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Zippadee do dah. I am feeling light hearted!!! First day in a while.
I am actually having trouble eating enough. It is soooo foreign to me. I am feeling REAL hunger and then going to the kitchen and look around, I grab an apple to think on it, and go about my day. I feel like something inside of me has changed. My oldest friend told me abut a website for people dealing with Borderline Personality Disorders in their families, her MIL is a LOT like my Mom. She was around my family every day in highschool, so saw parallels. She bugged me for 3 days to read this stuff. I reluctantly did. At first I thought it was pretty extreme, then I got to the message board for people with BPD Mom’s, every person there who talked about their lives, experiences and how they live now, could have been me. So whether or not my Mom has the disorder she definitely has the traits. As far as my “healing” goes I have done most of it on my own over the years but knowing what it is and how it affects me helps lift the guilt and sadness of cutting ties quite a bit more.Which I feel is necessary to my happiness. It also explains my Dad’s role, the Sis and the Aunt who is a lot like the Mom. I am feeling lighter in spirit and know I will be more fulfilled even if it is hard. Is is good for me to hear from here and from 2 close friends that my family is odd, I have been told all my life we are superior and everyone else is f*cked. I never bought into it but I have struggled with it. I love these people. I do think they are wonderful in many ways. My issues are more emotional and psychological. Hard to pin point and label. My Dad told me my “facts” were wrong when I told him my “feelings”. The fact is my feelings are right because they are MINE. A lot of what goes on for me is a gut reaction. I need to believe my gut. My gut has been telling me for several months that there was something going on under the surface and I was right. I know myself well enough and am in tune well enough to know this and I need to honour it. Right now this feels like a last piece of the puzzle. I have worked very hard in the last year and a half to put my priorities in order for my fundimental happiness. It started with sorting our friendships, wich evolved into healing some hurts in my marriage, finding support to manage my son’s behaviour and finally letting go of a toxic relationship with my extended family. I still need to establish what the terms of “letting go” are. I am thinking holidays. I have deleted the BXB’s emails etc. I will keep in touch with Dad every couple of weeks with an update of our lives. Just the details no “feelings” involved.I will start there. I feel taller, I am breathing easier, I am clear headed, no anxiety of waiting for the other shoe to drop......I feel peaceful and empowered. |
Ah, Friday!!! Yippee!!
DH forgot to reset the alarm this morning when he left. It sure is interesting to wake up and realize that the alarm never did go off, and you have fifteen minutes to be out the door. Successfully done, but unsettling nonetheless. DH is very sorry, of course. He leaves for work at 3:30 in the morning :dizzy:
Did okay with food yesterday. We went out for dinner, but I had chicken, though probably way too big a piece. So, onto another day. Not used to everyone's names yet. Having problems keeping them straight, but it will come to me. Hope everyone has a good and healthy day!!! Is there an easy way to edit the tracker in the signature, or do you have to recreate it every time you lose weight? TIA for any suggestions. Lynanne |
Hello everyone. I'm quite down in the dumps today. I don't know why. The office is empty today and I'm the only one back here. I've got a couple of articles to write for our company newsletter and I'm not getting any information for my research from people...I'm totally last on their totem poles...so I'm going to try to have to use what I have and try to make something up. I feel a lot of pressure to do this...and I'm not getting much direction as far as how to write these...so I just feel very low and neglected. Not to mention the fact that I have only 3 more days of work here. I have a great new job opportunity but it's kind of sad and depressing to leave here after 7 years, thinking of how I wanted to move up in the company, etc. It's kinda like leaving something "safe" and going onto something new and scary.
I feel sad and neglected, not to mention so busy trying to wrap everything up and make sure everything will be okay when I leave. I just can't help it. Plus, I'm so worried about money. DH is looking for jobs since he just graduated. Our computer is still down. We have vacation next week and have a good amount of money for our trip, but once we come back, it's all gone and I don't know how we'll make it. I'm thinking we should just cancel the trip and be able to live off of that money for another month while DH looks...but I need to see my grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousin and my mother. I'm so worried everyone. Just about everything. I hate this so much. I was paid today but want to cry because I know once I get home tonite and write out the bills, I'll have next to nothing left. I know things will get better. It's just where I am, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry for the really depressing post. I just want to go home and lie in bed all weekend and do absolutely nothing. Girlie |
I haven't been on the boards much lately. One reason is that I've just been extremely busy with work and school. It will be that way until June 14, then I really plan on spending a lot of time with you gals!
