Here is something I struggle with from time to time. As I get older, it becomes less of an issue....but it still happens.

I have panic attacks (or very close to them) when I am in the dark!!

Last night while I was getting ready to go to my room with Jhanai, I turned on the hall light by her room so she could go to my room and turn on the lights so we wouldn't have the problem I had the other night with me running into the door!

Anyway....she got in the room, turned on the light and I turned off the hall light and all of a sudden...she closed my bedroom door! OMG....I started panicking and my heart was racing and I yelled for Jhanai to open the door but she didn't hear me...and by the time I got to my room (I don't have a huge house or anything so it wasn't that far) I was so relieved!! And I sat there thinking....oh my goodnes...I haven't felt that way in a long time!!

Do any of you have something that frightens you so much that you think you may have a heart attack?? And do you know what caused that? Was it a past experience??? Mine came from the horrible time I had with an ex's dad (I explained that in one of Jana's thread about rape and molestation) I was terrified for years and when James and I got together, I must have felt safe because the feeling subsided....but then last night it just overwhelmed me!! I don't go out in the dark unless I absolutely have too.....but this was in my home!

Do you think that's crazy??

I had to share...and was curious if any of you had any "phobias"

Ok, I thought I was the only one with fears... I have a lot of phobias, so here goes ...

I too am also afraid of the dark. I remember putting off feeding my outside dog and rabbits until the night time, like a dork( when I was young) and I remember racing out the back door with my flashlight, my feet never touching the ground, heart racing, breathing hard, feeding those animals faster than humanly possible and never looking back as i raced back into the house. Til this day I still hate being outside in the dark, don't mind the inside of the house, but I always feel like something is watching me , ready to pounce when I am outside.
I have a fear of fish and big bodies of water like lakes and oceans, etc, where you can't see the bottom and don't know what is down there. I can't even go to the aquariums without going into a panick attack( heart races, sweaty, crying feeling faint, dizzy, etc), even writing this I am feeling myself go into panick attack mode. I think it might have something to do with the fact that the glass in the aquariums magnifies everything and the lights are really low so you can see the fish , etc better. We have one of those aquariums where you walk through the glass tube thing, with water all around you in oregon and I thought I could handle it, be a big girl, but I had to race out of there with my head looking straight ahead, dodging people in my way , until I made it out and went to the bathroom to cry. i felt like such a loser. So when we went to Hawaii last september I felt so proud of myself that I tried to snorkel in the ocean I had to hold my boyfriends hand the whole time, try to breath without hyperventalating in the mask and made it out almost in tears, but doing it, shaking, which I am doing it right now just thinking about it and stayed for 20 minutes out there until my boyfriend went farther and there was teasing about sharks( there weren't any) and I snorkeled back so fast, trying not to hit the coral since it was so close and screaming in my head the whole time ( you can do it shanna, you can make it back alive) which I did, and I will never do that again, but I feel proud to say I tried it, so is my boyfriend I shocked him by just doing it. Ok, I am actually freaking myself out thinking about it. I can't even watch the nature shows if it they have sharks or close ups of things underwater. I can only go tubing in boats if they promise to whip around and pick me up quick if I fall off, I am afraid a fish will touch me or something down below will get me. I feel like a dork for admitting that, but my fear of fish and water is that strong. enough about that fear.
I am also clausterphobic ( sp??/) I can't even have someone too close to me while I sleep, because I start to panick if I can't move freely, I feel closed in. I tried going into these lava caves we have in eastern oregon and got only so far when I couldn't breath ( it was also dark, what a smart move to go in on my part, I just hate to be a wimp) and luckily the person I was with wasn't too keen on the dark either. But close spaces make me very sweaty and panicky. I know that isn't a word, but who cares. hee hee. Everyone here must think I am a loony tune now.
I am also afraid of heights, but not enough to preventing my from enjoying rollercoasters, since I love that adrenaline rush and flying isn't too bad of problem. I panick at the beginning before we take off, but after that I am fine. I just hate driving on high mountain roads, especially with no guard rails and elevators ( my equilibrium is off for hours after an elavator ride), etc. small fear, but one none the less.
I am also deathly afraid of frogs. Most people that know me find this funny since I collect kermit the frog stuff and people are always giving me frog collectibles because of my fear. It all started when I was 10 on a camping trip and we were hiking my a creek and found these tiny little frogs and I was looking at them with my dad, when all of a sudden about 50 or so of them jumped on me at once. I went into panick mode, crying and shivering and screaming at my dad to get them off of me, ( he was laughing at me during that time by the way!! ) and ever since that tramatic experience I am deathly afraid of them. I just love Kermit and fake ones.
Ok, now that you all think I am the biggest wierdo of all, I think I will get back to work now. hee hee hee

