hello everyone!!
i am doing well, sorry i didn't get in here yesterday, work calls!! i managed to drag my butt out of bed 2 days in a row to do the WATP 1 mile. i have also managed to eat 3 healthy meals with no snacks for the past 3 days. i am feeling good about it!!

holly- i think you have a great attitude about your body! i wish i could feel that way! i also have always been over the "normal" weight all my life, when i was younger (high school and pre kids) i weighed 180-200 and wore a 14/16 i thought i was huge! i had a terrible self image, i never had a hard time getting boyfriends or jobs etc. i have a pleasant personality and things always went my way. i look back at pictures now and i wonder what was i thinking?? i wasn't skinny but i was not as gross as i thought i was. i am not happy with myself bodywise now either. maybe i am one of those people who will alway think that way. good for you doing this just for the health of it! i hope someday i can see myself with the confident eyes you see yourself with!!

spores- good for you getting on the treadmill! i have a really tough time exercising in front of people also even my DH and kids who are super supportive! it is a hard thing to get over for me, i feel embarassed also. if you find a good way of getting over it share will ya??

mychoice- good for you with the phone buddy!! it is so important to have a good support system. nich job beefing up the exercise routine too. hope the positive changes work out well for you!!

girlie- good luck with the exercise bike that is awesome you are getting such a great deal! don't work too hard! cart pushing is totally exercise BTW!!

jujubee- welcome!!! i look forward to getting to know you!

thinking about changing careers has opened a whole new attitude for me. i am not real sure about real estate really but i had a huge brainstorm on the way to work, don't laugh! i was thinking about a business, the focus being on healthy fitness, low impact classes for mom's and kids, or really just "real" people. would you take a low impact aerobics class with a struggling-to-loose-weight-going-on-40-instructor?? would that make you feel more like you fit in, or like she just wasn't fit? i am really getting into the total healthy lifestyle change thing. i see so many chubby kids, could any of you see yourself taking an exercise class with kids? i know many of you don't have children but, could you picture it?

Jodi~ I can picture it, I live it!! LOL, every day in my lvingroom. It is not a bad idea!!
Think how fit you would get along the way!!!

Jodi: Yeah, the body-image thing is a huge challenge for me too. I think it also ties in to the doing-this-for-yourself thing. I know we're supposed to priortize exercise and healthy eating and do it as a kind thing to ourselves, but when you've thought of yourself as a fat slob since third grade, it's kind of hard to think you deserve to do things for yourself! For me anyway. I actually got on the treadmill for a second time today while on the phone with my mom. We usually talk for an hour or so every day, and I realized as I was talking that I was just sitting there all the time, so I hopped on the treadmill! Sill shy about working out in front of others, but whenever my bf and I do anything physical -- like stretching or anything -- he makes all these suggestive comments, so I feel sexy and less silly. But still. I think your workout class sounds awesome! I am so intimidated by fitness instructors. I was once taking this yoga class and I was by far the biggest person there (though not everyone was a stick), and I just couldn't keep up at one point, so I was resting, and the teacher actually yelled at me in front of the class! Needless to say, it has rather put me off exercise classes. I also had a NIA teacher who told me I *walked* wrong. But at least she didn't say it in front of the whole class. So sign me up for your real-people class!

Hope everyone else is well. It's Monday, and I hope everyone's week is starting up well!

Good morning,
Ok..ladies...what's your wish for today...for the next month? I'm going to ponder on that today. I think I'll journal about it. I have a lot of wishes; to be a size 12, to have a new house, to get a promotion, for my IC to be healed.....lots more...if you want..journal or write about wishes today. Might be kind of fun to see what's on your mind.

I'm reporting in to my diet buddy. The first day I couldn't believe how many times I might have had a handful of something here and there, but I thought about how I had to report in and I didn't do it. She has a list of specific questions that she wants me to ask her: water intake, exercise, sugar, calorie in take. My list consists of: what did I do when I walked in the door after work (my hardest time to not grab a comfort food and unwind), did I journal, my perception of myself. For me this weight loss thing is really all in my mind..I do well with the exercise, the water and such, but I let myself comfort myself with food, so I'm trying to change my thought process on that.

I'm hoping on Thursday my efforts will show at the scale.

You ladies are taking about some very exciting things. I don't have time this morning to post individually, but I'm going to make time to come back here tonight and comment on Holly's body image and Jodi's dream job and so much more.

I feel like I'm going to have a great day because I have surrounded myself with so many inspired people! I just love you gals!