I have also been dealing with low back pain this week. I've had adjustments 4 times this week. I'm starting to feel a little better and I can now stand up straight..still lean a little to the left though. I had an x-ray yesterday and the lady who was taking them, came in to check me to make sure I was laying straight, well, I was, but my spine was crooked in the films! I told myself that when I get back to feeling like I can walk and such correctly, I'm going to begin taking care of my body. I will make my core strong so that my back stays in place. I will loose this fat of my stomach, so that it doesn't pull me out of line. I will never again take my body for granted! How's everyone else doing? I hope you have a great weekend. My church is celebrating a 10 yr anniversary. It's a huge celebration. We have special music tonight, with fireworks afterwards, Saturday, more special music, picnic on the grounds, and on Sunday more special music, and then a homecoming service that night. The church started 10 yrs ago with 8 people and we now have 1,050 every Sunday..that's our average. Sorry for no personals, I need to go back and read them, but I want to send out a (((HUGGGG))) to Girlie. It's tough to start something new, and it's scary. So, it's ok to feel that way..but don't let it control you..instead use that energy to work it to your good. I left a job that I had been at for 13 years, some days I miss it alot..other days I'm so glad I left. Life's about changing...nothing every stays the same! Have a great weekend! Susie |
Awww Girlie, I am so sorry you feel so badly. Its when you hit rock bottom that you finally come back up. I threw myself down on the floor and just bawled and prayed to God he change things in my life, and lo and behold things changed in my life. I thank the good Lord every day. I pray that you are in His favor and everything you touch is prosperous. He has been so good to me, I know He will be good to you.
Don't mean to get on the religious thing, however He is always there for you. I have not done well with eating today, and am dissappointed in myself for that. Exercise is non-existant. Get to go to TOPS next week on Tuesday and truthfully looking forward to some structure in my life where weight is concerned. Leaving for Michigan tomorrow morning to go to my Aunt's (she is 75), wedding. My uncle died of cancer about 6 years ago. My aunt went to her high school reunion and ran into her HS sweetheart about 2 years ago. They have been together ever since and now they are getting married. The look and act about 60, golf every day the weather lets them, go on vacations, really spry. Didn't lose the weight I wanted to before the wedding, but oh well going to have a great time anyway. Everyone have a wonderful weekend. Hugs to all, special hugs to girlie. Annie |
Hello everyone, hope you're having a good weekend so far :)
I really gave it some in the gym this morning. I ran/jogged a whole 6.75km (a bit over 4 miles I think), then did weights, then a swim, and my reward is another pound gone. Preferably forever. Big day of tidying the house and not drinking or doing anything unhealthy, then have to drive over to manchester at stupid o clock at night to pick my mother up from the airport. Who gets flights that land in the early hours of the morning then expects people to go and pick them up??? |
Come on Summer!!!
Hello Ladies,
whew, school is out!! YIPPIE,:dance: I am happy, kids were all happy:D, life is good. I am exhausted, but am happy we had a good year, and I learned alot. Amazing what kids can teach us if we listen. YPI--Great workout. I feel a little lost without my schedule, but I am determined to keep at it. Annie--Have a great time at the wedding. DH grandpa, did this a few years ago. It was hard on DH's mom, but since everything is fine. DH grandma died of cancer a few months before we married. My Choice--Sorry to hear you are having low back pain. Have you ever considered PT, for strengthening? When I had DS, 13 years ago, same thing, terrible low back pain. Went to chiropractor for 4months, and would get instant help, but would be back in a few days. One day at school, our Physical Therapist was working with me and a kid, and she noticed I was having trouble. She showed me some excersises for stretching my Spinal Cord, and building the muscles in my back. I haven't had trouble since, other than yard work, or muscle strain, ect. Continued with her program and it really gets better soon. Just a thought. Girlie--Ughhhhh,:stress: I am sorry you are feeling in the glooms. Life usually does work out. Don't give up your trip. You need that, and I am sure things will get better, and your new job will be so rewarding. You wouldn't have taken it, if you didn't feel like you could do better. Will pray for DH. Ask St. Joseph to guide you. Gonnabefit-- Great loss!!!:cp: Hollyhock--HELLLLLOOOO. Isn't it amazing when the people you live with at one time see things totally different. My older brother and I have had some weird talks in the last few years, and boy is his take on our life soooooo different. :shrug: It is amazing. Good Luck Lilybutt--Thanks for comment on dt.coke with splenda. I will have to try it. Trying to limit myself to ONE pop a day. Doesn't always happen tho. Here is a HUGE dose of self-esteem. I am throwing it over to you. Catch. judydc-- I hate, HATE, HATE it when there is food in the lounge, or at work. Yesterday at our end of the year meetings, they had a huge tray of donuts, bagels, and scones for breakfast. Then at lunch it was pizza heaven. I almost died from the temptation. But I decided, I Am bigger than this, I can say no, not participate, and make a different choice. Said no for breakfast, ate a yogurt from fridge, for lunch, just said no. I