure wish we could see more of you. But so good to see you now. I'm with Crime girl and envious of your iPod! I would love to have one but they are quite dear. I'm worried about getting music for them and the quality. How is that and where do you get the music from (for free preferably). Good for you for going to your WW meeting. I don't think anyone really WANTS to go to the meetings unless they've lost but going even though you've gained or had a very rough week is soooo important. I used to go to WW meetings back when I was a teenager eons ago and I think more emphasis should be placed on keeping on keeping on. Maybe things have changed but I kind of doubt it. I was just thinking again yesterday how I want someone to tell me HOW to keep going when I'm so tired of failing, of not getting anywhere, how to try yet again and yet again and how to envision all these great things when I've never had them. I try and I'm learning to just tell myself to shut up! with the downer thoughts but it is SOOOO hard. Good luck to you kid!

stormy -- on the no sweets! That's stupendous going. And what's wrong with Italian and Mexican?!! OH, I know, it's that those words mean mega calories, right! Well, they don't have to. In fact, you can eat healthfully with both and some of the best diets are based around them. Of course, going out to eat can be a problem especially if you're going to these chain restaurants where emphasis is on packing it in, the food and the calories. I was just reading how Italian cuisine with its olive oil and fresh herbs is one of the best for staying slim. I love fresh herbs and spices and am thinking this is what I have to force myself to do. Hard in my hole of a kitchen. Maybe I should start there. But good luck up at school. There must be other places to eat than Subway, no? Try to find them, try to think what you can do to avoid the pitfalls of fastfood. I am appalled when I go back to the States and see the food offerings, those Food Malls, or whatever they're called in the malls these days. Ugh! It's so hard to get something good. With so many people wanting to eat right, why do the companies keep pushing this stuff on everyone. You've got to rebel!

Crime girl -- Hope you feel better soon. You sure are getting sick a lot, aren't you? You were just over being sick. I had a sore throat the other day. It never developed into anything but I'm very blue these days and my voice sounds like I have a cold so I guess I'm keeping something at bay. Take care!

Good for you for doing so well with your eating last week. This is what I have to tell myself, perfectionist me, don't lump it because everything isn't just right. Aim to make it better than the last day, better than the day before, better than the moment's choice could have been. Sometimes we have to limp along, sometimes we have to crawl, but anything is better than lying there like a log!! You will move that bootie next week, Crime girl, even if it's just a wiggle and laugh and enjoy your weight loss journey!

lilttle grasshopper -- that was so interesting what you wrote about feeling more comfortable at a higher weight. That's awful that it comes to that. I think it's part of what I fear, especially in this male-dominated society. And my biggest annoyance is not the Japanese so much because they never come out and say anything, it's the foreigners here (and they tend to be types that would enjoy the male-dominated society, if you know what I mean) and the things they say. Now, I can laugh along or chide them for their vulgarities because, heh, I'm certainly not the focus of their attention. But IF I were, wow, what to do? I guess I'll have to learn. Anyhow, I think I'm too old anymore. Sigh of relief. . and yet not. . .

Great that you're going to the gym too and walking. Do you live in a walking kind of town. I know so many U.S. towns are totally for driving only. That's why I love New York. Last time I was at my father's outside of Pittsburgh I was stopped by the police who wanted to know what I was doing! Honest, they must have thought I was a vagrant. They even offered to drive me home but I told them I wanted to walk.

Oh, and crazy with your friend flipping out. If she's on meds (what might those be) and drinking? too, no wonder she flipped. I think it's extremely rude to fight in front of others but I have done it somewhat when I was drinking. It is embarrassing and I am ashamed and angry when it happens. It means, however, that it's time for that BF to hit the road!