Got to run!
Susie

Good morning all!

Susie:
The diet buddy is such a great idea. When I was doing WW with a friend locally, it was nice to know that I'd report what I ate and stuff to her. This didn't last as our friendship was on the outs (long story!) but it definitely made me think twice. Even sometimes I think about the lovely ladies here on our thread and think, oh, this wouldn't sound good if I had to tell them this!!!

Jodi:
You are doing awesome with your weight and most importantly, your attitude! I would definitely take your class. I mean, it makes sense to take a class from an instructor who is totally in shape and athletic, but it's not motivation for those like me. There is an instructor at my gym who is kind of overweight - she's got to be a size 12 or 14 - but she teaches and gets down and sweats with her classes. She's fit. I remember once she was just finishing giving a class when I went in for mine, and she stayed and took the class that I was in as well. I KNOW that there are women out there who would love to take a class, but are intimidated. It's a great idea! I often fantasize about giving a WATP class, in a style similar to that of Leslie Sansone, simple moves but an effective workout. I admit though, WATP doesn't make me sweat and breathe the way my cardio-kick does. But all that isn't necessary for someone who's just trying to make exercise a fun part of their routine.

Spores:
What is NIA? I'm sorry about the situations in those classes. Those are insensitive instructors! You know, my brother is a personal trainer...he majored in it in college and all that. There, they teach you about special populations...for example, he had to take a class in which he taught older people, and another in which he had to buddy up with a Special Olympics athlete. Instructors should have learned to be more sensitive in their training!

Oh, I have to tell you guys that Spores has inspired me with her treadmill accomplishments. As much as I do the elliptical, I HATE the treadmill. I loathe it...as a matter of fact, I think I FEAR it. At least on the elliptical, there is little impact. Your feet are pretty much stable and although you can "run", you don't have to deal with the resistance from the impact. It's good, especially for heavier people who would otherwise have a very high impact. Plus, on an elliptical or bike, you make your own pace and set it and it can very. Sometimes I can push it a little on my own or take it easy. A treadmill, however, makes me feel out of control because you have to go at the pace that you set, and you are forced to step evenly, even though in real life when you walk and run most people have different strides.

So anyway, that's a fear of mine. Even when I was able to go out and run three miles, I hated the treadmill. I felt pressure from it. Anyway, hearing the tale from Spores, I decided to brave it and I after 45 minutes on the elliptical, I went over to the treadmill. I <i>jogged</i> for 7-8 minutes and walked for 5 as a cool down. It seems so silly of an accomplishment...but I'm SO thrilled LOL!

It's so different than the elliptical. I'm used to it. I breathe hard, but it's more fun to me...I run on it. I growl to myself. I challenge myself. I can go for five miles on it. But the treadmill...maybe it's some sort of strange internal thing. It's scary to me. But I did it. I was only on 3.5, but I jogged for the first time in a while. And it wasn't bad. I COULD have gone longer but I felt so scared. I started to breathe heavier and that scares me for some reason. Is it because I'm scared I won't be able to do it? That I'll get winded? Not sure if I'll try again soon...maybe I will. I want to jog for ten minutes and work my way up to more of a run at 4.0. My legs are so short that 4.0 is about the most I can go with a walk, I have to start running. I could walk fast at 3.5, but almost seems easier to jog.

I have to tell you this story. My sophomore year of high school. I'd never really been active, but I was strong and lean...about 150 pounds (which we all thought meant we were "fat" back then!!!). I joined the track team to learn discus and shotput. My father wanted me to sprint. I did. Practice was tough and crazy! But i didn't know that the whole team had to run 3 miles after practice!!! Even those who were in the field! I had never run around the block! But I took a deep breath and joined the team and ran. The team started splitting up in the first mile...I was behind the bulk of the group but certainly not the last. It was amazing...I was doing it mostly out of fear from getting yelled at from the coach (who would drive around the neighborhood and sort of follow us to see who stopped to walk!!!), but I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. And I did. Without stopping. I wasn't very fast at all...but I did it. I never ever thought I could do something like that. Run three miles!!! When I made it back to the school parking lot the coach was there, along with a few other girls and they were cheering the rest of us on. It was amazing...they knew many of us had never had to do this before. From that day on, I started running...even on the weekends when I didn't HAVE to. I made my distance up to 5 miles and ran a 5K. I was in the best shape of my life, very muscular and low body fat...although I was about 150 pounds, I once measured around 20% for body fat...which is good.