knew I had to leave and run to the University, and decided a Subway sub would be alot healthier, and portioned controlled. But I do relate, it is extremely difficult. justjodi--hello, just want to let you know I was thinking about ya.:cool: Debbie--Southbeach? I don't know what that is? Never heard of it, where do you find it, and what exactly is it? I am curious. Hope all is well with you. SPORES--I miss you. I hope all is well with you, and your world is just keeping you away from us because you are so busy. Check in so we know you are ok.:?: Staying OP, and am happy. I am going to start a weigh training program with our schools guidance counc. So I am excited about that. He of course is a young punk kid right out of college, but he is hysterical, so this is going to be interesting. He is doing a toning/strengthening class for HS kids, I am going in before the students come. THANK GOD. Then I can just go on my own. It is nice that we have a weight room at our school, and we can use it anytime we want. Wish me luck. Didn't get to race the car tonite. DH is frustrated. Weather isn't cooperating. It poured yesterday and this morning. I on the other hand, got lots done, and had his help. Nice that it worked out a bit. Hope you all have a peaceful Sunday. Next week is going to be a rough one. I have to check in with my other business, and see what is happening, and what is going to change. I am sure some stress will come, but it usually works its way out. Wishing you all blooming begonia's. Love Sandi |
((((((GIRLIE))))))))
((((((SUSIE)))))))) Sandi~ you sound great!!!!! YP~ is that really 226 I see. HMMMMMM..... Annie~ enjoy the wedding! Jodi~ how goes starting over? Debbie~HI! Spores~HI! Gonna~HI!! Who did I miss? HI!!! I am having a very hard day emotionally. I had an email from my Dad. He is very hurt. This it the first time in my entire life he has ever talked about anything of significance with me.It shook me up. In a way it is a blessing. Did some gardening, reading, talking with DH, biking and cuddles with the kiddies..... I feel in a way I am mourning because I know that things have shifted for my family. I know it is what is best for me but it is sad. |
Originally Posted by Girlie: I have had a great day. Saw Star Wars with DH. Yippee!!! Went to the gym. Didn't do so well on the food though since I splurged and ate movie popcorn. Not too worried about it though, since we only go to the theater once every six months or so, if that often. Hope everyone has a great Sunday!!! Take care and keep the spirits up!!!! We can do this!!! |
Hi
I am single, 44 , and live in southern Maryland.. I would so love to see 199!!! I mainly watch my carbs & sugar and calories and walk .. I live in the sticks so the nearest gym is @ 18 miles each way.. ive been walking 4-6 miles per day and lately i was begining to feel like i was losing my motivation so Ive made a promise to myself to step it up! |
Welcome curlylocks!!!
Girlie~ I have been thinking about you too. I feel bad for needing to sort my own stuff out..... but this is what I KNOW about money issues and change. It WILL come together and work out okay. I have been where you are as a single person and a married one. It is really hard but every single time we have come through okay, intact, and without any big debts.Spend the time with your family. It will nurture your soul. Things will fall into place for DH too. Dont give up hope. HUGS!!!! Off to church in a 1/2 hour! Having a lovely long weekend so far with hubby and the kids. We may have another family over for a fire tonight.DH and I stayed up late last night cuddling and talking. I woke this morning feeling refreshed and peaceful. My weight is down to 225. |
welcome curlylocks
you will find alot of support here. Sandi |
I am new here and really exited to envision getting below 200 lbs! It has been a long time since I have seen the scale show that low!
I posted an intro, but no one responded, so here's a little about me: I am a Licensed Holistic Health Practitioner, educator, massage therapist, nutritional consultant, yoga instructor, writer and and mom to an amazing 12 year old girl and I am working on losing 100 pounds, gained after a terrible car accident left me broken, broke and in despair several years ago. I am ready to make changes and am working at it steadily. I am so glad to have found this forum as it's just what I need right now! |
Welcome fatvegan~ I am nopt sure your last intro made it here...cyberblip!! Glad it worked this time!! Nice to meet you. I am a yoga gal and use holistic measures when ever possible. I have 2 kids- son 6, daughter 4. Best wishes for your recovery and weight loss journey!! We have a couple closet writers here.
HI Sandi! |
Hello all....
Finally a nice day here! Yesterday it poured, and I mean poured, all day! It was miserable! I ended up sleeping all day! I suppose I needed to...the stress of the ex and the stress of work was starting to get to me! But today...BEAUTIFUL! Got up at 8, went to Target, now I am going to start laundry so I can hang it up outside and weed out the fower beds so I can get some planting done!!!! Later I will go for a walk and maybe go tan.....I like tan fat better than white fat in the summer, you know how that is! I am not big on the tanning thing, but I do it once in a while just so I am not so strark white in the capris and shorts! and I hate to lay outside! Curylocks! Good to see you over here...the 40 somethings has been slow, but thios board is always moving! I so want to be under 200.....I just can't seem to get there.....lots of support here! By the way how was the date.......????? Well I need to start on my day! Lots to do on a beautiful spring day! Lilybutt |
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