Marti and Shanna, I feel your pain! Remember in the "Were you molested like me?" thread I did eons ago and I told you about my experience...

well, when the SOB died about 5 years ago, I was no longer afraid of the dark. Freedom!!!!!

I can't tell you how many times I have passed out of a dentist. I get so freaked out I hyperventilate crying..even after the appointment I will cry for a few hours after. I found one dentist 17 yrs ago who I go to all the time,,,he lives 2 hours away but I will drive that far to have him work on my teeth.
Spiders,,,don't like spiders at all,,,an uncle who is 6 yrs older then me, thought it was funny to hold me down and dump spiders on me as a kid. He would torture me all the time,,,my grandpa would find out and spank him and yet he would think of something else the next day. Till I got to about 10,,, He came after me, I wigged out grabbed him by the hair and smacked his head against the door frame,,,he needed some stitches, he left me alone after that.
I don't care for heights all that much.
thats about it...I find the older I get the more my fears hit me.
Angie

Oh geez, where to begin!

Definitely afraid of heights. I had to go in an elevator to the 23rd floor of a building and when I get to this guys office he had the curtains wide open-freaked me out! He asked if I wanted him to close them and said that's okay-just didn't look that way. I will go on a ferris wheel or roller coaster but only if I have someone's arm to squeeze and hide my face into. what a chicken!

I hate spiders and get freaked when I even see one. I actually get chills up and down my body that lasts a few minutes until after the spider is dead. Don't like tiny cars-I get freaked and think I am going to be in a wreck and get stuck in the car. I don't like bridges. I will NOT drive across a long bridge! I will go twenty miles out of my way if I have to. Has anyone gone to Corpus Cristi, Galveston or across the Golden Gate Bridge?! OMG!!! Of course for a while I was having this dream over and over, we were driving down the road and come to an opening in the road and we start falling-there is no road, no bridge...going to the dentist also freaks me out. I get so stiff, and can't relax until I am leaving the place. Flying! I will not fly, unless it is an absolute emergency! Not gonna do it! If I can't get there driving I ain't goin'.

About the dark, when I was younger I never cared for the dark, I was afraid. When I was home alone I would go turn all the lights on in the house until I saw my parents coming up the street. I would then go outside because for some reason I felt safer outside. I felt I could run away if I needed to. Weird I know. Not afraid of the dark now though. My whole family knew I was afraid growing up and was surprised when I lived in the country on 35 acres, just me and the kids. I love to sit in the dark and watch tv sometimes with just a couple of candles lit.

Shanna~I hate caves! The first time I went to Fantastic Caverns in MO I thought I was going to die! First I felt like bugs were crawling on me and then I just knew that it was going to cave in on us. Of course I guess it wasn't too bad after the first time because I have gone in others.

But Marti-why not try some nightlights?? I have always kept a light on in the kitchen, usually the one over the stove, but now just a nightlight. I keep a lamp on a timer so that when I am out I don't come home to a dark house and and I also keep nightlights around, they are not bright at all but gives off just enough light so you can see where you are going. One in the kitchen, one in every bathroom and one in the hallway. Not for fear, but started when the kids were little so they wouldn't fumble through the house on their way to the restroom, also me. When I get up in the middle of the night I don't like to turn a light on because it wakes me up. I have had anxiety attacks like what you described, two so far. They started about 3 years ago, not sure why or what causes them, think it is stress. It does feel strange. I felt like I was dying and was totally freaking out. What I do is talk to myself, kind of like talk myself out of it-tell myself everything is fine, and to relax and then the next day go to the chiro. And I take deep breaths which seemed to work, inhale, exhale...for me though I think it was stress. I tend to let things pile up on me and at that time it was V's family-letting things get to me.