That is my motivation...remembering that day. That's what I thought about as I was led to the treadmill and as I was doing it. Remembering how I did it that day when I truly believed there was no way I could do it. So I will be thinking about that as I try the treadmill again. DH and I used to go on runs at night, 2-2.5 miles. I was closer to 190 pounds then. We didn't do it often, and totally got out of it and that's when I started gaining more weight. By this summer, I want to be able to do this again with DH!

Running/Jogging is mental, I really believe. Once you get past 10 minutes, it's all in your head...and you're either going to do it or you're not. Your body knows what to do and it will do it, as long as you keep telling your brain that you CAN do this. I think we often have a fear that tells us we can't go another five minutes, another ten minutes...so we just don't.

Sorry I rambled...I guess I'm feeling rather inspired today. I know my calves will be sore in the morning just because of the silly jog!

Girlie

Susie~ I just love you Gals too!!!!! I remember the first time I had a fond thought about a woman in the Journals. I went into a tailspin. I didn't have a clue what she looked like, knew little about her but I looked for her every morning and couldn't wait to comment and to hear her comments to me. What a concept, cyber friends!! We are blessed.

Girlie~ fantastic post!! Love your musings.Wonderful to read.

I am feeling insanely happy today. Kinda like Tigger. Bursting with love.

Three days of sunshine!! Trees are covered in thick frost. Beautiful.
DS told me yesterday he was hot at recess,"it's -1C Mom, that's really hot". LOL!!
2 little guys today til 12:30. For my afternoon off, I am going to volunteer in DD's class. Some people think it is funny to spend my break from kids with kids. I could be nuts.
I have been getting an excrutiating sinus headache around 5pm for 3 days. I will see what happens today and then call the Doc if it persists.
I got a few niggles done yesterday. DH's records are a freakin mess. I will maybe sort that tonight if I dont have a headache.
I ate too many carbs again last night. Comfort food.

Went for groceries with the wee guys this morning, home for lunch, off to school!
TOPS tonight.
Pleasantly dull.

Susie: Wishes, that's a good journaling assignment. I was also reading another thread about that asked what we will do when we reach our goal weights. Lots of people talked about buying a peice of clothing. I am trying to think about what else I want to do when I reach my goal weight: what does it mean for my life? And then the question is, how can I find a way to do that NOW?

Girlie: What an inspiring story! That's an amazing accomplishment to keep you going. You CAN do this! I know what you mean about fear of treadmill. I always clip the emergency stop cord to my clothes just in case. Mine has speed control buttons right on the handles, and at first I keep my hand right there on the buttons so that I can slow down instantly if I start feeling out of control. I think any kind of exercise is important, but our bodies do get used to things, so it's good to move in a different way now and then. Good for you for trying it out! I'm so glad my experience was inspiring to someone else!

Holly: Sorry to hear about the sinus headaches. I hate those!!! Hope your afternoon off is nice. You must love kids. I bet they keep you moving!!

Sorry if I missed anybody. Have a packed evening and must go scarf some Lean Cuisine while I can!

Holly:
How CUTE is your family?!!!! Your kids are adorable, and look like little angels lol! I'm sure you know better :)

Spores:
Have you tried the "Spa" Lean cuisine called Salmon with Basil Sauce...YUM. I just love salmon and spinach! They are expensive, but our grocery store had them 50% off a couple weeks ago so I stocked up.

hello everyone!!
i am feeling great today. i love when i am in this upbeat positive i can do this state of mind!! i try to take advantage of it when it is here since i know now it doesn't last forever. the week has been flying by, i have been good to myself all week. thamk you all so much for your input about my real people classes. i do think it is a good idea, i made a list of places i will call to try and rent space to give it a shot. going to give very serious thought to the planning aspect of it over the next week or so. even if i only do one class this will be a huge accomplishment for me ....the exercise hater!!! who knows it could take off into something! DH is very excited that my "wheels are turning" as he puts it. that i am thinking and planning so his support is there. i am feeling good about the whole thing.

girlie- your track story is very inspiring!! my DD (who you remind me so much of, even though she is only 15 now) had the same thing happen when she did track for the first time. she was so excited when she finished. much like you described! good for you hopping on the dreadmill-- ooops i mean treadmill ROFL. i am scared of all the equipment lol. keep up the great work you are my exercise inspiration!!!!

spores- way to go!! what better way to pass the time on the phone than walking along! combining activities is a really great thing! good for you making the extra effort keep it up!! too bad you had to deal with such an insensitive instructor, some people just don't have any compassion. keep your legs moving girl! doesn't it feel great when you are done?

holly- good luck at the meeting! sorry to hear about the sinus, hope you are feeling better soon!! you sound so positive!!

mychoice- i have an online diet buddy we email eachother just about every day. it is so helpful to have someone to share with. hope it works out well for you!! my wishes huh? well, i wish i had more confidence in myself! i wish i wore a size 12! i wish i could feel like the woman my DH tells me i am!! i wish i was leaving for an extended beach type vacation! yep that ought to do it for this month!!

before i forget again, my goals for february are:
1) loose 5 lbs
2) exercise more often than not
3) be kind and good to myself
4) reward myself with only non food things often!!
that about does it for me i hope you all have a wonderful evening!!

awww holly thanks for sharing those! what a beautiful family you have. i love dd's hair, what a doll!! just beautiful!

Hello,
Just got home from the Y. We really kicked it tonight on the track. We went 2.75 miles in 45 min. I was pretending to be Leslie Sansone (Jodi, you inspired me to lead tonight!) and I kept spuring me, my workout buddy and DH on. Had a good night on the weights too.

Talking to my diet buddy every day has kept me really focused. We just do a quick check in before heading to sleep. I allow myself 2 100 calorie snacks a day. I just seem to have this thing that when I walk in the door I want to eat something and I walk in the door at least 2 times in the evening...after work and after school or working out. So I thought to myself, if I have to have something (or feel like I do), I can only have 100 calories. That seems to work for me. But tonight, just for tonight, I only had one of those snacks. I told myself if I could just give up one every now and then it will make a difference. You know, I didn't miss it as much as I thought I would. What I did instead was head to the bedroom, put on my slippers and took a 10 min nap..it felt great!

Holly: I'm so proud of you and your body confidence. Don't think that just because you want to lose weight that you can't love your body now. Every thing I've read is that we should love our bodies, by doing that and wanting to take care of it by eating things that fuel us and moving our bodies around and keeping them strong we will loose excess weight (the correct way) and have good body images...so you are on the right track! How did your TOPS meeting go? Thanks for sharing the pics. Your children are angelic looking, and DH looks good too! You lucky gal!

Jodi: I'm very excited about your exercise dream. I know that I don't live that far from you (well, it's a ways, but it'd doable!) and when you get this thing going, I'm coming to take a class from you! Yep...I'm going be there supporting you in body. Your goals look GREAT for Feb. BTW, Congrats on making your Jan. goals.

Girlie: I could picture your story. I could feel how lean and fit your body was to do be able to run like that. I can see why that would inspire you....keep that feeling in your head and heart..because you are going to get there!

Spores: I'm so proud of you for doing the treadmill (you too Girlie!) I loved your wishes. Thanks for sharing them with me. What you said about what you want to do after you reach your goal and what it means for your life, then and how do you do it now. Great question! What's your thoughts on this anyone?

I have so many wishes; here are my top 3...to live on the beach; I really hate winter and I want to be some place warm, to be able to wear this cute look I've been seeing, it's like a shrug that you tie under your boobs and you wear a very fitted t-shirt type shirt under that...anyone seen this look..it's cute and sexy..and I want one of those shirts! I wish I could afford to have that surgery were you don't have to wear glasses or contacts anymore and you can see. I'm blind as a bat without my glasses or contacts.

I know we are missing people..where's Debbie, Suzy...who else am I missing?

I'll talk to everyone on Friday; tomorrow night is weigh-in and school.

Susie

Good Morning.

It was SO hard to get up this morning. I wake up at 4.45 and hope to be out of the house by 5a and at the gym on the elliptical by 5.15 but today I didn't make it on the machine until almost 5.30...I still did it for an hour, though it was a little harder than usual. I seriously think it was because of the short jog on the treadmill. Jogging/Running really uses a lot of muscles, even shoulders and arms. I want to ease into this. Maybe every other day I'll try to jog for 5-10 minutes until I feel comfortable and raise the pace to more of a run, then work on adding distance to that. Just small steps. I still wouldn't feel comfortable trying to do it in the big gym. Our health club has a small "women's only" room with a few machines and I go in there to do treadmill. I feel very confident on the elliptical...but no on the treadmill but I will get there. I think about last summer how I was only doing 30 minutes on the elliptical and now I have done five miles in an hour. I like to think about where I can be with running by this summer.