Boy, do I sound messed up! While they are all phobias of mine they are not to the extreme that I will pass out or totally freak. I do go to the dentist, I have gotten on roller coasters and a ferris wheel, I have gotten in the backseat of a tiny, tiny car. I have gotten over my fear of the dark, loooong time ago. I did fly once! I have gone in caves, have gone up more than 10 stories in a building but do freak. Which I think stems from living in CA and waiting for the so-called "BIG ONE" to happen while I was up on the 23rd floor. But just don't get a spider near me! And I won't drive over a long bridge. I even told DD when we go to San Fran that we can take pictures of the Golden Gate Bridge from a distance, not going to drive over it-been there, done that, and didn't like it!

I am terrified of drowning in a car. Hate driving on bridges over water. I used to have nightmares that my car went into water, and I would have an infant and a toddler in carseats (my two oldest were 2 1/2 years apart) and I would be desperately trying to figure out how I was going to get them up to the surface as the car was filling up with water! I am so relieved to have a car now with manual rather than electric windows -- even though my boys are definitely all grown up and would probably be hauling my sorry butt up to the surface now...

Angie, I'm terrified of the dentist, too -- I thought I was the only person on the planet that has had crying jags after a dentist appointment. The shots freak me out, and I always feel like I'm choking, and the last time I went I realized it really REALLY bugs me to have part of my face numb. I think it's because I had Bell's Palsy for about 8 weeks a few years ago, and half of my face was paralyzed. It was horrible. Thank goodness it went away -- sometimes it doesn't -- and it's so sad to not be able to smile.

And I am afraid of anything with more than 4 legs -- bugs, spiders, scorpions, centipedes, lobsters, crabs...when I was 3, I fell into a red ant hill, sunk right into the ground up to my thigh, and they swarmed me and I was stuck and screaming *shudder* My dad was watching football and the TV was so loud, he didn't hear me until the commercial came on, then he sprinted across the backyard, yanked me out of the ground, pulled off all my clothes and hosed me down with the garden hose. Quick thinking when he saw what was happening, but they had already bitten/stung me all over. I was so little, and I remember that so vividly...

Wow ladies.....we all have something that terrifies us don't we?

Would step-moms and ex-husbands count as phobia's???

I have to this day...nightmares about things that have happened in my past. I hate waking up from them (actually I'm relieved) but I'm always in tears or shaking. They don't occur as often as they used to. James is wonderful for healing!!! LOVE that man!!

I have mentioned my Bear dream right? When ever Im stressed I have the same dream of a bear chasing me...I would say for about 25 yrs Ive had the same dream over and over. I was once told the bear is my spiritual guide and if I could be calm in the dream the bear can help me....well Im not sure about that.
Angie

Oh, I forgot one, when I was a child I wouls keep those big plastic garbage bags in my room because I was dealthly afraid of our house catching on fire and me losing everything, so I had those bags to grab what i could before getting out of the house. I still have that fear of losing everything ( although I don't keep bags around for that reason) but I do have a mental list on what i will try to grab. I just have this fear that everything I have will be taken away from me. Maybe that comes from being an only child, who knows. Maybe I better call a shrink or something, work this through. hee hee

No Shanna, I think we all have a mental list of what we would TRY to save in case of fire.
For me its the kids/Monte, Skittles then all the pics going down the stairs....easy enough in normal times to grab but in a panic state not sure. I once had a person break in to our house,,,we were home in bed,,,I could not dial 911....thats how shaken I was.
Angie

I am sure everyone does, but I am always thinking about it, always preparing for a disaster of some kind. I don't think that is a healthly thought process. I guess when I have anything nice or good, i expect it to be taken from me. of course the first things I would grab are my two kitties and then all my photo albums and scrapbooks, and then all my childhood stuff. But by that time I would probalby be burned to death by a fire, drowned by a flood or something to that nature. I just get sick to my stomach in a panic if I think about terrible things happenning, so I try not to think about it. I just hate to lose precious memories or things that mean a lot to me, but I guess if I grab my babies and my sweetie and myself, those are things that cannot be replaced, as well as pictures and such. Ok, I am going to stop because my heart is racing and I am getting sick just thinking about it. Weirdo alert, weirdo alert. Bring in the straight jacket, set up the padded room. ;-)

You know I used to think about what I would take also in a fire, of course the first would be to get my family up and then I thought every thing can be replaced except my photos. Of course there are just way too many to even try to take. So I put the negatives in a safe we have that is fireproof, along with all documents.