I am so happy that everyone seems quite motivated. Keep up the good work, everyone!

Jodi - If you start up your class, I will be SO proud of you.

Holly - How was TOPS?

Spores - How was class last night?

Susie - Great job on the 2.75 miles! Can you share on your 100 cal snacks that you are having? Have you seen those Nabisco (I think) "100 Calorie Packs"? They have flavors like Oreo and Wheat Thins and they are yummy. And no trans-fat. When I feel like I want to snack at work, this week I've brought in a bag of Pepperidge Farms Goldfish pretzels. 43 of them are 110 calories...that's 43 bites and it feels like a lot!

I weighed yesterday, I forgot to say. I've gained half a pound...I'm at 232.6...this is the point where I need to control this and not let myself get higher. Maybe I can be back to 231 by Sunday, so I won't change my signature just yet!!!

Girlie

Holly: Cute pics! Thanks for posting!

Girlie: Mmm, that sounds good. I didn't know Lean Cuisine had those. I’ll have to try them out. Lean Cuisines are surprisingly good. Wish they had more veggies, but for a fast healthy and actually filling lunch, they are great. I think any time we try a new exercise, it uses muscles that have been unchallenged for a while, so it takes time to work up to it. I’m sure the treadmill will be as easy as the elliptical soon enough. Then you can try another new activity, like that scary rock-climbing wall! Thanks for asking about class...it kind of sucked, actually. My students were being sort of bratty, and I came home a bit dejected. Today was better, though I have a failing student and feel bad about it. Don’t know why it feels like my fault when a student fails. I’m trying not to take it personally, and trying not to let it take over every second of my life. Time to put it aside and do what I need to do for me. Which is exercise again.

Jodi: Glad to hear you’re feeling good! It is to nice to have those periods of confidence. Wish I knew how to make them last longer! I love your “reward myself with only no food thigs often” goal. We should all have that one! What kinds of rewards to you use?

Mychoice: Good for you on the snacks! I have that feeling of wanting to eat when I get home too. I think it is a combination of 1) leftover habit from the after-school snack thing, and 2) much of the time, I am gone for a long time and am starving when I get home, so I just associate coming home with time to eat. I wonder if no-calorie stuff, like tea or herbal infusions or flavored water, would satisfy that as well. Just the act of taking something out of the cabinet and putting it in the mouth. I have been giving a lot of thought to what I will do when I reach my goal weight. Of course, wear cute clothes. But what else besides how I *look*? I will go dancing in public. I will take public transportation without fear. I will cross my legs at the knee when sitting in meetings or theaters. I will not feel terrified and ashamed whenever I hear words like “fat” and “obesity” and “cow” in public. I will cut my hair short. I will look strangers in the eye. I will ride the rides at amusement parks. I will stop having to arrive at classes/meetings five minutes early so I have have time to catch my breath and not be huffing embarassingly when others arrive. I will accept social invitations without apprehension. I will wear no makeup most of the time. I will not avoid children in public for fear they will embarass me with their lack of social niceties. I will eat in front of other people. I will take dance classes for fun. Hm, what’s stopping me from doing these things right now? Shame, fear, embarassment. Hmmmmm.

Hope everyone else is well. My goals for Feb: exercise twice a week (seems like a tiny bit, but it’s a challenge for me), eat out only twice a week (another huge challenge), buy a working scale, be nice to myself once in a while. My goals for today (I need to break them down into little bits): exercise even just a little, do the darn dishes that have been sitting here for days, cook dinner at home, do one thing that’s fun just for me.

One thing I want to do when (as) I lose weight...
cross my legs again! For some reason, I don't feel very womanly because I can't quite do it right now, especially when I'm wearing a skirt. My legs are short and muscular anyway and it's already hard...but now...it's impossible! I feel funny in meetings and interviews.

Just little things like that!

Also, things like going to lunch with clients or managers and feeling like they are looking at me, like I have to order a salad...

Okay, I just have to post because I am proud of myself: I did my treadmill workout today!!! And I went longer, faster, and with more incline that I thought I would be able to!!! Woooooo!!! I know, I know, people exercise every darn minute, and I don't need to post every single time I do some little thing, but I'm all excited because, well, exercising is a big deal to me. I exercised two whole times so far this week! Wheeeee! I'm on a roll!

Girlie: I know what you mean about crossing your legs! I am sick of crossing like a boy. Another thing I'm gonna do when I get to 199: Get a professional massage and not be embarrased!